Fire to the Sun

"Fear is the worst motivator. You can't teach a child through fear. They'll either learn to live with pain, or do anything that will make them avoid it. And even if fear were a practical way to teach skills, it's an immoral one. There is no reason that a child should fear their parent. There is no reason for a parent or teacher to make a child feel afraid."

-from A Pedagogy for Our Age by Rafael Wasim

Sid felt stiff and uncomfortable, standing next to Sandreas. It wasn't because of Sandreas's presence, but after so long aboard the Impulse and later the Gatekeeper, he had forgotten how grating some of these social functions could be. This was one of the key events of the year, though, so Sid had to be in attendance.

The recent elections for Imperial council had concluded, and this was Sandreas's formal welcome to the new members, as well as his yearly address on the state of the Empire. Sid had sat stiffly through the speech, applauded whenever everyone else did, and looked around the room at the hundreds of faces who represented their planets on the Council.

Now that the speech was over, the real politicking could begin. They had left the Council chamber, and were in the formal hall of Stonecourt, the same place where the Governor's Dinner had been held so long ago. There was no formal dinner on this occasion, so the room was arranged without tables, except for the ones around the edges, holding drinks and light refreshments. It was an understated event, opulent but not ostentatious. Sid could imagine exactly what Sandreas thought about the whole thing: there is always a need to be well put together, but when in the public eye there is a fine line between flaunting power and wielding its image effectively. The same thing, Sandreas would say, is true of party decor.

Sandreas was making his way around the room, making a point of greeting each of the new council members. There was some sort of arcane system by which he decided who to greet first, though Sid couldn't figure it out. It wasn't line of sight, and it wasn't the size of the population each council member represented. It might have been which planets were currently in Sandreas's favor, but Sid had been out of the loop for so long that he no longer knew where things stood. Not that he had been particularly aware of it before then, but he had at least maintained a cursory knowledge of the various troubles within the Empire back then.

Sid and Aymon were both dressed in all black, perhaps an unusual choice for what was usually a happy event, but they were still publicly reflecting on Yan's "death" and would be for a while. It wouldn't do to appear gaudy so soon, at least that was what Sandreas said. Even with all black, though, their cassocks and short capes had an impressive cut. It wouldn't do to appear weak, either.

Sandreas laid his hand on Sid's arm. "Are you paying attention?" he sent through the power.

"Of course," Sid returned. It wasn't a lie. He was very careful to remember who had been talked to, and what had been said. For the most part, it had been cursory greetings, but he looked ahead of them and saw that they were headed straight for-- he wracked his brain for the name-- Jairo Farisk, one of the newly elected council members from Jenjin. He was a blond man, average height and build, with a dark look in his eyes. He was wearing formal clothes, but they weren't anything that was particular to Jenjin, just a simple suit. That was somewhat odd, as most of the Council members preferred to wear regalia from their home planets, or at least represent the fashion of the day there. It was a sign of pride and individuality. Sid had to wonder what Farisk was trying to communicate with his attire.

"Councilmember Farisk, it's good to see you again," Sandreas said.

Again?

"The pleasure is all mine, I'm sure," Farisk said. The two shook hands.

"I'm sure you have not met my apprentice, Sid Welslak.

"Good to meet you, Councilmember."

"And you as well, Apprentice." The word 'Second' was on the tip of Sid's tongue as a correction, but that wasn't public knowledge, no matter how heavy it sat in the back of his mind. Sandreas smiled, not quite warmly.

"How are things on Jenjin?" Sandreas asked. "Everything is running smoothly, I hope?"

"Of course. Nothing but fair and honest elections, as far as the eye can see," Farisk said, waving his arm in a grandiose gesture.

"I'm so happy to hear that. And is everyone getting along under your new governor?"

"As well as can be expected, I suppose. There are plenty of people who cannot wait for the real election to take place. You'd be surprised at how much people dislike having their government decided from above."

