I arrived at Cass’ apartment door, much faster than she had probably expected, in a crying heap. I stood over the cracked pavement in front of her entrance as I frantically searched for her name on a door buzzer list. Cool night air whipped up my skirt and bit at the freshly tear-soaked portions of my cheeks. Finding her last name on the list, Carmen, I quickly pushed the button. Why the hell had I gotten myself into this mess? I could have just changed back into my day clothes and taken the hit from mom about being drunk. Instead, due to my still inebriated state, I waltzed right in the back door with a face she didn’t recognize and everything blew up in my face.

The buzzer emitted a loud beep and the door, dark metal with a glass screen, loudly unlocked. I pulled the door open and quickly walked inside. As I wandered through the dim white entryway, my eyes were focused on the red carpet ahead. Cass said she lived on the sixth floor so, thinking better of outright using my powers in her home, I entered a scruffy looking elevator and pressed the “Six” button, causing it to light up. The elevator lurched upward and a quiet instrumental of “I Want It That Way” began to play. My thoughts were still consumed in turmoil regarding the fallout of tonight when I saw my blurry reflection on the scuffed metal of the elevator door. I was still in my Alter form. Should I change back? I didn’t have any other clothes though, so what choice did I really have? If Cass’ dad was home, I’d have to meet him as Gabby.

While I’d been undeniably excited to be in my Alter form tonight, being stuck without a choice in the matter was something else and inspired conflicting emotions within me. On one hand, I could continue being me and nobody could fault me for it. But on the other hand… I wanted a say in when I was who I was. And that wasn’t something I had right now.

I groaned. If Cass hadn’t insisted on me coming to the show in my Alter form tonight, none of this would've happened. I would still have control. But… would I have even come in the first place? I couldn’t deny that Sammy had been right about me, I was usually pretty antisocial and preferred to keep to myself. But that didn’t mean that I was solely focused on being Gabby, I sincerely wanted to support Sammy. Right?

After the elevator doors opened up I stepped out and looked at my phone. Cass said she lived in apartment 6F so I headed towards the door marked with that number and knocked gently. Immediately the door swung open to reveal Cass, now in a black night dress with her hair gathered up in a towel with a smile on her face.

“Still looking for more girl time Ga-” she said, halting as she looked me over. My dress, now likely sporting several singe marks from all the running I’d done tonight, my hair was a mess and I still had tears rolling down my face.

“Cass…” I whispered. She immediately stepped through the threshold of her apartment and wrapped me in a tight embrace.

“What happened?” she quietly asked in my ear.

“I… Mom.” She stepped back for a moment and looked me up and down again.

“She saw-”

“Me, yeah.”

“In your Alter-”

“Yeah.”

“Oh, Gavin. I’m so sorry.” Her entire expression dropped as she hugged me again and defaulted to my actual name. “I never meant for this to happen.” She ushered me inside and closed the door behind us. I looked around at her apartment, noticing that it was simple, but very cozy in it’s decor. Framed pictures lined the walls and their furniture was arranged in the living room around the TV similar to my own. I walked past a dining room table stacked with mail on top of it. I don’t know why, maybe I was looking for a distraction from my thoughts, but it suddenly was all I could think about.

“Is that your dinner table? Where do you guys eat?” I sniffled as we made our way further towards her room.

“Coffee table, me and Dad like to watch TV while we eat. Don’t you guys?” she replied, prompting me to shake my head.

“No, we have to eat at the table according to Mom--,” I halted, fresh tears springing forward. As we entered through a door in the hallway just off the living room I could immediately tell it belonged to Cass. She gently sat me on her dark mauve silk bedspread and closed the door. Her room was lit with candles in several places as well as a lamp with a shawl thrown over the top decoratively. Her walls were painted a dark ashen color which the candlelight reflected off of in mesmerizing patterns. A desk with a monitor sat tucked away in a corner with it’s chair neatly tucked into the desk cubby. Cass took a seat next to me on the bed.

“Okay, tell me what’s going on,” she calmly said as she grabbed my knee lightly.

I took a deep breath and relayed to her everything that had happened since we parted, about the run home, leaving my backpack outside, what Mom had said, the fiercely unrecognizing look she held in her eyes when looking at me. She seemed almost disgusted. Cass’ hand quickly moved from my knee to my shoulder as she pulled me in for another hug.

“Do you think you could go back tonight as Gavin?” she asked. I shook my head.

“No, she’ll be more alert now, she might have called the cops which means they might have found my bag in the backyard which means as soon as I get home everything is toast anyways. I don’t think I can face that tonight.” I was pretty fucked as far as I could figure, all things considered. Her expression turned more sorrowful.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have been so pushy. I just thought I could make everything okay for you, Gavin.”

I looked up at her with tears still stinging my eyes. “Yeah, well, I know this isn’t what you thought would happen but if you haven’t noticed, my life is now held up by a string.”

“I know, I just-” she pleaded.

“No, Cass,” I cut her off, “You need to understand that I’m not like you. I’m not fucking transgender. I just-- I mean, do I even act like one?” I shouted. Her eyes narrowed as her posture turned rigid.

“What does that mean?” she asked slowly, her tone becoming terse.

“I mean, I’m not all out and loud and proud about this. I didn’t have some damn epiphany when I was five years old that I was born in the wrong body.”

“Gavin,” she said assuredly, “You don’t need to have an epiphany when you’re young to realize you’re trans.”

“When did you realize it then?” I asked pointedly.

“N-nine, but my point still stands,” she admitted.

“Cass, I’m seventeen. I think I’d know by now if I was in the wrong body.”

