Preface:
Hey everyone! This has been a long time coming! The rewrite of the famous, infamous dungeon core story that wasn't a dungeon core, the story that was supposed to be cute yet turned into grimdark, the story that won the first anniversary competition in ScribbleHub! Alright, it's just a joke — I doubt anyone actually remembers the story LOL — This is a rewrite I wanted to do after rereading the original work, this is what it should've been originally. No pandering to the readers, just pure dark fantasy, a climb out of a hell-hole.
This has some inspiration from Salvos and Kumo desu ga, nani ka? Though at the end of the day it could be said to be fully original aside from a little bit of concept inspiration! Ah, this is chapter 0, though could be considered a mini-prologue! Not super relevant.
Special thanks to night0w1.
Without saying much more. Welcome to:
BROKEN CORE Volume 1:
Escalation Protocol
Waiting was a sickly pleasure.
The new cycle. That waiting time was true exhilaration in his dreaded life of repetitiveness. The dullness of his day by day was truly getting to him. But a new cycle was always a pleasure. With great effort, and consideration, a cycle began every year or two. And every single one in his long life was a highlight. Whether it was the fireworks that came, the disasters, the blessings, or the enemies. Everything was welcome.
So many interesting ones. Every single cycle came with different things, many little joys that drove him to strive harder towards his single goal. He owed it to someone. Peacefulness. A place where everything was deathly quiet— Arlesh, the city of heaven. Or so that was his aim; to rise himself and his city to one that was a heaven for anyone.
A place devoid of violence, devoid of human emotions, devoid of conflict. A perfect society. One that was named after him and carried his legacy. In his own room, everything was controlled, the lavish carpet and ebony desk were nothing more than pleasant eye-candy in his mind.
Arlesh sighed. Fiddling with a sphere on his hands, it was ghastly white and reflected the lights on the ceiling with a flicker of rainbow in its surface. “The cycle begins anew,” He deeply spoke, putting the sphere into his pocket. “And with it, a potential threat, harvest, or blessing.”
He looked at the window in the dead of night. His deep scarlet eyes followed a shadow in the distance, he combed his hair with his hand and smiled. It was all going well, the development plan of the city was progressing better than ever thanks to the talks with the neighboring region. Buildings rose in the darkness thanks to the workers. Though, he felt conflicted.
“There are just too many variables, first the crimson desert’s bitch…” He paused gritting his teeth. “And the new challenger that has arrived.” A dangerous person had made way into his city, one that was too volatile for his liking. And then, there was something else that had caught his attention the very same day.
“People really don’t want this place to flourish, the city's undercurrents have shifted. The escalation protocol…” His deathly pale hand grabbed the sphere again, feeling the mana coursing within its crystalline body. “Will you be a curse and a blessing? Oh, I wonder. Fate is hard to break.”
He turned to look at his desk and at the papers with the reports. It was time to send his guards over, and see how this cycle had turned out.
A curse, a disaster, or a blessing for his town. He couldn’t wait to know. In the end, the outcome was meaningless. Arlesh would triumph in the face of adversity, just like always. Closing his eyes, he played with the mana stone in his pocket.
Now was the time to wait for things to unfurl...
It's back! And with the promise of more of the essence of Leah, I can't wait. Synopsis was just *chef's kiss*, and this chapter 0... a tad confusing, perhaps, but that might just have been due to me trying to fit it in with what I remember of the original version. Besides the confusion, it's interesting.
Was initially thinking the cycle being talked about was the change of eras and whatnot you'd mentioned in the synopsis, but then I saw "cycle began every year or two" and was like "wait, what? Each era lasts for a year or two at most? Or is this some kind of divine realm / system space / whatever that has a different time flow than the main world, so a year or two in this place is a few centuries in the main world?"
Err, hold on, is Arlesh the name of the town she ends up being a collector in in the original? Hmmm... on the one hand, I wanna go reread the original, on the other, I want to be able to read this with as much of a fresh mind as possible, no confusing it for another version.
I think cycle in this context is referring to one's year, rather than grand historical cycles of rise and fall
Hah! Jokes on you, I read all of the old version as it came out and it was f*cking depressing! I mean oh my god is was f*cking sad! The mc never caught a break. She fell down from her home hole and was immediately kidnapped to be enslaved. The entire series was about the mc getting f*cked up without ever getting a happy moment.
