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The more I wrote, the more I became an attention seeker. 

Sadly, there was no such support, no like, no comment, no discussing, No sillent reader would care about this, No one appreciate it. 

I did feel that Writting was no more than wasting my time.

When I was in that state, I always wondered.

Should I keep writting?

I had done that for sure in the past

Nah, I did more than stopped writting, 

I deletted all my stories' instead. 

The stories' that had had about 100k words.

A story' that easily become top Ten in the web novel category

Degeneration was the last word which  pushed me to end that hobby.

Yeah, I had been degenerated and traumated cuz of bunch crazy, h*rny, and tragedy that would happen in back scene of my own stories.

To the point that I would dreaming about them in my sleep... 

Such nightmare...

So that, I had given up on this and stopped everything.

Only to regret it not far in the future as I found other people claiming my original deleted stories'...

And so, I began to write Another story'.

Sadly, I was not as motivated as before. 

The scene of my previews story' was clearly rembered by my brain... 

But I did want something different... 

Something new and save to be written.

For my own healthy-in-mind


Once again, 

I become an attention seeker...

Hey online stranger! Notice me! 

" ... "

Only sillence I got no matter how much announcement I wrote.

And so I gave up and asked people around. 

Just why did you keep writting?

' cuz it's fun '

' One reader is enough reason for me '

' It can increase my writting skill and sharpness '

' I was bored, so I write '

' writting is better than lose streak '

' to release the scene in my head '

' for work, for future '

' I'm proud of my stories' 

' to stave off my emptiness '

' for reality distraction '

' tying to make the word better '

' it makes me happy '

' I am dreamed...so... '

' it's a way to get a way from the world '

' it's... just a place to be free... '

' Cuz I didn't like unfinished story' '

' I love reading, so that I write '

' the story' not gonna write it self! '

' cuz I can... '

' ... To defy my self, un adulterated self-satisfaction '

' the IRL is too..... '

' I am not good in conversation... '

' either this or dru- '

' so that I wouldn't go insane bcuz of a tragedy personally experienced '

' a hobby of mine '

' So, I can share mine '

And so on....

This Made me thinking back of the first reason I wrote.

For keeping my English skill.

More over, it's alot better than gaming and watching at p*rn.

Moreover... It's a kind of productive.


Sadly, it didn't erase the fact that I was currently wasting my time.