“And that’s how I became what I am And… and you never left my side, did you?” I asked, my voice creaking under the threat of tears; my hand caressing Skoll’s cheek as his head lay in my lap, his eyes closed and his last breath long since drawn.

My breath hitched as I pulled his head closer to my chest, “No… you didn’t. Even when my mind was broken you stayed… nearly 200 years of mindlessness and you stayed…”

I sniffled and held him tighter to my chest, fighting against the tears that I have shed for so long. For over five centuries he stayed by my side, from the day I met him, and he saw me through the worst. From the death of Sigurd to my self-induced madness from when I took on two primordial energies within my body to seeing what had become of…

“He truly was a good boy,” my thoughts were interrupted by Apollyon’s soft voice from over my shoulder. I looked behind to see the beautiful green eyes I had created.

My lips pursed reflexively as my vision distorted with the tears I tried to keep inside, nodding and letting my hand pass over Skoll’s ear once more, “The best boy…”

I had known Skoll’s life was coming to an end… I hadn’t known how old he was when he bonded with me, but we had been together for over five centuries, the only part of my old life I still had… and now he is gone, and I’m so grateful... I lost so much and yet I always had him, he was always there for me… He was content, but was always trying to take care of me even when my mind wasn’t there. From laying on top of me so I didn’t hurt myself as I convulsed, injured as he was from our fight with Apollyon’s brother, cuddling me to keep me warm or even trying to feed me the weird grubs he dug up on Cyrill… I couldn’t have wished for a better companion in life.

He loved hearing our story though. Every time I told it to him he was filled with such pride and happiness and… that is the last thing he heard, when his heart stopped hours before, his heart was filled with pride and... love. It was all I could do for him. I wanted to do so much more but… it was his time… so the least I could do was tell him our story one last time but I couldn’t bring myself to stop when he passed; for him, I had to finish it for it was nothing but a story now, one he has taken with him.

Apollyon placed her hand on my shoulder and I felt her forehead touch the side of my head. I reached up and pulled Apollyon’s head tighter against me trying to feel anything but despair and sadness. I spent two centuries crazed, and on occasion I had moments of lucidity, the rare moments of clarity that were filled with Apollyon trying to explain that I couldn’t contain full essence of two gods. It was in those brief moments, fleeting minutes through the years of madness, that I managed built a body for her, for Apollyon; sacrificing a fraction of my essences and two lifetimes until finally she was able to separate from me and be born anew. It was only with her help that I was able to piece together the fragments of myself and be the master Skoll adored.

I looked to Apollyon as she pulled away, her green eyes sparkling with emotions she still didn’t understand, her red hair caressing her pale face as she looked back at me.

Some could call me selfish given her tone had always been the voice of a male creature within my head, but I lost everything and having lived within my body for so long she was perfectly fine with having one of her own. In truth, we loved each other. Neither of us really knew it until the Beginning threatened to separate us but reflecting back on our years together… we truly did love one another, we always have in our own little way; but now she was the only constant in my life I have left… from what was, to what is and forevermore…

“When is it gone?” I asked as I felt a tear slide down my cheek, “When does the pain go away?”

 Apollyon pursed her lips cautiously as she adjusted the leathery wings on her back; an ode to her previous body I had given her. “I don’t know, I’m still new to this…” she said, her glassy eyes looking to Skoll.

I knew that she didn’t have the answer, but it was more than just Skoll. Everything I had built; my family, my empire, my life, had all come apart in my absence… “All they had to do is behave!” I bit out as the anguish took hold of me again, my fingers pulling Skoll’s fur and lifting him to my face to keep me calm. I made sure the inhuman claws at the end of my fingers didn’t hurt my beloved companion, but hatred burned brightly in my heart. “I laid the foundation, I gave them a literal guide to peace and they couldn’t help themselves,” I growled as I lifted my head.

My disappearance caused many problems, especially with the rise of cults viewing me as a goddess who ascended… how right they were… but my daughters; my beautiful daughters and my wonderful wife did an amazing job at maintaining the peace I promised. They accomplished would I couldn’t and I missed it all… and I couldn’t be more proud of them… but I wasn’t there to see my sweet Arahan get married and rule in my stead with such efficiency, just as I expected her to, to hold the grandchildren she had given life to, or to see my darling Naestra crush the rebellions my disappearance stirred or campaign against the rising cults and protect our people. Mo’Emori, my beloved wife, had been the pillar of strength she had always been. Though she set the Inquisition to task trying to find me, she never lost focus and did everything she could to support our daughters and grandchildren, to keep my dream alive…

But it wasn’t all good, Nora had spiraled into a terminal depression that consumed her life at the bottom of a bottle long before I could save her… her heart broke just like the promise I made to her, and that broke me, and I couldn’t return; I knew that I couldn’t but seeing the peace that remained gave me a pathetic excuse to keep away. I had decided to leave; to explore the galaxy and beyond… I ran, that is what I did.

