Chapter 18.3 – Family Guy

 Disclaimer: This chapter has been translated by sutekii & lemonsalt

Xu Papa as a chain smoker of many decades, has always held a lighter in his hand and a cigarette in his mouth.

Although it had not reached the stage of divorcing over the cigarettes, but there were scenes when he made oaths like “If you want me to quit smoking then I have to quite my meals first.” So this morning when Xu Papa awoke from his dream, his very first reaction was to reach over to the bedside. This was the habit that Xu Papa kept for decades. The first thing in the morning: Smoke a cigarette, wake up. 

When his wife who was taking care of him saw this, she was so angry but she could not slap him. Instead, she gave him a deep penetrating stare and started scolding, “Smoke, smoke, smoke, at a time like this, you still think about smoking, Why don’t you just smoke to death? Causing your daughter and I to be so scared and worried …… “

As Xu Mama rambled on, Xu Papa’s mind automatically woke up, looked around at his surroundings. When he recalled last night’s scene where he lost consciousness, a cry arose in his heart: I’m finished, smoke until I have landed up in the hospital, there are troubling times ahead for me.

Xu Papa was a dignified man, he was not afraid of death, nor was he afraid of surgery. But his greatest fear was his wife’s nagging, usually when he had some minor illness or ailments, his wife would already nag for three days and three nights. Now that he has been admitted to the hospital, wouldn’t she nag him to death? Thus, when Nuo Nuo came into the ward to visit her father, Xu Papa had been reprimanded half-dead by his wife already.

> _ <

This morning without his cigarette to perk him up, compounded by the reprimanding by his wife in front of his in-laws, he felt absolutely humiliated. When Xu Papa saw hi daughter come in, he didn’t have much of a reaction, until he saw his brilliant son-in-law, the addicted old smoker finally came up with a plan.

Before Xiao Big Boss left, Xu Papa used his smooth as oil tone to add a few more words in, “Xiao Yi ah, you know, in this world a daughter is the most dear to a father, Nuo Nuo is a filial child. If this thing is not done properly, ha ha……”

The slippery old man deliberately left his words unsaid, laid down and closed his eyes humming, but the underlying threat was successfully conveyed. Xu Papa crossed his legs, looking immensely pleased with himself: Who is he ah, as an official of many experience, even if his future son-in-law is a pineapple [1], he cannot escape from my hands.

But clearly, Xu Papa underestimated Xiao Big Boss’ capabilities.

After ten minutes, the missing Xiao Big Boss returned to the ward. At this moment, Nuo Nuo and Xu Mama were in the ward taking care of him. When she saw Xiao Big Boss return, the small white rabbit joyfully bounced before him and smiled, “Where did you just go?”

Xiao Big Boss gave no indication, “Well, I went out to do something.”

When Xu Papa heard this, he knew his son-in-law had taken the hook, and his small eyes curved up craftily. As he hesitated over what excuse to give to let his son-in-law to accompany him out alone, so that he can go into a smoking ecstasy in the toilet, he saw Xiao Big Boss suddenly take vigorous strides to his bedside. Then in a very causal manner, he took out a pack of cigarettes from his bosom and calmly said,

“Xu Uncle.”

In an instant, the room was so quiet that everyone’s breathing could be heard loud and clear. The small white rabbit was dazed as she saw Xu Mama’s expression changed from blue to red to white to green to purple, flashing like the colours of a rainbow, then she rushed up to grab Xiao Big Boss and whispered, “Are you crazy! Knowing that my father fell sick because of smoking, you still……”

Her words were incomplete when Xiao Big Boss shook his head with a pious expression, and interrupted her, “It was Xu Uncle who asked me to help him buy this, here.” When he saw Xiao Yi passing the pack of cigarette in front of him, Xu papa felt like he was swaying in the wind.

My dignity is gone! Totally gone! [2] 

This son-in-law is not an easy person to deal with, he was annoyed that I threatened him just now, that’s why he used this move! That’s right, although I blackmailed Xiao Yi to do a good job, but I didn’t say that he wasn’t allow to tell anyone, so that’s why in front of my other half and daughter, my future son-in-law righteously betrayed me.

=__=

On one side Xu papa was beating his chest, while Xu mama was shouting “Well done”, and like a fierce tiger, she pounced over. Snatching the cigarette pack from Xiao Yi’s hand, Xu Mama grinded her teeth and started to admonish loudly, “That’s why I said, what wanting to talk alone with Xiao Yi, I bah! You old addict, smoke! Smoke you to death!”

