“Louise, is that really you? I can’t believe it.”

Even though I had not heard that voice in years, I would still recognize that bright voice anywhere. I turned my head only to meet the bright appearance that made up 98% of the memories that I fondly look back on from my college days entering my office together with the chief. W-what was she doing here? I couldn’t believe my eyes.

“It seems like you are doing well. I guess this time you will be the one showing me the ropes.”

“Ah, you already know each other, that makes things easier for me. Maggie is our new recruit. I’m counting on you.” The chief said while leaving the two of us together in my office.

“Don’t leave me alone with her!” I screamed internally. Even though I had worshipped her throughout college, confessing to her had always been my biggest regret. She had rejected me and afterward, even though she said we would remain friends, something had definitely changed, and we quickly grew apart. She always would always bring up an excuse when I asked her to meet or did not show up at all. If I had known in advance that would be the outcome, I would never have confessed to her.

Why was she still having such an effect on me? I needed to get myself together.

I did my best to act distant and held out my hand to greet her, but Maggie neglected my hand and immediately hugged me as we used to. As if the ending of our interactions never occurred. I should have pushed her away then and there, but… This was Maggie. The only embrace I ever longed for. I was powerless to stop it, even though I did stop myself to return the hug.

“How have you been doing?” I said with a forced smile on my face. I was having so much trouble keeping my composure. With all the memories returning to me, a part of me just wanted to go home and cry.

To my surprise, Maggie’s face turned all grim and serious to my empty question, before she replied, “I’m fine now.” She took a little pause before adding “Even better now I know that we will be spending our days together again,” before she conjured a new smile on her face.

My heart skipped a beat. The feelings that I had buried deep inside of me, delved under a big pile of hard work and career ambitions clearly hadn’t gone away and they sparked to life spreading a hot feeling in my chest.

Luckily, I had grown up in the meantime. I forced my mind to put a stop to this. I would not let her play me as she did in the past. She knew I’m a lesbian, but I knew she isn’t. Her flirts are just a game to her. I shook my head and took a deep breath. For now, let’s just do what I do best. Let’s just focus on the job.

“I am glad to hear you are so eager to start. Let’s get going, shall we?”

I introduced her to her teammates: Professionally, everything seemed to go smoothly. I knew Maggie was a very good worker. To be honest, I was surprised that I surpassed her, I always imagined her being a bigshot by now. I even heard from an old classmate that she married some top brass lawyer from a good family. So, what on earth was she doing taking a job like this?

“I just need to keep my distance from her, and everything will be fine,” I told myself.

That night, instead of working until late, I took out a bottle of red wine and drank while cursing this whole situation. Why did she need to come back and poke at my old wound? I finally found a place where I was appreciated, and where I could keep myself busy enough so my mind would not think about the past, but it seemed the past caught up with me instead. Fate sure is a cynical bitch that likes to rub salt in our wounds.

Even though the first couple of weeks, I still felt a bit uncomfortable each time I saw Maggie, I kept an emotional distance. I could see she was disappointed, but what did she think? That I would jump into her arms and act as if nothing ever happened? It took a while, but soon our new boundaries were set. Our relationship was a professional one and nothing more. At least that was what I told myself.

---

It wasn’t until a month later when we went for drinks with the team to celebrate a good result that Maggie managed to shake my world again.
During the discussion at the bar, it came to my attention that Maggie had divorced and that she had only recently gotten back on her feet. This job was one of her first steps to get her independence.

Then she casually dropped the line “I was so nervous, but when I found out I would be working for Louise, I saw that as a sign that everything would be okay from now on.”

Those words made me blush. What on earth did she have to say something like that for? Of course, the rest of the team picked up on that. “That’s right! The two of you are old friends, aren’t you? Was Louise always like that?”

“What do you mean by that?” I asked a bit offended. I had picked up on the undertone quite well, but Maggie just answered them like they said nothing wrong and started telling the story of how we used to be. Suddenly I grew nervous. She wasn’t going to out me here in front of the team, was she? My heart was beating like crazy. I looked at Maggie a bit scared, but she just smiled like they did not ask anything special and started telling the story of our college days.

