When I woke up, the Sun was already setting.
At first, I felt a sense of numbness and a feeling as if my soul ate something poisonous and needed to throw up. There was also a general sense of confusion and hollowness inside. Basically, I had seen better times.
As for my body, I didn’t even need to move to know that moving at that moment would only bring me unimaginable pain.
“Sigh”
My mind was a bit cloudy, so I began to recall what had happened.
“Ralph, you-”, I wanted to scold the demon in my head but I was also too spent for a large emotional outburst, “How do I get rid of this dumb skill?”
I, most naturally, referred to Warped Mind. It was a terrible, terrible skill.
Thankfully, after killing the beast and sleeping my mind was able to relax and I slowly returned to sanity but I never again wanted to experience it. Or worse, experience it again and not come back.
“For now that would be impossible”, it could be that I lied to myself but there seemed to be traces of guilt in Ralph’s voice., “Getting skills is hard but erasing them is not just hard, it’s fatally dangerous”
“But will I be able to get rid of it? You said that it would be impossible “for now”. What about the future?”
“It should be possible, but it will be hard”
“When will it become possible? What do I need to do?”
“It’s too soon for you to know. Knowing it now will only discourage you”
“Okay. How do I deal with this skill?”
“As you have read in its description, it protects you in case of a mental collapse. There will be few times if none at all when it will affect you the same way it affected you before. Stopping it from affecting you is neither possible nor a good idea in such cases, so I recommend you learn to deal with the way it affects you so you don’t turn into a vegetable”
“How?”
“By strengthening your will. Your will is too weak and Warped Mind is intended for those who possess strong wills. But it won’t be easy nor will it be quick. The best way to strengthen your will is through experiencing adversities and high-risk situations”
“Any safer ways?”
“Will not get you even close to the lowest standard”
“Damn it. Couldn’t you not simulate my death? Why did you do it?”
“Because you needed to squeeze out 120% of your potential for even a slither of a chance to survive”
“Then you could’ve warned me not to go back. I could flee to the city”
“The city isn’t close. You would be found and eaten before you got there. Why do you think you have seen only two people even after so much time?”
“Then I could’ve hidden in the dungeon”
“And you would starve to death. The beast wanted to make this area its new nest. You would stand no chance of survival once that happened”
“Was there really no other way?”
“It was the only way to push you enough”
“But… But wasn’t there another skill I could acquire if you didn’t simulate my death? What was it called...”
“It was called “Spiritual Strength” and it would do you no good. It’s meant for people with strong wills too and its effects aren’t nearly as forceful as those of “Warped Mind”. It could work if you actually had a strong will but the way you were the skill would be simply of no use”
“You could at least explain things to me”
“It wouldn’t help. It could even hurt you instead by destroying your resolve“
Damn. Was there really no other way? Sigh. Why did I have to stay in this… Wait a minute…
“You could’ve warned me to go to the city at a time when I had enough time!”
“I did. Don’t you remember?”
…
“Thank you, really, I mean it, Ralph. And for making them find me in the first place, also thank you”
Isn't it too convenient that they found me so fast?
“I only gave them a push. It would be quite horribleboring if you just died. As for driving them out, well, you can only thank your luck for opening a new possibility in the sea of Fate”
“What do you mean?”
“You’ll see”
…
“Back then you simply disregarded that message”
“You… You could’ve been more open about it. Why not say: “Hey, if you stay in this forest, you gonna kick the bucket”? I would more than gladly run for my dear life”
“You understand me already”
I do. Ralph isn’t on my side. For all the help he had given to me, his goal was not my own prosperity. I don’t know what goal he is pursuing. It may be simple entertainment or it may be something grander but he will be more than happy to push me to the grave as long as it aligns with his goal.
The worst thing is, even if I know it I have no choice but to follow along with his whims. I am in a different universe, in a place I don’t know and I have no other way to survive other than following Ralph’s advice.
It could lead me to all kinds of hell in the end and I can only hope that I won’t suffer too much on the way. Even if I commit suicide it’s not known if Ralph will bring me back, but with terrible penalties at that time. Not that I have the courage to try.
Loss of control, or rather the loss of the illusion of control, is not something I would recommend to experience.
With these kinds of thoughts in my head, I fell asleep again.
…
Morning greeted me as I lay on the ground. Surprisingly, I didn’t feel like I was on the verge of death from muscle pain nor did I freeze to death. I didn’t even catch a cold.
How odd.
“What’s the deal with this condition of mine?”
“Magic. Having an affinity for magic isn’t about just being able to use spells. Having mana in your body and using it the way you have used it can bring tangible benefits in other ways too. For example, do you recall ever begin bitten by a mosquito after having crossed over to this world?”
“Nope. Is it also because of magic? Lovely”
“What are you going to do now?”
“I am still thinking… Since the gecko-like beast came, won’t other monsters come too?”
“No, not for a long time. And before you ask, no humans are coming over any time soon either”
“Then I guess I will be staying here”
“As you wish. What else?”
“I’ll go and sleep again. I haven’t slept for about 14 days straight in the simulation, which is completely unbecoming of me. I’ll sleep for about twenty more hours and then think of other things”
