Inside a dining room filled with exquisite cutlery and a large table with delicious meals that would make any mouth water.
“Young master, please stop! It was an accident!”
“Shut up!”
Servants tried to stop their young master from beheading a young woman. The woman was trembling on the ground while covering her head. Her arms were black and blue from his repeated kicks.
“Get your hands off me before I kill all of you next.” The servants who tried to stop him backed away in fright.
His voice was filled with killing intent as his aura threatened to crush all of the knights and servants.
Arnold von Berkley. He is the young heir of the Berkley household. A household that had served the Imperial Family for generations. His father and the emperor fought together in battle when they were but vassal and prince. Their relationship had been that close ever since they won wars together.
Arnold was expected to marry the second princess to make their ties to Imperial Family stronger. Today would’ve been their first meeting as fiancées instead of childhood friends and yet…
‘She dares to cancel with a shitty excuse that her body was unwell!?’
The servants could do nothing as they saw Arnold summoning his aura sword out of thin air.
All the maid did was accidentally spill tea on his shirt. She was a commoner that his mother brought in to work for her. Since the madam was out, she decided to take the duties of serving the young master together with his personal maid.
Now she made the mistake of her life. Upsetting the young heir of the Berkley household. Not many survive. The servants didn’t do anything to help the girl. Partly because they didn’t know her very well and that the young heir was the opponent.
He was said to be a tyrant that would crush anyone even if they made a small mistake. He was a self-centred man that arrogantly flaunted his strength.
He had sexually assaulted many girls at the academy before just because he liked them. No one could stay away from his clutches. They weren’t safe.
Only one had stood up to him.
He was the hero that would’ve slayed the demon king together with his comrades. They could be said to be equals or more like the hero was far more talented.
Arnold was a man with unlimited potential to grow. The worst thing about him was that he was aware of how talented he was. This caused his personality to worsen. By the time he was 10 years old, he was already deemed a prodigy of the empire.
Many houses requested to marry him to their daughters in hopes of building a connection. His father, Marcus was a mighty general of the past that managed to gain ducal status and become one of the most influential patriarchs of the empire.
He wasn’t just wealthy. He was an 9th star knight so he was possibly one of the strongest people in the nation. With such strong genes in his body, it’s no wonder why his son became so strong.
But his strength and family background gave him a distorted personality.
Arnold paid the cries of the servants no heed and only lifted his sword. His entire body was giving off a powerful and domineering presence.
5th star rank. That was how powerful Arnold was. He was one of the only 5 star rank swordsmen in his age group.
There was obviously no one who was strong enough to stop him at the moment.
Besides one—no, two.
!!!!
BOOM….!
Arnold was punched into the wall and crashed into the other room.
“It seems I made a mistake thinking I could leave you alone after what response you received from her highness.” A middle-aged man stepped into the room. The servants and knights sighed in relief when the duke came into the room. He returned from his trip.
Another old man was busy dusting off his glove after taking it off.
Sebastian. He was the butler of the patriarch of the family. No ordinary servant had the guts to hit the young master. He, however was a different story. He was the one who trained Arnold after all.
He was a 7th star martial artist.
“Excuse the mess, my lord. And I apologize for hitting young master Al.”
He bowed to the middle-aged man.
“Do not worry, Sebas. This little brat needs to be disciplined properly.” The man removed his coat and gave it to a maid.
His name was Marcus Fuelias von Berkley. He was the duke and the lord of this city, Lockinge. The city was located about 4km from the empire. The princess and Arnold had a meeting today but she cancelled it due to the circumstances.
Arnold lay unconscious on the floor, perhaps suffering from a concussion since he wasn't moving.
“What happened?” Marcus’ eyes scanned the room.
“Um…” The young woman raised her hand. She lowered her head in shame as she muttered in a tiny voice, “I-I accidentally spilled tea on the young master’s shirt.”
Marcus sighed.
“Getting worked up over such a thing. Go to Adrianna. She's in my office.”
Chances were that even if Marcus calmed Arnold down, the latter would just find the girl and hurt her again even against his mother’s orders. He was that petty and narrow-minded despite being a genius. No one in this household liked him. Rather, they would be happy if the young master was thrown out of the house.
Only his sisters and parents still held affection for him since they were family. The other concubines didn’t like him at all.
