This isn't how it was supposed to go. Me standing naked in the frozen lake, staring at my betrayers as they force me deeper. Shame and despair fill my entire being, along with hatred and self-loathing; but mostly regret. This really isn't how my life was supposed to go. I looked deep into my once-sworn brother’s eyes and say those damning words. The ones that roiled about my gut when he married my sister, the ones that broke my heart when he killed her, the ones that tear me to pieces every time I think of them. I was a man, and so was he, there had never been a chance.
Such a simple sentence, but it’s only come out once I was forced through hell and fell here at the brink of my nonexistence.
I didn't hesitate to say those words, “I loved you,” then right after calmly say: “and I hate you and myself for it.” As the words that felt like liquid poison slipped past my lips, I remembered how wonderful the days had been when he was still pretending. How happy we all were, how he made my sister laugh, how he made us all laugh. I didn't want to think about how his smile had caused my stomach to erupt in butterflies. Right now his face made me sick.
It was my self-loathing that made me dunk all the way under the frozen waters, letting the burning fluid enter my lungs. They didn't have to force me at all. I didn't have time to complain that it was cold and should be described accordingly before a hand pulled me by the hair to the surface.
I thought maybe it was him trying to bring me back to beat me, but was so surprised when I was met with an unfamiliar face. Then I passed out.
When I regained consciousness, I found myself swathed in blankets and roasting. My eyes were bleary and it was hard to focus on anything. I blinked trying to clear my eyes and only succeeded on the fourth try. My eyelids were so heavy. The room was lit by a warm glow, and shadows danced across the walls in a flickering cadence. My mind was still cloudy so I hardly registered the man leaning over me until he touched my forehead with his cool fingers. I sighed in relief when I felt the flushing heat of my own skin ease a little. All too quickly he removed his hands drawing my line of sight to his face. It was close enough that my temporary myopia didn't blur his features and even though I felt in a haze the sight before me was still riveting.
His fine brows knit together making people feel like it's a shame, his straight nose had a high bridge and his phoenix eyes were bright with intelligence. His skin was a healthy wheat color and his broad shoulders gave me a strange sense of reassurance. He seemed to be doing something with hands outside my vision and suddenly my temples’ throbbing eased as a cool cloth was placed there. It was very relaxing and my mind began to wander until I felt my eyes slipped closed uncontrollably. I once again fell into darkness.
This is interesting (◍•ᴗ•◍)