[Vol. 3 pt. 12]
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We had a battle to win before I could experiment with seeing if Clawdia would like to sit in a box.

Delphi and Vala took their positions on the battlefield while mini-me sat on my shoulders, kicking her legs in front of my chest.

Please don’t refer to our daughter as a mini-you. If anything, because she’s a girl and can transform into a window, she’s a mini-me.

 

“While you’re here knowing things you shouldn’t be able to know without invading my mind without my permission, we still need to name her,” I said.

Sure, Vala and Delphi were fighting some more of the usual enemies on the battlefield, but naming our daughter was more important than paying attention to the battle. Attention could always be paid to it after we figured out a way to stop referring to her as my/our daughter over and over again.

Crap. I wasn’t reminding you of that because I have no idea what to name her.

 

“I figured it might be something like that. By the way, Window.”

What?

 

“I appreciate you.”

WHERE’D THAT COME FROM ALL OF A SUDDEN

I MEAN I DON’T MIND

I LIKE IT

BUT WHERE

WHY

HOW

??????????????????????????

 

“I mean… since we’re parents, shouldn’t we set a good example in front of our child?”

Tha-that’s… a good point… bu-but you should still give me some warning! At least think about it first so that I can know it’s coming…

No-not that you do a good job of letting me know when it’s coming in the first place…

>///3///>

 

I reached up to cover our daughter’s eyes as soon as I read Window’s teasing words. “Do – do you really have to bring that up? In front of our kid?”

Icouldntresistimsosorry

a-anyways…

I… I appreciate you too.

 

I uncovered our daughter’s eyes now that there was safe-for-children text on Window’s window again.

“Since neither of us know what to name her… hey, kid,” I said.

“Papa, your next line is, ‘Why don’t you pick a name that you like?’” our daughter said, predicting exactly what I was going to suggest.

N-no… it can’t be… she – she… if our daughter is already this powerful… she’s going to become the strongest being to ever exist throughout all of time and space.

 

“What?” I asked.

That was… that was… a reference… to the show about men going on bizarre adventures… only the truly powerful can make such references, and she’s done it at such a young age… we have unleashed what may be the end of all existence upon the universe.

 

“Ooh! I get to end existence?!” our daughter asked.

“Don’t put those ideas in our daughter’s head!” I shouted. The straight man kind of shout, that is. Not the angry kind of shout.

And people think the heat death of the universe will be a big deal. They have no idea that the true death of the universe will be brought by a cute hybrid between man and informational status window. The last thing existence itself sees will be her face…

 

“I’ll destroy the universe with the power of… um,” our daughter looked down, “Papa!”

“I’m not a weapon you can use to destroy the universe!” And here I thought that me and our daughter were getting close. Yet, she turned on me. She embraced Window’s blood within her to support such a ridiculous idea worthy of making me act like a straight man to my own daughter.

The world was not just.

“But seriously,” I said, “want to name yourself? You’re old enough to do it, so I don’t see why we shouldn’t let you.”

Our daughter grabbed onto my head and swayed from side to side. “Hmm… The Destroyer!”

“No.”

“The Bringer of the End!”

“No.”

“The Death of Everything!”

“You’re a little girl, not the secret final boss of an RPG!”

“Fiiiiiinnneeeee. Umm… Lucarne! So it’s a window and can be shortened to Luca!”

Drake… do you realize how powerful this name is?

It’s Lucarne, which is a type of window, but can be shortened to Luca which is a normal human name.

Even her name is a combination of human and informational status window!

I guess she must have inherited her intelligence from me.

 

I flicked Window before returning my attention to our daughter, Luca. “It’s a pretty name. Good choice.”

“Ehehe. Thanks, Papa!” Luca said. “Now pay attention to the battle before the chapter is over!”

She really is too powerful…

 

At Luca’s request, I finally gave some attention to the battle just in time to see something interesting happen.

Coming down the lane was a new enemy in a group of five. Each one looked like an oversized, living bowl of white gelatin.

New Enemy Discovered!

White Jelly

Threat: ★★

HP: They die super easily, but…

Damage: 3

Defense: 5

White Jellies might look like weak monsters, and they are weak monsters, but their true strength lies in their squishy bodies! Every attack spreads their white slime around which is really sticky and slows down movement a ton. Also… the slime is dyed white for fanservice reasons.

