Natalie thought that she had expended all of her tears. The adrenaline from putting a gun in her mouth and being one twitch away from ending it all had long been filtered out of her system, her sadness and confusion going with it.

But after she heard Sara say she was sorry, she didn’t know what came over her.

She just lost it.

She cried. Hard enough to fill an ocean, probably. And it seemed nothing could stop her.

She didn’t fight back when Sara hugged her. Nor did she fight back when she was led back to her bed. When she sat down, she fell onto Sara’s lap. She just needed someone to comfort her. She didn’t care who, anyone would be fine.

Except for HIM, obviously.

“Is Astian dead?” Natalie asked, her voice shaking. “I want him dead. I want him to suffer every day he’s not dead.” Sobs were heard between words. “Just fucking kill him, please.”

A hand was placed on her back. “Calm down.” Sara said softly. “This isn’t helping you, it’s just stressing you out. And Astian’s in magic prison right now. He won’t hurt you ever again. He’s not even in this realm. That prison is in another world, separate from this one.”

“Why do you call it ‘magic prison’?” Natalie asked, bitterness showing through her sobs. “Do you just put ‘magic’ in front of every word? It’s so stupid and annoying.”

“The name does kind of suck.” Sara cracked a weak smile. “But what else could we call it? It’s not really a normal prison. And it’s only for people who’ve committed magic abuse. ‘Magic prison’ is the best they could come up with.”

“Well it’s stupid.”

“I know.”

Sara continued stroking Natalie’s back, her hand moving back and forth across it slowly. She wasn’t sure if this was what she was supposed to do to calm someone down, but after a while it seemed to be working.

“Why am I here?” Natalie asked as her crying subsided.

Sara lifted her hand from Natalie’s back. “We can’t see everything you do, but we could see what you did tonight. You need help.”

Natalie got quiet, her sobs stopping, but tears still falling from her face. She refused to reply.

“Doing this alone isn’t going to help you.” Sara told her. “You need someone who understands your problems.”

Natalie remained unresponsive, continuing to lay in silence.

Sara sighed. “You don’t want to end your life.”

Natalie suddenly turned around in Sara’s lap, anger filling her features. “End my life? Astian already did that. There’s nothing in my life that’s worth keeping. I know none of it actually happened. Nothing from before a week ago happened.”

“Natalie, that’s not how timelines work.” Sara retorted. “Your full timeline as Natalie exists, and all your experiences are real. You really went through all of them, from birth to now.”

“And why does that timeline exist? Could you please tell me why?” Natalie shot back. “Why was the timeline created? Who created it? Even if at the end of my change I was somehow sent back to my childhood to grow up all over again, that wouldn’t change the reason why or how all these memories exist or happened in the first place. None of it was natural.”

“That’s not the way you should be looking at this. Your life is real. Everything that happened to you in your life is real. Your timeline doesn’t start where Nathan’s timeline ends.”

Natalie stood up, moving to pace around the room, frustration in her steps.

“Natalie…” Sara said, concerned.

“You know, I was a cheerleader when I was in high school. It was a lot of work, but I liked it. Hey, do you want to know something funny?” Natalie asked Sara, a grin forming on her lips.

Sara stared at her worriedly.

“Technically, I never was a cheerleader. Never practiced or played a day in my life. I mean, unless Nathan was a cheerleader…” Natalie stopped. “Was he?”

Sara shook her head.

“That’s what I thought. And I doubt there was any other sport Nathan played to take its place. Oh, and you want to know something even funnier? I wasn’t a cheerleader because I wanted to be one. No, I was a cheerleader because Astian wanted his dream girlfriend that he specifically sculpted out of his best friend to have been one. Because hot girls were cheerleaders. He wanted to date someone who was a cheerleader. What a great guy.”

“Listen, it’s okay to be upset.” Sara said. “But you need to have an open mind to get through this.”

“Sure, I have an open mind. Enough of an open mind to know the truth, which is that I don’t exist, and never did.” Natalie said firmly. “In fact, everything I do, my entire personality, probably only exists because Astian liked it or thought it was attractive. He made me after all. You want to know about my life? You want to tell me how it played out? Ask him, he’s the expert. Hell, he’s the fucking god.”

Sara reached out to touch Natalie’s shoulder. To try and calm her down. Her hand was swatted away.

“I’m not dealing with this shit. I’ve had enough.”

Natalie stormed out of the room, shutting the door behind her with a loud slam.

***

The maze-like hallways of the hotel made navigation hell for newcomers, and Natalie hadn’t traversed through them near long enough to be able to go anywhere easily. Regardless, Sara was running and calling for Natalie at every turn. Physics operated exactly the same in this world as they did on Earth. With how high up in the hotel they were and windows in every room, Sara could only fear the worst if she couldn’t find Natalie in time.

Sara was about to call for help when she heard footsteps around the corner. She quickly turned toward the noise and was met with the bathrooms. She walked through the women’s bathroom and found nothing. Since no one else was on the floor apart from them, she checked the men’s bathroom without any hesitation.

