The morning came, and I’d slept fitfully, waking up and not feeling tired. I'd just stare at the ceiling for a time, then fall asleep again. In those moments between sleep, I’d think, wonder, and try to come up with a plan. If I could just come up with an idea. The truth was I didn’t know what to do. Even if I explained everything to everyone we’d likely be treated as enemies. Even if I insisted to their captain that we would head north and heed his warning, he wouldn’t trust us. Even if I tried to convince Kay and Joan that he was telling the truth they would want to see it for themselves.

No matter which way I tried to approach the problem, something always got in the way. I was like an animal locked in a cage, the only option left to me was to gnaw my own foot off. Not that this option was appealing in any case. I didn’t mind a little pain when there was pleasure involved, but I wasn’t a masochist… There was no way!

I noticed Joan had woken, he was looking down at Kay who was still very much asleep. I couldn’t help but feel some strange empathy with him as he watched Kay slumber. His concern was evident, and it felt tangible this morning.

Still, I had a goal… I needed some leverage, maybe if I could just push my corruption a tiny bit further? I glanced at Joan, there was that potential. Kay was still asleep… I considered, and slowly, I inched my way so that I was less on the opposite side of the pole from them. As I did I couldn’t help but let my gaze wander over Kay. She wasn’t really my sister. But for some reason, I’d been trying to avoid hurting her. Was I willing to even try this?

After a few moments watching the gentle rise and fall of her chest, I decided that for whatever reason, I wasn’t willing to destroy what was left of the image of her sister like that. No matter what damage I’d already done… There was some part of me that found their bond to be sacred. Maybe it was some part of me from my former life. Most of what I knew, and felt came from there, though when I tried to think about the why, or the how, I couldn’t.

Some part of me understood that in that sense I would slowly stop being the same person I was right now, I’d gradually gain new experiences. Then I’d base my choices on those instead of the vague shadows in my mind.

But for now, at this exact moment, I remembered Kay’s reactions… I couldn’t do anything more intentionally.

“Joan…” I said after a moment, quite as to not wake Kay.

He glanced over at me, his expression was uncertain. I doubted he trusted me as much as Kay, she was unable to look past her memories. “Yeah?” he asked after a few moments.

I wasn’t really sure what I even wanted to say, I wanted to escape, and I didn’t have any idea of how that was going to go down. But if it did happen, some part of me thought that maybe it would involve the goblins. I very much understood what that would do to Kay. To see her sister dragged away by goblins into the night? Best to prepare for that. “I don’t know what's going to happen from now on… But remember that your job is to protect Kay. Not me.” I could see the confusion building in his expression and I pressed on, “No matter what Kay wants, no matter how much she screams and begs. Protect her, and only her.”

I could see his confusion fade as he gave me a hard look, “What are you expecting?”

“I don’t know… I just have a bad feeling.” It was more a lie than the truth, but I had no other way to explain things, “Don’t go south… Go north, away from everything. Keep Kay safe and find some way to survive.”

The gears in his head turned for a moment, before he asked, “You believe him too?”

I nodded, “Something just tells me he’s not a liar. My gut tells me that you need to make sure you have your priorities straight.”

“You’ve certainly been strange since you’ve arrived here.” he noted.

I shrugged, “I already explained… I don’t remember either of you… Maybe I’m not even the same person anymore… That's fine, I’ll survive somehow. But promise me you won’t let her try to save me. That you will ignore her cries. You’ll take her and go.” I said a bit more firmly.

“If you say so… You’re right, it is my duty to protect her… to help her. Still, I don’t want to see her lose you…” He said conflicted.

“The truth is Joan, she has already lost Meryl. I don’t know who that is, I’ve been going by a different name for a while now.” I explained.

His eyes turned back to Kay, I could see the pain flicker through them as he considered it, and it finally seemed to settle within him. “Right. I think I can trust you on that. Whatever else you’ve been doing, whatever else comes our way, I think some part of you still cares for her. If that's what remains of her sister, telling me what she wants, then that's what I’ll take it as.”

“Thank you.” I said and I shifted back to the other side of the pole. There wasn’t going to be any miraculous moment where I finished my corruption and gained some power. The truth was I did have a bad feeling, and it was that I was going to die before ever seeing those goblins again.

I set my head back down on the ground. The sun was slowly rising as I could see through the little triangles on either side of the roof. I watched the sky change from black to a soft blue. Slowly but surely that blue began to brighten.

I heard the camp coming to life. Likely everyone getting ready for another day. When I’d first come here I had thought that perhaps these humans were somehow setting this camp up to launch an attack southward. When I’d considered the whole elf woman thing I thought maybe they had kidnapped some elvish princess or something. Today however I started to think that maybe these humans had no idea what they were doing.

Why did I think that? It was all Dragon Smith. Originally, I thought he was some hero or warrior that had led men before. However, after seeing his frustration and conflict the night prior, I had a new impression. Devin had told me he was a blacksmith, who had killed a dragon. Why would that even be a thing? Why would you make a blacksmith a captain in your army? It seemed ludicrous, which is why I reached my new conclusion, “He was the strongest man they had.”

He had mentioned their forces being green, I had the initial impression they were actually well disciplined. But then I’d learned of Devin who had tried to use the situation to try and steal from them. Then I’d seduced three archers by accident. They were all putting up a strong front, but the truth was none of them knew what they were doing. They were in the end, very much like me.

Maybe It was a stretch. Maybe I was completely making things up. I wanted to trust my gut, but that kept causing problems too.

In the distance, I heard men practicing.

Maybe I should apologize to their captain? Not like it would do anything. Given the chance, I’d still probably push myself to complete my corruption. Which of course meant seducing nearly anyone I could. Maybe if I could convince him to let me go back to the other cells? If I could then... no, there was virtually no way he was going to let me be alone with a bunch of men again. He didn’t trust me either, so he wasn’t going to… I didn’t get to finish that thought.

A man rushed in abruptly, bow In hand and he glanced at the lot of us on the floor, the room was still dim so it was hard to see everything in detail, but I thought I saw fear in his eyes.

He tossed something to the floor, “Go north. Get out of here.”

Then he charged out of the room before I could even ask a question.

“What?” Kay asked shifting from her slumber.

I reached over patting at the floor, finding what he tossed our way. Holding it up, it was quite obvious, “The key…” Did I know that man? I had to really think for the answer through some fog in my head. But yes, I did know this man. He was the gentle lover from the other day. There were too many little details to consider, but more importantly at this moment, did it matter?

I decided it was time to stop thinking about what I was going to do, and just start doing things. I frantically tried to undo my restraint, after a few moments I handed it over to Joan who seemed skeptical but ready.

I pulled the restraint past my foot while turning to Joan. “Remember what we talked about.” I said to him. Then I rushed out of the room, into the morning light, and froze immediately upon exiting, squinting.

To the south, I saw fire, and what I had thought was practicing was perhaps the sound of actual battle? I didn’t see hardly anyone in the camp. An arrow plunged into the building across from me with an oddly loud thud, it pulled my attention instantly. No sooner than it landed than the dry grass roof erupted into flame.

I really needed to move… I broke into a sprint towards the far side, but as I ran I couldn’t help but remember someone who might not have been so lucky as me. I was pretty sure I knew the way and I rushed off towards the building with the cells. Only faintly I could hear Kay shouting after me, “Meryl!”

I really hope Joan gets her out of here safely.