Chapter 7.2 – Afraid?
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            Since that day he had provoked her, Luo Anhai had a fire burning in her heart and wanted to look for him.  She wanted to take revenge but on seeing him, her mind always flooded with scenes of that intimate encounter with him.  Those obscene intimate scenes became clearer and clearer, day by day, which made her embarrassed and awkward.  Finally, she chose to avoid him.  What the eyes did not see, it was considered clean.

            Han Ding Rui gave her an innocent look   

            "My mother told me to come home for dinner today."

            He knew Luo Anhai was avoiding him.  It was too obvious.  Although they stay in the same place, the two would not meet up and there was no trace of her even in her company.  So when he heard Mei Fang said Luo Anhai would be coming back today, he obediently returned home.  She really did not want to stay in the same room with him and made a move to go upstairs to her own room.  She stood up and unexpectedly Han Ding Rui also stood up.  She stared at him and he lifted his eyebrows in response.  Taking a deep breath, she decided to ignore him and walked towards the staircase.  He followed behind her.

            Luo Anhai closed her eyes, telling herself to ignore the little devil and walked quickly to the third floor to reach her room.  Han Ding Rui walked to the other side of Luo Anhai and went towards his room.

            Holding the door handle, Luo Anhai realized her hand was trembling and when Han Ding Rui walked past her, her heart unconsciously and quietly relaxed.

            Luo Anhai was angry and disappointed with herself for getting so uptight.  She secretly took a deep breath ready to push open the door when a feeling of warmth suddenly close in onto her back.  A burning breath blew next to her ear. 

            "Luo Anhai, what are you afraid of?"  She was taken by surprised.  Her heart tightened and she quickly turned around to push him away. 

            "Han Ding Rui!  What nonsense are you talking?"  She lifted her eyebrows and countered his question.

            "What is your answer?" 

            She was not bothered with him and said.  "Boring, I am not interested to carry on talking to you."   Turning around she opened the door and when she was about to close the door, he suddenly placed his hand on the door and pushed it opened. 

            "What are you doing?"   She stared at him.  If she could beat him she would definitely give him a shoulder flip. 

            Smiling, he looked at her and slowly said.  "You are nervous."

            He leaned down and his black eyes locked with hers.  "Don’t you know that when you are nervous, your eyes tend to wander and when you are afraid, your hands will form into fists?"   He looked at her clenched hands.  "So now you are both nervous and scared."  

            After he made a conclusive statement, his left hand grabbed her right hand to hold it up to his nose and lightly inhaled.  His eyes never left her face. 

            "Luo Anhai, what are you escaping from?"  As if to prove what he said was correct, her little pupils shrunk and she used her strength to push him away.  Stubbornness was shown on her face.

            "Han Ding Rui, I don’t care what you want to say and I don’t have the time to listen to your nonsense."   She forcefully shut the door.  Leaning her back against the door with her eyes closed, she slowly slipped to the ground and hugged her knees close to her body.  Her whole body kept shivering as his words played around her ears…….what are you escaping from?  

            Han Ding Rui had once thought about this matter between Luo Anhai and him before. 

            Ever since he was ten years old, the time when he came into the Luo Family, the haughty fourteen-year-old girl had plainly told him…….she hated him, she was not his sister and told him to stay away from her.  He understood her feelings of disgust for him and certainly would have done the same thing if his family was threatened.

            Besides, Luo Anhai's attitude was much better than he imagined.  At least she never made trouble for his mother and instead had directed all her anger and displeasure at him.  She would not do things on the sly or in secret…….not like the children in the slums who showed their good side on the surface and secretly used underhand methods.

            Therefore, Luo Anhai had always unexpectedly acted boldly and brazenly..……..but later Han Ding Rui understood that making others suffer in secret will rob Luo Anhai of her immense pleasure in openly and blatantly watching others suffer the feelings of helplessness and agitation caused by her.

            In his eyes, Luo Anhai had always been contradictory.

            Although she had always said she hated his mother, she had never hurt his mother.  When in conflict with Uncle Luo and even occasionally disobeying him, most of the time she would only sit quietly and listen to him.  When Uncle Luo told her to do things even if her heart was reluctant, she would do it.  Obviously, she had told him to stay away from her but frequently she would seek him out to provoke him without any intention to hurt and when she became bored, she would just walk off.

