Back in reality, I slipped my headset off and stared up at the ceiling.

That was great.

I never would have expected to find such a perfect girl right after setting up my dungeon.

If I had spent just a few more minutes setting it up, or maybe decided to reread the guides on proper dungeon management before doing anything, then I could have missed her. I might have missed her and then I might have never gotten to meet her.

But I did meet her.

That perfect girl.

Lily.

My heartbeat raced and I had no idea why.

She might not have even been a real girl!

It wasn’t out of the ordinary for people to play the opposite gender in such games. Some people just wanted to try out the other gender, others did it because they couldn’t be the gender they wanted in reality, and some people—like me—experimented for sexual purposes.

That was why I had an alternate character. An alternate girl character.

Though, I quickly missed having a dick and ended up turning her into a futa.

There has always just been so much more that you can do with a cock.

Also, since I made the alternate character look like a feminine version of myself, I realized that I made a pretty attractive woman.

If only there was a way to clone myself. I would definitely have sex with a girl version of myself.

But back to Lily, real gender in that game was very much a “don’t ask; don’t tell,” sort of deal. There were some players who freaked out if they discovered another player’s in-game gender didn’t match their real gender. However, most of those players who would freak out were also happy to assume that everybody matched their real gender by default. They rarely ever asked because they didn’t want to risk finding out that they were wrong.

If a guy was balls-deep in a virtual girl, and then he found out that he was actually balls-deep in a virtual girl who was actually a man in reality – well, not everybody was as forgiving of that as I was.

Personally, I didn’t care either way. Guy, girl – whatever. I had been on the receiving and giving end with both of those genders and everything in between.

But when it came to romance… I was pretty strictly interested in women.

That was why, for once, I found myself worried about what Lily’s real gender might have been.

But at the same time, I knew that it was stupid to be worrying about that. I had only just met her and did not even know her for more than an hour, yet my heart was acting so immature.

I hated that.

I wanted nothing more than to tell my heart to slow the fuck down, but I doubted that my heart would actually listen to an order like that.

There was also the fact that she was surely only interested in visiting the dungeon for more sex. I had no reason to believe that she wanted anything more than to just be sex friends.

That normally wouldn’t have been a problem for me, but I felt like it would this time.

How could I really force myself to stay purely sex friends with somebody who was so perfect? If there was a dream girl for me, Lily was her.

It would suck if I ruined what we had planned because of my feelings, and it would be extremely unfair to her, too.

Come on, Damian. You’ve had how many partners now that you were able to have fun with without getting feelings for them? Just treat her like you’ve treated all of your past partners. Respect, consent, and keeping everything other than sex outside of the sex, I thought to myself.

But I couldn’t even trust in my own thoughts.

Or rather, I couldn’t trust in my heart to follow my thoughts.

Fortunately, there was a way to get my mind off of that – a way to wind down and relax before working.

And said method of relaxation was sitting on the couch watching television.

“Hey, mombot,” I teased her, sitting down on the couch next to her.

“I never would have imagined liking that silly nickname so much,” my mom responded.

“Half mom, half robot.”

“Please, I’m not half robot.”

I leaned over and knocked on her legs.

“Those aren’t made of metal,” she said.

“Robots don’t have to be made of metal. Wait, you’d be more of an android, I think.”

“No, I would be a cyborg.”

“Nerd.”

“Blame your father. He made me watch hundreds of sci-fi movies and shows.”

“He might have been a nerd, but that doesn’t mean you’re not a nerd, too.”

She lightly smacked my shoulder.

“Half mom, half robot still sounds better than half mom, half cyborg. Or cyborg mom. Or momborg. So, mombot it is,” I explained.

“I do kind of like momborg.”

“It sounds too silly. If you were a comedian who could take a joke, I’d call you it, but you’re just a nerd who gets offended over being called a nerd and lashes out at her wonderful, loving, flawless son instead. Mombot is more evil sounding, so it’s perfect for you.”

She slapped my shoulder again but with more force than before.

“See? Even though you have unlimited access to my credit cards, you still abuse me like this. You’re an evil mombot,” I teased, lying down on the couch with my legs going over her lap.

“I took care of you for fourteen years. You still have seven years before you’ve made it up to me.”

“Seven more years of using my credit card and living under my roof? Oh no. That sounds horrible. How am I supposed to – wait, what are you watching?” I asked, looking at the television as soon as I recognized the familiar voice on it.

My face was on the screen.

She had the online application of the smart TV open and was using it to watch my videos.

