1.34 Vulnerable
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At Liu YangHuan's estate.

Ji SongLi was inside his allocated room at their new place in Da Lang. He was accompanied by the two Ji guards that had traveled with him from Ming Town.

The three of them were surrounding a round table. There was a map spread on top of it.

"As we have practically left no stone unturned and no forest unexplored around here... ," one of the Ji soldiers pointed at a spot on the map,

"...the only places the remaining Dong tribe could have spied on the Ji clan are here," he pointed at a spot just slightly west to Ming town,

"—or here," he pointed at another spot just slightly north to the previous one.

Ji SongLi's gaze shifted from one to the other. Both of those pointed places were all nature, and not the kindest. One of them was a dense forest that not even a person could squeeze their body in between the trunks to proceed deeper. The other one was, although barren, a place seemingly abandoned by the gods. It was full of deep gorges; no vegetation, no water sources, a lot of poisonous beasts.

The Ji military had previously dispatched some troops to both places, but only for monitoring. After all, both were hardly any place for a considerable number of people to be able to hide for a long period of time.

Therefore General Ji decided to withdraw all troops, sent his family to the capital city, and stayed put at his own house to wait for the tribe members to find him.

"This tribe is not simple." The other Ji soldier mused with bitter smile, "Although we have put a lot of resources and time to eradicate them... ."

Ji SongLi also let out a sigh, "They are definitely smart. The leader, especially. Pity they had only been using their smarts to cause chaos and destruction, even among other tribes in the desert."

The three of them thought and agreed on the same thing: "If left to grow, it will only be a matter of time before this dangerous group of people shift their eyes on the bigger prize: the fertile lands of Zhang Empire."

A knock was heard on the door, soon followed by the familiar voice of Ji LanBai,

"Li-ge? Mothers wish to let you know dinner is ready."

Ji SongLi nodded towards one of the guards, who in turn opened the door.

Both of the guards bowed in salute towards their Young Miss, also nodding slightly towards YuLan who was standing slightly behind her.

"Both of you should also retire for the night." Ji SongLi waved his hand in dismissal towards the two guars, "For the moment, we shall just wait for some news from the General."

Towards the Ji soldiers, Ji SongLi always referred to his own father as General Ji. tAhough the guards and soldiers referred to Ji SongLi as the Young Master, and Ji LanBai as the Young Miss, he considered himself as another military member of the Ji clan. When it came to military members, they must not forget their ranks. Thus the guards were already accustomed to his point of view.

Both of them saluted in acknowledgement and left the room.

Ji LanBai walked towards him in high spirits. The girl hardly ever showed any grief, always the happy soul that she was.

"Li-ge. You are very boring. Military matters day in and out. What about if we just play some songs after dinner?"

Looking at the spoiled pouting expression on his sister, Ji SongLi chuckled and felt his initial tiredness gone by more than half. He was now busy trying to keep his sleeve being pulled off his shoulder, with the way LanBai plastered herself against his arm and swing his arm back and forth.

Ji SongLi glanced at YuLan, who was now focusing on the map on the table.

"So how was your little excursion to the Third prince's estate?" He asked, still not shifting his eyes of the silent girl.

"Li-ge~!" LanBai's eyes brightened, "Fu-ge's place is soooo beautiful!! Bai-mei loves it very much. I think YuLan also likes it!!"

At the mention of her name, YuLan looked up and turned her focus onto Ji LanBai.

"When I get married to Fu-ge, YuLan will still be with me, so it is important that she likes his place too! It is going to be our future home." Ji Lanbai exclaimed excitedly.

There was not slightest of ill-intention with her words. For Ji LanBai, it was just how it should be. After all, YuLan was initially brought into the Ji estate as her maid, to follow her as part of her dowry when she formally got married into the Imperial household. Although Ji LanBai definitely did not treat or think of YuLan as a maid anymore, she definitely did not have any thinking of any other possible future for the both of them.

For the simple-minded girl, to just live in accordance to what had been set out for her, as long as she was happy, it would definitely be good.

YuLan only showed a faint smile at Ji LanBai's explanation towards Ji SongLi, but when she shifted her eyes onto the Young Master's there was no humor in her gaze. There was no mirth, only reluctance.

Then she returned her focus on the map.

Ji SongLi noticed the yearning in her eyes as she ran her fingers on the map.

"Bai-mei." Ji SongLi smiled towards his sister, "Do you mind just telling Mothers to wait just a bit longer? I still have to tidy up a bit."

Ji LanBai nodded and was about to ask YuLan to go with her, but Ji SongLi interjected,

"If you don't mind, Bai-mei, I just need to borrow your big sister here to help a bit, okay?" He winked at LanBai, teasing her by referring to YuLan as her 'big sister'.

Initially Ji LanBai was going to protest, but was clearly pleased of having his own brother's acknowledgment to regard YuLan as her 'big sister'.  It perked her up and she nodded happily before bouncing off outside.

Ji SongLi walked towards the table and positioned himself close to YuLan. From the close distance, he could smell the faint fragrance of flower. It was the smell of the floral mixtures only the Ji family ladies had been using for their baths.

Despite all the favors she received from both Madames, from Ji LanBai... .

That sparkle in her eyes as she looked at the map, the world beyond just the stone walls of Ji estate or Da Lang... . How could Ji SongLi not know what was on her mind?

"You don't wish to follow LanBai," he softly muttered.

YuLan's fingers that have been caressing the map stilled. In fact, she was more than just admiring the map, she was trying to imprint all the information on it into her brain; locations of Da Lang, Ming Town, the borders to the North, East, West, or South... . All the important landscapes that had been marked by Ji SongLi and the Ji soldiers, as well as all the dangerous places that one must not go to... .