            Actually, she did not realize that every time when she turned her back, at that very moment, her eyes would show a glimpse of darkness.  As a child, he did not understand what it was but as he grew older he realized her eyes held sadness.

            Unknowingly it became a habit of Han Ding Rui to observe her.  He found that her every gesture revealed her feelings.  For example, lifting her chin to look at people meant she was trying to be brave.  When she had a domineering look meant she was feeling tensed and her eyes will wander.  When she felt fear, her hands would clench into fists like telling herself not to be afraid……..these small gestures made him feel that Luo Anhai was just like an insecure little lovely girl and his heart ached for her.  Both of them seemed not to have any interaction but all the time, they were concerned about each other.  A layer of hazy uncertainty seemed to be present between the both of them.  No one made the move to pierce through it and he was willing to wait patiently.

            That night, the PUB incident was the last fuse.  The passion of fire had finally pierced through that thin layer of hazy uncertainty.  Han Ding Rui had decided not to wait, no longer willing to let her escape but Luo Anhai is a stubborn woman.

            Han Ding Rui looked at the latest magazine on the table.  The cover featured that stubborn woman with a man in an intimate embrace and that man was the same man who had begged Luo Anhai not to leave him, the infatuated Baker. 

            "Eh?  Han, when did you come to school?"   Angel had just walked into the student union's office and did not expect to see Han Ding Rui.  This guy had not come to school for several days. 

            "Good that you are here, just that I have something……when did you start to get interested in this gossip magazine?" 

            She was surprised to see a gossip magazine on Han Ding Rui's table and she was holding another copy of the same magazine in her hand.  Angel did not wait for his answer and straight away launched into her gossip news. 

            "A woman's heart is like a needle in the vast ocean and the Queen's heart is even more unpredictable!  That time when she left Baker he was so miserable and unexpectedly, now they are together again sweet as honey…….  The magazine also said that these two are getting engaged soon…… Han, is it true?" 

            Real or Fake……regarding this matter, Uncle Luo and his mother had also asked him.

            When Luo Cheng He saw the news he was also surprised at his daughter's engagement.  When he called Luo Anhai, her phone was switched off.  Since Han Ding Rui and Luo Anhai were staying together he had asked Mei Fang to call Han Ding Rui to ask.  They could not get any information from Han Ding Rui since he had nothing to tell the two old folks.

            Luo Anhai did not return home these days nor did she go to the office.  Her phone was switched off and even her company staff were unable to locate her.  Probably only the paparazzi would know her whereabouts and Han Ding Rui was certain she was hiding from him and did not expect she would put on an act like this. 

            Looking at the man and woman on the magazine cover embracing each other, he did not answer Angel's question but instead asked her.  "Is today your father's birthday?"

            The Hunter Family and Diane Family were business partners and if Angel's father was hosting a birthday celebration then Baker would definitely be going and Luo Anhai as his companion would also make an appearance.  Angel was easily led to a different topic by Han Ding Rui.

            "Oh yes, I almost forgot.  I just wanted to talk to you on this matter."   She placed the palms of her hands together and begged him. 

            "Han, please be my partner tonight!  Otherwise, my grandfather will take the opportunity to introduce men to me.  It’s bothersome!  I have been a shield to you for so long, now is the time you return the favor, ok?" 

            If he did not agree, she would pester him until he agrees but unexpectedly, Han Ding Rui not only agreed but also agreed with a smile.

            "Of course, it is my honor."   Angel's request fell right into Han Ding Rui's palms.  His eyes rested on the cover of the magazine and there was a dangerous glint in his eyes. 

            I want to see how you are going to hide!

 

            Luo Anhai did not expect to see Han Ding Rui at the party.  He had always been low-key and never attended any banquets but when she saw the little girl Angel hanging onto his arm, she understood.  She had forgotten Han Ding Rui's little girlfriend was the only daughter of Diane Family. 

            Han Ding Rui also saw Luo Anhai.  When she entered the banquet hall, everyone's attention was focused on her. 

            She was elegant with meticulous makeup and her light chestnut hair was half-rolled up into a bun which revealed her beautiful sexy white jade neck.   She wore a sweet, sexy silvery coffee-colored strapless gown with sapphire earrings dangling from her ears which gently shook against her cheeks and a waistband outlined her attractive perfect curves.  Under the blooming flowery dress was a pair of beautiful symmetry of long legs and her favorite seven-inch Mary Jane pair of shoes.  She wore very little jewelry with only a sapphire on her white slender neck.  Although she was not the most beautifully dressed, her noble posture and arrogant air made other women pale against her.