Peace reigned for half a life time from when I regained myself and left in shame… but like every promise I made, that peace finally broke and here I returned a century later to find my galaxy, my empire, at war once again. For over two centuries war ravaged my people, again!

I cried for so long, wallowing in self pity as I traveled the stars in search of the life I missed, only to cry over the graves of the people I had promised to protect.

It had been slow; a secret war fought in the darkest depths of the galaxy stoically defended against by descendants I never knew existed, but eventually one cult grew too large to contain and chaos began to spread like a plague across my home.

I should be proud that my people, each species I considered my own, had banded together to fight but all it did was fill me with anger as eventually they began to break. The Marmuro’k were the first to abandon the fight as more and more switched sides with the promise of my return through bloodshed. That was the creed of this cult, but I refused to give into my anger and give them exactly what they wanted. Apollyon naturally wanted me to go but I had already failed… there wasn’t a point anymore.

I did however visit Lakai. He was the only one to see me since my return to sanity because I wanted to know why they had abandoned our people… the moment I stepped out of the shadows though he looked at me and simply nodded. I didn’t have to ask and he didn’t have to answer because I knew the answer already. He had said it a long time ago, I was darkness, and darkness I was.

The cult gained more and more ground and my people were pushed back, and all I could do was stand aside and watch…

“I didn’t want this…” I cried, giving myself the last moment of sadness I would allow myself. I truly didn’t want to be immortal, no one should. Immortality was something that had always been glamorized throughout history but the truth of it is immortality is a curse, especially upon the shoulders of a deity. There was no way I could navigate my old life, no way I could’ve stayed. My life was forfeit the moment I made our deal…

Apollyon pulled back and sat back on her legs. I could feel her head hang low and the sense of regret welling inside her. “I know, I’m sorry, Mori…”

It wasn’t a lie. Apollyon had explained to me some three centuries ago when we started our journey through the stars that it was never her intention though it was a possibility. Humanity, as she put it, was an anomaly that shouldn’t have existed. Why it existed we didn’t know but what she knew was that I was special… new to humanity, a mutation or evolution, even. As she said, I probably wasn’t the only human capable of the things I had done harnessing the essence of destruction, but I was the first to survive adorning the mantle.

It didn’t matter anymore though. I outlived my family… my daughters, my wife, who had all made it to old age; but Nora drank herself to death, Xol-Clarke died protecting my great, great grandchild from an assassin, Yekku… I never found out what happened to him…

“It doesn’t matter anymore,” I said, wiping my eyes. With a deep breath I centered myself and gently lifted Skoll’s head off my lap and set him on the cold, white ground. The wind picked up once again, the dull pressure of lacerating gales bouncing off the dome of energy I created hours ago.

Apollyon shifted uncomfortably as I stood up and stared down at my departed companion. She wanted to comfort me but didn’t know how, I could feel it clear as day but that was okay. She was once the embodiment of rage and death, despair wasn’t something she understood, so I didn’t hold it against her. With a raised hand, crimson and emerald energy swirled and the ground beneath Skoll opened up, pulling him below the surface before it sealed back up and settled into a subtle mound of colorless dirt. With a twist of my hand I commanded the world to bend to my will and a stone erected beside my friend’s burial mound. It was too soon, but it was also far too late. I couldn’t shed any more tears.

I shifted my eyes and took in the stones around me; Naestra, Arahan, Mo’Emori, Nora, Xol-Clarke, my mother, and other members of my family I didn’t get to know… and now Skoll. In the center was the weathered greatsword of Sigurd and behind it was a great obelisk I had created. I glanced at the sword… the things he would say now… I approached the obelisk placing my clawed hand upon the cold marbled surface; crimson energy coursed through me and carved an imprint of my hand upon it followed by a ring of thorns. It was my symbol, for the good I had done came the harm with it.

“What are you going to do now?” Apollyon asked, her curiosity bleeding through the meekness of her feminine voice.

I remained quiet for a moment as I stared at the imprint. It truly was an epitome of my life, idolized within such a simple image. I tried so hard to do good, to bring peace and prosperity to those around me because they deserved to live happily but in my wake was death… it was chaos and carnage that followed me, undoing everything I had ever done. I didn’t want it, I never did but it was a part of me, a part of existence. Existence was nothing but an incomprehensible series of cause and effect and this was my fate now.

“I’m going to finish what I started,” I stated firmly as I turned on my heels and made my way into the distance. The dome dissipated letting in the biting wind that couldn’t effect either of us. The world howled for a moment as the bitter lifeless world I chose on the furthest edge of my galaxy breathed once more.

For the last 60 years I slowly drew the cosmic energy from the galaxy, slowly stripping the galaxy of the “magic” that my people grew reliant upon. Perhaps that’s why my people began to lose, perhaps not, but it didn’t make a difference.

