Chapter 2
Nathan awoke with a renewed sensation of emptiness. In his body was the feeling of hollowness so deep and all-consuming it almost seemed painful. But pain was not the true way to encapsulate this experience. Nathan had never felt anything like it before.
It was more of a drive than anything. A desire that pushed him forward like nothing else ever had. Instinctively he felt the urge to stretch, as though he had woken up from a long nap.
However, he could not feel anything. Not in the traditional sense. His sensations about him had dulled and he felt as if his body was as responsive to outside stimuli as dead wood was. Dulled were his nerves, replaced by simple and low thuds that reflected more sound than they did pain or even feeling.
As Nathan wriggled around he could vaguely make out he was trapped inside something. It was as though after being put to sleep that he had been placed inside a box. His world was composed of only two, barely feasible sensations: cold and solid. No warmth, no softness. Only the absence of more comforting concepts.
Where am I? He thought. What place is this? Is this…where I was born?
The questions held a dull realization to him. It was as though his prior existence no longer mattered as his new genesis began here. Behind him was a past that was beginning to dawn on Nathan as meaning nothing now that he was here. An oddity arose in him as he examined only the most tangential and fringe of remains from whatever life he had led before.
He could remember he had a brother, parents, many girlfriends and one girl he had not formed a more lasting relationship with. But these were all vague and undefined memories, like creatures moving slowly in the dead of night. They were shadowy echoes of the past and not clearly established events Nathan could recall. He could barely remember anyone’s name other than his own.
- He thought. My brother’s name starts with a C. That much…that much I’m aware of.
He tried to remember the name of his girlfriend he had before he died but her name became so jostled with the names of his other past lovers that he couldn’t remember it. Nathan couldn’t tell how close they were considering she didn’t even seem to stand out in comparison to everyone else he had dated. Again, all those women he had wooed and bedded seemed to be animals moving in the black of night, merely shapes jostling against the cloud of shadow that fogged his mind.
Were my parents…? He thought. Any closer to me?
Again, he could arrive at no acceptable answer for such a question. The memories he had of them were fighting for dominance against all the others pushing around in the blanket of black that had consumed his mind. An ocean of darkness plagued and thicketed his understanding of whatever past there was for Nathan.
What…? He thought. Am I? What was I before? Before this? Before being trapped in this state? How was I brought to this place…this empty dark void? But…what more is it? It is not just that I exist in this void…I am that void.
He then realized why he was so empty, why there was this constant craving to be full. It was the long since forgotten but somehow still existing knowledge of being full. Of being alive. It stuck to him.
And it occurred to him that he could not be called alive. Not in the dormant, unfeeling state of his current place in the world. It felt as though the time of being truly alive had long since passed him by, like the sight of a beautiful woman that had swept in front of his lustful and wandering gaze. Now the sight of that aesthetic pleasure was gone, his senses now longing for what used to be right in front of him.
I must…He thought. Escape.
Nathan’s clamoring against the wooden box became more forceful now, his beating against the inside enough to send his body ringing with force. He could not feel anything in the traditional sense, one of the memories of his lurking in the crevices of his subconscious was the sensation of touch. Nathan did not have that currently, or if he did it was the most unnatural and dullest form of it. It was as though his body were made of something as stiff and unliving as the wood he was trapped inside and bouncing around was the closest approximation to gathering knowledge of the external world.
Nathan felt as though would never escape this confinement until he felt his hand reach an opening inside the box. He felt relief as he reached his hand upward through the cavity in the container to feel for an opening above. Nathan was both shocked and pleasantly surprised to find he could fit his entire arm up through the opening. He moved his right arm side to side to feel for the escape route to find it was made of what he vaguely remembered to be earth. Nathan found that it was a circular tunnel large enough to fit his entire body through.
Nathan bent his back down, finding the cavity in the wood box above strangely spacious enough considering its size, before crawling upward. His fingers dug deep into the soil above before he was able to reach a certain length up to stick his toes into the earth below. He readily climbed upward, straining with each reach of his arms until he felt no more earth to climb up.
Nathan felt free for a moment before his upper fell out of the tunnel he had climbed out of. It was odd as he could remember falling in his previous life, but it was always falling from a higher altitude to a lower one. Now he was falling from climbing out of a lower place to one above rather than the opposite. As Nathan contemplated this strangeness, he found something closing around his leg.