            "Wow!"  Angel whispered into Han Ding Rui's ear, her tone full of worship.  "A Queen's entrance is definitely not the same…….Come, let's go and greet the Queen!"   Han Ding Rui smiled and put his arm around Angel's waist.  They walked towards Luo Anhai. 

            When Luo Anhai saw them coming toward her, her body suddenly stiffened and had a sudden impulse to turn and flee.  But she exercised control and straightened her back.  Proudly she tilted her chin and looked coldly at the people coming toward her.

            "What is the matter?"  Aware of the stiffness of her body, Baker looked down at her with tender, affectionate eyes.  Even though Luo Anhai had cruelly left him before he still did not give up.

            Luo Anhai had clearly told him that she would not fall in love with him but he still persisted and stuck around her thinking that as long as he perseveres she may be moved by him.  Luo Anhai ignored Baker's questioning looks and stared in front of her.  Baker followed her line of sight and saw the host's daughter pulling an oriental looking young man with handsome facial features showing cold temperament.  He was wearing a hand-sewn black suit faintly revealing a sense of temptation.

            When the young man made his appearance, the women in the banquet hall could not help but look at him trying to guess the identity of the young man who was so intimate with the host's daughter, Angel.  Baker had not seen Han Ding Rui before and seeing him with Angel, he had thought that he was Angel's boyfriend.  But Baker felt threatened when he saw the way Han Ding Rui was looking at Luo Anhai and unconsciously hugged Luo Anhai's waist protectively.

            "Hi, Baker!"  Angel greeted him.

            Angel was shocked when Han Ding Rui gave her waist a light push and immediately understood his intentions.  Although she did not know the reason, she still smiled towards Baker. 

            "Baker, can I have this dance with you?"   

            "This………"  Baker hesitated.   He looked at Han Ding Rui and worriedly glanced towards Luo Anhai.  Angel stared at Baker with irritation and said. 

            "What are you worried about?  Han is Miss Luo's brother!"

            Everyone was surprised when they heard this and looked at Han Ding Rui.  So this young man was the rumored brother who was not on good terms with Luo Anhai.  Baker was shocked.  Without waiting for his reaction Angel pulled Baker onto the dance floor. 

            As soon as the two people walked away, Han Ding Rui immediately stretched out his hand towards Luo Anhai.  "May I have this dance…Sister?"  He specifically gave great emphasis on the last word.

            Luo Anhai stared at him and wanted to turn away to leave the banquet hall but they were surrounded by people who were staring at them.  She did not want to lose face in front of these people neither did she intend to give them an opportunity to gossip. 

            Han Ding Rui smiled and lifted his eyebrows.

            Luo Anhai stretched out her hand and he grabbed her hand in his.  With a sudden a sharp pull, she fell into his arms.  "Han Ding Rui!"  She gritted her teeth, lifted her eyes and glared at him. 

            He put his arms tightly around her waist pulling her against his body and lowered his head.  Then he said softly in her ears.  "Caught you!"

            The heat in her ears made her trembled.  She wanted to retreat but Han Ding Rui tightened his arms and she was held more tightly against him without giving her an opportunity to withdraw. 

            "Han Ding Rui, you……."

            "Shssh!…...  There are a lot of people looking at us.  Are you sure you want to continue struggling to disgrace yourself?"  Han Ding Rui knew Luo Ahnai would not like to lose face in front of others and she immediately stopped her actions.  Han Ding Rui hugged her tightly and began to dance forcing her to dance along with him.  His big, strong arms embraced her waist tightly and their bodies glued together as they glided across the dance floor. 

            She could feel the surprise mirrored in everyone's eyes…….what is his intention?

            Suppressing the panic in her heart, Luo Anhai was forced to look at him and she whispered.  "What do you want to do?”

            "What about you?  When will you stop running?"  Han Ding Rui asked.  Immediately Luo Anhai refuted.  "Who is running……?"   

            "Then, who is the one not going home these few days?"  He asked.

            Luo Anhai proudly tilted her chin and retorted.  "You have no right to control me.  It is my business whether I go home or not."

            Han Ding Rui knew she was trying to appear brave and putting on a false front…….

