Tonight is a wonderful night, I never felt better. The sky is so beautiful I could look for hours without getting bored, thousand upon thousand of star in my little corner of the sky, I say it mine because i'm the only one looking right now atop this hill and it going to stay like this because I never told anybody about this place.
3 years ago I ran away from home after a dispute with my family and found this place which is about 20 minutes by bike. It not like a ran away to live on my own but to be left alone for a little while. Ever since I come here 3 to 4 time a month to think, to not think, to dream of other live that I can't have.
I mean who hasn't dream to be someone else, a fiction character or a classmate or maybe your parent, trying to understand how to change yourself to fit better with everyone around you.
Today I don't know what I did different, but it know I did something. I don't know how to explain it but it like I can finally see what around me, I don't feel drown and the world is full of color. Now I'm free and nobody will stop me.
" Sniff.Sniff "
Great and now it ruin there a cry baby next to me.
I look at my left and somebody is crying with her face hidden in between her knees. She has chestnut shoulder length hair just like me, she wearing ....... my favorite hoodies and short, maybe we have the same taste in clothing but it still weird. I mean I don't wear those outside even if they are my favorite because they are so tacky.
A black hello kitty hoodies with cat ear up top and a little pink cat in front with paw print on the sleeve, the short are the puffy fake skirt style very comfy but so out of style and they are the same over wash sage green. I always wear them at home for ultimate comfort, it not like anybody care about what I wear at home.
It weird I don't know her but I don't want to leave her alone and tonight was my first day of freedom, this is not how I envision myself making this the best day of my new life.
Here I go let's become a busybosy.
" Are you alright?"
Here you go great start me she didn't even respond. Anyways the star are marvelous tonight so it not like I need a reply so soon we have till the sun come or until I fall asleep ether way it going to be a beautiful night with just a little spice of drama.
"This is a special place for me, I always come here went I feel bad, it helped me understand how everything can be simple, free and beautiful when you know how to look. Maybe you should give it a try?"
"........"
" It not like you can see much while you cry but it still going to be better then your knee."
OH! She moved! Maybe she won't speak with me right now but she will later!
" Tonight is one of the best to look at the star and with only a little luck you will see plenty of shooting star. It the best time of the year for wish so why not make one."
Yup there will be so much tonight you could make a lifetime of wish with the Perseid meteor shower because it a new moon night and there no cloud. It such a rare event since the Perseid stay for almost 40 day so you won't get too many new moon and you want one in the middle so that it near peak day, you know that went there the biggest amount of shooting star, and a cloudless sky at that it like a event of a lifetime.
" I hear that you can make new wish for every shooting star that you see with little chance for it to happen or you can make the same wish upon every one of them and it will happen."
I can see it in her green eye she searching with greed and .... grief
Green the same has me but she cried so much they are red and puffy. I don't know what happen but she's been crying for a long time, long enough to make you understand what happen if you went through many crying phase yourself.
Bully victim may cry but they close themselves soon enough, the same for those with too much expectation on their shoulder. That is if they don't break, fight their bully or run await from home.
Friend fight or when you drift apart the hard way for whichever bad reason it could be, will be hard the first day and your going to go through it alone most of the time.
Heartbreak is much harder but there always someone ready to support you, be it your best friend, your mom and sister, or maybe your father or brother that want to beat the loser.
Betrayal is sometime not so bad but it can be the worst but went it come from your lover, that change a life forever. Most of the time there will hardly be someone else after because of anxiety, fear and sometime PTSD (Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder) went shit hit the fan. But then emotion come in period of sorrow, remorse, anger, guilt and disgust nothing like what I'm seeing right now.
No it feel like she lost someone, someone very dear, too dear to lose has if it was half of herself.
I can almost feel her pain and it doesn't feel good at all. Better look at the star myself and I will wish upon them so that she can gain happiness again.
" I'm ......."
Strange I forgot what I was going to say.
" Who?"
"My SiSteR......."
Ouch she look like she 16, the worst time because with everything that you do you can't help but to question yourself and search yourself in everything and through everyone around you. If she saw her sister has her model that she truly did lose half of herself.
"What kind of person was your sister."
"....."
She closed her eyes again. ARGHHH!!! How stupid can I be. I'm went to fast, better shut up for a little while.
" sHy , .... kind, caring, always there went I needed her, never spoke up for herself, always listening to other, doing thing her own ways even if she failed most of the time she never gave uP UnTil YesSTur.. Hic!"