The tunnel that had been so wide before was now narrowing, the diameter of the opening getting smaller and smaller like a mouth closing around a morsel. He hurriedly took out his right leg from the opening before it threatened to trap the limb. Just as he began to feel the sides of the circular cavity in the ground, Nathan slipped his remaining leg out by pushing all three of his other limbs against the ground.
He jumped forward before landing on soft ground, the area less hard than even the ground was. Nathan wondered why that was but nothing in his memory seemed to answer that. It was all so foggy he could barely make out the most important people in his life at the time, much less more irrelevant concepts. As Nathan stood up, he noticed another reason his existence was shrouded in so much darkness.
I can’t see. He thought.
The world around him was even more featureless and black than his past. Everyone the past people he met jostling inside the darkness of his mind were more alive to him than anything outside Nathan. His sense of sight was absent as the sun was at midnight. He stumbled forward, unable to move beyond his present position without lurching in an unnatural, desperate movement that reminded him of a sick man attempting to run. And as he did he found his world was also devoid of sound.
I can’t see or hear. He thought. I can’t see or hear at all. This world, my world, is devoid of light and sound. Was it always this way? Was I always this blind and deaf?
He didn’t know. Nathan couldn’t recall the past that clearly. All he knew for sure was his name, he had a brother and previous lovers and some kind of family and school life. While it wasn’t much it was better than the nothing he was stumbling through.
He began hating the fact that he crawled out of that wooden box to begin with. If the world he was going to live in was one bereft of sight and sound, a blank, featureless mockery of the human experience than he would rather have slept below ground. What curse was this?
So this is the way my new existence will be. He thought. A dark and unfeeling as the box I spawned from. I think I remember what it was called…a coffee? Yes…a wood coffee they put those with no…no use in. I was put inside a wooden coffee.
Just as he began wondering what constituted a worthless person, his world changed in an instant. Before then Nathan walked but had no idea how far he did. The confusion of being brought to this state and attempting to live in its madness was too overwhelming. Then a new sensation overtook him.
Warmth. He sensed.
And he was correct. He could feel a spot of warmth near him. No, two spots. They were close.
It was odd how he could sense them. It was not the same as how a person would feel warmth from their blood pumping. The warmth Nathan felt was so outside his body there was no mistaking it for something within him. It was entirely external.
What do you call it…? He thought. A radar? Yes…a radar. I have a radar…for warmth.
In the same way some machines had radar for approaching objects, he discovered something similar to living warmth. Not warm in the way a fire is hot, no, an attractive warmth. One you want to get closer and closer to. It was a beating, pulsating warmth that Nathan felt jealous of. He then recognized where the desire in his body came from.
The desire for that warmth. He thought. The desire to be with that warmth…to have it as well. I…I envy that warmth.
He lurched closer and closer until he finally jumped upon the source of the warmth. They collapsed onto the ground with Nathan on top of the source of heat to vaguely feel it wiggling beneath him. Driven by sheer instinct coursing through he began to bite down on the creature beneath. As he did, memories of eating began to erupt into being within him. Nostalgia tore through him as Nathan’s first bite of steak opened the door to more memories.
He was surprised how deep his teeth sank into the meat of the source of warmth, feeling his bare bones tear through something softer. With each successive bite and swallow he discovered a strange sensation explode in him. It was so odd that, despite the vagueness of his memories, Nathan was absolutely certain he’d never experienced anything like this before.
Growth. He thought.
It was true. The flesh he bit into did not actually travel down into his body like would happen usually with devouring a meal. He was absorbing the flesh of the victim into his body and new skin was being created on his already existing body. Around his head sprouted into existence.
The meat was sinking into him, his tough, unfeeling form suddenly feeling as absorbent and porous as a sponge. The solid matter he ate and ate and ate more of drained into him like liquid into soil. It was now combining with his body like coloring dye mixing with liquid until one couldn’t tell the difference between the two.
Homogenous. Nathan experienced the word more than remembering it. Describing a mixture so evenly distributed between the two substances they were hard to tell apart. Their flesh is becoming mine. But then…who is they?