            "I know you are hiding from me, don’t deny it."   He did not give her the opportunity to refute and his eyes locked with hers.

            "Luo Anhai, when are you willing to be honest with yourself?  What are you afraid of?  You know the more you fear, the more you are telling me the fact that you like……"

            *Pa*…….a slap interrupted Han Ding Rui's words.

            Everyone looked at both of them in shock.

            Luo Anhai clenched her hands and stared angrily at Han Ding Rui.  Her body trembled, ignoring the stunned gazes, she turned around and walked away from the banquet.

            She walked very fast as if trying to escape and she clenched her right hand still feeling the pain on her hand from the slap she gave him.  She closed her eyes. 

            Han Ding Rui's words were like arrows that stabbed deep into the part of her heart that was kept locked.  The thoughts she did not dare to think, the lock that she did not dare to touch and at this moment was brutally forced open.

            She did not want to hear, she did not want to listen, she just wanted to escape but suddenly she felt a wave of force coming from behind her.  Then she felt herself being lifted up. 

            "Ah!"  Luo Anhai screamed.  "Han Ding Rui, you!……"  She had not even finished speaking and she was roughly bundled into the car.  She wanted to get off but immediately the car was locked. 

            "Open the car door!  Let me out!"  She roared at Han Ding Rui but she was ignored.  He responded by putting the car on full throttle!

            Han Ding Rui drove the car to Luo Anhai's residence.  All the way, Luo Anhai was cursing until she was so tired and eventually she kept quiet.  Finally, she was dragged into the living room by Han Ding Rui.

            The lights in the room were not turned on.  Only the faint lights from outside the window trickled into the dark room.  The two stood facing each other in silence……in the darkness.

            Han Ding Rui went to the bar and poured a glass of water and then walked to Luo Anhai's side.  He handed the glass of water to her and said.  "Thirsty?  Drink this."

            Luo Anhai took the glass from him and splashed him the water on him before throwing the glass directly in his face.

            When she heard the glass hitting his forehead, her heart tightened and then she heard the sound of glass shattering when it landed on the ground.

            Han Ding Rui endured the pain and asked.  "Still angry?  If not, you can hit this side as well."

            He raised his right cheek at her and Luo Anhai slapped him hard on his cheek leaving another palm impression on his face.  But it was not enough for her.  She simply pounced on him, kicked and hit him but Han Ding Rui did not retaliate nor avoided her blows.  He let her rained her blows on him, enduring the pain and he kept silent.

            Luo Anhai wanted to vent out all the anger inside her, using all her strength, pouring out all her anger, her dissatisfaction and the unspeakable grievances in her.  All these pent-up feelings poured out through her fists…….. hitting this hateful bastard! 

            Why?  Why did he force her?  Why say all those things to her?!

            "Han Din Rui, you bastard!  Why are you doing this to me?  Why?  You don’t understand anything!  You don’t know anything!  Why are you forcing me?!"   She shouted at him and cried pitifully then she pushed him away. 

            "Go away!  Get away from me!"

            Han Ding Rui did not move, firmly stood in his place and his dark deep eyes tightly locked on her. 

            That look in his eyes made Luo Anhai crazy…….those eyes were so familiar just like the man in her memory……..that foolish man had always used this look to gaze at her photo…….

            "You are not allowed to look at me like this!   Not allowed!  Not allowed!"  She roughly grabbed hold of his collar and bit hard on his neck.  She bit hard, her teeth sunk into his flesh, she tasted the rusty taste of his blood and was not willing to let go as hot tears filled up her eyes.  She tried to hold back her tears, fought hard to hold her tears as if letting her tears fall would be admitting to……..

            She had resisted……  She had refused to admit……..

            Han Ding Rui was silent, not speaking, quietly feeling with his heart.  He could feel her body trembling, he listened to her rapid breathing and knew that she was trying to hold back her tears……really so stubborn……..so stubborn…. ..  

            Does she know there is a person whose heart ached for her, distressed for her and was willing to do everything for her……. guard her……protect her……    

            "Shssh…..  Don’t cry…….  I'm here…...  I'm right here….."   His voice was very light, very soft like a feather and he gently embraced her.  "I will not leave.  I will not abandon you.  I will stay here."

            Luo Anhai opened her eyes, her eyelashes gently trembled.  After a long time…..the tears in her eyes began to fall.  One after another, slipping onto Han Ding Rui's shoulder, scalding his heart.