Sid controlled a grimace. Farisk was not being subtle in the slightest, but then again, when had anything about the situation on Jenjin ever been subtle. He hadn't been there, of course, when it had been dealt with, but he had heard all about it. Thinking of it made him think of Kino, though, and he hated that.

"I'm sure. Well, such inconveniences are temporary, God willing."

"Indeed. How is your other apprentice, the one who visited Jenjin with you?"

"Kino? She's taking a tour with the Fleet right now. She should be back when the Gatekeeper finishes her tour of duty."

"Oh, how exciting for her. You were with the Fleet, weren't you? For a while?" he asked, looking at Sid.

"Er, yes."

"What was that like?"

Sid hadn't exactly expected to answer that type of question, so he stumbled for a moment as he tried to think of a response. "It was good, I liked it. We spent some time chasing down rogue ships."

"Pirates?" Farisk asked.

Sid smiled thinly. "Let's just say there was a black station involved."

"How thrilling."

"Yes. I like the Fleet. Lots of competent people."

"Of course. I should hope so, since they recruit all the best."

The two of them stared at each other for half a second. Sandreas seemed content to let the awkward moment linger for a little too long, then he killed it. "Do you have any big plans for the upcoming council session?" he asked Farisk.

"I will be keeping my ear to the ansible and my hands busy with improving the lives of all of Jenjin's citizens."

"Remember that as a council member, you're not just here to improve the lives of people on only Jenjin, you're here for all the citizens of the Empire."

"It's not the citizens of the entire Empire who elect me," Farisk said with a smile.

Sandreas smiled thinly. "Perhaps. But we are one coalition, and no planet can stand alone."

"Alone against what, I have to ask?"

Sandreas laughed and clapped Farisk on the back. "Against the ravages of time, Councilmember."

"Of course. I simply feel that our foremothers on all the worlds back in the past, before the Empire, they managed to stand alone."

"And then they came together to where we are now. I have yet to see a planet be successful without support."

"The support of the Empire is an interesting thing."

"Councilmember, I would perhaps advise you to consider the theology."

"I consider it all the time. Quite deeply."

"Which part?" Sid asked, looking at Farisk. He wanted to feel involved in this little power game. He didn't think that Farisk was really threatening that the planet was going to attempt to leave the Empire-- that would be suicide by any other name-- but he did think that the man was talking a little too much. And talk could be annoying or dangerous, depending on how much of it there was.

"Consider the man who stands with his back towards his fellows, and his face towards the stars," Farisk said. "He has put the power of God's creation over that of the concerns of mankind. For that, he will be rewarded when all the stars return to ground."

"I didn't think you were the type to follow eschatology," Sandreas said. "It's my duty to ensure that the Empire lasts just as long as the stars."

Farisk looked at him. "Indeed. Enjoy the party, First Sandreas. I'm sure you have other Councilmembers to greet."

Farisk turned and walked briskly away, leaving Sid feeling like he had been dismissed. He didn't think it would be proper to touch Sandreas or to question him aloud as he walked away to greet another new member of the Council, but he desperately wanted to know what Sandreas was thinking. That couldn't have been a normal interaction. It was too bold, and too outright of an attack on the Empire's core values.

For once, the problem seemed to have nothing to do with Yan and Kino, so Sid was glad to focus in on it. It remained present in his thoughts as they continued to make the rounds, and he spent each of the visits with the councilmembers staring into their faces, and trying to figure out what kind of code words and sentiments they were expressing to Sandreas in their banal greetings and carefully picked conversations.

It was at the end of the night, when Sandreas had talked to almost everyone he wanted to, that they took a slight break, standing shoulder to shoulder at the front of the room, gazing out onto the amassed elite of the Empire. They had been side by side all night, but Sandreas leaned even closer to him now, their shoulders brushing.

"What do you think of the council?" Sandreas asked aloud.

"I'm excited for the fresh views the new members will bring," Sid said. "I look forward to working with them."