“Maggie used to be quite different than she is now. She wasn’t the strong woman that can handle anything that comes her way like she is today. She used to be quite introverted and shy, and counted on me for help and moral support in social situations all the time, and I loved doting on her. We were inseparable. Our friends often joked around on how the two of us came over as just one person.”

Everyone at the table looked at me in disbelief. Since I wasn’t contradicting anything she was telling, they had no choice but to take it in as facts.
Immediately more questions arose, and Maggie continued her story. Maybe I should have stopped it there, but my curiosity got the better hand of me. I finally got a chance to hear the other side of events that for better or worse shaped my life.

“We lived in the same dorm block. We did everything together. But I was a year ahead of her, and after my graduation, we lost contact. Life can be funny that way. Only one person needs to take a different path and what you took for granted just goes up in thin air. So, I was happy to learn our paths were crossing again.”

“Yeah, I can see that happening. The boss can be like that. If Louise does not need you, she does not call.”

I was relieved she didn’t out me, but at the same time, I was raging mad for what she made up. They were already turning me into the bad guy when she was the one that no longer wanted to have anything to do with me.

I looked her in the eyes and could see her “It’s the best I could come up with on the spot” look.

The rest of the evening I kept mostly to myself while thinking of the old days. Had I really changed that much?

My team was getting drunk while I was still sober since I never drank, and I noticed one of the guys started hitting on Maggie.

I let out an inner sigh. This was the last thing I wanted to bear witness to. Feeling I had no other choice, I picked up my things and got up ready to leave with the excuse of an early meeting. I was almost ready when a hand suddenly stopped me. I looked down and saw Maggie. She looked a bit drunk and was looking at me with pleading eyes. “Could you drop me off? I had a little too much to drink?”

I recognized this move of hers very well. She wanted me to rescue her like in the old days.

I wanted to let her stew in the situation she created herself, but I was still her boss, and she asked the only other woman present for a ride home in front of everyone. The message she was sending out was clear to everyone present. There was no way that I could refuse her request in a socially acceptable way. She was literally forcing my hand.

“Fine. But I am leaving now.”

Maggie looked happy, but I wasn’t. Why could she not keep the comfortable distance we created in these last few weeks? The prospect of sharing a car ride with her was making me really anxious. I could feel my hands trembling slightly, but I did my best to cover it up.

When we were in the car, I put her address into the GPS and in uncomfortable silence, we drove to her place. 10 minutes later, when the car stopped in front of her apartment, Maggie suddenly shouted. “Are you really not going to say anything? Ask me anything about the last years?”

“I think you made it pretty clear that you did not want to have anything to do with me anymore.”

“That’s not…” I could see she was getting emotional. That brought back memories. She never was good with liquor. I decided to interrupt her. “Listen, you had a bit much to drink. Let the past be the past and we’ll see each other tomorrow at work.” I congratulated myself in my head. I thought that sounded pretty responsible.

In response, Maggie brought her face in front of mine. She looked deeply into my eyes. I gulped. Having Maggie in this situation with me was like a dream come true. She closed her eyes and a second later I felt her lips brush my lips.

My first kiss. An experience that I had once hoped to share with Maggie, but not in this way. Even though I hadn’t objected at first and I wanted to indulge in this kiss, I knew better. I knew the alcohol would get the blame and the only one that would be hurt would be me again. So, I gently pushed her back and said “You’re drunk. You should not do anything you’ll regret tomorrow.”

“You’ve become such a reliable adult, Louise,” Maggie said a little disappointed. She got out of the car, I expected her to be mad or offended, but instead, she looked happy. She turned around and said, “So, it’s okay when I am sober?” in a mischievous tone. That irresistible smile of hers was plastered over her face. I shouldn’t let myself get swept away in her rhythm again like in the old days, I knew it would only lead to me getting hurt, but at the same time, I could not resist this forbidden fruit. Maggie was the only person I ever fell in love with. Was she really being serious or was she just playing with me?

“This Saturday at two pm at our old spot,” I said going in against my better judgment.

She looked at me quizzically. “Then…”

“Let’s talk then. That is… if you still mean it when you are sober, and you aren’t too drunk to remember the details.”

