Their mouths and tongues slowly collided and entangle around one another in a deep, passionate kiss, filling the room with lewd sounds.
She couldn’t put together coherent thoughts as his assault rendered her unable to think, far from what she expected the wet kiss left her a gasping mess as Alexander separated from her lips.
Her eyes were glassy with various feelings but before she could recover, he started to undo her clothes while kissing and licking her neck, once her generous chest was bare his assault moved to her hardened nipples, a loud moan escaped her lips as her back arched upwards when a jolt of pleasure ran through her spine.
She wasn’t used to being in such a vulnerable state, she couldn’t take control under Alexander’s relentless assaults on her body, her beautiful shapely body became visible as he removed the last one of the barriers that was hiding her body from his eyes.
Anemone’s thighs were pressed together, hiding her petals, he saw this and resumed to assault her sensitive breasts and nipples, sucking and licking one while playing with the other between his fingers, the room was filled with the wet and lewd sounds.
It didn’t take long for Anemone to start shaking as a wordless shout left her rosy and wet lips.
She didn’t know something so good existed in this world, she was brought to heaven by his mouth and hands in a way she didn’t know was possible.
Unknowingly, her thighs relaxed, and Alexander didn’t miss the opportunity as he wetted his fingers with saliva and inserted his hand between her now relaxed thighs.
Anemone opened her mouth in an attempt to release a shout, but no sound left her mouth as she lost the ability to speak, the stronger than ever sensation almost made her faint as his hand found her cheery.
Alexander observed all her reactions carefully, searching for her most sensitive spots, understanding what she did and didn’t like so he could bring her over the edge again and again.
It didn’t take much time at all, as his hands moved all over her body, she reached her climax again, her body was entirely entrusted to him as she didn’t oppose any of his actions.
Alexander focused entirely on her as this was her first time, so he wanted to make this moment a pleasant and unforgettable one for her.
As he looked at the gasping mess that was Anemone, under him, Alexander moved to undress himself under her glassy eyes.
As he removed all his clothes, his huge member was exposed under her wide eyes, she knew what was about to happen, she expected it.
Anemone didn’t oppose as he separated her legs and positioned himself between them, his stiff di*k placed above her abdomen revealing its real size.
She gulped as she wondered if such a thing would really fit inside her, but more than fear, she couldn’t stop thinking about how it would feel. Under his intense stimulation, her flower was more than ready long ago, and clear and glistening nectar stained the bed.
Alexander’s waist moved back as he positioned the tip of his rod at the entrance of her pu*sy, moving it up and down along her slit, inciting soft moans from her every time the tip brushed against her pink pearl.
“Are you ready?” Asked Alexander, to be honest he couldn’t wait anymore as the long session in which he brought Anemone to climax over and over again, was hard for him to bear without finding release himself, but he still wouldn’t take her without her approval.
*nod* She couldn’t speak so she just nodded, her eyes fixed on the place they would be joined, expecting what was about to happen.
Seeing her nod, Alexander didn’t wait anymore and slowly pushed his hips forwards, the tip of is co*k pushed her petals apart, conquering the place no one else conquered.
As his tip invaded the virgin land, a small sound of pain left her mouth, his large member was a bit too much for her tight pu*sy so he had to stop and let her get accustomed to the intrusion of the foreign object and relax the folds of her vagina.
Anemone’s hands were holding the bed’s sheets in a tight grip in an attempt to distract her mind from the pain.
“P-Please c-continue!” A few minutes later the pain receded, and Anemone gave her permission for Alexander to continue.
All the waiting has hard to bear for him, as contrary to Anemone’s pain, he felt only pleasure, but he wouldn’t focus on his pleasure as this wasn’t just about himself, he desired her pleasure more than his, he wanted his partner’s happiness more than his.
As her words were heard, Alexander resumed his intrusion and she shortly found a slight barrier, the barrier that was prof of her purity, with a more decisive thrust his co*k charged through the barrier, breaking it and reaching her deepest spot in a single motion.
*Ahhh!” Anemone released a painful voice as she felt the tearing of her hymen in her entire body, blood escaped her folds and stained the sheets, now she was a woman, Alexander’s woman.
Seeing her painful expression, Alexander calmed his fire and once again began to stimulate her sensitive spots trying to dissipate her pain with pleasure.
It took longer than before but in several minutes her painful moans transformed back into moans of pleasure and the folds of her vag*na began coiling around his member signaling him that it was time for the main dish.
He began slowly, with small thrusts, then he increased the range of his motions until the small thrusts became regular thrusts, each thrust took the tip of his rod to both limits of her pus*y, the movement of his huge member was visible on her abdomen as a slight bulge.
Their ragged breaths resounded in the empty room, their fingers interlocked, and their mouths united as their tongues fought one another in a wet, messy scene.
An unknown amount of time later Alexander felt his own, first climax, approaching, and by Anemone’s increasing moans, hers too.
He focused on coordinating his climax with hers and when the time came, he thrusted one last time, the head of his co*k meeting her cervix, the stimulation brought by the contact brought Anemone to her own climax and Alexander’s ejaculation hit the entrance of her waiting womb, the folds of her pus*y milked him of everything he had to offer as the huge volume of his load was gladly received by her.