“Not necessarily,” she began to counter, but I stood up. I was having none of this.

I gritted my teeth as anger swelled within me. “No, Cass, no! I don’t know how your dad is, but mine made it a habit of ensuring I knew how the world was. He’d always given me the advice I needed to hear when I needed to hear it. Sure, a lot of it was a tough pill, and Mom doesn’t always agree, but he’s my Dad. He has to know what he’s talking about.”

Cass stood up slowly from her bed and loomed over me with a puzzled expression. “What kind of ‘advice’ did he give you?”

I turned away. I tried to stop myself from regurgitating what he’d said, he always told me not to say it to other people, but I wasn’t quick enough to stop the words as they broke free from my mouth. “Stay on the straight and narrow, the world will respect you if you present yourself as a respectable man. Don’t be like the hippies, the freaks, the gays, the-,” my voice hitched. “The t-trannies.” Cass quietly gasped behind me. “He- he was always right. Even after transitioning they end up being dykes, punks, weirdos… a lot of the time they never fit in.”

“Gavin!” Cass shouted behind me, but I remained still. I looked down at my still-shaking hands, feeling so much adrenaline shoot through me. I’d never said these things out loud. Even when dad was telling me about them, I knew I wasn’t supposed to repeat them. It was in that moment I knew. This was why I wasn’t trans, why it was something that happened to other people. Because I couldn’t ever allow myself to give up being someone who could actually garner respect.

A flash of light lit up the wall in front of me, illuminating my smaller silhouette against her wall. A pair of clawed hands gripped my shoulders and threw me on the bed. Cass stood over me in her Alter form, her wings spread wide and her reddened eyes glowing with a piercing intensity. Even though she was my friend, fear and panic began to settle in.

“Gavin, I will absolutely not stand for people to talk that way about me in my own home, got it?” she growled. I nodded slowly.

She stepped closer. “And you will never, ever,” she leaned in, “Use the word ‘Tranny’, again, you hear me?” I could feel the heat emanating from her skin as she stared at me. I nodded again. “Good,” she replied as she relaxed her expression, her wings folding in against her back.

“B-but Cass,” I stammered, causing her to look to drop for a moment once more.

“What.”

“I wasn’t talking about you,” I said. She tilted her head slightly in confusion.

“What?” she asked haltingly.

I threw up my hands and turned away from her. I could feel the tears biting again at my eyes but I persisted. “You’re not like that. You, well, you’re normal. You’re my friend.”

She shook her head. “Wait, I’m confused. So you have this weird perception of trans people, but it doesn’t count when it’s me?”

I gave a half-hearted shrug. “That sounded better in my head, but yeah I guess.” She walked towards me with an evaluating look.

“Why did you even want to be my friend if all other trans people are ‘weirdos’, as you so eloquently put it.” It was my turn to return her confused glance.

“Well, why wouldn’t I want to be your friend? You’re one of the coolest people I know.” It was the truth. Even through the events of the night and the last couple days, I felt a kinship with her. She quickly changed back into her default form and continued to look at me appraisingly.

“Have you ever met another trans person besides me?” she asked finally. I thought for a moment before shaking my head. I hadn’t as far as I was aware. “Right,” she replied. She walked over to her computer and turned it on, the operating system icon popping up before dropping her at its desktop screen. She glanced at her watch and looked up at me with a coy smile. What was she planning?

“Okay, I want you to go take a shower for me. You smell like a bar and bonfire had a baby,” she said calmly. Caught off-guard as I was, I nodded numbly.

“I don’t really have any spare clothes…” I mumbled in response, but she disregarded my feeble attempts at arguing.

“Don’t worry, you can borrow some of mine. I assume you’re staying here?” she asked earnestly. Again I nodded in reply.

“Yeah, I guess I am. Is that okay?” I looked down at the floor, suddenly embarrassed about what I’d said earlier. I’d insulted her and now I was asking her to stay in her apartment. Was she really considering being so nice in the face of my idiocy?

To my suprise, she laughed and nodded. “Yeah, that’s fine. For the best really.” She began to open up a few windows on her computer screen and pointed out her bedroom door. “Bathroom is at the end of the hallway. You can use all of my products, the only other ones are Dad’s and believe me, they’re old guy stuff.”

I moved to leave before the growling of my stomach stopped me in my tracks. I needed some of those nutrition bars Mel had given me as it felt like I was running on fumes. Maybe Kayden could bring me some? I turned back towards Cass.

“Is it okay if someone I know stops by?” I asked suddenly.

“Why?” she asked as she turned around.

“My quirk,” I remarked in a quiet voice, “I need some food, I have crazy calorie requirements. I’m going to ask someone to drop something off that should help.”

“We have food, you could take a look in the pantry if you--” she began to offer, but I waved my hands.

“It’s like a ten thousand calorie requirement or something,” I added.

Her eyes went wide. “Wow.”

“I know, it’s nuts.”

“How do you eat that much during the day?” she asked.

“When I’m not in my Alter form it doesn’t really come up, only now when I’m going for extended periods,” I explained.

“Can you even eat that much in one sitting?” She leaned back in her chair in thought.

“That’s what the calorie bars are for,” I said. She shrugged.

“Sure, alright then. My dad won’t be home for a little while yet, and whoever is stopping by can hang out on the fire escape if he’s here when they get here.” I smiled for what felt like the first time in a while and shuffled out the door towards the bathroom, passing several photos of Cass and her dad with her at various ages at parks, restaurants, or events. Her dad seemed to cycle through a few different iterations of facial hair from clean shaven to intricate designs shaved in. His hair seemed to maintain a moppy aesthetic and always reached past his ears.