“Oh, I’ll remember!” She said smiling. I watched her turn around and wave 3 or 4 more times before she finally entered the front door of her block.

---

Here I was, sitting on the bench next to the statue of a lady that seemed to be looking over the park. This used to be our meeting spot back in our college days when we met in town. “That way we’ll never be alone while waiting.” We used to joke.

I was lost in thoughts thinking about why I ever bothered dressing up for today. Maggie most likely wasn’t even going to show. I looked at the time on my phone. In a minute she would be late, and I could not see her approaching from any side.

It was now ten past two. Even though things were going exactly like I expected them to go, it stung deeply.

Why did she need to come back and stir up my perfectly well-organized life like that? After Maggie, I had given up on romance in favor of my career, and just one word of her had blown up my entire resolve. She was doing the cruelest thing imaginable to me: Giving me hope.

A confusing maelstrom of emotions was getting a hold of me, and as I did not want to be that lone crying woman on a bench in the park, I got up, ready to return home and cry myself to sleep.

As I neared the exit of the park, I heard my name being shouted as Maggie came running from the other side in a panic.

I stopped. She was wearing a pretty dress and had clearly made an effort with her makeup, “I really thought I screwed up and missed you.” She said completely out of breath.

What is this? I wondered while she was rattling some story about why she was late. She actually showed up… What does this mean? I was ready to be hurt and finally close the door to the romantic chapter of my life for good, but she was sticking her foot between that door preventing me to close it.

“Why?” I interrupted her. She looked at me like she did not understand what I was asking. “Why are you here? I was ready to finally let you go for good.” Dammit. The dam burst. I looked at the floor unable to look Maggie in the eyes as tears started to run down my cheeks. I hated myself for being so weak.

Suddenly I felt her arms around me, pulling me in a tight hug.

“Then I am glad I still caught you. I’m really sorry I hurt you. To answer your question let me tell you my story.”

I looked up into her eyes. Those were the same eyes I always wished to look at me, and only me. I didn’t say anything. I just nodded. I should at least hear her out.

We walked back to the bench in silence and sat down. Then, Maggie started talking:

“When I traced back where I went wrong, I realized rejecting you had been one of the biggest mistakes in my life. In those days I thought I wanted to be the perfect daughter, with the perfect husband and the perfect career. I thought that if the picture was perfect, and I did what was expected of me, I would magically become happy.

Even though I realized afterward that I had feelings for you, a lesbian relationship did not fit into the picture, and I always cut everything from the picture that did not fit.”

I could hear Maggie’s voice shaking a bit as she stared into the distance and continued her story.

“I just buried my feelings deep inside me and focused on the picture. I married one of the rising stars from my father’s office and thought I had everything. But I did not feel happy. I started to question my decisions.

Soon, my picture started to fall apart. It might have looked flashy on the outside, but you did not want to take a closer look. I found out my husband was cheating on me while calling me ‘a career move’ to his friends. I quickly became isolated, and when I confronted him, he just laughed at my face. The emotional abuse only became worse after that.”

Maggie now turned her head to face me, “I started to question where I went wrong and what I should have done differently. That was when I remembered the happiest time of my life: the time I spent with you. I resolved myself and decided the picture and everything everyone expected of me could just go to hell. I broke with everything that was tying me down. I left him and my parents cut me off because I shamed them, so I lost my job too. But I did not care. I wanted a chance to regain that happiness, even if the chance of success was small. So, I applied for a job at the firm where you were working.”

My heart was wavering. I could take this as a confession, right?

Then she lowered her head and said “Please forgive me. I was an idiot back then, I realized way too late that I was also in love with you, and I know I hurt you.” Maggie was crying. I could hear by the sound of her voice that she was desperate. She had bet everything on this very moment.

I could not bear to see my precious Maggie damaged like this. The next moment my body moved on its own and my lips brushed hers. I kissed her. After that kiss, I pulled my head back a little and looked into Maggie’s eyes. The tension built up quickly. Again, our lips joined, and our tongues intertwined. Years of tension were being released at this very moment as I felt tears of happiness running down my eyes.

“Let’s never be apart again,” I whispered.