A fool’s guide to succeeding in love (pt 1)
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I'm a professional blind date wrecker. One with base salary at 1000 per hour, with extra fees depending on the client's requirements...

Ah, but today isn't entirely about me. Except, it kinda was. At the young and ripe age of 28 your daddy, I... was forced on a blind date. The other party had been enthusiasticly 'introduced' by the nosy cashier of the grocery store next door. 

Heh, as if she really wanted to help me. Who in this district didn't know my history during high school? Simultaneously the student with the shortest fuse and ranked last on every test, I was a legend. The type that each family used as a example for what to not become while teaching their own children. Hahaha, just thinking of the words I heard those years and where I'm now makes me happy. Though I couldn't fully blame them, how lonely and tragic I was back then was obvious to everyone who wanted to find out. If I had a son I wouldn't have wanted them to stay around a dangerous person like me either. If it was a girl though, I would even support the two if they wished to become sisters. I felt that even though I was a bastardly idiot, I was a rather chivalrous one. Plus if anyone had tried to sincerely become my friend during my worst times then I would return that drop of water with a gushing stream.

But, back to the predicament at hand....

I suppose the reason behind this blind date must be sinister, and I have proof.

The youngster who had been introduced to me was a social elite, at least one of the few that I'll ever be able to meet in a situation like this. To be honest, he wasn't even my type of dish. A studious genius with passion for science must have been the qualities that got him the job of a researcher, But people like that are the hardest for me to get along with. Buried under work and nearly impossible to reach every few months, it would be inevitable for a relationship to sour.

... I'm not speaking of anyone in particular, really. I only took the characteristics of the only researcher I knew. Plus aren't researchers all just fools without their IQ? (They are, don't attempt to argue with me on this.)

Agh, enough about that f*cking [BEEP], [redacted] was a total nerd unworthy of me.

Sigh, it seems I can't even say the name of that bastard. The idiotic author is too lazy to come up with one! But I'm getting off topic again.

I didn't want to meet this so called "researcher", no matter how exceptionally brilliant they were. But alas, I was bored at home that day and happened to want to stir up some shit. So here I am at a cat cafe, dressed in the most revealing dress I owned and awkwardly ignoring the curious glances sent my way.

This goddamn researcher, I knew he was an oddball like [reda-

GOD. DAMNED. AUTHOR. LET! ME! SPEAK!

Author's note:

this will be continued if I feel like it, but certainly not the end. 

(hint, if you send me cat memes I might consider it. if I receive 5 cat memes through either scribblehub private message or directly linking a meme in the comments will guarantee an update. 1-3 days if I feel like it. Also. another note. I didn't feel the need to clarify this but just in case I'll put it here. this story isn't inspired by real life like the first one. completely and randomly thought up. ) 

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