I couldn’t understand. Why did I have to go through this? Certainly, if the war hadn’t existed. My brother would still have been alive. Maybe it was fate.
Even with power, you can die far too quickly. My brother was an example. Nobody would comfort me. Everyone wanted to reap the benefits of my house. No one truly cared about me.
My wife is dead, and my son is cursed.
I swore to kill the demons. Even if it was inevitable that this happened, I still can’t accept that. I will rid this world of demons.
I was conscripted into war. But this was also something I desired from the bottom of my heart.
The military academy in the imperial capital was a place where training was so intense that people would say they’d rather die.
Two months passed yet I was doing terribly, I had improper form. After all I never used my hands to pick up even a knife before.
“Cadet 504! What the hell are you doing!? Don’t you know how to spar!?” It was the instructor who said so, he’s someone who’ll beat you until you almost die if you don’t follow his instructions.
“I apologize sir!” I shouted.
“Cadet, you realise what this means, yes?”
“Yes sir.” I simply hung my head, and followed the instructor into a dark room. There was barely enough light coming from the windows. And the walls were dull and gray.
I was now in the training facility, yet I couldn’t take a minute of rest.
He punched me. Again and again, and again.
“Get up. You incompetent jackass.” He was right. I had no strength. I was weak.
“Get up! And punch me!” My head was spinning, my nose was bleeding. I wanted to run away. My resolve amounts to much more than this.
“Here take this!” I finally landed a punch on him, but by that point my hand didn’t have any strength.
“Weak.” He punched me once, I was knocked unconscious.
I opened my eyes, only to be blinded by the lights. I was in the infirmary.
“Hmm~ Looks like he woke up.” said the old woman near me, she had a nonchalant atmosphere, not something I would expect from a healer.
“Huh? He finally woke up?” It was the instructor.
“I’ll do... it.” I shouted.
“Shut up boy. You look horrible.” He said. Was he concerned about me? That was something I hadn’t expected from this harsh instructor.
I was tired so then I slowly closed my eyes and slept. I felt a burning sensation within my chest. Perhaps... this is what they call hatred.
It took me three years before I could stand my ground against the instructor. What I couldn’t believe was how his attitude changed.
“You’re getting good. And here I thought you were a wuss.” The instructor looked proud.
There were 10 instructors for every 500 cadets. He at least trained 50 cadets, I was one of them. Yet, ever since that day; He has always trained me harder than everyone else.
I finally gained strength. I was able to fight. Three years had passed since my brother died. I’ll finally be able to join the vanguard.
But reality wasn’t so simple. The attack against the western front of the demon continent. This front was still holding even after centuries of war. If this front was broken down, the demons could be eradicated. At least that’s what I had thought.
I was already called the “Aigrm DaeMon”, words meaning the black demon. I used to wear a white tailcoat, but it was stained black because of the dried blood that I never cleaned. I always left a trail of blood wherever I went, that’s what earned me that nickname.
I had destroyed 100’s of demons, no, maybe even 1000’s. Yet, I didn’t feel any satisfaction. Is this truly what I wanted?
No.. this is what I wanted, right?
They had families, children, wives, parents, sisters, brothers… They were like us. So, what does that make me?
I was now a demon.
I had now become what I had sworn to kill. I had abandoned my own son for my petty revenge.
But, there was one person who always stayed by my side. That was Baronet Alck. He had a family, and had a purpose to return to his own home. He was a close friend.
There was also one other companion, one who was younger than me, he was Ryoko Jin Schwer. The three of us were friends, though Alck wasn’t very strong. He kept us going.
But all of it ended that day.
Alck died protecting me from an enemy archer.
Ryoko didn’t say anything. Neither did I. The both of us broke apart after that. I constantly killed demons, I would almost die many times. But, I just couldn’t die, I constantly escaped death. I wanted to die.
I had met Ryoko after two years, we were both in the tent at the western front. Yet, the first thing he told me was; “You look horrible, you bastard.”
“What do you know?” I told him.
“What do I know? You’re asking me?”
“Yeah.”
“I know you’re trying to kill yourself, that’s what I know.”
“Shut up! What do you even know about me!! You’re a disgrace of the Schwer family! What the hell do you know!?”
“Certainly, I was to disgrace the Schwer family. But I didn’t abandon my responsibilities. Unlike you.”
“What should I live for?! I have no one!!” I shouted at him. I truly didn’t have anyone, what would he know.
“You dare to say that to me? What about Alck!! What the fuck did he die for?! For you? I’d rather have him live!” he continued.
“Alck lost his family, and his life! For you! Your worthless life! You abandoned your son, your niece, and you left your territory to a caretaker! And you say that I don’t know what I’m talking about?!”
He held me by my neck and had eyes that despised me, he truly hated me.
“At Least Alck died a hero, what would you die as? The duke who abandoned his own house. Be real Var. You’re the real disgrace.” He dropped me to the ground.
“.....” I didn’t say anything. Afterall, he was right.
“Goodbye.” he said. Leaving the tent.
I couldn’t do anything, I was just kneeling on the ground, crying. What did I fight so hard for? I was in service for one more year.
After my 5 years of service. I was given a break to return to my home. But, what did I even have to return to?
However I left anyway, because I had nothing else to do.