I entered the bathroom and closed the door behind me. It was painted seafoam green and was accentuated by white on the door, cabinet, and trim on the floor. I was surprised to see a window, however small, sitting on the wall opposite to the sink and cabinet. It was cracked slightly ajar and I could see a large portion of the cityscape out in front of me, all awash in dark blues and blacks and lit up by the neon signs of the street below.

In the distance a large amount of light was visible from several projectors shooting into the sky. Even though I couldn’t actually see the building the rays of light were coming from, I didn’t need to. Everyone in the city knew the Crescent City Capes lived over on Front Avenue and Gulliver Street, their building sat right near a wide stretch of Earhart Park. Crescent City Tower as it was called was comprised of ten floors of specialized equipment, living quarters, exercise equipment, a kitchen, a library, training quarters, the works. Anything the heroes within required, according to the news at least. The alters who lived there, officially licensed heroes of Crescent City, resided in that building whether they were on call, investigating something, or just crashing to avoid the staggering rent prices of the downtown area. Every job comes with perks, I supposed.

With my phone in hand I sent a text off to Kayden asking if they could get some of the nutrition bars from Mel and deliver them to Cass’ address. I didn’t get a reply from them immediately so I set my phone down on her sink and began to strip my clothes off. My reflection was pretty pitiful, I had to admit. Even though the curves that had such an impact on me previously were still there, the girl in the mirror looked like a mess. Her hair being as disheveled as it was along with her eyes being bloodshot red with large dark rings beneath made her look like she was a walking corpse.

Something in my mind still nagged though. Looking at myself, my eyes wandered down to my crotch and the lack of the usual appendage that was there. I didn’t hate having… that, in my normal form. I mean sure it got in the way sometimes, but I didn’t absolutely despise it, right? I shook my head. I wasn’t trans. I tore myself away from my visage and turned on the shower, stepping in gingerly once the temperature was up to a sufficient warm degree.

The water running over my worn-out muscles was amazing, and even though I’d showered in this form once before it hadn’t compared at all to the sensation of soothing my aching calves were sending me. I reached for a bottle of shampoo on the bath shelf before I realized that Cass was serious when she’d mentioned her father’s “old man shampoo”. It was in a bottle that had a picture of a graying fifty-something man and smelled of acrid chemicals, causing me to whip my nose away in revulsion. As I set it back down, I looked around the shower and noticed the technicolor of rainbow bottles surrounding me for the first time. There were bottles for shampoo, conditioner, bodywash, treated hair shampoo, treated hair conditioner, hair dye care and so on. I laughed to myself. Did girls really use all of these products?

I took a leap and began to wash my hair with a cranberry-vanilla shampoo that seemed to be marketed as an everyday hair choice. I had to admit, I enjoyed the fruity smelling shampoo over my usual option at home, as well as the conditioner co-pair that shared the product name. I stepped out of the shower smelling like a field of flowers, a much-needed improvement over the bar smell I was previously sporting.

A plain blue towel was now sitting on the sink next to my phone. I hadn’t placed it there and assumed Cass had instead. Glancing at the doorknob I saw for the first time that there was indeed a lock on it. I made a mental note for later and began to dry my body off with the towel. Drying my chest was still as weird as it had been previously, though as I patted my skin I noticed that my muscles in the area were already starting to feel better after their soreness earlier in the day. I’d have to hold on to that sports bra Cass had given me.

I rubbed at the mirror in the bathroom to reveal my reflection staring back, gorgeous emerald eyes, button nose, soaked orange hair and all. The irritation in my eyes had lessened significantly over the time I’d spent in the shower which I was glad for, small miracles after all.

Feeling better than earlier in the night and slightly silly, I made a few faces in the mirror and thoroughly enjoyed the cute reflections I created. I liked this reflection more. She looked happy. A buzz from my phone caught my attention and I picked it up, noticing several missed texts from Kayden, and a lot more from Mom.

 

KAYDEN:

“Sure thing”

“Weird address, I thought you lived in the suburbs?”

 

I shot back a smartass reply.

 

ME:

“Yeah well I’m moving up in the world, pal.”

 

I scrolled through Mom’s texts, each saying something to the effect of “where are you” or “call me” or something similar. If she was able to piece two and two together that myself and the girl from earlier in the night were the same person, she didn’t let on. I sent her back a text.

 

ME:

“Hey, I’m staying at my friend’s house tonight, I’ll be home in the morning.”

 

I struggled to wrap the towel around my torso as I had seen Mom and Jules do many times before. Once I was satisfied, I stepped out of the shower only to run face first into the chest of a taller man dressed in a grey button up and simple black trousers. His eyes were dark brown and had deep sleep lines underneath them. It didn’t take me long to ascertain that this was Cass’ dad judging by his resemblance to the pictures on the wall. If I looked surprised, he looked like he was holding back a heart attack on his part.

“Oh! Uh, sorry! I wasn’t aware Cassandra had company over,” he stated nervously. I clutched the towel around me closer, suddenly feeling incredibly vulnerable. He quickly averted his gaze and called out over his shoulder. “Cassandra! Get out here, please.” Cass poked her head out of the doorway of her room after a moment.

“Oh, right. Dad, this is Gabby. She’s a friend from school. She’ll be staying here tonight.” I shot Cass an exasperated look and skittered over towards her door “Is that okay?” I stood behind Cass as she shielded my form from view. Up until now, I’d only been seen within the confines of my gym suit, so I was wholly unprepared for someone else, an older man no less, to see me almost nude.