As Nathan sank more of his teeth into the victim he found two objects growing onto the side of his head and two in the front of it. The sensation was strange, explosions of organic growth around his head were almost like feeling a bone snap and stick out of one’s leg. The memory of such a childhood accident happening to him became fresh in his mind.
However, while this was odd, it felt pleasant in a way. The newness of the growth felt to him like the fresh growth of bright, budding leaf in spring. Wondrous and relaxing as opposed to the harsh pain of an injury. When the growths reached full maturity he began to remember their names.
Ears. He remembered. And…and eyes.
And then came the pain. It was a wailing being emitted from beneath him. Nathan jumped up, wondering in horror at what the sound was.
His eyes were still forming in his sockets so his world was as dark as ever. But the world of sound he was experiencing for what felt like the first time was more vivid than any flash of light could be. The intense screaming that drilled through his mind was akin to a blind person’s first sight being a fire erupting in front of them.
Nathan landed on his back, a little pain jolting through him as he now had more feeling in his body. As he stood back up he found the shrieking began to quiet down as mumbles and groans of pain flooded him. Nathan, at first confused by this, began to remember what sensation this sound was associated with.
Pain. He thought, his mind still fogged over as it began to form again. The idea of others having sensations felt like a foreign concept to him as Nathan found it hard for anything outside of him to be alive. He wasn’t sure if this was true or if the fog of his mind had just not properly cleared up. Pain. But…it’s not my pain so…so this must not be a living being.
Using his newly found strength, he leapt onto the source of heat again and began chomping down more and more. With each passing swallow and subsequent assimilation into his body he could feel his eyes becoming more and more developed. He repressed the screams he heard emanating from the living thing, noticing it was creating a certain sensation in him. He didn’t recognize it at first until memories of hurting others appeared in his mind.
Guilt. Nathan recognized.
It was not until he had eaten and absorbed enough flesh that his eyes had fully grown into existence. It was a wondrous sensation to see the world for what felt like the first time, light rushing into his body like someone had opened the blinds to a window. The darkness was beginning to fade as a result.
I’m no longer blind. He thought. I’m cured.
And then the horror of his new sight struck him like a hammer to the head. Nathan looked down in terror to see a dark skinned woman with long black hair having mouth size and shaped pieces of flesh torn out of her body. Her black jacket and matching black shirt had been ripped to shreds from Nathan feasting on her. She looked up to him, too weak to scream as he had bitten a chunk out of the flesh of her throat as she cried. Guilt flooded him as he shook with confusion.
“M-My hu-hu-husband,” she said. “H-He’ll…wonder where I am…”
Nathan was confused, looking around at his surroundings. He was walking along a paved street so old the concrete was obviously unmaintained and filled with cracks. Puddles around him formed that he could make out in the moonlight.
As Nathan observed more around he found that this street was a fair distance from any city, on the edge of the urban area. The area was forested with quite a few tall trees. Buildings could be made out but they were in the distance, over the horizon of the moonlit night. This area, to the best Nathan could remember from his newly gained recognition, was an isolated place near the town graveyard. A place he feels like he visited maybe a year ago.
Why does this place feel so familiar? He thought.
“You-” the dying woman said. “You’re…hideous…”
Nathan looked down with pity at the woman, stumbling back with guilt and shock as he could feel the concrete beneath him slightly better. He shook his head, not able to understand what clearly happened. Nathan didn’t understand how he could do this to an innocent person. When he dove into the source of heat, he saw it as nothing but a lifeless flame of sorts he was forced to draw to if he didn’t want to stay cold.
I just thought it was warmth… He thought. Nothing more than a…a flickering flame. There was no way to discern it was an average person.
As the woman cried and Nathan was overwhelmed with guilt, he gasped as he was unable to cope. He now longed for when he had no ears to hear the screams of the suffering or see the blood of the wounded. This regret of gaining back his five senses only compounded when he looked down at himself.
His body was nothing but bones. Both legs were straight, narrow pillars of white. As much as he was disgusted by the sight of such a bare and unsightly body, Nathan attempted to touch the leg bone with his hand. Only to find it was the same way. His hands were nothing but naked white joints, his palms bereft of flesh.