“T-Thank you!”
She ran out of the room as if she didn’t want to stay there.
Marcus looked around the room.
His eyes landed on a certain girl. She was the girl that Arnold brought in two years ago after visiting the slave market. Her hair was blood red and her eyes were blue. She was even more beautiful than some noble ladies even without makeup. This was why Arnold bought her the moment his eyes landed on her. She became his maid and the one who services him at night. He assaulted her one night and forced her to stay otherwise he’d destroy her family’s little shop. She had no choice but to stay with him and pleasure him. Even if she was sold to pay off her parent’s debt, she still loved them. She only gets a few days a month to visit them.
“Lauran. Take care of Arnold for now. Tell him to come to my office when he wakes up.”
Her pupils slightly shook. She knew that he would lash out at her the moment he woke up. His fist would never miss its target when he was angry.
Lauran rubbed her arm and nodded. “Of course, Your Grace…”
Marcus nodded and looked to Sebastian.
“Sebas.”
“Yes.”
“Help Lauran take Arnold upstairs.”
“As you command.”
Sebastian bowed.
The head of the family left the room soon after.
◇◆◇
The 17 year old boy’s eyes opened up as he felt a mind-numbing pain that assaulted his head. He gritted his teeth as he held his head in his hands.
‘A ceiling? And a luxurious room as well? Wasn’t I at the convenience store?’
“Huh? Where am I?”
“Young master.”
An emotionless voice called out to him. He turned his eyes over and couldn’t help but look at the girl with widened eyes.
His mouth opened in disbelief.
Red hair that resembled a rose. Blue eyes that could be described as beautiful as the ocean. She was wearing a maid outfit that they usually wore in Europe.
He knew who she was when he saw her peculiar hair and facial features. There was literally no one else who had such beautiful sculpted facial features on this continent.
“….Lauran?”
“Yes…”
Lauran, a major character in a game he used to play everyday at home. After losing his job, he turned his attention towards gaming after leaving it behind to focus on his social life after high school. His hard work and dedication earned him the top rankings in the game. His guild was ranked number three on the leaderboards.
By the way, the players couldn’t become the hero. Only special events allowed that. In order to play the game, you’d need to make your own avatar online. You gather other players and then make a guild or clan with them. You could choose to help the hero slay the Demon King and the other villains or not.
Liam was part of the number three guild of the top 100 rankings. He was a mage so his equipment was obviously magic items.
‘If this is the game then the things I earned in the game should still exist right?’
He wasn’t sure if his hypothesis was correct or not. Since the game was an open world before, players could simply steal another player’s loot as they wished. As the game was the future of gaming, you could basically do everything in it. Even get a family. But due to social issues, the devs made some limitations. Too much of something good could harm a person’s mentality after all.
Anyway, even a puny noob at level 1 could invade the Demon King’s territory. That depends if they could survive the Beast Glades.
Liam was a level 100 before. Not many people were able to reach the level cap of the game.
Lauran hesitantly approached the bed. She held her hand on Arnold's forehead to feel the temperature. She wasn’t exactly worried but she didn’t want to be scolded by Arnold’s mother so she had to make sure he was alright.
“How do you feel?”
“Ugh… It feels like I’m hungover.”
“...Hungover?”
‘Wait a second.’
If she called me young master….
Arnold jumped out of the bed and ran towards the mirror in the room. He froze when he saw the person’s reflection.
“…Huh?”
The face Arnold saw resembled the illustration of the character in the game. Dark blue hair and blue eyes. He had a sharp jawline and narrowed eyes. His skin was pale and his hands were chapped from training with the sword for his entire life. His body was forged from the training he did throughout his childhood.
Arnold von Berkley. He was one of the critically renowned villains of Star Fantasy.
'I was... reborn as the villain?'
Arnold couldn’t understand what happened or why he ended up as the villain of Star Fantasy.
‘What is this shit? I was on my way to the convenience store to buy something and now this had to happen?’
He turned his eyes over to the girl standing meekly by the bed. She quickly lowered her head to hide her hateful expression.
Arnold knew who she was.
Lauran, the first Archmage’s descendant.