YuLan slowly shook her head, "I don't wish to enter the Third Prince's estate."

"Even when LanBai loves you that much?" SongLi prompted.

There were still a few more years until Ji LanBai came of age and could formally enter the Yong Prince's estate as his wangfei. Ji SongLi felt that he needed to establish his standing quicker in this family. As he was now, he was nothing. He could not make any decision; his power was limited. He had never previously felt this urge to grow up as quick as possible.

All so he could catch up to this girl by his side. 

YuLan shook her head again, "GuoFu... seems to have some ... ," she struggled to find the right word, "...admiration... towards me."

Ji SongLi's eyes darkened, and he subconsciously clenched his fists.

"Of course. Such vibrance... how can anyone else not notice and seek to have?" He thought bitterly. But his comfort was, that YuLan's expression showed her aversion to the Third Prince's well intention towards her. In fact, she looked like she wanted to run from it.

"Do you want me to help to speak to Mothers? Or maybe Father when we see him again?"

YuLan curled her lips and shook her head,

"I know Madames have been good to me." She let out a bitter smile, "Madam Hai has actually showed a few letters from some noble sons who wished to make me... their acquaintance. That is her way out for me."

The implied meaning was clear. Ji SongLi groaned in his heart. Had he missed a few of those damn things? He thought he had destroyed them all.

YuLan turned on her heels slightly and faced him directly, looking up into his eyes.

"This Young Master is now so tall," she lamented ruefully inside. She sighed,

"SongLi, I don't wish to be caged." She slumped her shoulders, and brought her arms to embrace herself. She suddenly felt very helpless.

Regardless how independent she was in the past; that was because the era, the people, the technology, everything allowed her to be a free woman. In that life, she was free to take her feet wherever she wished to go.

But what about now? How could she leave? How could she show these people, the people that thought they had acted on her best interest in their own way, that she could not live like them.

Ji SongLi did not know what to say. He knew what she meant. He now knew what she wished for.

Then wasn't it the same with him? He wanted to tie her to him, to his future.

He initially thought that with the extra years before Ji LanBai was married, he could then be a man who could stand by her side with his own strength, who she would be proud to have him accompanying her in her walk of life. Perhaps then, he might have a chance tying her to his side. Yet, how could he entertain that particular trail of thought when he saw the yearning for freedom in her eyes? She clearly did not wish to be confined behind some estate's walls.

At this moment, it was clear: there was no him in her own plans towards her walk of life. 

And now, she was already thinking of leaving.

Wouldn't she wait for him? Couldn't she wait?

Ji SongLi looked into those translucent orbs; they were still bright but currently showing faint trace of despair.

He sighed inwardly in defeat, "I will do anything for you."

As soon as he thought of this, he couldn't stop himself from reaching out both of his arms and pulled her entire being into his chest.

"Even if there is no me. Even if there will never be me. I will do anything for you."

"Just... don't be sad...," he murmured into her hair, his sigh desolate.

 

When SongLi felt the body in his embrace stiffened, he woke up from his own engulfing emotion, and gently pulled away

 

When Ji SongLi felt the body in his embrace stiffened, he woke up from his own engulfing emotion, and gently pulled away.

He looked into YuLan's eyes and noticed her gaze searching into his own. There were a lot of unspoken emotions there: uncertainty, confusion, and a little bit of accusation. He couldn't help to wryly chuckled at her widened eyes. He softly darted his gaze towards her hair, her forehead, her cheeks, nose, lips, and back to her eyes again. He gently reached out to set a long stray hair on her temple to tuck it behind her ears. His focused gaze was as though he wanted to imprint her existence more into his soul. 

Although she was partly still in his embrace, YuLan did not struggle to completely release herself, much to her own astonishment. Initially she was repulsed by the sudden action – she was never the type to like being taken advantage of. But as Ji SongLi slightly pulled away and YuLan finally managed to look into his eyes, she suddenly could not find her initial words of reproach.

The expression on his face was familiar and tugged at the deepest part of her heart, but YuLan could not quite pinpoint the sense of familiarity. Therefore, she could only look into his unwavering eyes, trying to search what she thought she was missing. His gaze was serene and tranquil. There might not be clear wishful intention like Zhang GuoFu's, but it was a gaze of someone who had entrusted his entire being to her.

It was acceptance. His gaze was unclouded, determined, but also resigned at the same time.

Somehow, there was a slight dull ache in her heart. And she did not like it.

"YuLan." Ji SongLi muttered softly, "Whatever you decide to do, please know that I will always – always – ," he emphasized slowly, worried she would just dismiss him, "- support you."

"Just... don't be sad."

Ji SongLi pulled his arms completely and turned his back on her, now hiding his facial expression.

"Let's go eat." He walked towards outside of the room.

YuLan's gaze was fixated on his back.

There was a peculiar feeling sprouting inside her, like an emotion that was completely new, but contained that discomforting sense of bittersweet intimacy. It appeared gnawing at her so suddenly when she caught Ji SongLi's gaze on her earlier. However, as soon as it appeared, it was gone. It was something that she had forgotten, but she felt that she should not have forgotten. And it did not matter how hard she thought about it, that warmth that was just scratching for a brief moment was now but a blur.

Ji SongLi paused by the door's frame, and he turned to face her. His face was obscured because of the lack of lighting, but YuLan could feel him still smiling as he waited for her.

She took a deep breath as she tried to shake off the uncomfortable feeling and walked towards him.

 

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