"There." Simmons stands up. "Man, that safety switch was hard to bolt on, probably should have gotten a bigger one."

"It's not how big the switch is Simmons, it's how ya flip it." Donut says.

"Donut shut up!"

Ash turns to Donut. "That's weird, do it again, and I'll blow you up." Ash softly says.

"Alright, robot's all done." Sarge says. "Time to fire it up! Let's hit the ol' power button. Who wants to do the honors? Grif?"

Grif: Meh.

Sarge: Well said. Donut?

Donut: Sorry. Just clear-coated my nails. I'm not chipping one of these babies!

"Ash?" Sarge asks.

"Hell, to the fuck no!" Ash yells.

Sarge: Alright...Simmons?

Simmons: It would be an honor, sir! Um, th-that is if you're sure you don't want to do it!

Sarge: Now that you mention it, it does sound kind of fun! I always did like pushing things.

Simmons: Oh...okay.

Donut: Hey Sarge, what's this robot gonna do for us anyway?

Sarge: Oh you know, the usual robot stuff. Math we don't wanna do...

Simmons: Right, like THAT exists.

Sarge: Menial tasks like maintaining the vehicle...

Simmons: Maintenance is crucial!

Sarge: Organization...

Simmons: Hmm...maybe I should make a list of all the robot's duties.

Sarge: And basically any task that no one wants to do or is part of anyone's official job description.

Simmons: Additional work? You mean like extra credit? No one told me there was extra credit! What is it? I'll do it!

Donut: Hey Simmons, it sounds like this robot is going to be doing all the jobs you do!

Simmons: Hahaha...yeah.

Donut: Well don't worry. I'm sure Sarge will find some other responsibilities for you! Right Sarge? Sarge?

Sarge: Huh? Oh right. One of the robot's functions is to answer awkward questions that I don't want to. Better turn him on. (Walks behind Lopez) Here we go. Let me just get this panel off, make some specific noise and drop it on the ground. (earthquake starts) Holy guacamole!

"Repent! Repent!" Ash yells.

Simmons: Ahhhh!!! Another earthquake! Everyone institute emergency plan! Hold on a second while I put on my marshal's vest! Everyone just remain calm! Whatever you do don't- (earthquake stops)- panic.

Donut: Looks like the earthquake stopped.

Simmons: Yeah.

Donut: You're just disappointed no one got to use the emergency plan, aren't ya' Simmons?

Simmons: Sorta...

Donut: Aww...there, there. Don't feel bad! No one's read it anyway!

Simmons: Oh...That's a relief.

Lopez activates

Lopez: Hola. Me llamo López. Gracias por la activación de mí. [Hello. My name is Lopez. Thank you for activating me.]

Donut: Ooh-hoo, robot's on!

Lopez: ¿Cómo estás? [How are you?]

Simmons: Uhh, is he speaking Spanish?

Donut: Sounds like it.

Simmons: Maybe the quake messed something up when you activated him, Sarge. Could be a polarity issue...

Sarge: Actually, I ordered the Español speech unit on purpose!

Simmons: You did?

Sarge: Yeah! I thought if we had a little multiculturalism around here, we could all learn Spanish together! Get closer as a unit!

"That sounds nice." Ash says.

Donut: Speaking of getting our units closer...

Simmons: Not now, Donut! Seems inconvenient, Sarge.

Sarge: Yeah it does. Don't know what the hell I was thinking! Seems really out of character for me.

Another earthquake starts

Lopez: ¡Alarma! ¡Alarma! ¡Terremoto! [Warning! Warning! Earthquake!]

Donut: Hey look, Simmons! He's already doing your job!

"THE END IS NEAR!" Ash yells.

Simmons: Great.

Donut: Want me to get your vest?

Cut to the outside of Blue Base as the eathquake ends

Tucker: Whoa, there's another quake!

Church: Yep.

Tucker: You don't seem too worried.

Church: No I'm not, 'cause I know all of this isn't real.

Tucker: Not real? You mean not real like your fake girlfriend?

Church: No,no,no...my girlfriend is real! It's the world that's fake. Well, everything in it.

Caboose runs over to Church and Tucker

Caboose: EARTHQUAKE!

Church: That was ten seconds ago...man, we really need to get your reflexes checked.

Caboose: Maybe I was just early for the next one! Now you'll be ready when it happens.

Church: Oh shut up.

Caboose: Meteor.

Tucker: So everything in the world is fake, except your girlfriend.

Church: Right.

Tucker: Who's in the world.

Church: Yes.

Tucker: Where everything is fake.

Church: Correct.

Caboose: Well I am following all of this as well as I follow everything else.

Church: You see, all this...see...okay...we're just inside a memory unit. Which is sitting in a snowbank somewhere in the world...the real world.

Tucker: A snowbank?

Church: Right, and that memory unit is dying, so we're feeling all these, like, you know...little quakes and stuff.

Tucker: If we're on a snowbank, why isn't it cold?

Church: I don't know! It-it-it doesn't work like that, it's...like being inside of a snow globe.

Tucker: Yeah, but a snow globe has snow in it.

Caboose: I thought it was a globe made of snow!

Church: Ugh, you're not getting it! Okay, try to think of it as, like, a...it's like a diorama.

Caboose: Ah yes.. cafeteria for dinosaurs.

Church: Shut up, Caboose.

Caboose: Typhoon.

Tucker: So this memory snowbank thing...it's just sitting there and we're inside it, doing all this stuff. Why?

Church: I don't know, I guess it's so that I can, you know, figure out about Tex and...what I'm supposed to do. And if I can't figure it out, well then I just need to...move on to the next memory unit, I guess.

Tucker: Right, and that's by finding those Freelancer guys you talked about before.

Church: Exactly.

Tucker: And going on some big adventure with them and finding the snow memory!

Church: Memory unit.

Tucker: Whatever. And then going into it?

Church: Yes.

Tucker: Even though we're already inside it.

Church: And so on, and so forth.

Tucker: And so on, and so on, until what happens?

Church: I don't know! If I knew that I could stop already!

Tucker: And we have to do all that, before the memory unit laying in the snow dies, and we're all crushed by falling rocks. (A giant rock conveniently falls down behind Tucker) Good timing.

Church: Yeah it was.

Caboose: Well if only there had been some type of warning system in place...

Tucker: Okay, I think it all makes sense now.

Church: Uh, good! I'm glad.

Tucker: Dude, that was a fucking joke. I have no clue what's up!

Church: I don't know, it doesn't seem that hard to me, man.

Tucker: I know one way to check. Hey Caboose, explain what's going on. Recap for us!

Caboose: We are going to eat lunch with dinosaurs.

Tucker: Yep. Perfect sense.

Caboose: I'm going to eat a giant egg!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

07-17-2022