Random Malignant wormhole, just like how the Random Malignant chest can spawn outside the dungeon, it happen way less often as compared to the latter, and the latter can be said a rare event to begin with! And for them to occur inside a country protected with the divine blessings of Goddess Achalasia is a super rare event (I might said event but a monster attack inside a wall, at night where most have become relaxed at their home are a bad news, super bad news!)
Plus
(It's coming this way, it will without a doubt injured these kid here! What do I do? What do I do!?) [Ash]
My hand begin to sweat, I can feel each and every pore in my body begin to secrete out those oily substance, I can feel myself breathing faster, with my own chest feeling like it will explode any second as my heart beat increase dramatically until
"Big bro... I'm scared!" [Young girl]
"It's alright! I will protect you guys!" [Eldest boy]
(What are you saying, you are still a kid, skinny at that! And you're gonna protect them! Think Think!) [Ash]
As the Behemoth roar becoming louder and louder, muffling the sound of the running citizen I make up my mind
(Well, the goddess did give me a blessing, no, I'm wrong! This blessings were supposed to be for my parents at first but they gave it to me! If they are here right now in my stead, they will undoubtedly go and save those kid! So right now...) [Ash]
As I walk toward the Behemoth direction, the fox girl stopped me
"It's too dangerous!" [Fox girl]
She held my hand tightly, with the intention of stopping me. Since I am acting on behalf of my parents now, what will they said... Well, no need to think much, I know what they will say since I'm going to said the same thing anyway
"Don't worry, everything will turn out fine. Just hide first and I promise you I will come back later" [Ash]
As I said that, I pat the girl head, just like how my parents did back then, well they didn't come back the last time they did that to me as they are met with an unfortunate accident but, with their soul currently inside my Scythe, one could said they still keep their promise, and I will do just that to this kid
The girl loosen her grip, and I prepared myself, focusing all my mana on my feet and dash toward the Behemoth direction, and once I see it, I unfolded my scythe and imbued it with fire magic
"HAAAAAA!!!" [Ash]
With the scythe being held tightly by my grip, I swing it to his right eye, blinding the behemoth with my suprise attack
"Yosh! Come at me!" [Ash]
"ROAAAAAARRRRRR!!!!!" [Behemoth]
(Damn it, this is scary, but not like I could back down now!) [Ash]
The behemoth began to rampage, using an earth magic and throw a boulder right toward my direction, and thank god I managed to dodge it just at the last second, And I sincerely meant that, if I don't have the goddess blessings, I'm surely dead, 1000% dead, no question asked
(Still, this is a town, and there's many people back there, I should end this quickly, can't wait for any support) [Ash]
Once again, I focus all my mana into my feet and begin dashing toward the Behemoth, it swing it front limb at me, and once again, I managed to dodge and counteract it at the same time, slicing it finger in one fell swoop. In response, it uses another limb of his to stomp me, in which case
"Giant Earth Needle" [Ash]
A sharp giant needle made out of earth pierce the skin,muscle and even the bone of that Behemoth, and to cause extra damage
"Disperse, exploding earth needle!" [Ash]
The giant needle explode! And a fine needle can be seen piercing the leg, with blood oozing out and a fragment of muscle and bone spewing out as well with the needle
Seeing as to how it have been injured, it launches a kamikaze attack toward me, as it open it large mouth and bare it fang toward me, thinking that it could win by eating me!
Naive!
"Fireball!" "Gust!" [Ash]
Combining the two magic, it become a flamethrower magic and the flame keep on burning the inside of the behemoth mouth! It quickly closes his mouth and began to struggle
(Sorry, I have to do this!) [Ash]
Well, I have died back on earth, with the God of Death itself swing it scythe at my neck, ending my life back then, so I did feel sorry to kill the behemoth, but it must be done
Remembering how the god of death swing it scythe to end my life, I swing my scythe right at the neck of the behemoth in one swift strike and
"Phew... Finally" [Ash]
I don't know whether soloing a Behemoth is considered common in Achalasia but based on the video game logic on earth, I will said that its a no, a big no unless you have max level character with max level equipment
"Great job out there young man"
"To think there is someone strong enough to solo a Behemoth!"
"Your fight look amazing at the watcher!"
"You must be a high ranking adventure! Just who are you young man!"
