00:01
My simple life was well simple. I would wake up in the morning, go to school, and go to sleep. Of course there was more than that but that was my basic routine. *Kekekeke, such a basic life fit for such a mortal.* Hey this is my story, get out of here you oversized stuffed animal. *Kekeke but you can't stop me from talking can you.*
…This was all before I met a narcissistic oversized stuffed animal belonging in a JRPG like Dragon Quest. Anyways, one morning I woke up from my leisurely slumber and went downstairs to be greeted by my dearest mother. She would always greet with the same phrase, “Good morning, BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP, want some breakfast we have bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep or bleeeeeeeeeeep.” Huh, how weird. I can not remember that part. It seems it must not be that important. *Maybe try hitting your head against a wall, kekekekeke.*
00:02
Such a barbaric method for remembering. It does surprise me that a species as foul as yours would think like that. *You have only met one, and I might be the only one if you don’t stop daydreaming!* Well is this not the time to reminisce on the past? *No, especially with a gun pointed to your head* That's a gun? You must have too much time on your demon hands if that's how you design a gun. Look how big it is. That can not be efficient. *Packs a blast though, you saw the giant laser. It shot through the wall!*
Also you said one demon, how is that not a demon? *HOW COULD YOU EVEN MISTAKE THAT FOR A DEMON KEKEKEKEKE, THAT IS CLEARLY A DEMONHOUND.* That is clearly more human looking than a dog, look at her brown hair and heavy gear? I say heavy, but it looks like some sort of fuse tied to a rope. *What do you mean dog? Demonhounds aren't even close to dogs, they are just known to create high-frequency sounds to control them. Kekekeke, such a rookie mistake, EVERYONE knows that.*
00:03
Do I need to remind you that I have been here less than an hour? Well whatever, we need to convince them to not shoot me please. *About that… I don’t think I’ve ever seen one negotiate with someone. This might be game over for you already, Kekeke.* You have got to be kidding me. Also, of course he would be laughing at my inevitable demise. Might as well try, though. Maybe I should convince them that they should go away because I am powerful or that I am harmless. Either/or might not work in this situation. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, hey wait a minute, what even happened to you, Zaru? *I just went inside your head kekeke.*
00:04
Surely if you let me die here, you will too? *I'll just attach to your rotting cells, kekeke, this should be entertaining.* At that moment the gun made a low humming noise, is that bad? That definitely seems bad. Maybe I should roll away like those anime protagonists as there are a lot of chairs and tables to cover me. But what if it goes through objects? Look at that thing, it screams sci-fi crazy scientist invention.
*How about you actually do something, kekeke, it's not like you have much to lose.* I pondered into my head to think of a solution in the next five seconds, but all I can think of is an image of Zaru in the dark eating a bag of popcorn while drinking a McFury. Wait, is that actually happening in my head? At least TRY to help me.
00:05
The woman? I assume she is, but down here anything goes. She reaches up to her ear with her hand and a faint glow shines from the area. “False alarm, Not even a Danger Level 8. We have to fix the radars, or else. Hell forgive me, even Lord Satan will have a problem on his hands.”
“Yeah it’s just an Onii,” she continued on the call. Onii? Are they mistaking me for a demon? Is that good? Hey Zaru, is that good? Please tell me that is.
…
…
Zaru?
‘Shh don't think too loud.’ HOW DO I NOT THINK LOUDLY? ‘SHHHH.’ Oh god she is walking towards me. She put the giant cloak-covered “gun” on her back. It seems really western, but at the same time it looks futuristic. She even had a classic “cowboy” hat covering her dark brown hair that was fairly puffy. Every part of her outfit was elegantly made from silky white cloth. Seriously, it was completely white without a single stain. Meanwhile I am in pajamas that look like I have had them for five years.
In the meantime while Zaru was being weirdly silent, I decided to try and talk with her. This could be a mistake… But as they say: curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back. “Pardon, may I ask what that was about?”
“Nothin’, just a false red alarm, that's all,” she sighed out as she leaned against a chair. Cool. Very cool. Maybe I should be taking notes? ‘Notes later, hurry up’ Oh he still functions, I lamented as she continued with., ”What’s an Oni doin’ all the way out here, shouldn't you be on the other side of the gates?”
“Just visiting?” God, could I have come up with a worse excuse? I have no idea about the world and Zaru seems to be off in la-la land the one time I need him. Well luckily at least they don't seem vicious, besides the hole in the wall they made. I thought everything was going to try and kill me with how Zaru described it…
“Visitin’ here? Only the thugs live on this side…” She slowly voiced. She is hesitating to say something, probably asking what I am doing here. I need to think of a reason. ‘You are doing survey work.’ What? Why that? ‘They rarely check the IDs of people here, just say you are looking into the damages.’ This does not seem smart… ‘Trust me only three types of people go here and the other two might get you zapped.’ FINEEEE.
Here goes nothing, I breathe in and-