“From school?” he repeated calmly, his eyes narrowing as he considered that I likely had some power similar to his daughter which no doubt made him nervous.

“Yep, she’s an Alter, like me,” Cass confirmed. He ran a hand through his dark hair and sighed.

“Sure, that’s fine. I’m heading to bed, make sure not toto not get too loud, alright?” he relented, his posture relaxing somewhat.

“Sure thing, Dad,” Cass nodded. She ushered me back inside her room and closed the door behind her. I walked over to her bed and collapsed down on the silky bedspread.

“I can’t believe your Dad saw me in the nude,” I groaned.

“I mean, at least you had a towel on,” Cass countered. “Lots of dudes see girls like that, stepping out of the shower with a towel around you is totally normal.”

“Yeah, but he was the first person to see me.” Cass erupted with laughter, causing me to turn and look back at her. “It’s not funny!” I demanded.

She shook her head. “It’s kind of funny.” She stepped over to her desk and grabbed a pile of cloth and tossed it to me before sitting down again. “Here’s some pajamas, you can put them on in the corner. Promise I won’t look.” I hesitantly grabbed the clothes, finding them to be a purple polka dotted pair of sleep shorts and a small tank top. I began to unfold them before I realized that I had no underwear to wear with them as I’d left my bra and underwear in the bathroom along with my dress. I explained as much to Cass who raised an eyebrow at me but smiled nevertheless. In another flash she was once more the winged demoness she was earlier. With a snap of her taloned fingers a small pixie like creature appeared in a puff of smoke and floated around her.

“How can I serve you, Mistress?” the similarly red-haired imp-like creature squeaked.

“Please retrieve her clothes from the bathroom for me,” Cass instructed the creature. It vigorously nodded its head and flew away and into the hall out of sight for a moment before returning, seeming to struggle with the weight of my dress and other clothing before dropping it on the floor before me. It turned back to Cass.

“All done, my Mistress!” it squeaked happily. Cass patted it gently on the head.

“Good girl, you’ve earned yourself some ice cream later. I’ll summon you again when I have some.” With that the imp happily cheered and disappeared in a puff of smoke, leaving Cass and I alone once more.

“Was that a-”

“Yeah, I can summon imps to do things for me.”

“Cass…”

“Don’t worry,” she appealed, “I reward them. They sure love ice cream for beings so closely aligned to fire.” I bit my lip. I didn’t really know enough about how her powers worked to make a comment on what appeared to be some sort of master/slave relationship without risking pissing her off again. Dutifully I dressed in my underwear and pulled the pajamas on, though I left the bra with my dress on the ground. The shorts hugged my butt gently which was an odd sensation at first but I quickly decided that I enjoyed it. The tank top itself wasn’t much different from my usual tops at home, though it was definitely cut slightly differently to account for my chest. A ding alerted me to a new text.

 

KAYDEN: “Okay, got the goods. Heading to your place?”

 

Cass beckoned me over towards her computer and patted a small stool next to her.

“Come here, I want to show you some stuff, Gavin,” she smiled. Hesitantly I joined her next to her computer and noticed that she had several tabs open on her internet browser. “You, Gavin, have a problem,” she said slowly, letting the words sink in.

“I do?” I asked. I made a point to look down at myself and around the room. ‘Whatever gave you that impression?” Cass smirked slightly and patted my hand.

“The problem I’m talking about is your false notions of what a transgender person is. You’ve got these lies all spun around in your head and that is preventing you from realizing all of the options you have in life.”

“Cass…” I began.

“I’m not saying you want to be a girl, but there’s other options out there that don’t adhere to a strict binary, so to speak,” she continued, resting her hand on my leg. “Will you humor me?” she pleaded quietly. I didn’t really have any reason to say no at this point, so I conceded and nodded my head. “Great!” She clicked immediately on one of her tabs, linked in to a website called Chirpr where people posted statuses within a 150 character limit. They would post pictures or videos on the site, too it seemed.

“What are you planning?” I asked. Cass didn’t answer, she was focused on scrolling to a particular point.

“Okay, this is one of my friends. Her name is Kara.” She turned the monitor slightly to face me, revealing a pretty girl who appeared to be a bit older than either Cass or I. Her features were somewhat long and thin, but they suited her facial structure well. Her hair was wrapped in a cute braid thrown over her shoulder. “She’s an artist for Wham Studios,” she added and began to scroll through several different posts showcasing beautiful background art for animation. Cass clicked on a different profile. “This is my friend Rachel. She works as a game developer for Biologi-Ware. She helps code MMO’s and is assuredly one of the smartest people I know.” I studied her profile for a bit. She was rocking a nerdy chic look that I found myself digging.

“Okay, but I still don’t see your point,” I admitted.

“The point is,” Cass leaned back in her chair, “They’re trans just like me.” I found my jaw dropping before I could scramble to recompose myself.

“Really?” I asked enthusiastically. Cass gave me a smug nod. “But they look… they look…” I trailed off. I couldn’t find the words to express the awe I felt.

“Normal? Not like weirdos or anything?” she finished for me.

“Y-yeah,” I mumbled. She clicked onto another tab, this one called ‘TGTaleTime’. “W-what’s this?”

“It’s a site where people write stories about people turning into girls, boys, or anything in-between,” she stated as-a-matter-of-factly.

I blanched. “Isn’t this like a porn website, then?”

Cass couldn’t help but let out a hearty laugh. “What?”