She killed him by dropping an entire meteor on his villa where he was resting. This happened in the future after she couldn’t take his beatings and rough assault anymore. They never knew who killed him. The player could either choose to kill Arnold or decide to let Lauran forget about the past and embrace the future. If they chose the latter then Lauran would leave the household, fall in love with the protagonist and join his hero party.
Was it even possible to be reincarnated or transmigrated into a video game? It wasn’t even that popular in the few years that it was released. Only after a while did the game gain a lot of popularity.
The hard core fans that were there from day one received special prizes. Liam received multiple high ranking weapons along with an extremely powerful battleship.
The goal of the game was to find all the star ranked artifacts and defeat the final bosses.
‘If I’m in a game then I should have a status, right?’
But no matter how many times he called status, it never popped up. Was it because he was an irregularity of this world? Were there others like him?
“Shit… What is this bullshit.”
Liam, no, Arnold sighed as he grabbed his head.
‘Okay, calm down. I should get to the bottom of this.’
At that moment, Lauran spoke again.
“Master told me to inform young master to head to his office after you’ve woken up.”
‘What happened that I feel like my head is on the verge of exploding?’
It felt like he jumped head first into concrete.
He sighed again to calm himself. His heart was pulsating much faster than average as his mind was full of confusion.
“…Take me there.”
◇◆◇
The two of them walked through the corridor. Arnold could see the servants avoid eye contact with him when they passed by him.
He smiled bitterly as he remembered what a tyrant Arnold usually was. Harassment, assault and beatings. He would do such things to anyone that so much as pissed him off slightly.
Even his slave maid wasn’t safe from his clutches.
“Young master Al.”
At that moment, a sweet voice called out to Al. He turned around and saw a young woman approach him.
‘Hm? Isn’t she…’
“L-Lady Victoria!?”
Victoria. She was Arnold’s personal maid. She was—in fact—the one who raised Arnold ever since he was a young boy.
Victoria came from a vassal house of the Berkley family. She started working here when she was at the tender age of 15. Despite serving the Berkley family for a decade, she hadn’t aged that much.
Rather, she had grown more beautiful. She was a woman with long black hair and red eyes. Her collar was slightly open and revealed her big chest.
‘Holy mother of…’
He already saw her illustrations in the game. She was always deemed the “Big boob maid”. Players could receive quests from her, as well as help in the game. Out of all the women the villain Arnold was close with, she was the only one that didn’t fall for the hero or plot his death. Rather, she was in love with someone else.
“I heard you caused quite the trouble, Al. That’s not very noble of you. Let me take it over from here, slave. Go to your chambers.”
Only a few people could call him Al. His mother, sisters and finally… his personal maid, Victoria.
“…Yes…”
Lauran obediently left.
“Let me take you there.”
Victoria was smiling but her eyes were coldly looking at Arnold.
‘I thought you’ve grown Al. Why did you have to let me down this much?’
Her eyes seemed to convey her thoughts as such.
“…Okay.”
Arnold didn’t say anything and only followed after her. He could see her garter belt under her maid dress wrapping around her meaty but strong thighs. With a body like that any man would go crazy with lust. However, she had yet to choose a husband. She was still pure as well. That further intensified the animalistic lust in men.
Her hair released a sweet scent of flowers as Al walked behind her.
It was the kind of smell that wasn’t choking like all those ladies of nobility who wear so much makeup.
Arnold failed to understand why she didn’t fall for the hero. The hero was loved by all. He was blessed with peerless handsomeness. His skills and swordsmanship was second to none as well. No one could compete against such a charismatic individual.
Even his fiancé, Olivia who was on par with Victoria in terms of beauty, fell for this Gary Stue of a hero. He was literally without a fault and that was why everyone loved him. No, he had one particular flaw but it was fixed when he had his comrades around him.
She was the one who protected Arnold when he was about to be slashed by the hero’s sword.
That was how Arnold became a main villain. He was already teased to be one but that was the trigger.
All the players cried for her death. She was an important figure in the game and the hero just had to kill her. Many didn’t like how it was set up. Didn’t Arnold match the hero in strength?
“We have arrived.”
Before Victoria pushed the door open, she fixed Arnold’s shirt and tie. She patted down his spiky dark blue hair, and looked at him seriously.
“Please don’t make a fuss this time. You will be in the presence of the duke.”
Arnold cleared his throat. He haughtily walked past her with his hands in his pockets.