Xu Mama was utterly exasperated, as she spoke, she smashed the cigarette pack into her other half’s face, as a result, another embarrassing scene unfolded.

At this time, because Xu Papa’s true colors was finally revealed, he was so scared that he could only lay in bed trembling. To appease his wife’s anger, when the cigarette pack hit his face, he didn’t even dare to move. So it directly hit his face, and fell down with a thud, and instantly many cigarettes tumbled onto the blanket…… Cough cough, that’s not right, they were bar shaped cookies.

The small white rabbit blink, “…… What is that?”

Xiao Big Boss’ eyes were clear, laughed gently as he said, “Xu Uncle said he had cravings, and felt terrible, so he asked me to buy him a snack to put in the cigarette box. When he wants to smoke, he can take out something to eat. Xu Uncle, isn’t that right?”

Startled for a moment, Xu Papa looked up, finally the old man wept bitterly:

A small punishment as a deterrent against future mistakes [3], his son-in-law…… was not simple, not simple at all!

This “refined rascal” if he doesn’t work for the government, it will be such a waste of talent ah!

Being mindful of this, Xu Papa wholeheartedly conceded (to his son-in-law) and nodded, “Yes, yes.”

Here the small white rabbit and Xu Mama were at a loss, there was an awkward atmosphere, after some time, Nuo Nuo finally could not hold it in, flopped down and laughed aloud, the crafty old Xu comrade, serve you right!

Everything soon returned back to normal, Xu and Xiao’s family meeting could be considered a success, the four old people agreed to wait until Xu Papa’s discharge to go out for a celebration meal. So Nuo Nuo and Xiao Big Boss’ marriage plans can be considered as running on schedule.

That day, was the day before Xu Papa’s discharge, Nuo Nuo and her mother was at home packing things up, getting ready for her father’s return tomorrow. Xu Mama mysteriously pulled Nuo Nuo into the bedroom, took out two pieces of paper that look like lottery tickets from the drawer and gave it to the small white rabbit.

When Nuo Nuo inspected it, she only saw the words state impressively “Golden Harp Hotel”, and some introductory information on the hotel, and was puzzled. “What is this?”

Xu Mama coughed, solemnly gestured a V sign, “On the 20th, you and Xiao Yi will go to the Golden Harp Hotel to stay for the night on the Diamond Lovers Package”

As Xu Mama spoke, Nuo Nuo was fell off the stool onto the ground. Just now…… was there a problem with her ears?

When she saw this, Xu Mama hurriedly helped her up, rebuked her with her few words then explained the reason. Xu Papa and Xu Mama’s 25th wedding anniversary was last month, as a anniversary gift to them, Nuo Nuo went behind their back to a wedding boutique to book a wedding photoshoot, and at the same time…… she also took a look. >O<

When her parents were young, they married in a hurry, they only had a black and white photo of the wedding. Although the two old folks felt distressed that taking a few photographs would cost a few thousand dollars, they still cheerfully accepted their precious daughter’s kindness, and joyously took the pictures.

Who knew that their luck would be so good, the wedding boutique and the Golden Harp Hotel were co-organizing an event. The two old folks won the Diamond Lovers Package suite. The hotel was very smart, they knew that most of the lovers who came to take photographs are probably considering marriage, so they hoped to take this chance to promote their hotel to the winners, so that they would hold the wedding banquet there. But Xu Mama and Xu Papa, the old couple, felt that they too embarrassed to stay at some lovers suite.

When she heard this, Nuo Nuo’s widened her eyes and pouted, “You two feel too shy to go, so you’re telling Xiao Big Boss and I to go ah?!”

Xu Mama let out a muffled laugh, “Don’t act coy, aiya, young people nowadays, I also don’t know? They all enjoy marital benefits before marriage, would you and Xiao Yi be so well-behaved?”

The small white rabbit’s cheeks started to redden at her mother’s words, she buried her head, unable to speak. Mama, you are really…… Too open-minded (>_<)”

As Xu Mama chattered on, “My only request is of you both is to use protection, don’t have a shotgun marriage.” After she finished her speech, she placed the gift voucher into the small white rabbit’s hands. The small white rabbit felt like she just received a hot potato that she wanted to throw away, and shook her head vigorously.

“Mama, what nonsense are you saying, Xiao Big Boss and I…… Haven’t!”