“Really?” I asked.

“Of course,” she answered. “What? Can’t a mother watch her child’s latest video?”

“Just as long as you don’t look up my old porn videos.”

“Damian, I would rather tear out my eyes than even think about those.”

I chuckled before spotting something in my latest video.

There was a spider on the wall.

Not a small spider, either.

Right behind me on the wall was a large, black spider the size of my hand.

How the fuck did I miss that during editing?!

“I… completely missed that spider,” I said.

“That isn’t a prop? Or an animation? I thought you added it there on purpose to freak people out.”

“Nope. That’s… that’s a real spider.”

“There are spiders that big around here?”

“Apparently.”

“Well, as long as it stays out of my room, I don’t care.”

“I feel bad for it. I don’t think that it’s going to find any food in this house.”

“Then find it and take it outside.”

“Or I could find it and keep it as a pet.”

“Can you imagine how Rachel would react if she discovers you have a pet spider that big?”

“She would scream and beg for me to kill it, probably. At least it would finally keep her out of my room. Plus she’d have no right to complain since I’m paying her tuition.”

“I remember when you were just a little boy. You wanted to be an astronaut. Your father and I thought you would end up as a scientist. Instead—”

“Instead, I’ve turned into a pervert who used to make porn and now makes sponsored videos talking about and reviewing all things sexual. Especially hentai.”

“Where did we go wrong?”

“Where did you go right, you mean.”

She sighed. “At least your sister is in college. Besides, I shouldn’t be judging. You’re making more than your father and I used to make combined. Everything they say about a pretty face making life easy is true.”

“You didn’t know that already? Who do you think I got my pretty face from?”

“Please. You look like your father and nothing like me. If I didn’t give birth to you myself then I would be worried I’m not your real mom.”

“You’re my real mom and the best mom that a perverted degenerate could ever ask for.”

“You might not look anything like me, but you get your degeneracy from me.”

“Whatever you say, Miss Vanilla.”

“I might be vanilla, but that’s only because real life can’t compare to all the crazy things in animations and games.”

“True. Real life has no consentacles.”

“Consentacles are the bestacles.”

“Please never say that again. It’s weird hearing my mom say my channel’s catchphrase.”

“I’m your mother. I’m allowed to say it if I want to say it.”

“Awfully cheeky for a half-robot living under my roof. Also, did you order your beekeeping stuff yet?”

“I did! They’re getting here next week. We’ll have fresh, natural honey grown in our backyard in a few months!”

“I don’t think that honey is grown.”

“You know what I mean.”

“I know that you don’t know how honey is made.”

“I’ll smack you.”

“Such an abusive mother.”

She smacked my legs over her lap.

“Oh, in your other video, you mentioned a ‘dungeon’ thing in that game you play. How’s that going?” she asked.

“It’s going good. I’ll do a video for it sometime next week. Probably. Maybe.”

“Make sure not to include any sex.”

“I know. Besides, even if it’s a video game, I wouldn’t be allowed to show sex or nudity anyways.”

“Bunch of prudes.”

“Says the one who just said not to include any sex.”

“Let me rephrase then. Make sure not to include any sex that includes you.”

“Fair enough. Though, even if I want to include sex of others, I’d have to post it to my channel over on the hub. You wouldn’t be able to watch it anyways since you might see the thumbnails for some of my… other videos.”

“Why don’t you just delete them? You’re not making those sorts of videos anymore, so I don’t see the point in keeping them around.”

“Because they’re still making me money.”

“I see. That’s a very good reason.”

“Right? Besides, it’s not like I’m ashamed of them or anything.”

“If only I could find the videos your father and I made.”

“We’re getting into TMI territory.”

“If you’re allowed to be as open about your sexuality as you are, then so am I. Hmph,” my mom said with crossed arms and a turned head, acting like a spoiled girl half her age.

“I don’t like it, but you’re right. Anyways, I’ve got to go edit another video and reply to some emails. You want anything before I go back upstairs?”

“How long will you be? I don’t want to disturb you.”

“Probably… two hours? I’ll be done before it’s time for you to get to bed.”

“Good. There’s no use in keeping you around if you can’t give me money and carry me up the stairs.”

“Aren’t I the one keeping you around?”

“Keep on telling yourself that, Damedame.”

“Please. I know that I call you mombot but that’s no reason to bring up that old name.”

“Sue me.”

“I’d be suing myself if I did that.”

“Having somebody else’s credit cards is such a nice thing.”