Santa's Secret Transfic Anthology Vol. 2 / Everyday Sweets #14

Sometimes it's too Late

by Dark_Sun_Morrigan

 

Snow fell softly as the train headed out up coast. The clouds had been threatening to do so for days and from inside a warm cabin Lynne was happy to be going. There wasn't much back home for her. All that mattered to her was tucked away in her bags stored on a nearby rack or in her purse kept on her person. She leaned back and looked out the window at the city she was leaving behind. A haze of falling snow obscuring the city lights. Lynne pulled off her gloves and tried to relax.

Meanwhile another woman climbed down from the second level of the train car. "Fucking why did they send me up if it was just going to fill," she sighed, "at least the seats down here are a little roomier."

Lynne looked over to them, her brown eyes fixing on the tall, dark-haired woman. 

The taller woman met her eyes with her own green ones, "something wrong?"

"N-no, not at all," said Lynne, waving her hands in front of her.

"Then you won't mind if I take this seat then," she said as she sat next to Lynne. 

"I don't mind," Lynne replied.

"I'm Belinda, but please just call me Bel," said Bel as she cracked her neck, making Lynne cringe, "so what's your deal?"

"I'm leaving town, not much left there for me. You?" She returned the question.

"Well, uh, I'm also moving. I've got an apartment waiting up north and a new job," said Lynne.

"Industrious, huh?" Commented Bel. 

"Not really, most people my age have moved out already and I'm just starting…" said Lynne, idly tapping on a knee. 

"Finally get to tell them off for everything they did to you? I did that when I left and it felt amazing," said Bel with a small laugh.

Lynne shook her head. "N-no, they were good to me, it's just I can't return to that house now that they aren't there."

Bel's expression dropped, she'd done it again. She overstepped and reopened a wound. "I'm sorry, I didn't…"

Lynne looked down and away. "It's fine, really. I'm mostly over it, well that part anyway."

Bel nodded slowly. "Sorry again, I shouldn't assume people all had shit parents." 

Lynne looks over to her, "really, I'm okay you don't have to worry so much."

Bel brushed her hair back, trying to calm her nerves. She was fine upsetting people who deserved it, but she'd just bad-mouthed what was likely Lynne's deceased family members. Anxiety coiled and squirmed in her in spite of the assurance that it was okay. 

"Yeah, yeah alright. Ugh." Bel shook her head, trying to get her thoughts to quit writhing.

"So maybe tell me about yourself, Bel, we're stuck here until our stops after all and it's at least a couple hours to the first one outside the city," said Lynne as she gazed out the window. 

"You probably picked up on the resentment for my folks. Rich bastards disowned me a few years back," said Bel, clenching her fists for a moment, knuckles cracking. 

Lynne held a hand up, thinking about trying to comfort the woman next to her. "That's… awful, I'm sorry." 

"Fuck'em. Haven't heard or cared to check on them since, but they've checked on me. Fuckin' weirdos," scoffed Bel. 

"Wait what? Like calling you?" Asked Lynne. 

"Calling is the most common, but the messages they leave always ask for their son and that asshole's been dead for a while," said Bel with a laugh. "It was when they started sending people looking for me that I decided to leave."

Lynne looked over to her, concern clear on her face. "That's kind of horrifying and what did you mean by the son stuff?"

Bel rolled her eyes, "I mean their son ran away and when they found me instead I was disowned. Now they keep asking after a ghost."

Lynne knew what she meant as she said it, it all falling into place. She mulled over how to respond. Did she just tell this stranger on the train about herself? Bel did just open up to her like it was basically nothing, so it's not like she had to worry about being judged if she told her. 

"Hey, Lynne, you okay? You're muttering to yourself." She leaned down to look at Lynne's face better. "You're not afraid of trans people are you?"

"W-what?! No! I'm trans too and I didn't think someone so pretty would also be and-" Lynne's fumbling was stopped by Bel pushing a finger against her lips.

"Yeah, okay wait. You are trans too? You're like five foot nothing. Didn't know they made us that small." Bel looked Lynne over. "Seriously tiny. You always been this small?" 

"Well, uh kind of?" Mumbles Lynne, embarrassed. 

"Hah, so when did you figure it out? Like, I only did like last year of high school which combined with the very large mistake of telling my former parents led to well, me dropping out as I tried to find a way to not die on the streets." 

Lynne's lips sat in a hard line before she spoke, "how are you so nonchalant about all that, it sounds awful."

"It was awful!" Bel laughed, "but what am I gonna do? Cry about it to a stranger? No, no… that's for in private or with a lover." 

Lynne tries to force a smile. "I hope you're able to get that time, it sounds like a lot." 

"Eh, been a while since my last boyfriend, but I'm chill. Hey I'm still kinda cold from waiting on the platform, so I'm gonna grab a drink from the diner car. You want anything?" Asked Bel, standing up. 

"A coffee, if you could. I'll pay you back."

"Cream and sugar?"

"Y-yeah…"

"You one of those girls who likes to basically drink candy?"