"Plus, he could use multiple magic! At most one is born with two magic!"
"Yeah, he's strong!"
And people begin to surround me just as I wanted to take a breath, well can't be help, I just have to store this Behemoth in my item box magic
As i do that, the surrounding become quite all of a sudden.
(Huh, why do they become silent? I thought it's a common thing to take your loot even in this world, or am I wrong? But that can't be the case here since those downloaded information are from the goddess herself) [Ash]
"He can use an item w magic as well!"
"Seriously who are this young man"
"And such capacity!"
Ahh... I shouldn't done that, oh well too late
As I begin to regret my actions a little bit, I can see the kids back there, so I force my way through the crowd, saying "your welcome" each time they thanks me until I reach them
"You are strong!" [Eldest boy]
"Big Brother are strong!" [Little girl]
"I guess I worried for nothing back then" [Fox girl]
"Plus, what are those weapon, never seen them or heard of them before" [Elf girl]
They begin bombarded me with all sort of questions
"Out of the way you filthy brat!" [Knight]
A knight can be seen pushing those ten kids, somehow it angered me so much that I lashed out
"What was that for!" [Ash]
Treating those kid like that, no matter what emergency situation you are in, you just shouldn't do that to a child
"Well, you are the one with the strange weapon soloing the behemoth right!" [Knight]
"And what if I am!" [Ash]
"Huh! I excuses your rude behaviour, but come with me to the castle!" [Knight]
"And why is that!?" [Ash]
"Use your brain a little will you! You soloing an A class monster, using multiple magic, of course our king will be happy to have you!" [Knight]
I see, logical indeed but this knight behaviour disgust me! Still, I should do as told for now. I agree to go to the castle but before that
"I'll come back later, so wait for me ok!" [Ash]
I said that to the fox girl, not wanting to break those promise
P/s Too short? Too Op? What did you guys think?
Error:
I might said event but...
My hand begin to sweat (just one hand?)
With the scythe being held tightly by my grip, I swing it to his right eye, blinding the behemoth with my surprise attack. (try: [Gripping the scythe tightly in my hand, I swing as the Behemoth's right eye with all my might. it sealed back in pain from lose of it's eye.] I wouldn't say blinded as it should still have its left eye, depth perception should be an issue though.)
"Yosh! Come at me!" (i get that its a style thing but, Yosh is Japanese and just feel weird coming out of the mouth of a westerner.)
using an earth magic and throw a boulder right toward my direction
as it open it large mouth and bare it fang
"He can use an item w magic as well!"
"Big Brother are strong!"
"Plus, what are those weapon, never seen them or heard of them before" (did he use more than one? if not, it should read ["Plus, what was that weapon? I've never seen or heard of it before."])
~~~~~
now for some nit picking,
in the part with where the mob is commenting, you say "young man" too much.
another thing is the magic, while calling out the names of the magic when its first introduced or every so often is fine, its really jarring when you shout them every time, it pulls you out of the immersion and makes combat clunky. which brings me to another point.
the combat, you need to be more descriptive. take the scene where he attacks the behemoths eye, you just say he swings at it, like I though the behemoth was big? wouldn't he have to jump to get to eye level? needs more action.
Maybe a but too submissive, tho I liked the fight. But some more informations about the location and the height of the monster would have been nice. It came over like it was as big as a house at first, but later much smaller and then bigger again.... hella confusing
Thanks for the feedback
i think the king was notified too fast unless he was watching the battle through magic, even then i would take a bit to tell the knights that he wanted to see him, unless there’s magic for that too
Ah... Lo dejo, como expresarme... Todo ha transcurrido a una velocidad inmensa, tiene varios agujeros la historia, además de que una persona que ha sido golpeada maltratada la mayor parte de su vida, mágicamente ahora es casi un héroe, valiente e imperioso de hacer el bien, pff.
No pido lógica, solo un personaje que no sea de cartón.
Lástima, me interesaba bastante la primicia de la historia, pero con la narrativa de los hechos, me mató
hey im a little offended here! skinny boys can do self-defense too. i can evenly matched 2 guys(if they havent trained any martial arts). Well its different story if it is a bear lol not to mention a monster, i'll die straight ahead without knowing how i died.
I'm a skinny person myself