"I'm sure you will be spending so much time with them that you'll get sick of their bickering soon enough. Kino certainly did."

"Kino was a special case," Sid said aloud. "What do you think of Farisk?" Sid asked, silently, through the power.

"You're both special cases. Need to handle you with kid gloves," Sandreas said aloud with a smile. Silently, he responded, "Probably nothing to be concerned about. He's not new to the council, by the way."

"I noticed, you said that you were seeing him again."

"He was elected several years ago, but was withdrawn under odd circumstances. He apparently won his own election under the cloud of everything that's been going on."

"He certainly likes to hear himself talk."

"Isn't that something you think about all hearing people?" Sandreas asked, sending a tentative feeling of amusement. Sid clamped down on his smile. They still had to look as though they were just standing.

"That is true," he said aloud. That could easily have been a response to his previous comment about Kino.

"We'll have to see how things play out," Sandreas said. "We live in interesting times."

"Nothing wrong with that," Sid said.

---

Sid slept late, having gone to bed late, and woke up with a slight headache. He hauled himself through his morning routine, and then dragged himself to Stonecourt. As he passed the doors to Yan and Kino's apartments, walking out of his own, he felt the resentment grow in him. He wondered if anyone was ever going to clean them out, or if they were going to be little time capsules of misery forever. Maybe he should ask Sandreas to move him. Maybe he should get his own quarters in Stonecourt.

The midmorning light stabbed his eyeballs, and the weather was pleasant. The breeze picked up the edge of his cassock and sent him scurrying down the streets, suddenly eager to get to his destination.

He arrived at Stonecourt and made his way to Sandreas's office, as was his usual meeting place. Ms. Rosario, Sandreas's secretary, was waiting for you.

"Good morning, Apprentice Welslak," she said. "Did you enjoy greeting the Council last night?"

"I feel like I've been so out of touch with everything," Sid said. "Is First Sandreas here?"

"He's occupied at the moment," she said, offering no further detail about what he was occupied with.

"Oh," Sid said. "Did he leave me any instructions?"

"He didn't, but Halen did. He asked you to meet him in the training room."

"Has he been waiting for me this whole time?" Sid asked, feeling slightly guilty about sleeping in.

"Almost certainly not," Ms. Rosario said. "You know he keeps tabs on when you enter the building. I'm sure he's headed down there right now."

Sid grimaced. "Ah."

"Was there anything you needed?"

"No, no, I'm just not sure what he wants from me," Sid said, putting his hands in his pockets. "I'll head down there. Thank you for letting me know."

"Of course."

Sid trooped out of Sandreas's office area, nodding to the guards as he passed, and made his way down into the basement of Stonecourt. It was an illusion that the temperature dropped as he went down the stairs, because the whole building was immaculately climate controlled, but he still felt like he was leaving the bright, airy upper levels and descending to somewhere where the real work happened. Without thinking about it consciously, he strayed onto the path that he knew that Yan had taken during her rampage through the place. All the damage had been cleaned up, of course, but he felt like he could feel the ghosts running past him, feel the echo of the panic that must have been coursing through the place. There were a couple of places where the damage to the wall had been severe enough that the repair was visible. He resisted tracing it with his fingers. He didn't want to be drawn into this too much. Sid made his way to the training room.

This wasn't the simulation room, it was basically a gym, with floor mats and some equipment. There was the shooting range adjacent, and the simulation room down the hall, all set up presumably at Halen's command for his various purposes. Sid didn't actually know the origin of these rooms. The simulation room, sure, that had plenty of purposes, but he didn't think that anyone other than Halen ever used these other spaces. Maybe they were here just for Sandreas's leisure. Certainly all the security people had different places to train in.

Sid hadn't seen Halen immediately when he entered the room, but Halen had been waiting for him, to the right of the door, with a gun aimed at exactly where Sid's head was. Sid registered him out of the corner of his eye, and turned towards him, crossing his arms.