Sure enough, the furthest stall door was closed, and from the bottom, someone could be seen inside in the fetal position.

Sara knocked on the door. “Natalie, are you in there?”

“Go away.” Natalie answered.

“Look, you don’t want me to leave. I know you don’t. You need someone to talk to. It doesn’t have to be about… you know… but you don’t want to be alone.” Sara said. “Trust me.”

Nothing was heard from the other side for minutes on end. Natalie just wouldn’t respond or move, no matter what.

After about five minutes, Sara sighed and began walking out the bathroom to call for extra help. Just before she left though, she heard a lock move and a stall door open.

Natalie stood still in the corner of the bathroom, staring at Sara. She looked like a mess, her face was stained with tears. She looked as though she had reached her limit with crying, like all her tears had been spent. More than anything else though, she looked defeated. As if her fighting spirit had lost and was now dead.

“I’m sorry, Natalie.” Sara said. “I’m really, really sorry.”

If she could still cry, Natalie would’ve absolutely done so right there, but she couldn’t. All she could do was stare.

“I don’t know what to do.” Natalie said. “I don’t know who I am. I mean, it’s just… I’ve known my whole life I was Natalie. I grew up as Natalie. Went to school, went to college, went to work, and talked to people as Natalie. This is my life… and now, I’ve been told that none of that happened. My boyfriend… Nathan’s best friend, made all of that up, because he wanted a hot girlfriend. What do you even say to that? How can I trust that whatever happens to me from now on aren’t just the made up memories from the next psychopath I meet? I’m not sure about anything anymore.”

“It’s hard.” Sara affirmed. “I can’t possibly imagine how you feel.”

“I guess I’m supposed to be Nathan. This is the bathroom I belong in. That’s what seems to be the truth.”

Sara looked over Natalie, up and down, deep in thought.

“That’s not what you want though, is it?”

Natalie sighed. “No, it’s not.”

“Then… what do you want?”

“I want to be a normal woman.” Natalie answered. “My whole life has told me I’m supposed to be a woman, but that was all made up. I know I’m really just a man who was turned into a woman and then made to forget they were a man.”

“The full timeline as Natalie still exists though, you really did experience everything you know and remember.” Sara explained.

“Yeah, I know. But like I said, that timeline only exists because of Astian. All my experiences were put in place by him, so it wasn’t a normal life where my actions were my own.” Natalie responded. “The original timeline was Nathan. A guy who was basically murdered by the person he thought was his best friend. I can’t imagine what his last thoughts were. He must have been terrified.”

Sara sadly nodded. “You can choose to believe all that, but if there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s that you’re not Nathan. And you don’t want to be him.”

“And why do you say that?”

“Because…” Sara said. “You’re referring to him in third person.”

***

Natalie and Sara continued to talk as they walked through the maze of hallways. They didn’t hold back, all the ins and outs of identity death were discussed. Mainly, if the way their world handled identity death victims was an ideal one. Is it better to have these people live on in ignorance? They are essentially a different person now, after all, who they once were is dead. Would it be better to just leave them be? To not tell them what happened?

To know your whole life may not have been your own can cause an existential crisis. In some ways, it might be best to leave them be.

But at the same time, does the person they once were have a right to be known again?

***

Natalie opened the door to her hotel room. Finally, they had returned to it. She instantly plopped down on her bed when they went in.

“You mentioned something about a program when I first came here, right?” Natalie asked.

“Yes, I did.” Sara answered. “A mental health program for identity death victims.”

“How long is it?”

“Basically the program is just five days a week every week whenever you sleep.”

“So I guess I travel to this world in my sleep? Is that correct?”

“Yep, that’s how it works. I can’t really say the exact process of bringing you here, but I know it’s called ‘dream travel’.”

“I guess that makes sense… wait, if identity death is so hard and complex, then how do you get so many victims of it? There’s not nearly enough trials for that.”

“Well, there are other realms that monitor magic abuse for the Earths of different universes. I and others have met and talked with many of those victims.”

“So the multiple universe theory is true?”

“Not a theory, it’s a fact.”

“I swear this shit keeps getting crazier all the time. How did I get sucked into all this?” Natalie asked. “How do you even keep track of so many universes?”

“Well we’re only connected with fifteen or so other realms monitoring Earths that are all almost exactly the same.”

“God this is a lot to take in.”

“You’re taking it pretty well.” Sara said. “I’ve seen a lot of people where the idea of magic and multiple universes existing is too outlandish to them. Like, they literally will not accept it.”

“How weak.” Natalie remarked.

Sara grinned. “It is what it is.”

“And I take it you all aren’t human?” Natalie asked.

“Do I even have to say we aren’t?” Sara answered. “We have a human’s lifespan.”

Natalie snickered as she gazed outside her window, to the world of black that surrounded her. Already she was tired of seeing it. She needed some detail and grit. Some humanity and earthly beauty.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” Natalie said.

Sara nodded and left the hotel room. With the door shut, Natalie laid in her bed, awaiting the return to her life.

Her fake, artificial life.

She closed her eyes, trying to ward off the feelings of defeat and depression coming to her.