The Underworld was a place said to be ruled by demons and those of the damned. A place to send those who wronged to burn for eternity, a place to punish the sinners. No pleasantries, just suffering for the rest of your lifetime. Well the Christians were right about one thing, never trust a demon.
The rest though, they were sorely mistaken. None of their texts could explain why I was at a McKrampus, who knew Krampus started an esteemed fast-food place for demons, talking to a demon shorter than a teddy bear. The fast-food place mentioned previously is just as successful as the original, and apparently Krampus gave the idea to the original founder.
“Basically all you have to do is collect 69 superior souls, 420 minor souls, and 666 Artifacts!” the small red demon chimed, swirling around his McFury. This demon did not really look the part, it had the classic pointed demon tail but even the red is closer to a pink. Also its horns were clearly dull, it would be better fit in a cartoon with its roundish body, and don’t get me started on figuring out how it’s floating without wings. Hell, it even had bandages over where a belly button would be.
“I missed how any of that is my responsibility, also couldn’t those numbers be any more obvious?” I stated unenthusiastically while twirling a string of my albino hair on the right side of me. My hair still went all the way down to my hips, but the color seems to have changed. No idea how similar my facial features are, but the height feels about the same as when I was five-foot-three. Oh, and I was still in the plain blue pajamas I wore to bed.
The monster just shrugged its hands, well if you could call them hands, they seemed to have no fingers. Almost on cue with my thoughts, he grabbed the straw wrapper and threw it straight towards my face, “You know we’re connected right? I can read your thoughts,” it squealed out through its high-pitch cackle, which isn’t exactly the right description, but how can you describe a horrific demon’s scream?
“It's not nice to call it horrific, you know, especially since we are going to be partners for a long time,” he taunted while finishing up his vanilla McFury and setting it on the table between us. “We can be a classic duo, everyone will be like, ’wow look it’s Zaru and…wait what is your name.”
Apparently this demon’s name is Zaru. I was expecting something like Lucifer especially after those earlier requirements. But for a demon that can read minds, he couldn’t even find out a simple name. “Well since you are much too incompetent, my name is…” I furrowed my brow as I became lost in thought. Zaru just tilted his head in wonder.
“Are you going to say it or not,” Zaru asked rather impatiently, likely due to having been insulted by me.
“That’s weird, I can not for the life of me seem to remember it,” I responded, furiously rubbing my hand against my temple to try and stir the name back into my head. This is quite a problem indeed.
“Kekeke, A lost lonely girl without even her name,” Zaru laughed while rolling on his back on top of the table. He kept laughing and laughing, it was a sore sight to see. Why am I even here still? I might as well leave and save myself from all of this headache. Thus, I turned around and decided to exit. “WAIT WHERE ARE YOU GOING?” It seems he finally finished his giggle fit, but luckily it is too late for that gremlin to do anything-
In the blink of an eye, I was further away from the door again. Once more face-to-face with the demon. ”Kekekeke, didn’t I say we were connected, surely you must have figured out it was more than just mind sharing. Wait, I have it, you must have lost more up there than the memory of your name. KEKEKEKEKEKE.” I am going to smite it. Why is this completely incompetent demon laughing so much anyway? Pushing down my anger, I sat back down and breathed a heavy sigh.
Zaru hovered over me after I sat and quickly continued, “Even if you were to leave, you wouldn’t survive a minute out there. You would be a spirit fish out of essence kekeke. Everyone would wonder what a strange creature has wandered in, you see, especially with such a frail body. It would be a never-ending nightmare of survival for you out there, kekeke.” It finished with its inhumane laugh that was fitting for a devil. What I’ve picked up about this place is its harshness, no surprise for “hell”. My figure though? That can't be the only reason why they would target me.
“BINGO! Prize to the girl sitting at table 5! Kekekeke!” Zaru states, golden flairs come out of his non-existent fingers. Seriously, how does he do that? Zaru didn’t even let me completely finish my thought before finishing with, “I do it via Rue! It is an energy source that goes through anything down here. That’s precisely why you need to watch out! You are basically a spotlight with how much you have! It wouldn’t surprise me if you have more rue than sass, kekeke.”
Well “Rue” is one thing, isn’t that basically Mana from those weird games? Well I guess I have one more thing I need to address. “So how do I leave this place, no offense but I am sure there must be some other place besides hell.”
“What's mana? Anyways not sure there, I just stick to what I know, and what I knows is that you're helpless, more helpless than an imp without wings, kekekeke.” Can someone, literally anyone, end this punk. At last though, my prayers do not seem to be answered. Well if the gods cared then I wouldn’t be here in the first place would I?
“Now let me strike you a deal,” Zaru seems to give a small smirk, though I swear that should be impossible. “I will help you out of this place and show you how not to die. In return you help me, let's say, find a hidden ‘artifact’ of sorts.” Out of nowhere a contract that seemed to have been spawned in fire appeared in front of me. “Just sign here and we can get started.”
Wait, wasn't it a lot more than that before? As if on timing, Zaru bowls over laughing. “That was clearly a joke, you mortals sure love remembering the niche details, kekekekeke-“
Midlaugh he got blasted with a beam of light.
Nice