2
70 2 4
X
Reading Options
Font Size
A- 15px A+
Width
Reset
X
Table of Contents
Loading... please wait.

No.

[What do you mean no?]

Just what I said NO.

You want it in another language?

Well, tough shit because I only know American.

[That's not a real language. Just like how pineapples don't belong on pizza! The two just don't work in the same context.]

Screw you. Pineapple on pizza is great!

[No. No, it's not.]

Psssh. Like you even know what real food is.

[I know plenty.]

You don't even have a mouth. How would you know that pineapple doesn't go on pizza? Let alone how anything actually tastes!

[Look. I'm not going to bicker with someone who is ignorant and frankly has disgusting taste in food on what or what doesn't go on pizza. We have more important things to discuss!]

I stand by what I said.

[You are wrong but okay.]

I'm entitled to my own opinion.

[I know. I never said you couldn't have your own opinion...I just said it was wrong.]

Whatever. Just hurry up and tell me what this is about.

[*Ahem*]

Did you just type out "ahem"?

[*AHEM*] 

Oooo~ Testy

[You have been given a variant of the gamer system aptly named the Gacha Gamer System or GGS for short. You don't know why, and you don't need to know why you have been granted one of the greatest powers in the infinite reality chain, just know that ultimate power can be at your fingertips if you so choose.]

Is this the part where you ask for my firstborn son?

I hate to break it to you but I'm a virgin...I think.

[I don't need to know about your nonexistent sex life. All I need to know is. Do you want to leave this place for good?]

You talking leave this infinite expanse of darkness forever?

[Yes.]

Well duh. Who would be dumb enough to refuse?

[You would be surprised at the stupidity of your race.]

And what race is that again?

[Humans]

Humans. 

Humans?

Humans!

Oh...humans.

Okay, I can see your point.

[Glad to see you're not totally idiotic as your early statement about pizza portrays.]

What can I say? I have my junctures.

[That's not how you use that word.]

Meh. Semantics.

[And that's now how you use that word either.]

Isn't it though?

[No. Juncture is the point of connection between two objects. Like pieces of a puzzle. Or the locks connecting the cars of a train. What you meant to say was "I have my moments" And "Moment's" refers to a small point in time that details a specific event. Like the time you almost got laid. Keyword Almost.]

Fuck you.

[And sully the pure Christian body you've been protecting so hard for so long? Never.]

I haven't known you 5 minutes and I already hate you.

[Hate the great me? Impossible.]

Can we hurry this up? I've got shit to do.

[Like what?]

Repess this entire conversation.

[Then it's unfortunate that I'm in your head.]

Then I just need therapy. Because I seem to have gone insane and have been talking to myself this entire time.

[I assure you I am very real.]

Prove it.

As soon as I said that a blinding light took over my vision and when it finally dimmed down I found that the holo screen had shifted into a wheel you would see on a game show with thousands of options that I couldn't make out.

And at the top it says. Choose your new body! In bright flashing lights.

[Please spin the wheel and we can get started!]

Is this a scam?

[Do I seem petty enough to do that?]

From our brief conversation... a little bit yeah.

[Just spin the Goddamm wheel]

Okay jeez. No need to get your panties in a wad.

[I have no gender]

You could be male and I would say the same thing.

Looking closely at the wheel before I spin it I can see some things I didn't notice before. I see something called locus from what I'd assume is gears of war, or maybe it's just the insect I have no idea though I hope it's the former. There is a race called Asari that I think is from a game called, mass effect. The entirely female race of blue women with tentacles for hair. And, there are even the koopa troopa from... that one game with the plumber in the red hat. Luigi, I'm pretty sure it was called.

Kinda random but it's called gacha for a reason I guess.

I can see some standard and honestly basic fantasy-type races like elves, dragons, dwarves, Beastmen, and...slimes? Who would reincarnate as a slime?

And then I see some of the more...religious and superstitious ones. I'd say. Imps, Sucubuss, Demons, Ghosts. I saw actually satan. I see something called a Dybbuk. No idea what the hell that is. There is also something called an Eldritch horror. Not something that I'd want to be my forever race if my scattered knowledge of HP.lovecraft is telling me.

Anyway. It's just a large list of potential races and I don't even know what 99% of them are. This is why I hate gacha, because you never know if you would get something amazing like an angel or a high human or fuck even a dragon, Or if you get something like a goblin.

I shudder for everyone who got reincarnated as a Goblin.

Anyway. I guess it's time to spin the wheel.

No use wasting time just looking at options.

Alright. Let's do this.

...

...

...

[Are you gonna spin it?]

How? I have no hands.

[Use your mind]

Like telekinesis?

[Just imagine the wheel spinning numbnuts.]

Oh. Well, that makes a lot more sense.

Following the direction that the SSG gave me I imagine the wheel spinning as hard as I could and it starts rotating at very fast speeds.

Into the rabbit hole, we go.

-TO BE CONTINUED

4