"Put that shit away, will you?"

Halen tucked it into his holster. "You'd be dead where you stood, if I actually was going to kill you," he signed. With Yan gone, Halen (and Hernan) were the only people around who used any sign. Halen's wasn't very good (it was, actually, terrible-- jerking and slow, without any fluidity to it), but Sid deeply appreciated that there was someone who would speak to him in his native language, at least a little.

"That would be true even if you didn't have a gun," Sid said.

"True." He leaned back and looked Sid over. Sid was dwarfed by Halen, in width, height, and power, but he wasn't particularly afraid of the man. He had never felt strongly about him one way or the other. Yan had hated him in the beginning, but Sid thought that she'd turned her feelings around, after they came back from their trip to Olar.

Maybe Sid should have felt something towards Halen, after seeing him torture Kino, but he had been both angry and detached.

"What did you want me here for?" Sid asked.

"You're the last one. If you die, that would be a real problem. You and I are going to get serious."

"Did Sandreas tell you to do this?"

Halen laughed, showing his teeth. "No."

"Does he know about this?"

Halen shrugged. "That doesn't particularly concern me."

"Did you have some sort of lover's quarrel? I thought that you were practically joined at the hip."

Halen didn't respond to that directly. "He has seen fit to burden me with this element of your education. I see no reason why he should concern himself with it any further," he said aloud, probably because he didn't have the vocabulary for such a sentiment in sign.

"Whatever you say," Sid signed.

"Here's a question for you: if you had to take a guess, who would you say is a stronger user of the power, you or Yan?"

"I don't know. I feel like we were evenly matched."

"Really?"

"Are you saying she's better than I am?"

"Did you watch the recording of her taking Kino?"

"Yeah."

"And what did you think of it?"

"I don't know. What was I supposed to think?" Sid didn't want to be defensive about the implication that Yan was better than he was, but some of that defensiveness slipped through anyway, into his forward posture, into the sharpness of his movements.

"You're supposed to use your brain," Halen said. "Did you watch when she was in the Emperor's chambers as well?"

"Yes." He had mostly watched just the few silent seconds of Yan leaning in towards the Emperor, over and over, on repeat for hours, trying to pull some sort of meaning out of them, but he hadn't found any.

"You saw how she escaped the Emperor's grip, then."

"Yes."

"If you fight Yan, which isn't outside the realm of possibility, I need to make sure that you win," Halen said. "Kino as well, but I think that Yan is the stronger of the pair."

"What can Yan do that I can't?" Sid asked.

"Yan has been through trials of fire that I don't think you can even imagine," Halen said. "And she came out stronger for it."

"That's not a skill."

"She has tactical thinking that you lack," Halen said.

"Not true."

"Fine. She can make decisions in a crisis, then. And she can escape someone else's grip."

"There's the invisibility, too."

"Less vital."

"So, what are you going to teach me?" Sid asked.

"I don't know exactly what Yan's skills will look like in time. She's not stupid. She'll be preparing, keeping herself sharp, just in case."

"And?"

"What I mean is that I don't have a list of specific skills to teach you that I can guarantee that will help. So you're going to train against me, and we'll stop when I think that you're good enough to survive against any sensitive who comes your way."

Sid cracked his knuckles. "So, what are we starting with?"

"Would you like to learn control, or how to break control?" Halen asked.

"What good will learning how to control someone do, if Yan already knows how to break out of it?"

"You saw how long it took her with the Emperor. Any time you can slow your opponent down, you have an advantage. Do you understand?"

Sid nodded.

"So, which do you want to pick?"

"Let me try to use control first," Sid said.

"Not surprising that you'd say that," Halen said. "It's harder, though. Come sit down over here." He gestured to the center of the bare floor and settled down, cross legged. Sid followed, sitting across from him.

"How did you learn how to do this?" Sid asked.