Now she crying even more... we are stranger it not like I can hug her even if she need someone right now. But to HELL WITH COMMON SENSE!!!
She truly shouldn't be alone right now... her sister killed herself.
That worst that anything, it unacceptable, there nothing to help go through that. She must feel like she could have done something to prevent it, that she should have know something was not right, like it her fault that she couldn't prevent it.
Why just ....WHY would someone ever would think it OK to destroy their family like that! That why she alone right now, they can't cry together because they feel responsible, they think... all of them think that it their fault, so they evade one another. None of them most be home right now, who would want to stay in that house where she most have spent her whole life. The house alone must make them feel grief on it own but it full of memory, that must be like a buffet where anguish, sorrow, grief, are served one after another and force down your throat ever when your so full you feel like you will died.
I know it stupid but I got to ask
" Why come here tonight then? Shouldn't you be with your mother or father?"
" It her favorite place in the whole world.... she never told me but I know because I fallowed her here multiple time went she was feeling down. I never told her that I knew where she would go spend her night out, never told mom ether, she didn't know that Kat would go sleep under the star so often."
Kat must mean her name is Katerine or Kathy I think I know someone by that name... why can I remember.
" I come here pretty often too but it the first time that I have company. Did you come to sleep under the star like your older sister?"
"Huh-Hun. It not my older sister but my little sis and we're twin."
"....." What do I say to that, her twin that more like she herself died yesterday. How is she even a little bit functional enough to come here.
"Sorry I didn't know .... I.... can't understand what it like.... sorry."
"I know... say Sis why did you do it. Why did you never ask me for help. Why did you run so far away by yourself without telling me anything."
Ok that weird, is she speaking to me has if i'm her sister or is the speaking to the star because ether ways there nothing I can say to that.
No she clearly speaking to me for the first time since I found her she's looking at me.
"I'm sorry I don't know your sister, I can speak for her."
"DON'T LIE TO ME!!! your not ever here your just a ghost. I came here 3 hours ago and made a wish upon every shooting star in the world that I could see for this to be a dream and theN whEn I Was loOsing Hope yoU STarRtEdd tO spEaK wIth...me again BUT YOUR NOT EVER HERE."
What is she.... OH MY GOD I CAN'T SEE MYSELF! I really am a ghost so that why she look like me. I'm her twin. She put my favorite cloth on because she was missing me, her sister, and came here because she wanted to be where I was happy.
I did her wrong... why would I do that ... How can I HATE myself enough to destroy those that love so much.
WHY DOES THIS HURT SO MUCH!?!
It hard to breath, it hurt, it feel like my heart is torn apart, such a crushing feeling, I want to die again please make it stop make it stop "hurt.. it hurt."
"MOM!!!! KAT DOESN'T FEEL GOOD AT ALLLL! MOMMM SHE NOT WAKING UP"
Mom ??? but she not here and I'm dead.
"Sweatie wake up!"
"Told you she said hurt it hurt in her sleep"
Why am I being throw around so much it doesn't make sense.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
I'm at the hospital.
I was planing to take my life but I wanted to do it at my favorite hill. I was waiting for everyone to fall prey to Morpheus before trying to go, but I fell asleep before my own twin sister.
I had the strangest dream. I saw what it would do to my sister if I toke my life has if using the eyes of someone else. How could I be selfish enough to hurt her to the point that knowing what it would do to her was sufficient to send me to the hospital.
I didn't wake for 2 day and now everyone that care about me is here, my mom and dad, my big sis Sofia, our childhood friends Rebecca and Sabrina, my only friend at school Estele
Hic.Hic
"OH sweatie everything alright now."
"Sis!"
Mom and Sofia gave me a sandwich hug and then everyone came to make a group hug while I cried. It hurt why would I even try to do that. It so unfair for all of them. I was never alone, who care if some people speak behind my back, who care if some people hate me, who care if i'm stupid and very bad a school at least I'm love. There is so much love around me right now that it should be more then I ever need to move forward. More than I ever need to change my self so that I can appreciate what I have and not dream for what I would never get.
WHY DOES IT HURT SO MUCH WHEN I'M SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW!?!
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Do you want to know the strangest thing about my dream. Yesterday I toke my sister to watch the meteor shower and she told me.
" Finally I get to come here with you, it been what 3 years now but you never take me, I don't think you know but I always followed you every time because I was afraid you would never come back."
It made me wonder was it really a dream. Let hope so because the guilt is strong has it is I don't want to think it was real.
