Chapter 29: A Talk On Festival Night
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Reiko POV

Dumba da ba da da ba da da ba da

The moon rose high; the drums beating in unison. Sweet and strong aroma drifted in the air.

"Come one call to try to the new and improved Tokori!"(merchant)

"Come play to have a chance to win big rewards!"(merchant)

Warm, light glow illuminated the streets with the occasional blue. Laughs and shouts resonated im the village. People wore fancy, decorated clothing, dancing to their hearts content. Grizzled old men drank till they were tipsy, young children flying kites and playing games offered by the stands.

If there was one word that could describe it, it was lively.

Everyone was smiling and laughing, except me.

"Come on Reiko this way! This way!"(Kamoume)

Kamoume pulled on my hand taking me from a stand to stand. A joyful, vibrant smile was plastered on her face... contrasting mine totally.

It was hard to stand...

It was something that couldn't describe.

I felt light headed, but I also felt like my head was burning. Like being stuck in a room full with smoke. My legs were shaking uncontrollably, my heart was beating at 100 miles per hour.

I don't know what was going on? Am I sick?

There was nothing to say, it was dizzying.

It was like having an allergic reaction yet no epi pen to relieve it.

Moving from places to place everything seemed to blur into one clump of blurry static. Yet there was still that looming presence. The feeling of being stared at.

I shuddered looking at someone's, anyone's face.

The noises rung too loud, it felt like throwing up.

It was weird, normally it wasn't like this, but this time, it was, it was different.

This was not normal, even I knew it.

This was the first time this had ever happened. The more I thought and thought about it, the worse I felt.

I wanted to scream but there was something stuck on my throat. Not really but it felt like it.

My body just kept on changing, one moment I felt chilly the next I felt hot.

"Reiko come over here! Let's go dancing!"(Kamoume)

I couldn't move, to me even Kamoume was different. Her words slurred, and even if it didn't I was too unfocused to pay attention.

I don't know why, but I felt like the world was staring at me. I didn't feel comfortable, it was unbearable.

It's been a long time since I could be in an event like this yet why, why did it feel so, so wrong and so, so uncomfortable? Shouldn't be excited? ELATED!?

I don't know, I don't know, I don't' know

I D O N T K N O W

I couldn't handle it, my body was trembling and I fled...

Ptack ptack ptack

My footsteps were loud as I ran as fast as I could, not looking back, not even once.

"Hey Reiko where are you going!?"(Kamoume)

Her voice got quieter and quieter, the farther I went, until, there was nothing.

--------

"You have to do it like this, okay?"(Reiko)

"ok..."(Kana)

I said to my sweet little sister Kana. I was sitting on my knees in front of the wooden shrine. I bowed deeply after throwing in my 100 yen. I clapped twice and finally said my prayer.

I closed my eyes, praying my heart out.

'Kami-sama, I wish for...'

Bet you thought, you were gonna see my wish but, that's a secret.

After praying, I did a final deep bow, and left the shrine.

"Come on Kana, it's your turn!"(Reiko)

I said as Kana awkwardly stumbled onto the shrine, clumsily mimicking what I did. Her large curious eyes and fluffy black hair could make even the toughest person to 'awe'.

She turned to me with angelic smile that melted my heart. It was Kana's first prayer and festival after all.

She lunged at me face full joy, hugging my torso. She hugged as tightly as possible before turning her head to show me her adorable, chubby face.

It was truly a wonderful life to live.

It was a wonderful life....

I could reminisce, sitting all alone on a log in the middle of nowhere. I thought it would be fun like it used to be, but, but, I...

I felt embarrassed, ashamed and scared. Why am I such an idiot! It should've been all in control but I freaked out like a weirdo! And and…

"Is something wrong?"(Cheryl)

"no everything is fine."(Reiko)

I said wiping off the tears on my face, hiding myself from Cheryl's gaze.

"Don't tell me that. I know there's something wrong."(Cheryl)

Cheryl went down to my level, her hand on the top of my head, staring at me with a half worried half stern expression.

"th- there's nothing wrong, I just need a, a breather."(Reiko)

Cheryl stared at me, a worried look on her face. My voice was wobbly, hiccups in between every word. 

!

....

!!?

Suddenly, I felt myself being pulled into a tight hug. It was weird and so abrupt that I, I,

I don't know how to register it!