Halen smiled grimly and didn't answer the question. "Have you ever tried to use the power against someone else?"

"My siblings," he said.

"And how did that work out?"

"It was too slippery. I just grabbed their clothes instead. Or threw things at them."

"Did you ever try to push past that slippery feeling?"

Sid shrugged. "I was lazier than I was motivated to hurt my siblings," he said.

"It's hard," Halen said. "It's like holding a snake that's all teeth."

"When did you ever hold a snake?"

"I'm imagining what a snake feels like."

"Okay," Sid said, skeptical.

"That's not the point. The point is that once you get a grip on it, it hurts. The power does not like being used against another person."

"I know that."

"Remember that first day we came here?" Halen asked.

"Sure."

"And I asked you what you would do if someone was trying to kill you?"

"Yeah."

"You said you would try to rip their brain out of their skull."

"Something like that."

"Try that on me. Try to do it."

"What?"

"Go ahead. Try to crush my skull." Halen stared him down.

"The fuck? No."

"The first step is getting over your aversion to the idea."

"But--"

"You won't be able to hurt me," Halen said, with a smile that didn't go any further than the corner of his lips. "Trust me."

"Yeah, but--"

"The revulsion you feel to that idea is the same revulsion that the power gives you whenever you touch another person. And it only gets worse. You need to conquer that feeling, or you'll never be able to win."

"This is crazy."

"Do it. I'm waiting." Halen stared at him.

"Are there any tips?"

Halen shook his head. "Not really, no."

"Should I close my eyes?"

"Stop hesitating. Get the power. Use it on me."

Sid didn't like this, but Halen was right, he was hesitating. He reached within himself, and pulled up the power like a tongue of flame. It rested along his arms, in his hands, burning his fingertips with its familiar tingle. He knew exactly how he would go about picking up a rock, or a shoe, or a piece of metal, but reaching out towards Halen made him unsure of how to proceed. He extended the power until his edge of awareness was right in front of Halen's face.

"Come on, Sid," Halen goaded. "Don't let this little thing get the better of you."

He pushed the power forward. Trying to grab onto Halen's head was like holding a bag full of water, covered all along the outside with oil. In his hands, it slipped and slid and shied away, wanting to latch on instead to nearby molecules of air, or the edge of Halen's jacket. The more he tried, the more the slick and slimy feeling increased.

"Come on," Halen said again.

Sid was sweating, and the power skittered out of his grasp over and over, shying away from what he was asking to do. More than an oil slick, now it felt like a thousand ants were crawling along his hands, and each of their feet was a little dot of fire.

"I can't," Sid said through gritted teeth. "It won't let me."

"What kind of leader will you be if you can't even control this part of yourself? What kind of leader will you be if you die because you can't master the power?" Halen stared straight at him.

"I don't know," Sid said, feeling both angry and desperate.

"Try again."

Sid squeezed his eyes shut, completely cutting out the outside world. He was aware of his own body, wound tight on the floor, and he could feel Halen in the power, hot and alive, less than half a meter away.

It was just a matter of control. He squeezed. The power slipped out of his hands. He tried again, and again, and he felt something hook, not in the same way that it had before. Now, he was digging his nails into something, this was the power. With that feeling of success came a wave of revulsion, the power kicking at him to let go of Halen. Sid dropped it immediately, as though he had been kicked in the teeth. He opened his eyes with a coughing gasp.

"You got it, that time," Halen said. The words swam in Sid's vision, and he pushed his glasses back up on his nose; they had slipped down. He felt how tense his face was and consciously relaxed it. "You just have to keep it up."

"How?" Sid asked.

"Try again," Halen said. "You have to get used to the feeling."

"Does it always feel this way?"

"It often feels worse," Halen said. "Try again."

"Now that I'm doing it, won't I hurt you?"

Halen laughed at that. "No."