“Well, you know…” I hesitated. “Isn’t this whole thing like a fetish or something?” Cass just smiled at me as she used the cursor to move the page down slightly. She pointed to one of the stories, her smirk, tinted blue by the screen, never leaving her face.

“Well, what do you know. ‘A simple mild mannered boy named Egbert who went to boarding school and spent his days enamored with the idea of being a girl, though he would never admit to what he called ‘a fetish’, woke up as a girl and loved it.’ There’s a lot more like that, coincidentally. I’ve read ones where portals cause the TG problem, where a crazy high schooler has access to a wishing well and a poor egg gets caught up in her machinations, there’s one where a character gets ‘stuck’,” she said with heavy emphasis on air quotations, “as a girl by nano technology and decides she likes being a girl better. Don’t even get me started on the proliferation of the idea of being a ‘cat-girl’. There is an unfortunate amount of comp-het in the other stories though…”

I remained silent, feeling very much like these random internet people were reading my mind, however I couldn’t pull myself away. Everything I was seeing was just… so wonderful. Cass went on to show me videos of people transitioning and discussing their experiences as well as showing me one of her favorite comic books called ‘Bloodthirsty Cutie’. I was oddly enamored by the concept of it, a vampire that turns boys into girls after draining their blood.

“This was what kind of made everything click for me as a kid if I’m being honest. This kind of made me realize that the things I was feeling might be something more than fantasies,” she admitted.

“How so?”

“Well, it kind of opened the door in my head, so to speak. I got so obsessed with it that I became comfortable talking about it to other people. Eventually it lead me to a simple conclusion; I was obsessed with being turned into a girl because I was one and wanted everyone to see,” she said. I gripped the lacy hem of my shorts and sent a hard gulp down my throat. Was that what I wanted? For everyone to see me as a girl? Though I was resistant at first, everything Cass had shown me tonight left me with some undeniable truths that left me shaken to my core. A knock on the window provided me a merciful distraction from my thoughts.

“Oh, that’s Kay- uh,” I stumbled, remembering they hadn’t wanted me to say their name, “my friend. That’s my friend.” I quickly got up from my chair and walked over to the window. I unlocked it and slid it up within the wooden frame to reveal my favorite shape-shifter squatting out on the fire escape beyond Cass’ window. This time they were sporting a more muscular, though still distinctly feminine shape.

“Hey, you,” I said with a gleeful tone. They smiled back and raised a plastic bag.

“Heya. Pizza delivery,” they joked in a light voice. “Forget your supply at home during this uh…” their eyes scanned the room within, including Cass who had just stood up from the computer, “This a sleepover?”

“Why?” I asked sarcastically. I stepped back and pulled Cass close. “You jealous of my hot friend?” Cass immediately began to sputter and squirm.

“Wha-me? Hot? Uh,” she mumbled, something I was glad to hear for once. I stuck my tongue out at Kayden.

“Ah, just a sleepover then,” they commented, their expression relaxing as they did.

“You don’t know that,” I countered. They shook their head.

“We haven’t spent that much time together, but I can read the signs of a sleepover. How are the borrowed pajamas feeling?” they inquired. This time it was my turn to begin sputtering. They held a hand out towards Cass and smiled. “Shyft, nice to meet one of her friends.” Cass seemed to relax and grabbed their hand in kind.

“Cassandra. So you’re the one taking her out on these night excursions, huh?” she asked. Kayden looked to me with a shocked expression. I gave them an apologetic shrug in reply.

“Well, I thought that was to remain a secret between us, but yes you could say I am,” they covered, trying their best to mimic an approximation of sounding official. Cass wasn’t sold, and started giggling.

“Hey, I’m not a part of the DMO, I’m not turning you in,” she said cooly. The DMO, or the Department of Metahuman Oversight officially speaking, were a portion of the government designed to combat or mitigate Alters with ill intentions causing reckless public endangerment or worse. They were generally pretty trigger happy and were more or less something that was only discussed morosely among Alters as far as my aunt had described.

“Good, good. Gabs, I’ve gotta head back out, are you good?” They handed me the bag with several of the food bars inside, something my growling stomach responded loudly to. They reached out and brushed my cheek. “You look like you’ve been crying,” they said worriedly.

I brushed their hand aside gently. “Yeah, I’m good. Thank you for stopping by, I owe you one,” I said warmly.

“Okay, as long as you’re sure. And just so you know I collect on my debts. They call me the debt collector or, well, someone does. It’s one guy,” they laughed. “See you!” They did an impressive backbend and rolled off the fire escape gracefully. I looked out and watched them land on the rooftop below before continuing their momentum onto a different roof and another and another-- I shook my head. I was watching them wistfully again. Cass whistled behind me.

“Wow, you could cut the romantic tension there with a knife.”

“Get out of here, there wasn’t any romantic tension.” I pushed past her and flopped onto the bed again before unwrapping one of the bars Mel made. A small typed out note the size of a post-it fluttered out onto my lap.

Cass let out a chortle. “Sure, keep telling yourself that.” She sat down on the bed next to me. “You still haven’t told her about you, have you?”

I shook my head. “No, and it’s ‘they’. They’re a shapeshifter.”

“Wait, I thought you said I was the only trans person you knew,” Cass said in confusion.

“Er, yeah, you are,” I replied.

“You didn’t know gender fluid or non-binary people can be trans too, did you?” she asked sharply.

“They can?”

She laughed. “Oh, Gabs. You’ve got a lot to learn. Still, I think you should tell them about you. They’d probably be the most understanding out of anyone, considering.” I rolled my eyes.

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll get to it.” I muttered sarcastically as I read the note.