Oh and these technically aren’t alive so it’s okay to destroy them since you’re not killing them. They’re more like mindless robots with no soul and no personality and their only purpose in life is to make cute girls sticky – I mean, to make all opponents sticky.

 

“Luca,” I said.

“Yes, Papa?” Luca asked.

“Please at least pretend to be innocent enough to not know what sort of fanservice your degenerate mother is adding to our world.”

“Okay!”

WAIT

THAT WAS A PRERECORDED WINDOW

I WOULDN’T HAVE MADE THEM LEWD IF I KNEW THAT WE WERE GOING TO HAVE A MINOR HERE, LET ALONE OUR DAUGHTER

 

“Delphi! Vala!” I shouted. “Don’t get in physical combat with those slimes! Let the dogs and towers handle them!”

Delphi and Vala saluted and fell back to behind the lines of dogs. Unfortunately, it seemed like the slimes were also more or less immune to AoE damage considering that the cow tower did next to nothing to them.  All it did was spread their slime around on the ground. There were too many skeleton cats for the archers to go through before they could target the slimes, too. That meant the slimes were able to reach the dogs which resulted in… a sight that I found incredibly wrong.

Our pure, wholesome, brave dog knights…

Became covered in thick, white slime that clung to their armor and made their hair all sticky and gross.

oh no

oh no I did not think this through at all

THIS ISN’T WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN OMG

OK I’M NEVER ADDING FANSERVICE MONSTERS AGAIN I PROMISE TO CHANGE THE COLOR OF THEIR SLIME AFTER THIS BATTLE IS OVER OH DEAR OH NO THIS IS WRONG WHY WOULD I ALLOW MYSELF TO DO THIS

 

I had to admit that it would have been a pretty nice sight if that slime landed on Vala or Delphi instead, but not while Luca was around.

WE’RE GOING BACK TO BEING PG-RATED

HORRIBLE THINGS HAPPEN THE MOMENT I TRY TO ADD A BIT OF LEWD FANSERVICE TO THE WORLD

DOGS I AM SO SORRY

 

Of course, the dogs didn’t look like they cared at all. The sight wouldn’t have even looked wrong at all if it wasn’t for the fact that I knew it was supposed to be a sort of perverse fanservice meant for the girls.

Instead, the dogs were more concerned about the fact that they were so drastically slowed down. They moved as if they were in slow motion, probably only moving about half as quickly as they normally could. Whether it was walking or swinging their swords, all movements were slowed down.

The slowing effect allowed the skeleton cats to take out the dogs before the dogs could finish them off. Fortunately, Vala and Delphi were still there to handle any enemies that broke through. Unfortunately, more of those white jellies were on the way.

“Whatever you do, don’t let this go past a PG rating!” I shouted at them.

Vala smiled and rested my axe against her shoulder. “Don’t worry, I can use my special and take them out before they ever get close enough to lewd me.” With that, she raised her free hand and pointed it straight at the incoming jellies before firing off her signature rainbow beam. Surely enough, it took them out with ease and left puddles of their white slime on the ground. “I’m gonna have to be careful not to step in that.” She looked at Delphi who also had some jellies approaching. “Can you take them out in a safe way?”

“You can count on me, Master!” Delphi said with a little bounce, proving that her mere existence was almost enough to take her beyond a PG rating. Now, as the jellies approached her, she prepared her shield in front of her while wearing an excited smile on her face. She looked like she couldn’t have been happier to show off and prove her competence.

I had no idea how she was going to manage without making a mess of herself, though.

Delphi then ran up to the jellies and… used her sword to gently push them close to each other… and then…

Delphi jumped up, “Hup!” placed her shield underneath her, and fell onto the slimes from above while pushing down against the shield with her bodyweight.

White slime shot out from all around her shield, splashing onto the lane and dead grass surrounding it, but not a single drop made it anywhere onto Delphi. However, that didn’t mean she was spared from its effects.

“Wwwwwwooooooooaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,” Delphi said, her voice slowed down by the slime coating her shield. “IIIIIIIIIIIIII fffffffffeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeellllllll rrrrrrrreeeeeeeaaaaaaallllllllyyyyyyyy wwwwweeeeeiiiiiirrrrrrddddd.”