Sid was slightly affronted by Halen's casual dismissal, since he had managed to touch him in the power. He frowned and concentrated again, trying to find that feeling that he had for a second before. It was elusive, and it took him at least a minute and a half of wrestling with the power, a feeling he hadn't had since he was about ten and first getting a handle on it. And then it was in his hands again, and he was digging his nails in, and grabbing Halen's head with it. The pain in his own body was immense-- it was both mental and physical, like a dragging feeling in his soul, but accompanied by a throbbing headache that radiated out into the rest of his body, irrespective of the usual barrier between the two. He looked up at Halen.

"Keep going," Halen said. "You wanted to crush someone's head. Try it."

Sid's arms shook, and he held them at his sides and ground his teeth. The power wobbled in his grasp, and he squeezed Halen's head. The pressure built, and Sid began to see a red band circling Halen's forehead. Sid pressed harder, gagging as the power rebelled against him. He knew what to expect, so he didn't drop it. He was just waiting for Halen to stop him.

"Come on. Don't hold back," Halen goaded.

Sid pressed harder. There was a sudden shift, and Halen's power reacted, grabbing Sid's like he was being smothered under a thousand ton rock. Sid physically reeled back and the power fled. Halen sat there, looking at him calmly.

"Care to try again?"

Sid was breathing heavily, and he rubbed his temples and his eyes, his fingers coming away wet with sweat and stinging tears. "This is easy for you?" he asked.

"It's never easy," Halen said. "But I have a lot of practice."

"How much of this am I going to have to do?" Sid asked, getting his body back under control. His hands were shaking.

"You're going to practice until you can get to that point quickly and easily, without hesitation. And then once you're there, we're going to move onto something slightly less lethal, so that you can learn how to overcome resistance."

"How long is that going to take?"

"It's more of a mental training than it is one of gaining strength. It depends on how motivated you are."

Sid looked at him, waiting for him to continue.

"You have to be accustomed to the power fighting you, and you have to become willing to overstep every boundary another person has. It's not easy." Halen looked at him. "It feels wrong, doesn't it?"

"How long did it take you to learn?" Sid asked.

"A long time. But I was at a unique disadvantage."

"What do you mean?"

"I can't stop myself from feeling the things that others put out into the world. But I can't let them control me, either," Halen said.

"What's it like, feeling other people when you do this to them?" Sid asked.

"You can't imagine what fear is like, Sid?"

Sid shrugged. "Show me."

"It's exactly like feeling the fear yourself," Halen said. "I'm not going to let you into my head to see me torture someone." It was the first time, maybe, that Halen had talked candidly with him about the less savory things that he did for Sandreas. Sid was a little relieved that it was no longer an open secret that he had to toe around. If Halen had admitted it to him, that must have meant that some barrier had been crossed, and Sid was able to know the real workings of the world openly.

"Why not?" Sid had this curious fascination with it. He had watched what had happened to Kino, and he wanted to test himself against that. He wanted to know his own limits, just in case.

"Because I still have some sort of moral bearing," Halen said. "I'm not going to show you what it's like to torture someone."

"You don't have to shield me," Sid said. "I can handle it."

"You shouldn't be so eager for things that will put blood on your hands."

"Knowing what it's like is not the same as doing it," Sid pointed out.

"It doesn't live easy in your heart, either way."

"It's not like I'm some sort of innocent."

"Do you really want to know, Sid?"

"Yeah."

Halen stared him down. "Stand up."

"Wouldn't it be easier sitting?"

"I said stand up."

Sid stood. Halen stayed seated on the ground, perfectly calm. He looked ahead of himself, not into Sid's eyes. "I can say, at least, that I've never done it without reason," Halen said.

And all of a sudden, Sid felt the heavy grip of Halen's power on him. It was as solid as steel, and Sid couldn't move an inch, he was frozen in place. "So, you know I'm not doing this because I want to. I'm doing this so that you can learn a lesson. We'll stop when I have what I want." Halen smoothed down the front of his jacket, a weird gesture.