I spent a long time considering the nature of the species I had once been surrounded by; the Eskarii who had been designed and empowered by my sisters-in-law, the Marmuro’k, who had been designed outside of the natural order of sentient emotion, and then humanity, who was what? Born of Apollyon’s proximity? Natural design? Something else entirely? The only common denominator was that they were influenced by the primordial deities of existence in some way, shape or form… and the one common trait across them all was the penchant for conflict. But was that by design, did intelligence breed discord, or was it born of influence? Were any of my actions of my own will? Or were they always guided by the hidden hand of the universe?

These questions vexed me for so long and I realized my world, my life was for naught. It didn’t matter anymore and the pain I carried, the pain of failing, only hurt more by that because the pain was real, it was mine but now it wasn’t. My life is a story kept safe with the one who appreciated it the most and now… now it was time for me to enact my final plan, my first and last action as the woman I was before and who I am now.

I held my hands out to either side as I took a step forward drawing in all of the energy I had siphoned from my home. I pulled it in and directed it back to where I needed it to be before I twisted my hands and began to spin.

I could feel Apollyon watch with as I flourished the power that was now mine, her eyes filled with curiosity, adoration and wonder as crimson and emerald essence coiled around my body like having the softest of silk drape over and around my body. Once it gathered where I needed it to, I stopped and began to spin the essence in my hands, churning and turning the formless shape into a rotating sphere of unimaginable speed.

My eyes settled upon my galaxy, my home, where I could feel the struggle of my people echo across time. The war was lost, and my legacy had fallen leaving only the ruin of an empire borne of blood, sweat and anger… and with a snap of my fingers, my life erupted with a flash.

The core of the Milky Way galaxy exploded and with it, solar systems erupted in a dazzling display of lights as the wave of energy expanded outward. Stars ignited into novae of iridescent colors as worlds burned, disintegrated or collided into one another. The sky of my unnamed world that served as my family’s final resting place glowed vibrantly with a new form of destruction. Darkness that consumed the light of life. Heh… it was almost as if Lakai knew all along.

“Its beautiful…” Apollyon said in absolute awe as she stepped forward. I turned to see the extravagant display of colors and light reflected in her emerald eyes; she was beautiful and I held out my hand for her to take.

As Amaranthe once asked, we slowly danced under the light of dying worlds. It was nearly poetic, one could even say it was romantic. I wasn’t happy though, nor was I sad. I merely picked up the mantle of who I am now; the goddess of creation and destruction and it was my first act to solidify my place in the universe, and I did it bringing a smile to the one I love.

Worlds died, and countless souls perished with them. Nothing could escape my judgement and once my will was done, the cascade of light dimming to reveal the glinting stardust that had been the Milky Way, I released my beloved partner and turned to the fading light of life. With the powers I had taken, I let the cycle continue, giving life to the core of the galaxy and slowly, stars would be born and worlds would form once again as the black hole took shape once more.

I was tired, but I am me now.

“I can’t believe you did that, I mean,” Apollyon stated excitedly as she caught my arm and helped me keep on my feet, “I mean reversing a black hole with the precise amount of momentum to stop it instantly and release all that energy… that was so… I never would have thought of that!”

“Yeah,” Part of me couldn’t help but snicker. Apollyon was my lover, my rock and the only thing that made me feel at home; yet despite no longer holding the title, she was still the very same creature of destruction she had always been. It was cute.

“But, why?” she asked, clearly confused as I brushed myself off.

I sighed. After all the heart break I felt over the centuries, I understood the question. “Because we were influenced, one way or another. After everything, all the planning and all of the peace, we just couldn’t do it. But I want to know why. Was it you, your siblings or was it just us? Is higher intelligence the cause of conflict and strife or is it something more?”

I gestured to the newly forming galaxy, “Now I can find out. This will be my final creation, a galaxy stripped of our energy, free of our influence. Maybe in a few 100 million years I will come back and see what life has formed; see what it does…”

Apollyon nodded in understanding as she crossed her arms over her chest, “I get it… To be fair, I probably had a lot of influence over it all. But, I guess until then, what do we do? What’s next for the goddess of death?”

I shrugged. I honestly didn’t have a plan. Eventually I would have to pick up where Ruin left off but I didn’t really desire to figure that out just yet. “We could always see what your sisters are up to?”

Apollyon snickered and chuckled to herself, “Oh they are going to piss themselves. You do know they’re your sisters too now right?”

I grimaced at the thought, “Could you not? If anything, they’re my sisters-in-law, otherwise this is just weird.”

Apollyon giggled at the crude implication as she stretched her wings in preparation, holding her hand out and waiting for me to take it in mine. I obliged and mimicked her, listening to the hardened feathers of my wings click together as I flexed them to take the first step into my new life.

And just like that, we took flight to a universe unknown to me. Behind us I left behind my pain, my sorrow and my rage that had dug it’s claws into my soul for so long. My story would lie in a grave of my own making to be nothing more than a fading memory. No longer was I the girl filled with rage and despair, the girl who saw everything wrong in the world and fought to make it right but something far more, something I never expected to become; I am no longer Morrigan, the queen of catastrophe, but creation and death incarnate; the beginning as well as the end who would watch everything in between; I am Morrigan, Goddess of Chaos.