Please for the love of all fantasy stories DO NOT go that route this time. Yeah there could be a little bit of tragedy, but please balance that out with enough sweet and happy scenes that you could get a tooth ache.
There needs to be a balance to this kind of story. Think of green life for instance. The mc has a tragic origin story but not long after has a few peaceful chapters to refresh the reader.
Also, the original story was called a dungeon core and yet THERE WAS NO DUNGEON! That had kinda pissed me off when I originally read it. If its gonna be called a "dungeon core" there needs to be a dungeon. Or at least some dungeon building. Perhaps the mc could reabsorb it's broken pieces and use the energy from dungeon building to regrow her core back to its proper shape and size.
Maybe she could be a wandering dungeon. Essentially her humanoid body would simply be a puppet of sorts that the dungeon uses to travel. Let's say that the mc is a "dimensional" dungeon core. Every time the dungeon finds a place to settle down, like a mana rich area. The mc could open a dimensional portal to the dungeon in a safe place within the area, that way she can hunker down and rest for a while before she moves again when she drains the excess mana.
If your gonna have dungeon in the name, then make it a dungeon story. If the mc is not gonna be a dungeon core, then at least have her delve into dungeons as she travels. There was no point in having dungeon in the name if she does not at least visit dungeons in the story.
Maybe you could have the mc absorb the cores of dungeons she visits in order to regrow and/or improve her own core. Maybe even include a leveling system where she can make and gain abilities to improve her life and wellbeing.
This essay has essentially been my thoughts and criticisms of the original story. That and some recommendations of some things that could improve it.
Other then that I hope this story is overall different from the original.
Cough, yeah I've reworked the story to be more true to itself. Whether it is how dungeons actually work, or what they are -- as shown in the synopsis -- or the pacing and issues that came with tone from the previous one. But worth mentioning that this is an unorthodox dungeon story, it's no longer called dungeon core, or dungeon and core in the same sentence even. It's a different concept.
To be honest after re-reading the original, I was audibly sobbing since I couldn't remember anything of it aside from broad strokes. And to be honest, I found myself enjoying it a sh*t ton and rooting for the main character, the kicker? I was rooting for core, and not Leah, Leah felt inconsequential.
In the rewrite Leah should be likeable and not contradictory, basically a new character altogether. It's not a character that wants to die and then doesn't want to. Though I do have to say; the comment is problematic. This story has been built as a dark fantasy in mind, a grimdark story. It's gonna be full of depression with silver linings. But, I do have to say, it has been reworked! It's no longer a bait and switch. Rather, it's true to itself, a true tale of struggle, and eventually sweet bitter victory in its full glory.
Anyway, cut-off point for readers as I mentioned in a different comment is Chpt. 3, but I do have a good story to post in a month or two from now that won't be depressing. Or I hope not anyway.
@Azrie While grimdark is fine, there still needs to be a balance to it. Every depressing story needs to have some moments of something else to balance out the overall story. Yes the story could have mostly sad scenes however every sad scene should have at least another scene of a different type to keep it from going sour.
For instance, let's say Leah gets enslaved (again). Instead of her being a slave for the rest of the story, she could get set free by someone strong that does not care about her not being human. Maybe that person could have encountered similar beings in their travels and had non human allies in the past. They could be a veteran adventurer or the kind old butler of the local duke that noticed her suffering and decided to free her.
Yes the story could be mainly grimdark, however dark stories still need at least a few minor light points every few chapters to keep it from getting stale.
nya
Eh but there is no Rin anymore ? also, I ask but I think I know the answer already, there is no GL anymore ?
Rin is there but if i had to say. Its more like actual romance than anything, at the same time same romance takes a really really long time to happen. Hence not the tag.
@Azrie That’s doesn’t really answer my question, will the romance be GL ?
@TheLord999 If it ever gets there. I suppose there will be GL but it's not tagged since it's gonna take a good 300k words.
@Azrie Ok ? I don’t see why the number of words prevents you from tagging the story as GL (if it’s because it isn’t a main plot there the the GL subplot tag). But in any case if you say that there might be GL, I fine with it .