But yet, it was warm, and comforting... like back when I was just a little baby, cradled by my mom...

my mom...

"It's okay, you can trust me, so take your time."(Cheryl)

Her voice soft and welcoming, quiet and slow.

Emotions kept on boiling up until. The dam broke, all the tears came flooding out, as I embraced the hug with open arms.

...

...

...

"Sometimes, I feel like there's no point for me to exist. I didn't have any friends, I rarely talked to people and I didn't even have a hobby.

And ever since, I lost her, I lost Kana... I stopped talking to people all together. I stopped going out to have fun, I stopped enjoying things...

No one really liked me, all they did was scoff and pick on me. It was weird to be there. I thought it was gonna be fun, but, it wasn't. 

I didn't feel like I fit in... It's been a while since I've been in something this big, maybe it was shock, or maybe that I...."(Reiko)

That's all I could huff out. I felt a weight leaving off my chest. Cheryl sat next to me taking it all in.

Her face softened as I felt her hand lightly graze my back. She stared into the distant moon, feeling the breeze, her hair waving in the air.

"I understand. Being thrown into a new place all alone, with no one on your back, it's scary."(Cheryl)

She said softly in an almost whisper like tone. I felt at ease, like all tension left my body, it started to make me think it was not all that bad.

"When I was younger, about your age, I used to scribble and doodle, play with my dolls and my big brothers, but then, things changed. Suddenly I was in an entire new world, where I had to spend every single minute studying or practicing. My teachers were strict and I felt like a total outcast. But then, the more I did it, the funner it became, I made friends, saw new things and it was just amazing. 

I know it's scary at first, but give it some time and you'll see that, things will get better."(Cheryl)

As the cold breeze blew, the stars lighting the sky. I felt different.

From the distance illuminated a warm orange, the beating of drums and strum of instruments quietly vibrating. Huddled on a stump, away from the crowd. A flood of nostalgia coming back, all not too sweetly. 

It's funny. 

Even when there are people out there who wants to be with me, I still end up alone...

Ahah, it's hilarious...

I hugged my legs ever further, hiding my face deeper into my legs.

"Reiko, I know it's scary. So you should take small steps. If you stay here and do nothing, it's just going to stay the same.

Yes, while you shouldn't take too drastic measures, but it is important to always move towards your goal, your dream, your wants and desires. Do you understand? And remember, I am here for you."(Cheryl)

Noticing me, Cheryl chimed in, her hand ruffling my hair.

It's weird how I got used to getting pat. 

"I guess..."(Reiko)

"Reiko"(Cheryl)

"y- yes?"(Reiko)

At that moment Cheryl lunged towards me, embracing me once more.

"It's going to be okay. Do you understand?"(Cheryl)

Once more I was pulled into her grasp. All that she said began sinking in, and they sunk in deep. That I should take small steps, that things are going to be alright, that there is somewhere out there for me.

I always told myself these lies, knowing it is not true, knowing that these are not true.

 But this time, it felt true. 

"Y- yes."(Reiko)

"Then let's go back, people there must be worried."(Cheryl)

With my final decision made, I said

"o- okay..."(Reiko)

I was a bit hesitant, as I took the first step. I got closer and closer over to the village.

Dun ba da ba da da ba

The drums became louder and louder. My breaths were uneasy, but I took deep breath after deep breath. My legs were shaky but I repeated to myself it's going to be fine. 

"Reiko! WHERE WERE YOU!"(Kamoume)

Out of nowhere I was tackled by Kamoume. Her face were ugly with tears and snot.

"I was so scared! You meanie!"(Kamoume)

"s- sorry..."(Reiko)

"Sorry doesn't count it! Hmmph!

... 

Buy me a tokori then I'll consider accepting your apology!"(Kamoume)

Kamoume's nose flared as she turned around, arms across her chest.

"heh"(Reiko)

A giggle left my body.

I may have fumbled before, but I'll try again, moving forward, one step at a time.

------------

"Big brother! Big brother!"(Kana)

"hmm, yes?"(Reiko)

"What did you wish for?"(Kana)

"Well it's for you to grow up healthy of course!"(Reiko)

"oh, you don't have to waste a wish on me. You should've wished for the meanies to-"(Kana)

"Kana, to me, that wasn't a waste, far from it."(Reiko)

"oh... well thank you for taking me here!"(Kana)

"No problem, anything for my cute baby sister."(Reiko)

 

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