"Aww, did my blushing bride get an ouchie on our honeymoon?" asked a warm feminine voice.

Blackthorne popped up and looked around. "Ass-grabber? Is that you?"

The invisible voice giggled loudly then made a clucking sound with what no doubt amounted to an invisible tongue. "I have a name you know."

"What is it?" asked Blackthorne while he scanned the area. He blinked his reptilian eyes when he realized that he could sense a vaguely feminine shape nearby. She was hazy, indistinct, but definitely some sort of woman like thing.

"A secret..." she said with another giggle. The indistinct woman hopped up and down then moved what appeared to be a blurred arm up to her equally blurred face. Vaguely, he got the sense that she had placed two fingers over her right eye.

"No. Wait! Let me try that again." The silly creature bent forward, her recognizably feminine assets swaying heavily, and made a gesture with her hand reminiscent of someone waggling their finger slowly. "That's a secret!"

"Oh yes. That was so much better," she said with a laugh.

"You... sound familiar," said Blackthorne. Something about her voice and mannerisms reminded him of someone, but every time he thought that he had figured it out something happened that made the name slip from his thoughts.

"Do I?" she asked in a perky manner.

The vaguely human form straightened then turned sideways and crossed her hands at the small of her back. She looked straight up into the air then took a deep breath. "I thought you'd never make it this far... I've been waiting for you, you know."

"You've been waiting for me?" he asked curiously. "What if I didn't come to this plateau?"

She laughed then turned toward him. "Not literally right here, you silly little dragon cutie."

A soft sigh escaped her lips. "I've been waiting far, far, longer than that..."

"What do you mean?" he asked. Blackthorne rose up from his slumped over position and waddled over to her general location. The closer he came to her, the more indistinct she appeared in his vision. Her rainbow fire and sound pattern merged evermore with the world around her.

"That too... is a secret," she said softly.

He got the general impression that she rocked back on her heels while also leaning forward in his direction. "You have no idea how glad I am that you were able to follow the clues that led you here... though the form you've taken is... not really one that makes sense."

"My form doesn't make sense?" he asked her.

"Well, it's not on the list. You know?" she asked him.

"What? It was listed..." said Blackthorne.

"Dragons aren't supposed to be on the list, but somehow it was up there. I'm sure there will be an inquiry, but it's clear that neither you nor I did anything to make it happen..." she said in a curious tone, "Enough about that, though..."

She disappeared from his view. Suddenly, he felt powerful yet feminine arms lift him up and swing him around. "Oh, my darling bride! We're married! How many cute little lizard babies will you give me?"

"Release me, ass-grabber!" snarked Blackthorne as he flailed his body around. "I'm injured you know!"

She squeezed him to her indistinct breast and danced around a little. "Can't blame a goddess for being happy to see her bride, can you?" she asked with a happy laugh.

Blackthorne tried to bite the hand holding him, but she merely giggled then stroked the back of his head. "Now. Now. My darling. There's no need to fuss on our honeymoon..."

He growled at her and she burst into laughter. "That's so adorable!"

His growl turned into a groan and she laughed again, as that was even more adorable. Blackthorne continued to fuss until she relented and put him down.

"I am no one's bride, and I'm not adorable!" said Blackthorne with a stomp of his back leg. He crossed his forelegs over his chest and made a loud *Hmph!*

Her hand rose to approximately where her lips should be. A slightly glittering light came from where her eyes should be. Suddenly, a loud squeaking squeal sort of noise escape her approximate lips. "Eee! That's too much! My heart can't stand it."

Blackthorne sighed loudly then fell to the ground in a huff. "What do you even want, you damned ass-grabber?"

"I'm just checking on my cute little bride. That's all," she said lightly.

The indistinct goddess sat down next to him then lightly began to stroke the back of his neck. "I've missed you."

"You don't even know me," groused Blackthorne.

"I've known you longer than you've known you," she said in retort.

He looked toward her general location. "What's that?"

"Nothing I can talk about now, I'm afraid..." she said softly. In a tone that sounded surprisingly shy, she asked "But can I please have this moment?"

Blackthorne grunted, but let her stroke the back of his neck. It did not feel bad, and he wasn't going anywhere anyway.

A few minutes later he became surly again. "Stop calling me your bride. I'm a man, you know."

She raised up a finger then swung it through the air. "You're a dragon, actually," she said in a tone reminiscent of a professor correcting a student.

"I'm a man dragon," he countered.

"A hatchling, actually!" she counter-countered.

He snorted at her then acquired a parody of a smile. "Then, since you're claiming to be married to me... that makes you a pedophile."

His smile left him the moment the final word left his scaly lips. His entire body shivered as he realized what he said. That was nothing to laugh about.

She patted him on the back and replied, "I prefer lolidragon bride appreciator."

"Lolidra—" Blackthorne hopped up and flailed his little paws around. "No. No..."

The goddess laughed sweetly then nodded her indistinct head. "Yep!"

"I'm a man dammit!" snarled Blackthorne as he sat up on his hind-legs. He emphasized his point by spreading open his forelegs and stubby wings to show her all of his masculine glory.

"Aw! My lolidragon bride can't possibly be this cute!" she squealed excitedly. She moved to pick him up again.