            Han Ding Rui felt his whole heart go soft.  Perhaps he had been waiting for this moment, waiting for her to be willing to cry……. instead of crying so pitifully in her sleep.

            There are too many secrets in her heart and he wanted to open them, one by one, so that she need not always be on guard. 

            And if she feels sad, she can really let herself cry without the need to hold back.

            "I like you, Luo Anhai……"   Whispering his confession in the darkness, it went straight into Luo Anhai's heart.  "You forbid me to love you but it's too late."  

            A long, long time ago……when he was unable to take his eyes off her, it was already too late.  "Luo Anhai, can you let me love you?"

            Luo Anhai closed her eyes, letting her tears flow.  She had never understood herself.  Why in this lifetime, she had wanted to be good to her father.  She could not forget her father standing in front of her grave, so grief-stricken and haggard but again she still did not know how to get along with him. 

            Perhaps, her heart still held resentment against her father and Han Ding Rui……she had always hated him, hated him for taking away her father's love, hated him and his mother for snatching away her home, she hated him so much……..and she thought he felt the same about her. 

            Between them, they should only feel hate but after her death, every night he wandered into her room holding her photo in loneliness.  

            On her birthday, every year he would buy her a cake and sing her a birthday song.  Lying alone on her bed with his eyes wide open until dawn, day and night…….she did not understand. 

            Why did he love her?  The hatred in her heart slowly turned into ignorance and then slowly turned into heartache.  She did not want him to be like this, she really did not want it this way!

            Love……but she had never needed love!

            Love will only make people go mad just like her mad mother.  She was mad for a lifetime but was only clear-headed just before her death.  Holding her hand, her mother had cried and told her…… never believe in love.  Love will only bring heartache just as it did for her.

            She remembered her mother's advice, so she did not love anyone.  Look, her mother's words were correct.  Look at Han Ding Rui, he suffered so much pain for love…..so pathetic and so sad.  Even as he lay dying, he still held on to her photo.  What was the use of her photo?  She would not respond to him, would not…….even if there is another lifetime, it would still be the same.  She would not love him, she only wanted him to hate her! 

            It should be like this……he should hate her.

            But does she really want him to hate her?   She really does not want his love?

            'Luo Anhai, what are you escaping from?'…...that day, he had asked her.  That pair of eyes looked at her as if seeing through her.

            What is she escaping from?……Luo Anhai thought of the tears she shed in front of his grave, thinking about her heartache and her dissatisfaction.

            Her heart ached for his foolishness.  Unwilling…..unwilling because she had no way of responding to him.  All this time, she had been afraid to admit that whatever hatred she felt for him had long ago been dissipated due to his foolishness.  She had said he was a fool, those two words did not make any impact on him but her mother's advice made her afraid and she could not easily believe in love.  So, she pretended that love did not exist and she ignored the tensed feelings between both of them.

            She knew that he loved her and this feeling between them had been in existence for a long time but she feigned ignorance.

            Just as she had obviously ignored him but had always deliberately provoked him, wanting him to look at her, wanting him not to forget her presence.

            That man used his foolishness to imprint himself into her heart so that even if she re-lived this life, even if she was afraid to love, even if her mouth was annoying but still missed his foolishness.  His love had secretly attached itself to her heart but she dared not admit.  She tried to escape, tried to hide, guarded herself in front of him but she was afraid he would really turn and leave. 

            But when he was near, she felt scared and fled.  It was now, step by step he was forcing her, no longer letting her escape. 

            And now, she was tired from fleeing…… perhaps her heart no longer wanted to escape……she wanted to love and to be loved.

            They were constantly torturing each other, one would advance while the other would retreat and they were clinging to that, neither one was willing to let go…….in fact, she had been afraid to let him go.  She thought, maybe Heaven had given her another chance to live in order to love him, in order not to let him down……. Luo Anhai loosened her bite on his neck. 

            "Not biting anymore?"

            Luo Anhai did not speak, lowering her eyes her hands still clutching his collar, her body trembled.    She wanted to laugh at the taste of blood in her mouth and this person had so foolishly let her bite.

            "What?"  Han Ding Rui prompted.  Luo Anhai did not answer him but instead pulled his head down and lifting her head, she bit his lips.  Her tears slid down the corner of her eyes…….

            Fool!……..she will not flee anymore........

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