Chapter 26

It’s been a while but I dreamt of the city again. At least I didn’t dream of the cave filled with goblins this time. That one’s particularly unpleasant and I always wake up with tears in my eyes and my body covered with sweat. As I walk down the wide, empty street, there’s no sign of vegetation in sight. Too inefficient, too useless, and if you want to look at flowers or trees, there’s gardens around the city whose sole purpose is to help you do that. This city’s entire purpose is to achieve something greater than what we are now and a sunflower isn’t going to help with that. Isn’t that the whole point of society? It’s our aspiration to improve not only our way of life but also the rest of the world as well. It’s solely for this noblest of intentions that this city was created. This city was designed and built for the pursuit of advancement of the world and all that knowledge, all that technology is kept safe in the cent- 

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I woke up when I looked toward the center of the city. For whatever reason, I always wake up abruptly when I look over there. I don’t even know what’s in the center of the city. All I know is it’s an incredibly important place based on the lingering feelings from my dreams. I don’t know how long I slept. I don’t even know if it’s day or night. Looking over at Kayman, his back is turned to me but I can see him trying to discreetly take something out of a small leather bag and putting it in his mouth, “You motherfucker!” Jumping to my feet, I run over to him and grab his shoulder as hard as I can and turn him around. He stares at me with wide eyes filled with fear and there’s a small bit of jerky stuck to his lips. This motherfucker. Yanking the leather bag out of his hands, I open it and turn it upside down over my mouth, miniscule pieces of jerky falling inside. My mouth instantly waters and I slowly savor the taste, ignoring Kayman’s screams of protest. “You are honestly one of the worst people I’ve ever had the displeasure of meeting in my whole fucking life. Fuck you Kayman.” 

Instead of saying anything in response, he gives me a dirty look and yanks back his bag, carefully searching for any more remnants of meat. I give him a smile back because I made sure to clean that fucking bag before I let him take it back. Reveling in my small victory, I saunter back to my side of the tunnel and I sit back down at my spot.

I don’t know how long we’ve been in this tunnel. I think I’ve slept at least four or five times now. But that’s not a good measure of time. All I’ve done since we got trapped in here is sleep, piss, shit, and then sleep again. I don’t even know how I’m still shitting since I haven’t eaten anything this whole time but I think it has slowed down considerably. When I suggested that both of us try to dig ourselves out of here, Kayman told me the company has procedures for this exact situation and they suggest we move around as little as possible to save our energy and our water. Originally, I believed what he said and kept myself calm but seeing how he lied to me about having food, I’m questioning what I should do. When I asked him about air, he took a look at the collapsed entrance and told me he could see a tiny blue glow on the other side of the collapse. He thinks we’re not completely buried in and there’s a tiny space at the very top of the collapse that can keep us alive as long as we’re not exerting ourselves too much and breathing too heavily. Our water should last for a while as long as we’re drinking it carefully and only a little bit at a time. He believes, based on how violent that earthquake felt, other tunnels must have collapsed too and the company’s working as quickly as they can to get us all out alive. I don’t have much choice but to believe him, I think. No matter what I think of him as a person, like how much of a motherfucker he is, he still has more experience than me in mining. He lied about having food but would I do the same if I was him? I don’t know. I truly don’t. 

…

Time moves like a snail in this tunnel and I might be losing my mind. Sometimes I’m not even sure if I’m awake or asleep because I started dreaming about this tunnel. I dreamt I was sitting exactly where I’m sitting right now, feeling exactly what I’m feeling right now, and seeing Kayman sleeping exactly like how he’s sleeping right now. Then I wake up and I don’t remember when I closed my eyes. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve slept because of this and I’m starting to lose hope that we’ll be saved. But there’s a more urgent problem I’m facing right now and it’s Kayman. He was still pretty normal up until a few sleeping sessions ago. When we were first trapped here, he was talkative and shared his stories to kill his boredom. He told me about his wife and child in the city and how he moved here years ago when the city was still properly governed by Lord Vilfrith, the city lord. He actually had a lot of information regarding the city lord because it was such a huge topic for gossip back then. Lord Vilfrith lost his wife in an assassination attempt by his own brother and after settling accounts with all those involved with blood, he fell into a great depression and has withdrawn from all things pertaining to the city, essentially secluding himself in his manor in the center of the city. Kayman was jovial and energetic when he was gossiping about things like this but he soon stopped talking completely. 