"You don't have to say anything," Halen said. "When you can break free from me, that's when I'll stop."

Halen stood up, and Sid realized anew how large and tall he was.

"You're not afraid, not really," Halen said. "Your heart is beating faster than normal, but that's not panic. Not yet."

He walked around Sid, who remained frozen in place. "You're not even trying to break out. Go ahead, give it a shot."

Sid brought his own power up, tried to force it through his own limbs to make them move, in the same way that he would force the ink in his tattoo to rise to the surface of his skin. He struggled with both that, and with his muscles, straining against the invisible wall that held him in place.

"You need to expel my power from your body," Halen said. "That's how you break free. Your will has to be stronger than mine. Try again."

Sid would have closed his eyes, except for the fact that Halen had them frozen open. He brought his power up, but he felt more constipated than anything.

"I don't think you're scared enough. Yan broke out of her captor's power at the moment she felt like she was going to die. Do I have to bring you that far?"

Sid tried again, his heart beating faster from exertion now, his forehead beading with sweat again. This, at least, was not accompanied by the revulsion that he had felt while trying to control Halen's body. The power was responding to him, and he felt like he was on the right track, it was simply that Halen's will was stronger.

"You don't think that I would actually hurt you," Halen said. "That's the problem. Do I need to change that? Try again."

Sid struggled some more, but the more he tried the more useless he felt, and the weaker he became.

"Pathetic." Halen walked around behind him and put his hands on Sid's shoulders. His hands were heavy and hot, and he leaned close to Sid's ear. Sid couldn't hear him, but he could feel Halen's breath on his cheek. Couldn't see him directly, but his bulk in the corner of his vision was noticeable.

Even though they were touching, and could have spoke through the power, Halen didn't bother with that. "What I always have to do," he continued, "is triangulate to find what the person is most afraid of. Whatever it is that they'll do anything to avoid. What is that for you, I wonder? It wouldn't be that hard to find out. I have my guesses."

Halen's hands left Sid's shoulders, and he walked back around to stand in front of Sid again, a few steps distant. "It's probably not this," he said.

At first, nothing felt like it had changed, but then Sid realized that his breathing, which had, until this point, been automatic, had stopped. His diaphragm wasn't moving, his lungs weren't expanding or contracting, the air was stuck in his throat. His heart beat faster and faster. He was afraid, now.

"No, you're not afraid yet," Halen said. "You know I wouldn't kill you. Try anyway, though."

Sid brought the power up again, but the thudding of his heart and the lack of oxygen that was slowly starting to choke his brain made the power feel thick and unresponsive. He struggled desperately against it for a long time. Spots swam in his vision. His heart felt like it was going to explode out of his chest. He was drowning.

Cold air rushed into his lungs and his vision cleared.

"You almost had it," Halen said. "That was good."

Sid wanted to laugh with relief, but he still couldn't move, couldn't make a sound.

"Try again. Come on."

Sid tried to bring back the feeling he had had just moments before, but the lightheadedness remained and the will to escape did not. Or, at least not a will that was stronger than Halen's.

"Come on, Sid," Halen said. "Don't make me do something that we'll both regret."

Sid wanted to shake his head, to say that he couldn't, but the only way that he could communicate anything to Halen was through struggling against his power, and that was weak and ineffectual.

"I don't want to hurt you," Halen said.

Then don't, Sid wanted to say. But he couldn't say anything. He fought. His arms and legs felt like they were groaning under a million ton weight, straining against the force that held them.

Halen took a step forward, and touched Sid's glasses. "Think it's time to lose these. Read my lips." He carefully pulled Sid's glasses off his face. He folded them and tucked them gently into the lapel pocket of his jacket.

He mouthed something, or said something, but Sid's eyes refused to focus on his lips. Against his will, Sid's arm began to move, his left one, reaching up towards his face. Sid's palm smushed into his cheek as Halen's power dragged it upward. Halen kept talking, but Sid wasn't actually paying attention. He was too busy being horrified and fascinated by his arm's involuntary journey.