Blackthorne hopped back from her then crossed one foreleg over his chest and stuck up one digit on his other hand. "No means no."

She blew out an exasperated breath then sighed. "So cruel..."

"No. Cruel would be calling you easy," muttered Blackthorne.

"E-easy?" she asked him, shocked. In a hurt tone she asked, "What do you mean by that, Scott?"

"Scott..." he said slowly.

"Yes. Of course, Scott. You think I don't know your true name, you noob? Anyway, what's with calling me easy?" she asked him, the hurt in her voice increasing several times over.

Blackthorne grumbled a little then folded his forelegs over his chest and looked to the side. "You'd marry anyone who completed that ridiculously easy trial, right?"

She took in a sharp intake of breath then sighed. "You really don't get it do you?"

"Get what?" he asked her.

The goddess sighed once more. "You've been taking that test since the moment you set foot in the dream world. I could give you hints, portents, even signs... in the last case an actual sign, but you had to complete all of the requirements on your own."

"What requirements? What do you mean?" he asked her. "All I did was touch a couple of doors."

She sighed at him then raised up a single indistinct digit. "First, you needed the blessing of darkness. I'm the only one who gives it."

She raised another finger. "Second, you had to reach level two."

Blackthorne watched as she raised another finger, "Third you had to prove yourself to the darkness by undertaking a quest in service of the dark goddess. Which is of course, this gorgeous girl you are speaking with at the moment."

"What quest?" he asked, interrupting her finger play.

"You don't remember a certain adorable and precocious little dark elf?" asked the ass-grabber. "She was in need, and prayed to the darkness for help. You were my chosen one."

"What would have happened to her if I didn't find her?" he asked, his eyes narrowing.

The goddess shook her head. "I can only intervene directly in certain ways. I led you there specifically in the hopes that you might help her, because she needed it. Outside of interaction with a chosen champion, I am limited in what I'm allowed to do."

"That's bullshit..." snapped Blackthorne.

"That's the way it is. I can give signs, and portents. I can even visit directly with my chosen. I cannot interfere in the free will of the world, however. Being my bride means you are also an extension of me in the world," she said.

"You really couldn't do anything directly?" he asked her, a sour note in his voice.

"I do have an avatar of my own, of course, but I am limited to mortal means in that form. I'm not even on the same dream world continent as you, yet." The darkness sighed softly then shook her head. "I don't like to see people suffer, but it happens all over the world. There's nothing I can do about it unless I'm physically nearby in mortal form, or call upon my champion. My Scott."

"You say it like there was no way that your champion could be anyone but me," he said slowly.

She nodded to him. "I've always chosen you, Scott."

The goddess sighed softly then drew her legs together and propped her chin atop her knees. "It's just that you never choose me."

"I... Do I know you? It seems like I should," he said.

Rainbow fire trickle down along the indistinct features of her face in a manner akin to tears. "I've just wanted to play with you for so long. Other than my sister, you're the only one who ever made me feel like anyone really cared about me... Not even the rest of my family, though they do seem to care."

"I make you feel that way?" he asked her in confusion. He couldn't recall having ever met her before the dream.

"I don't know why you make me feel that way, but you do." She sighed softly then shook her head a little. "I even took this job as part of my community service because I could get to spend time with you."

Blackthorne drew back a little. In many ways she had just sounded like a heartbroken little girl who'd never had a friend. "I... If I've done something to you, I'm sorry."

She nodded her indistinct head slightly and the twin-trails of rainbow fire sliding down her cheeks began to lessen in intensity. "No. It's not your fault. Not really. You don't know about the yous that are and aren't you, you know?"

"I..." Blackthorne was not sure what to say to that. "I'm not sure I heard that right."

The goddess mumbled softly, "I'm the one who can't get it right."

"What's that?" he asked her.

She shook her head. "I can't really talk about it that much. I'm censured," she said in a pouty tone.

He started to say something then recalled something she had said. "Wait, you're doing community service?"

The goddess giggled sadly. "Yeah, the courts decided that I was at fault for your death. You got better, because of the clean-up but I had to do community service."

"You... killed me? I'm sure I'd remember that." Blackthorne tilted his head to the side. The entire conversation was confusing but this just made it worse.

She laughed. "Well, why would you remember? It was another you. You know?"

"I... just don't know," he said, confused.

The goddess chuckled warmly, her spirits improving. "It happened before I met the you that is you."

"Uh huh..." said Blackthorne, as though that made any sort of sense.

"I was bummed because my sister was hogging you all to herself, meaning the people I loved most weren't playing with me," she said in a pouty tone. "It wasn't fair you know. I was the one who had all the action figures, and posters, but no. You only wanted my sister cuz of the whole part where you met first and were all in love with each other and stuff."

"I... am sorry about that... I guess?" he asked, even more confused. This strangely childish goddess was quite chatty at the moment.

She huffed loudly. The indistinct nature of her face puffed out a little as though she were holding air in her cheeks. "No you're not. You wouldn't even consider an illicit affair with harem shenanigans, because you preferred playing with my sister and she didn't want to share."

The darkness muttered, "Some goddess of love she is... ah but I love her super lots anyway, even if she has monogamy on the brain."