 

Here are four more caloric maximizer bars. Stay in school, no vigilantism. Kayden’s a really bad liar.

-Yours, The Mechanic

 

I laughed. How charming. I took a bite of my calorie bar. Ugh, these things tasted awful.

“So…” I started. Cass looked up.

“Yeah?” I wasn’t sure how to continue. With Kayden no longer distracting me I was left to my still quite turbulent thoughts. Everyone Cass had shown me looked so normal, they did normal things for a living. And if she was normal too, then did that mean that I could be… I wasn’t sure. Cass looked upon me knowingly.

“Look, Gabs, I know you have a lot going on in your head, but here’s the thing. I’m not going to push you here one way or the other. I just wanted to break that notion in your head that trans people were this ‘Other’, this otherworldly entity that you had to fear being. Trans people are just that, people. And deep down, I think you know that. Your gut can feel it. Am I wrong?”

I shook my head. “That’s why I became your friend. I… I knew that you were a good person. I’m sorry for what I said earlier, I-- I just don’t really understand…”

Cass interrupted me. “That’s okay. You don’t need to understand. You’ve got all the time in the world to figure that out.”

“What’s it…” I sighed heavily to calm my nerves. I needed to ask this. “What’s it like to be transgender?” She blinked for a moment and leaned back against the headboard of her bed.

“Look, being trans… it’s not easy. You lose people, you have to fight for respect everywhere you go. And sure, if I could go back and redo some of the choices I’ve made, I’d…” she hesitated as she looked away thoughtfully, or regretfully. I wasn’t sure which. “I can’t tell you if you’re trans or not, Gabby. I only know that I’m trans. You, you’re going to need to make that decision yourself. In my hometown a lot of people weren't happy about me being trans. So I learned to be as loud and open about it as I can. Just to show them that they can't stop me. That’s the kind of thing you need to decide if you can handle.”

I gave her a pleading look. “But how do I know who I’m supposed to be? I don’t think I feel trans, but I don’t know what that even feels like.”

She only returned more of the same pensive stare. “I can tell you what the dysphoria feels like. It’s like a shadow over everything you do and feel. Every time you look in the mirror you see someone staring back who you don’t like.” I gripped the bed sheet underneath me, my knuckles turning white from the pressure applied to them. “It’s when you look at people of the opposite gender out the window and, despite self assurances that you want to date them, instead you want to be them. It’s when people laud you for being a ‘polite young man’ or a ‘kind young man’ or a ‘bright young man’ that slowly crushes you into dust.” I dropped my head slightly, my mind being flooded by memories of the exact same incidents that she was describing. “Dysphoria is an awful heinous thing, and I sincerely hope you don’t have it, but I’m afraid your reactions are giving me the opposite opinion.”

“I just… I want to know that I definitely am trans so I can just move forward. How can I know?” I pleaded.

“It’s a running leap, Gabby. You’ve gotta take a running leap and only then will you know not who you’re supposed to be, but who you want to be.” I could only stare down at the floor in response, my head swimming at the very notion of having a choice in all of this. She pulled her comforter back and patted the side next to her. “Welcome to a girls’ sleepover where it’s suddenly okay to share a bed,” she smiled. I dutifully crawled under the comforter and slid in. “So, are you going to turn back? I know you have that whole calorie thing, plus you can always just go Alter again in the morning.” I looked down at myself and the shape I made under the covers and bit my lip. Cass turned her head. “Gabs?”

“Is it okay if I don’t tonight?” I mumbled. She waited a moment before nodding her head.

“Yeah, that’s fine,” she whispered warmly. I laid there for a few minutes staring up at the ceiling trying to determine how I should approach something that had been on my mind.

“Sometimes I wear my sisters clothes,” I mumbled. Cass sat up slightly and squinted at me in the dim light of the room.

“What?” she asked.

“When my family is out of the house I wear my sisters clothes,” I repeated. I couldn’t read her expression very well in the dark, but I heard her sigh loudly.

“What I said before still stands, Gabby. You need to come to that conclusion yourself,” she said wearily as she fell back onto her pillow. I nodded and mumbled an okay. She turned back towards me after a moment. “Do you like how they feel?”

“Y-yes,” I admitted.

“Good,” she whispered breathily before falling into a rhythmic sleep. As I myself fell asleep only one thing remained on my mind.

Who did I want to be?

 

* * *

 

Tempestuous dreams prevented me from getting any real rest that night. Images surrounded me of people I knew. Of Mom and her shocked expression at seeing my Alter self. My father’s gruff stubbled face as he reiterated his stance on trans people, “The freaks, the weirdos”, Cass’ warm smile as she showed me how selective that mindset was, how you can still be trans and just be a person. And Kayden’s face. Their expression and even appearance was ever-changing, but their presence always the same.

I woke up to sunlight streaming down on me from Cass’ window and the smell of maple and meat wafting through the air. I looked down at myself-- still in my Alter form. I didn’t know that was actually possible when I went to sleep. Cass was busy looking through her phone next to me and smiled upon noticing my movement.

“Welcome to the world of the living, your mom has been blowing up your phone all morning,” she said, handing me my phone which I accepted with a groan. I squinted at the screen and scrolled through the messages. They were all pretty much the same as the previous texts I had gotten last night, though there were definitely more exclamation points this time around. I was going to be so screwed when I got home.

 

ME:

“Hey mom, sorry I’ll be home soon! We’re just having breakfast

 

Cass slipped out of bed and stretched her arms before turning to me.