Curious, Nathan turned to the puddle of water in the crevice of the sidewalk to see a hideous thing looking back. His head was mostly a bare skull, little doubt of that. But what made it truly disgusting was he had fully developed ears sprouting from the sides of his skull as well as black irises held within full sized eyes.
With little other flesh on his body save for some skin covering the area where a nose would otherwise be, it looked like someone had stuck two prosthetic ears and eyes into a replica of a human skeleton. He recognized, to his horror, the dark flesh composing his ears and the little other skin on his face was the same shade as the woman’s. He truly had absorbed the flesh he’d devoured.
“I-” he tried to say but didn’t have the mouth, vocal cords or lips to articulate. “I’m a monster.”
He then looked down at the woman lying on the ground, bleeding from bite shaped holes in her.
“If I hadn’t eaten you,” he said for no sound to arrive. “I wouldn’t have eyes or ears. My body must only be able to grow and regenerate from devouring other humans. I must have died and this must be my only means of returning to life. How did I get like this?”
It didn’t take him long for the mental image of a young, fair skinned and unmasculine looking man shoving a sudden knife into his neck that he’d hidden behind his back to resurface.
Calvin. He seethed with rage. Anger boiled up within him. You took it all away from me. And why? Why make me like this? Who do you think you are to take innocent life? My life?
He then wondered what he should do. He looked on with pity at the bleeding woman, afraid to go any further. However, the sensation to keep eating burdened Nathan like a stinging wound from a bee.
If I do not seek to eat and devour…He thought. I will be like this forever. Only human flesh will return me to the way I am. But…how can I justify that?
He looked down at the dying woman, her echoes of pain drowned out as he contemplated his next decision.
I was blind and deaf before I attacked her. Nathan thought. Would others do such a thing to gain back what they lost? There are humans born blind and even deaf or an accident causes them to become that way. Would they do the same to return to a state of normalcy or gain something they never had before?
He grunted as best he could.
Wouldn’t anyone in my position do the same thing? Nathan thought. A few dead humans in order to regain something that was lost. Something that rightfully should have been mine from birth. Why should I be forced to endure loss when I lost it through no fault of my own and it was wrongfully taken from me? If I do not devour this woman…one of us will still be suffering regardless. It’s not as though it’s an even, fair exchange. But does this happen often enough to be regarded as something I could draw influence from? Do other humans–forget it, creatures, as what I am can only barely be called a human–run into something like this from time to time?
He pondered this question, thinking on what human experiences he could draw upon at this time. He knew animals ate other animals in order to live. In the wild, no creature was off the table as far as devouring was concerned. Only that the strongest among them were least likely to be killed.
And humans did the same. Humans didn’t just eat animals but also killed each other all the time. Crime was only the tip of the iceberg. Competition between humans whether it be rival businesses or armies had the goal of driving out any and all attempts at something that could threaten them. And from the destruction of those events bore new life.
Without death there is no life. Nathan thought. Life must precede death just as death must follow life. It is an endless cycle. Death…death seems only natural in this world.
He then dove back down to begin feasting again. The woman’s screams were more subdued this time but still loud enough to disrupt his mind. However, as Nathan continued to eat and absorb the flesh into his bones, he could vaguely sense another source of warmth leaving his vicinity.
He looked up to see a young girl fleeing the scene. As she grew further and further away from him, he recognized she looked like a miniature version of the grown woman he was eating. Nathan then realized she must have been too scared to react, something he might expect of a child.
In Nathan’s vague, hazy memory of this place he remembered it a spot where people would occasionally go on walks. Aside from the graveyard the scenery was nice and the old pavement had a nice bit of rustic charm. This woman must have been taking her daughter for a walk. The victim apparently saw him watching the child flee back to town as she pleaded with him.
“Please…” she said. “Let my…daughter…go…kill me…too late for me b-but…not her, not her!”
While Nathan had little use for the girl as the adult woman beneath him had more meat to feast on, he then realized something as the child raced back towards civilization. Nathan doubted this woman’s flesh alone would be satisfactory for restoring his humanity and he needed more sources of it. Looking in the girl’s direction, he could see a place where that need could be met.
Prey. He thought as he eyed the buildings in the distance. I am the predator…from beyond death’s boundary.