As his body collapsed on top of hers, Anemone put her arms around his back while he was still inside herself, basking in his warmth inside and outside.
After a long time of basking in the afterglow of their intense activity, they both fell asleep.
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Yes Votes: 74 91.4%
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No Votes: 7 8.6%
This is really good, granted its not perfect, but its really good for your first time
Just please don’t censor words, its a really small thing but I think it would be better if it was left uncensored, or just use different words
Thanks for the chapter!!
Dont skip it!!!
Enjoyable
Practice makes perfect, so do it if it's what you hope to get better at. Keep up the fun story :)
Personally if i wanted to read Erotica would go to a few sites that specialize in it, so i generally just skip that in stories, it really dosent bring anything to a story in my opinion.
Hmm.. what I shall write here is only what 'I' think is better and higher quality plus some improvements to the way this scene was written.
Alexander observed all her reactions carefully, searching for her most sensitive spots, understanding what she did and didn't like so he could bring her over the edge again and again.
How I would write it. "Alexander carefully observed her reactions as her moans and sweet voice started leaking out from her delicate lips as he was searching for her most sensitive zones, learning where to touch and how to stimulate her even more."
As he looked at the gasping mess that was Anemone, under him, Alexander moved to undress himself under her glassy eyes.
Ah here for the first part you repeated yourself from earlier and it doesn't exactly fit anymore after putting this for the second time and the second bit is ok. I would put it like this; "As he gazed at her face, gasping with a lustful look while quivering with pleasure, Alexander started undressing himself under her yearning gaze."
She gulped as she wondered if such a thing would really fit inside her, but more than fear, she couldn't stop thinking about how it would feel.
I think here for a s*x scene it pretty poorly structured, as for normal scenes and for s*x scenes different 'styles' of writing should be used. For this here I would write it like this; "she gulped as she wondered if such a giant organ could really fit inside her 'sacred cave', but more than fear, she felt her anticipation grow even stronger."
"Are you ready?" Asked Alexander, to be honest he couldn't wait anymore as the long session in which he brought Anemone to climax over and over again, was hard for him to bear without finding release himself, but he still wouldn't take her without her approval.
Here you should just tweak it a bit because it's mostly good but the start is kinda off. Here is another example written by yours truly; "Alexander leaned forward kissing her on the lips gently and asks with a soft smile, "are you ready?" To be honest he had a hard time stopping himself from forcing himself on her durning their pleasure sessions, but he still wouldn't eat her without her approval."
Anemone didn't oppose as he separated her legs and positioned himself between them, his stiff di*k placed above her abdomen revealing its real size.
Here you didn't put enough description as if you just skimmed(?) over it. Well I would put it like this; "Anemone didn't oppose as he separated her smooth tights exposing her pink tender lips leaking love juices, as he positioned his large d*ck right in front of them as if lightly kissing them."
the tip of is co*k pushed her petals apart
Here I would put it like this; "the head of his d*ck pushed her petals/lips apart as he penetrated deeper into her abandonment."
a small sound of pain left her mouth
Here just change a few words; "a soft yelp of pain left her lips."
Anemone's hands were holding the bed's sheets in a tight grip in an attempt to distract her mind from the pain.
"P-Please c-continue!" A few minutes later the pain receded, and Anemone gave her permission for Alexander to continue.
The few minutes part is unnecessary and just disturbs the flow, now I'm gonna show my version; " Anemone grasped the bedding to reduce the pain of having been pierced for the first time.
'P-Please c-continue!' She gasped after numbing the pain, and giving permission for Alexander to continue."
All the waiting has hard to bear for him, as contrary to Anemone's pain, he felt only pleasure,
Ah here you messed up your first part; "All the waiting was hard for him to bear..."
Ahhh!" Anemone released a painful voice
And here again the way you said it is not very great sounding as it should have some mood. I would do it like this; " 'Ahhh!' A painful moan escaped her lips as..." and it's easy here to continue with some action.
To tell you the truth there is a lot more I would change but if I did I would probably re:write the whole chapter , but one important part you should also focus on is the sounds and other senses such as smell, during the intercourse and more about it itself. Here an example;
"Her pus*y started contracting as Alexander was pounding her cunt even more furiously, as he feels he is about to cum.
The sounds of their flesh colliding echoes through the whole room as the scent of s*x spreads in the air.
Alexander start to pound even more faster as his cock becomes harder and larger as he releases his sticky semen deep inside her womb, as her pu**y starts tightening and releases a large amount of her love juices as she climaxes."
Nyahahah! here have this last bit as a present.
[Edit] Oh yeah just saying this is actually my first time writing something about s*x like situations so I'm just using my 6th sense to feel if it fits so feel free to ignore my 'suggestions'.
Thanks, that's a lot to analyse but it will help.
@Orademo no probs I edited it a bit after reading through my comment again, and removed some mistakes.
@Orademo was thinking that you should make a better synopsis of the novel... All we can get from it is 1. One piece, 2. System... Nothing more, try to expand the novel a little, mention the boat or something? that one piece is a true world and all
@Treyon yea, I thought about that but I always forget if I don't write it down, I should see if anyone has an idea for a synopsis as I am bad at it, like my naming sense. Thanks for the suggestion