“Come on, Dad is making breakfast,” she chirped. A quick groan from my own stomach pushed me out of bed and towards the door with Cass. I definitely didn’t want any of those calorie bars again anytime soon. Before we stepped out the door she stopped me. “Oh, an uh, if my dad asks about your powers just make something up. Your vigilante stuff isn’t as small-time and on the downlow as you think.”

“Er, yeah, sure,” I agreed. Cass dragged me into her kitchen, surprisingly more spacious looking then it had been in the dark last night, and sat me down at their table. Her father was in the midst of cooking what looked to be pancakes and bacon on a small griddle in a loose green shirt and black basketball shorts.

“Morning,” he hummed lightly.

“Morning,” we repeated back to him. He flipped one of the pancakes in the air and waggled his eyebrows at us. Cass groaned and covered her face.

“Ugh, stop trying to be cool in front of my friend, Dad.”

“I don’t need to try, bumblebee, I was born this way,” he smirked. I looked at Cass incredulously.

“Bumblebee?” I asked.

“It’s because she’s sweet as honey,” her father answered for her. I couldn’t help but giggle at the site of Cass’ reddened cheeks. It was about time the shoe was on the other foot. “So Gabby, Cass tells me you’re from school?” He flipped over the pancakes and grabbed a few plates from the cupboard.

“Y-yeah,” I squeaked nervously. It was odd to maintain a conversation with someone beyond Cass and Kayden in my Alter form, let alone the fact that he already knew so much about me.

“That’s great, I’m glad Cass found some friends there.” He leaned on the counter and gave us his full attention. “Do you have a power or do you just dye your hair that bright color?” I shared a glance with Cass.

“No, still no power yet,” I lied. I pulled on a strand of my hair and laughed. “I’m a natural redhead, but I like it bright and vibrant.” He nodded approvingly.

“Well, I’m sure you’ll get whatever it is soon enough. I’m glad though, I would’ve had to ask you to drop your form since Cass here,” he turned back towards the griddle while giving her an unapproving look, “can’t seem to do her chores lately without the help of her little friends.”

Cass audibly rolled her eyes. “What’s the big deal with asking for help sometimes?” This was clearly a conversation they’d had many times.

“It’s not about how your powers can help you, it’s about how you can help yourself. Now, Cass can you please clear the table for us?” her Dad stated.

“Sure,” Cass nodded and began to stand up.

“And no pixies,” her Dad said sternly. Cass groaned but took care of the plates. Cass’ Dad placed the plates in front of them stacked high with blueberry pancakes and bacon. Upon her request, he stacked Gabby’s plate even higher.

“Sure are a hungry little thing, aren’t ya? Just let me know and I can keep ‘em coming,” he smiled. I laughed back and dug in, satisfying my stomach after about 5 pancakes and additional bacon. Both Cass and he watched me with great enthusiasm, either of them making side bets as to how much I could finish with Cass coming out as the victor. I offered to help them clean up after breakfast, but he rebuffed my offer though he promised to take me up on it the next time I was over.

I walked into Cass’ room and began to change back into my dress from the previous night before Cass walked in and stopped me.

“What are you doing?” she asked as she shut the door to her room.

“Getting dressed?” I replied.

“No, no, no. That dress reeks of alcohol. If you put that back on even if you change you’ll still smell like it,” she advised.

“Well, what do you think I should do? These are my only clothes,” I asked. She put her finger to her mouth and thought for a moment before seeming to be struck by inspiration she hurried over to her closet and began to sort through it. Eventually she pulled out a bright pink and white dress from the closet, causing my eyes to go wide. It even had a pink ribbon on the back that ran around the waist line. It was perhaps one of the girliest dresses I’d ever seen.

“This sort of dress was never really my style, so I didn’t wear it when Dad got it for me a little while back. You can borrow it if you want?” She held the dress out towards me. On a different day I might have declined to wear it, but after everything I’d been through last night, it didn’t take much convincing for me to quickly grab it from her hands with a blush on my cheeks. “Thought so,” she quipped.

I changed into the dress, noting how differently fitted it was to the other dress around my waist, and laced up my shoes. Cass promised to wash my old dress and get it back to me soon. I was about to leave when she stopped me.

“Oh, right. You said you were running around in one of our gym suits, right?” she asked.

“Yeah, why?”

“I think I know someone who can make that suit into something that fits your style a bit better. Is it okay if I check around?” she suggested. “Promise I’ll keep it all on the downlow, I won’t out you or anything.”

With a weary sigh, I agreed. “Sure just-- be careful.”

She nodded her head. “Careful is my middle name!” I gave her a hug and left their apartment, waiting until I got down into an alleyway on the street to take off towards home. I really enjoyed running, when everything was whizzing past me in a blur, it felt like I was truly alone with my thoughts. Before I knew it, I had reached home. I peered over the fence. Thankfully my backpack was by the backdoor where I left it. Or where I think I left it. I wasn’t too sure, but it looked closed and that was good enough for me. I zipped over the fence and grabbed it quickly before making my way back over the fence and into the treeline. I was changed back into my old clothes and had Cass’ dress stuffed into my bag in no time at all.

Once back in my default form, I trudged up the stairs and reached for the handle, only for it to swing open and reveal Mom standing there, looking entirely furious. She stepped to the side.

“Inside. Now,” she demanded. I obliged and walked inside. Before I could make it to the stairs, she called out. “Nuh uh. On the couch, young man.” I dropped down on the couch, making sure to keep my bag on my shoulders behind me. The news was on mute, it looks like there was something else to do with Hexecute last night. Mom promptly turned it off and walked towards me.

“Where’s Jules and Parker?” I asked.