Lynne nodded, embarrassed.

"It's cool, I got you. Be back in a little," Bel said as she began to walk to the diner car. 

Lynne watched Bel go. She couldn't believe she'd met another person like her just out in public. Much of her early transition had been done in private, at home with her loving, if naive, parents. She didn't have to present until she was ready so she was less visibly out. Her eyes stayed fixed on Bel until she left the cabin for the next. 

Bel pushed through the divider and another cabin full of people. She liked the little nerd she'd ended up sitting next to, that they were both trans helped her be more at ease. People weren't always good, or more accurately to her experiences; most people were bad, intentionally or otherwise. She passed by an old couple that shot her derisive looks, whether for her tattoos or otherwise she wasn't sure. She did know that look though and on some level she relished their discomfort. Knowing they're clutching their pearls over having to see her existing. 

She made it to the dining car and took a seat at the bar. "Yo, can I get a large coffee with room for cream and sugar as well as a black tea?" She asked the man behind the bar.

He looked over to her, "just a moment." 

He set about making what she ordered as she stared out at the last parts of the city whizzing by, looking at the suburbs she grew up in as they became nothing but distant shapes then ones she could no longer see from inside the cabin. 

"Your order's up, miss," said the man, placing the cups of hot tea and coffee on the bar. 

She smiled back at him before paying, "thank you."

Bel brought the drinks over to the little station with the sugar and such. “Bet she’s a frap girl, pumpkin spice too.” she chuckled softly, adding as much sugar and cream as she thought the coffee could handle.  “And a little sugar for my tea,” she said with a smile.

Lynne leaned back as much as her chair would allow and looked out the window. “I’m going to miss this place,” she said with a sigh.

Bel raised a brow as she approached  “Strange, no idea why you’d miss this place.” She gave Lynne the coffee. “As much sweet as I could pack in without it getting grainy.” 

Lynne brought the cup up and took a sip as Bel sat down again. The coffee was almost as sweet as she liked it, an admirable attempt. "Thanks, Bel."

"It's no problem, so I've been wondering… how old are you? I'm twenty-four,” said Bel.

"Err, twenty-three, turn twenty-four in a month," replied Lynne before taking another sip of her sugary drink.

"Hah, closer than I expected," said Bel, waiting on her tea to cool a little. "Did you maybe..?"

"Did I what?" She asked back without letting Bel finish.

"Uh erm, did you go to Silver Creek Tech?" Asked Bel.

"Go Trout!" Said Lynne pumping a fist. 

"I'll take that as a yes," Bel said with a laugh before going silent.

She was struck with sudden apprehension. How much did she really want to know or reveal about her own past. Bel looked over at the innocent seeming girl next to her and sighed. 

“You alright?” asked Lynne.

Bel nodded stiffly, “Yeah, i’m okay.” she chuckled softly, “go trouts.”

Lynne knit her brows together trying to figure out what to say next. Bel and her went to the same school around the same time. All sorts of questions welled up in her many she wasn’t  sure it was okay to ask, but it’s not like she’ll really see her again and  if she offers her own secrets up… maybe it’ll be okay.

Lynne swallowed her nervousness and spoke, “Hey Bel… did you know a Liam back then?”

Bel’s eyes went wide, no, no, no…  shit. “Might as well bite the bullet. I did know them and uh… I was um– do you remember Rudy?”

Lynne pulled back. “N–no, you were..?”

Bel felt a knot in her stomach.”Yeah, that was me. I’m sorry for everything I did, I know that doesn’t make up for it.”

Lynne’s  face was lined with “You did horrible things to me, you’d pick on me for being so short and then there was the time you locked me inside a changing room!” 

“I can’t deny I did those things.” Bel took a shaky sip of her tea. “I don’t expect forgiveness either. I was an awful bastard.”

“You were an absolute terror, I nearly dropped out because of you.” Lynne grit her teeth, trying to push the rage down.

Bel fidgeted, not sure what to do or say really, so she just went for it. “I’m sorry. I, I know that doesn’t really fix anything, but I am sorry.” She looked down. “I’m sorry, Lynne. I was just so jealous that you got to be small.”

“I was going to finally tell you off one day, I’d brought a knife in case you got violent. Then you just weren’t there– I was relieved, but I never got to tell you what I thought. Never got to tell you how much I hated you,” said Lynne.

“Then tell me, Lynne, please. Tell me how much you hated me because gods know I deserve it,” said Bel, forcing herself to meet Lynne’s smoldering eyes.

“You made an already bad high school experience into hell, fuck you.”

“I deserve that.” 

“Yeah, you do.”

The two sat in silence as the train rolled onward across the snow kissed coast between cities. Bel kept her gaze down as Lynne slowly relaxed. Bel thought back to all the pain she’d inflicted back then; the bullying, both physical and verbal. So much old anger that had been entirely misdirected. Lynne looked out at the coast, watching the waves crest and fall as she stewed in her emotions. Did she believe that Bel was sorry for her past? Bel had been kind here on the train, she suffered in her personal life, but did that really make up for it? Lynne stared at her coffee, the one her former bully had gotten for her and made as she asked.