As it would turn out, the slime still affected her even if none of it touched her skin. It just needed to be anywhere on her or her equipment to take effect. It was an extremely game-like thing, which shouldn’t have surprised me all things considered.

And then another new enemy appeared on the battlefield behind the latest wave of skeleton cats, jellies, and bats.

New Enemy Discovered!

Purple Jelly

Threat: ★★★★

HP: Baby, can’t you see I’m calling?

Damage: 15

Defense: 5

With the taste of your lips I’m on a ride

Wait I wonder how much I can copy of the song before it’s getting into copyright infringement.

Anyways, they’re like the white jellies but poisonous instead of sticky.

Don’t you know that you’re toxic?

 

Unfortunately for the dogs, they made it back onto the battlefield just in time to be thrown right back into battle. The good news was that the archer towers were actually able to deal with the white jellies before they could ruin the dogs’ fur.

But then there was the bad news. That bad news being that the purple jellies ended up splashing their slime all over the dogs, making their fur a sticky mess all over again.

At least the slime wasn’t white. That alone was enough to make up for the fact that the dogs had purple bubbles floating into the air above them as their health slowly dropped even when no enemies were around. And by the time the next wave of skeleton cats arrived, the dogs were so weakened from the poison that they went down in no time and needed carried off the field to be healed once again.

But at least they didn’t look wrong.

“Window,” I said while Delphi and Vala tried their best to fight against the enemies without getting any sort of slime on them.

Ye-yeah?

 

“Those jellies are going to drop the materials required for that slime tower, aren’t they?”

I’m actually impressed you remember that.

 

“To make up for the horrible idea of making the sticky jellies white, you’re going to make it so that we get the perfect amount of materials required from them to make the new tower after this battle. Deal?”

That’s… that’s fair.

 

Despite the dogs being defeated over and over again more times than in any other battle due to bearing the brunt of the jellies’ various slimes, the battle came to a smooth end without losing any hearts on the greenhouse door.

“We did it!” Delphi cheered, bouncing up and down. I made sure to grab Window and push her body up in front of Luca’s eyes as she bounced.

“We even did it without getting any slime on us,” Vala said. “I don’t know whether to be disappointed or not.”

“Why would you be disappointed?”

“Because! It’s a waifu’s job to get in lewd situations to provide fanservice.”

“Ooh, I see. I’ll remember that!”

Leaving Vala and Delphi alone together was a bad idea if it meant that Vala would be planting such ideas into Delphi’s mind. Delphi already had a lewd body. If she developed a lewd mind to go with it, I feared for the rating of our existence. That would simply be far too much lewd for anybody to handle. “Stop corrupting her!” I shouted.

“See that puddle of white slime?” Vala asked. “I’m not saying you should do this, but in a fanservice situation, you would be running toward it without realizing it’s there, slip, and land right in the middle of it with your skirt flipped up!”

“Ooh. I see, I see. I’ll remember that!”

“You’re… you’re not gonna do it?”

“Nope! Master’s kid is around.”

Vala sniffled and wiped a hand across her eyes even though she clearly wasn’t actually crying. “You’re such a good girl, Delphi.”

“Ehehe, praise me more!”

Hearing Delphi’s giggle made me realize something horrible.

She giggled the same way that Luca did.

I wasn’t sure I would be able to hear Delphi giggle without thinking of Luca. What if she giggled like that when we were having adult time together?

Suddenly, I realized that there were in fact downsides to being a father.

But I still wouldn’t give it up.

Now that I didn’t have to worry about Vala corrupting Delphi and getting her to do something inappropriate, I looked at Window and said, “Alright. Let’s see the post-battle screen. Don’t forget to give the exact amount of rewards needed for the new – wait. I just realized something.”

Crap.

 

“You still never showed us the post-battle screen and exploration rewards from the last battle.”

Be-because I was excited for our date… and then forgot about it until just now…

 

“Well, I guess you’ve got two different battle results to show us. And two different exploration results.”

That sounds like a lot of work… which means…

It can be pushed off until next chapter lol.

 

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