“Out. It’s just you and me.” She sat down next to me on the couch. “Firstly, I want you to know you can talk to me. Okay? No matter what,” she said softly.

“Okay?” I replied, unsure where she was going with this. She reached out her hand and rested it on my leg.

“Secondly, I'm not judging you. I went through a time in my life just like this, back before I met your father. So I know what it's like.”

“You… did?” I was pretty sure she definitely hadn’t experienced what was happening in my life.

“Sure I did. I was at a point where I was nearing the end of high school, and people had all these expectations on what I was supposed to do with my life. Your grandfather said I should be a librarian with all the books I read.” I could feel myself crumble just a bit further inside. She didn’t know what I was experiencing at all.

“Mom…” I interrupted her.

“Yes?” she asked, hope in her tone plainly visible. I turned myself to face her.

“When you look in my eyes, can you see me?” My voice turned slightly haggard as my emotions began to swirl. I was so tired of hiding.

“Wha-- yes, I can see you, Gavin,” she replied, looking me up and down. “Did you get your Alter form? Is it invisibility?”

“What? No, I mean, when you look in my eyes, do you see me?” I pleaded. She rubbed her hand along my cheek.

“You look tired,” she responded in a strained voice. I dropped my eyes. Yeah, that was right, at least. “Now, where were you last night?”

“I was at a friend’s house,” I replied despondently.

“Gavin,” she pressed further.

“I was at a friend’s house, Mom,” I repeated myself. “Just stayed out too late, thought I’d stay over.”

“Who is this friend?”

“Their name is Cass, just a friend from school.”

“Oh, from the academy. This wasn’t a girl, was it?” I debated whether telling her that Cass was a girl was a good idea because I knew she would wind herself up further if she knew I stayed at a girl’s house, however I couldn’t bring myself to lie and disgrace Cass by calling her a boy.

“Y-yes, it was a girl’s house,” I admitted.

“Gavin!” She exclaimed. “Why didn’t you tell me? Do her parents know? Do you have a relationship with this girl?”

“What? No, we’re just friends! Her dad was there the whole time, we didn’t do anything I promise,” I shouted. She sniffed the air around me, but thankfully didn’t focus on my bag.

“Where you drinking last night, young man?” she demanded.

“N-no!” I lied, the abruptness of her accusation caught me off guard, causing me to hesitate with my answer. To my suprise, she smiled.

“You did! Was that why you stayed at your friend’s last night?”

“We-- uh, yes?” I replied. That wasn’t the whole truth, but it was enough, wasn’t it?

“Well, while I can’t officially condone underage drinking, I’m glad you were safe about it. You were safe about it, right honey?” She shot me a piercing glare.

“Y-yeah. I was safe about it.”

“"Good!" she said. Her tone shifted to the quiet excitement of someone sharing a juicy story. “That reminds me, last night some drunk girl walked in through the back door. She seemed to know where our Hide-A-Key was, so I moved it.”

“Oh, really?” I tried to convey surprise, but I wasn’t sure if it was actually convincing.

“Yeah, her hair was pretty bright orange, more so than ours, actually. Do you know her?” She turned her head ever so slightly to the side and her tone became slightly harsh. Almost like she expected a certain answer out of me.

“No,” I replied. “I don’t know of anyone like that.” She nodded and got up from the couch.

“Gabrielle,” she said slowly, causing me to flinch. Did she know? My palms began to grow cold and clammy as I raked them over my jeans. She pulled out a receipt paper from her pocket. “That was her name, I take it. When I saw this receipt she dropped she got all spooked and up and ran out of the house.” She held the paper up for me to see it. That pit-stop seemed like forever ago now.

“N-no, don’t recognize the name, Mom,” I continued.

“Well, regardless, I’ll be keeping an eye out for her,” she sighed and placed a hand on my shoulder. “Called me mom and everything. Poor girl, must be lost.”

“Huh.”

She turned back towards me and held out her hand.

“What?” I replied.

“Phone, now,” she demanded softly. “You didn’t tell me what you were doing and stayed out past your curfew. You’re grounded for a week.”

“What?”

“You heard me.” Looking at my options, I saw that I didn’t have much of an alternative and had, in fact, gotten off relatively easy. I obliged and handed over my phone.

“Oh,” her expression lightened for a second, “I spoke with your Aunt Maggie this morning.”

My brow furrowed. Aunt Maggie was an Alter like me, though she was usually off on some grand adventure around the world so Mom and herself didn’t talk much. “Has she landed in New Zealand yet?” I asked.

“Yeah, she made it a few days ago, but she’s going to make arrangements to head back this way soon. She said she wanted to see you,” Mom smiled.

“Me? Why?” I wondered.

“Because you’re in Alter Academy now, she wants to congratulate you in person, honey,” Mom replied. That didn’t sound completely right, Aunt Maggie had called me back when we found out I was an Alter, but she’d made no mention of coming back to the States over it. Guess she had a change of heart, or as she had put it in the past, “The scenery didn’t agree with me.”

“Now get upstairs,” she patted my backpack a few times gently, which spooked me enough to rise from the couch and wander towards the stairs. “I’m making your favorite dinner tonight, chicken and dumplings.” I nodded eagerly, made my way up the stairs and closed the door to my room. It seemed that, for the most part, I was off the hook. However, even as I set my bag down on the ground I caught myself replaying something in my mind.

“Gabrielle,” she’d said, her tone soft but full of such conviction. I curled up on my bed as I replayed her saying that name over and over, a smile growing on my face each time. Maybe one day it’d be the only name I’d hear.