“Bel?” asked Lynne softly. 

“Yeah?” replied Bel, her voice low.

“The day you disappeared was that the day you..?”

“Yes, it was. I told my family and was out on my ear within the day. I was no longer their child,” said Bel looking down again.

Lynne nodded. “I suppose it would be wrong of me to yell at you about what you did given the circumstance–”

“No, it’s fine. It’s your right after all the harm I caused,”  interjected Bel.

“I guess, but I don’t exactly want more pain out there, there’s been enough and I was honestly enjoying your company. That and, we aren’t really those people any more. I don’t feel that anger on you or that seething jealousy either,” said Lynne.

Bel blushed a little, “w-well I am a little jealous of your size. You’re so tiny.” 

“I need help reaching things sometimes…”

“Hah, small.”

“Rude.”

“Guess I’m still a little bit of the same person,” said Bel with a slight smile.

Lynne stifled a small giggle, “Maybe. I’ve wanted to ask something.”

“Go ahead,  Lynne.”

“Well, how was transition? Like, while out there among people and not hidden away like I was,”  asked Lynne.   

“Not particularly great, well the societal parts. Getting meds required I worked or found other methods of getting cash, some less strictly legal than others.” Bel frowns for a moment.  “Made some good friends during it. Most of them are online, so I'm not really losing contact with them over the move.”

“I didn’t really have friends, I’m glad you found some,” said Lynne.

“I lost many friends too, uh, being a bully doesn’t result in having the most loyal friends, especially when you come out as a woman,” Bel sighed.

“I-I can imagine. Stuff like that is why I just stayed home, took anything I could online during college and just avoided human contact until I felt ready.”

“Rough as it was, I did meet good people eventually and  I hope I’ve become better as a result. Though the journey was rough," Bel sighed heavily, "so, how was it when you finally rejoined the world?"

"It was… not great. I showed up to a job interview and since I didn't have a chance to like… learn fashion I looked ridiculous. People said a lot of mean things, gave me weird looks." Lynne frowned, "sparing myself the awkward phase cost me experience which just made another awkward phase."

"Oof, I'm sorry, Lynne. So how did you get through it?" Asked Bel taking a long drink of her tea.

Lynne shrugged. "I kind of had no excuse left, so I forced myself through it, fashion faux pas and all until eventually I got a style nailed down."

"A pretty basic one, you look indistinguishable from any other woman, especially being so damned tiny."

"I'm not- well I am, but rude. I sometimes wish I had it in me to stand out. I'm so scared of it though, so I just stick with the most mainstream fashion I can."

"You still look good in it. I do understand wanting the other side of things. I do look good and everyone has to notice with my height being very outside the norm." Bel clicks her tongue. "Makes dating annoying, I could only imagine if I was one of those girls that needs a taller guy, but you don't have that problem, do you?"

Lynne nervously chuckled," well, err no…"

Bel raised a brow.

"I like other women, but I do prefer taller partners. And being T4T as well makes it easier to you know…" she laughs softly again.

"Sub," said Bel matter-of-factly.

"Hey!" 

"It's true."

"Yeah, but you don't have to say it. Even now you're still bullying meeee…"

"I uh, I'm sorry I didn't mean to hu-"

Lynne laughed loudly, "it's fine, it's fine! It was more of a joke."

"Oh, okay then. I've not tried to say much else because I thought it would seem like bragging, but I've been trying very hard to not be like who I was."

"They're not here anymore, Bel." 

"I- yeah, I guess. I suppose I should bury the poor bastard for good."

"Wait, what do you mean bury? You didn't actually kill..?"

Bel waved a hand, "I can't believe you almost thought I'd actually killed and replaced someone for a second."

"Well, just, shut up."

"Sorry, just I guess the front works, it generally keeps me safe out there. That and the knife- knives I carry."

The two kept on for the next few hours until finally the train pulled into the station. They both stood and went to get their luggage and then waited to be let off onto the platform.

"Lynne, it was good to meet you, the actual you," said Bel.

Lynne looked down. "Yeah, I'm glad to have met you as well, Bel. Did you uh, wanna stay in touch?"

"We're in the same city, if we see each other again, so be it. I just, I don't think it would be right of me to stay in your life, even if you forgive me for what I did back then," said Bel as she moved with the crush of people getting off the train.

Lynne kept up with Bel, trying to find the words to say. Bel had harmed her back then and done so grievously, even so she longed for something of her past to hold onto. 

"Bel, I-" the crowds separated them.

Lynne tries to push through but she was too small and Bel presumably hadn't heard her. 

Bel looked back as she walked off the platform into the station proper, unable to see Lynne. She whispered to herself, "sometimes it's too late."

 

Santa's Secret Transfic Anthology Vol. 2 / Everyday Sweets #14

Follow to catch Good Intentions / Bad Redemptions (Part 1) on June 12th

Support the authors and get instant access to all stories and more for $6 on itch.io