It became clear that Halen had been intentionally clumsy with Sid's hand at first, because now his fingers spidered out, covering his left eye like a cage. Sid could see his own palm out of one eye, and Halen's still face out of the other. He looked resigned.

Sid's fingers dropped down, and his middle finger and thumb pulled his eyelid apart. His index finger inched its way towards the corner of his eye.

Sid realized exactly what Halen was about to make him do. The fear hit him like a truck, then. Halen was standing so stiffly, there seemed to be no chance that he would relent, and Sid was going to end up standing here, pulling out his own eyeball.

Sid panicked, bringing up the power and slamming it futilely against the cage of his own body. Nothing happened. Nothing happened! He couldn't do it! He would have screamed, if he could have.

The closer his index finger got to his eyeball, the more panicked he became, and the more he felt like he was flailing randomly in the power. An involuntary sound escaped his throat. He felt it rumble there, half a whine and half a whimper. He hadn't even known he had control over his vocal cords.

Halen's power dropped from him, and Sid, not expecting to be in control of his own body again, fell forward. Halen caught him under the armpits before he hit the ground and half hoisted him to his feet. Halen stared at him for a second, then reached into his lapel pocket for Sid's glasses. He passed them over silently.

Sid's hands shook as he unfolded them and put them on his face. It seemed as though there was something that Halen wanted to say, so Sid stood and waited for him to say it. He was breathing heavily still,but his heartbeat was slowly coming back down to normal, and the ice of fear that had been sitting in his body was slowly trickling out down through his limbs, releasing him from it.

"I'm okay," Sid said finally, when the moment had grown so long and awkward that it felt like Halen was never going to muster up what he needed to communicate. Sid wasn't sure if he actually was okay, but he wasn't hurt, just shaken. "Don't worry about it."

Halen clasped him on the shoulder, then, and there was the touch of his power. Not constricting, this time, just communicative. Halen sent a rush of wordless feelings, regret, mostly, and hope. It was a combination that Sid took to mean asking for forgiveness. Sid nodded, and Halen dropped his hand.

"Did I do okay?" Sid asked.

Halen nodded stiffly. "We'll try something else, next time," he said. His face betrayed nothing of what he was feeling, but the tension in his body said something. "You'll get there."

"Good." If this was what it took, then Sid was willing to do it. The fear had retreated down to the tips of his fingers, and he would have had shaking hands if he had held a cup, but he was solid on his feet now. Halen wouldn't ever have hurt him, not really. Not without much more of a reason than that.

The fear was bad enough, though.

Halen escorted him to the door of the training room. "We're done for the day. I don't think Sandreas is around. You can find some sort of task to amuse yourself with, I'm sure."

That was a clear dismissal, though it was a silly one. "See you later, then," Sid said.

Halen held the door open and Sid left, walking down the hallway. He could feel Halen's eyes on him until he turned the corner. Once sufficiently out of range, and away from random Stonecourt workers who were going about their tasks in the hallways, Sid leaned against the cool stone wall and took out his phone, steadying his breathing the rest of the way.

His instinct was to text Yan, who had been the person he turned to in crazy times in the past, but Yan was long gone. He texted Ervantes instead.

>hey

>you in yora still?

Sid tilted his head back against the wall and closed his eyes, holding his phone loosely in his hand. He didn't expect a response, but Ervantes texted back almost immediately.

<yes.

>want to come over to my place?

>I need some company

<give me an hour?

>that's fine. see you then <3

It was tacky to pin on the heart, but Sid didn't want to come off as too abrupt. Already, the prospect of seeing Ervantes made some of the tension drop from his shoulders, and the frantic twitch fall from his fingers. Slowly, Sid made his way up out of the stairs of Stonecourt and out into the bright, waiting sunlight.