“Whatever. Out of my way.”
She smiled wryly and stepped back. That was how Arnold usually spoke to her. Good old bastard Al.
“I will prepare your bath in the mean-time.”
Victoria bowed before descending down the stairs.
Liam sighed in relief before opening the door to the patriarch’s office.
“Sit down.”
He saw red eyes glare at him from the other side of the room.
Marcus von Berkley. One of the strongest knights on the continent.
Wow. This chapter is all over the place. Some things are done pretty well -- e.g. the pacing, not too much exposition and not too many 'show don't tell' issues. But the style and sentence structure are truly all over the place. Some parts of this chapter are pretty decently written, while other parts are pretty questionable.
You should especially take care to not write too many passive sentences. Because you do that a lot.
Example:
Arnold was lying unconscious on the floor.
Should be: Arnold lay unconscious on the floor.
There are also quite a few sentences which are phrased really awkwardly. Like:
There was blood dripping out of his head from one punch by a 7th star warrior.
Should probably be something like(and I'm including parts from previous sentences): He was completely knocked out, was suffering from a concussion and there was blood dripping from his head, all caused by that one punch. (we already know he's a 7th star warrior at this point, so you don't have to repeat that).
Another example:
He smiled bitterly as he remembered what a tyrant Arnold usually was. Harassment, assault and beatings. He would do such things to anyone that so much as pissed him off slightly.
The first two sentences are fine, but that last sentence is super clunky and poorly phrased.
---
I have no clue what the rest of this novel is like, but if these issues are there because this is a draft chapter, I'd strongly advice you to go over the entire chapter yourself. Because a sub-par first chapter can lose you a lot of readers. which is especially sad since you do some thing much better than most other authors on this site.
Now this is the kind of comments I want to see on my story and not people ranting about things they don't like and trolling me. The reason the sentences are so weird is because I started this novel's earlier chapters last year when I was still learning to be a writer(well, I'm still learning..). I let the novel sit for a while to concentrate on another novel. I only picked it up earlier this year again. I want to say I improved in my English ever since i began writing (two years ago) but that would be me getting ahead of myself. I'll fix errors later on when I have enough time. I've been having trouble editing my latest chapters in my documents so I didn't have enough to worry about the first chapters.
@Immortal_17 yeah specially who died to trigger Arnold being a villain is it Olivia or Victoria?
I didn't get it
@hilary08 Hero tries to kill Arnold, Victoria gets in the way of the strike and dies, Arnold looses the only person that he cared about and becomes the villan.
empire
the distance that you mentioned that Locklinge was located from the empire? 4km was not realistic they are not small time villages but full fledged cities governed by a Duke and an Emperor so make it 40km then it would be believable.
choking
instead of choking you can use suffocating.
why this guy was like that? he can't change his personality right now?
Yup that's what make me crazy and to add up this novel was not a kind that make the Villain act like a villain but the kind that will change the villain become other persona different from the original route so the writer make the Villain act to grow his character but like we know it's impossible two people never can be another people so this story was not good if you want to make a Villain character you must read novel like "villain life's" first or like "dungeon defense" before remake if you wan to write a reincarnated character read "yandere harems"
Blob Neutral
Hello, I see that this has the warning of sexual content and gore. May I ask how prevalent they are going to be as it's not really my thing? I know that they seem like the focus in many stories and I would like to know if that is the case here.
Mutilation and other gore is very descriptive but I can't really say how often it'll be in the story. If the dark tones fit the scenes then I will add them. As for sexual content, it is mentioned here and there but will appear more in the story in the future. This is a story with 'mature' and 'harem' tags after all.
Thanks for the chapter.
*when the general/dad leaves it mentions the princess leaving as well but she was never there*
This was because the first few chapters are from the first draft of the story(which had an entirely different start and planned storyline before I decided to drop it). The later chapters are from my second draft. I can't believe no one told me that there was such a mistake. These readers complain left and right but never mention any errors in the story. I'll fix it once I spot the error. Thanks for pointing it out.
Way too calm for a guy in his place. Although he is top player his knowledge about how nps interaction is way high, like he knows and remembers every character interaction.
Game cannot tell everything about a character, if your character behaves like that then it is not living person. Living people will have more depth, plzz don't be like "he knew it form the game" for every thing.