…

I don’t know what happened to him, but a few sleeps ago not only did he completely stop talking, it seems like he doesn’t even acknowledge my existence anymore. When I try to talk with him or get his attention, it’s as if he doesn’t hear or see me at all. It’s beyond weird at this point but it wasn’t until one incident that I started to get worried. I woke up after dreaming about the cave and when I opened my eyes, he was standing above me, holding his pickaxe in his hands. The pickaxe wasn’t raised or anything, and he held it loosely in his hand, dragging it along the ground. But he didn’t say anything when he saw me wake up and just slowly walked back to his side of the tunnel and lied down on his side, with his back to me. From that point on, I kept my pickaxe right next to me even when I slept, just in case. After that incident, Kayman stopped pretending he couldn’t see me anymore and at nearly all times, I could find him staring at me. Not saying a damn thing, just staring at me with a blank look on his face. I need to do something, but what? 

…

Kayman and I stared at each other without blinking once for what seemed like an entire hour and at this point I’ve accepted that neither of us are alright anymore. I thought about killing him a couple of times. It’d be so easy. When he’s sleeping, I could just sneak up on him and drive my pickaxe right into his skull. He wouldn’t feel a thing. I know he’s thinking the same thing, I should do it first. Save us both the pain and heartache. I’d be doing him a favor honestly. I’ve already killed someone and I know how it haunts you, how the guilt tears into you, how you can never forget their face. If I kill him first, he doesn’t need to go through all that, it’d be the kind thing to do. Just do it. I’ll be able to sleep peacefully again when he’s gone. I’ll just tell everyone he attacked me first if I do get out of here. C’mon, do it. You know you want to. 

…

When did I get here and how did I get here? What in the world is happening to me? I’m currently standing above Kayman while he’s asleep with my pickaxe raised high above his head. I can feel my mouth stretching out into a smile and I’m just about to swing down when the blond bandit’s face pops up into my head. He’s still grinning crazily while his bloodied nose trickles blood down his face, staining his teeth red. What would he say right now? He’d be laughing his ass off, telling me to do it. He’d love this. But am I really that different from him? He’s a murderer, I’m a murderer, we’re both murderers. He enjoys killing other people and he gets off on it. But what about the boy? Did I enjoy killing him? No, even now I still feel fucking awful whenever I imagine his face. I thought it would fade over time and I could forget about him but I can’t really do that when I fucking dream about him every other night. Godsdamnit what’s wrong with me? Why the fuck do I dream about his death so much? No one else goes through this shit, right? Wraine probably doesn’t even remember us killing him. The fuck am I doing? I lower the pickaxe in my hand and I walk back to my side of the tunnel, sitting down, I rub my eyes with my fingers. I’m tired. I’m tired and I’m starving. I’m tired and I’m starving and I’m losing my mind. But I’m not killing Kayman. 

I don’t know why the blond bandit’s face popped up in my mind just then. Please don’t let him turn out to be my moral compass. It’s his fault I’m here in the first place. If he didn’t rob us, we wouldn’t need coins to survive in the city, we wouldn’t need to work in these mines to earn coins for swords, and I wouldn’t be here right now. It’s his fault. My hatred for the blond bandit boils and festers inside of me but that’s alright, as long as it’s not Kayman, it’s alright. Everything’s alright and if that blond bandit gets a blade in his back from someone walking past him who looks surprisingly like me, that’s alright too. It’ll feel amazing. The resistance from the knife in my hands, the warm, wet spray of blood on my face, and the look of shock and horror on his face. The sweet, sweet screams too. How I want to watch him slowly bleed to death. 

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My hunger is getting worse each passing sleep. I was able to ignore it early on but it just kept getting worse and the growls coming from my stomach became louder and louder until they were the only thing I could hear. I’m not sure if I hear my stomach growling right now or if I’m imagining it. The only thing that helps relieve the hunger even a little bit is sipping some water but even that’s starting to run out. Sleeping helps greatly and I can pretty much forget how hungry I am by sleeping but with Kayman the way he is right now, I can’t sleep too much. But the hunger is too painful right now and I can only sleep to try and relieve some of it. Closing my eyes, the last image I see before falling asleep is Kayman’s back, peacefully snoozing away without a care in the world. 

...

I’m woken up by loud noises and the sound of someone yelling. Opening my eyes, the massive pile of rocks and dirt blocking the entrance of the tunnel is shaking and there are people on the other side shouting that they’re the rescue crew coming to save me. Picking up my own pickaxe, I start digging from my side as well. Before long, the blockage is completely cleared up and Wraine’s on the other side, smiling as he hands me a waterskin. Taking off the cork, I empty the whole thing down my throat and I’m surprised that it’s milk mixed with honey. I haven’t had such an extravagant drink since I was a kid. Before we leave the tunnel, I look over to Kayman’s side of the tunnel since I haven’t seen or heard from him since I woke up but he’s nowhere to be found. I wonder where he went. Oh well, he’s not my problem anymore.