Xu Mama’s eyes squinted disdainfully, and her the corners of her mouth curved up slyly, she pretended to put on a serious air and said solemnly, “Nuo Nuo, don’t pretend to be obedient. Don’t think that just because I spent the night in the hospital, I didn’t know that Xiao Yi didn’t sleep in our home!!”

Then, Nuo Nuo’s ears were thoroughly, thoroughly red.

If there was a hole in the ground, the small white rabbit would curled up and sank right in. Moreover, it was not just her mother’s words that made her feel shy, it was also…… The lovers suite, how will she open her mouth and tell Xiao Big Boss?

At night, Nuo Nuo waited for Xiao Big Boss to finish work, because her mind kept going on the lovers suite matter, when Xiao Big Boss called out to Nuo Nuo several times, there was no response from her.

Xiao Big Boss was surprised, and called out several times, the small white rabbit then finally responded simply with “Ah”, Xiao Yi curved his lips, “What are you thinking of?”

“Nothing……” The small white rabbit’s mind was wandering.

“I’ll almost finishing, what would you like to eat? Do I need to reserve a place?” Xiao Yi said as he took care of the last few emails on the computer but he only heard Nuo Nuo casually say an “uh” sound then she didn’t continue speaking.

Someone mind’s was wandering, gazing in the the distance, she was oblivious to what Xiao Big Boss just said, Xiao Yi frowned and repeated himself. Without thinking, Nuo Nuo uttered, “Lovers suite. ”

After this, there was a sudden drop in the temperature in the office, Xiao Big Boss’ fingers stopped typing on the keyboard, and squinted, “What did you just say?”

Nuo Nuo took a deep breath, better late than never [4], “I said… … lets eat a couple’s dinner set, couple’s dinner set.”

The small white rabbit’s head was dripping drops of sweat, when she saw that there was no reaction from Xiao Big Boss, she thought she covered her guff well and breathed a sigh of relief. Then she slowly walked over in front of Xiao Big Boss, tilted her head as she watched him reply emails.

“Ah?” Nuo Nuo held her chin and changed the topic, “Speaking of which that reminds me, Xiao Big Boss you warned Ran Qing He at the hospital that day. You said, don’t think that what he has done in《Huang Yan》has gone unnoticed, what did he do?”

When he heard this, Xiao Yi with a smile, “Actually on that day, was just testing——”

“Testing? ”

“Well… …” Xiao Big Boss was eagle eyed, extremely accurate at judging people. Although he had only had a short interaction with Ran Qing He, but because of the small white rabbit, Xiao Yi investigated his every move clearly in the company《Huang Yan》. That day at the hospital, the angered Xiao Yi had his suspicions, a jerk with no character like Ran Qing He can’t behave and be a good employee in《Huang Yan》, there may be some unknown fraud, so he intentionally dug a hole for Ran Qing He to fall in.

Ji Pin Nan had a guilty conscience and didn’t know it was a trick, so he easily fell into Xiao Big Boss’ trap.

When the small white rabbit heard this, a profound respect arose in her, Xiao Big Boss is Xiao Big Boss, so amazing ^ ω ^

Nuo Nuo’s glimmered and had a gleeful expression on her face, “Then what happened? Did you really manage to find out his wrongdoings?” So, she was the hero, right? If she didn’t go into the tiger’s den, how could you have caught Ran Qing He the schemer?

Just as Nuo Nuo felt immensely proud, she saw Xiao Big Boss’ devilish smile before he propped up his cheeks, “Well, before I answer this question, say what you want to say.”

Nuo Nuo stuck her tongue, muttered, “Me, what do I have to say?”

Xiao Big Boss (muttered): “I have seen it.”

The small white rabbit (exclaimed): “Seen what?”

Xiao Big Boss (coughed): “At the beginning when you came in, I saw the Hotel VIP gift vouchers.”

The small white rabbit: … …

O (> ﹏ <) o What lovers hotel, most annoying!

[1] Not too sure, what the author means by pineapple but apparently pineapple flower represents flawless perfection.

[2] 下马威 Xià Mǎ Wēi: Severity and displayed (showing of strength) shown by an official on assuming office. Can also mean to totally undermine another’s dignity/authority.

[3] 小惩大诫 Xiǎo Chéng Dà Jiè: A small punishment for an offence to prevent the offender from committing further mistakes.

[4] 亡羊补牢 Wáng Yáng Bǔ Láo: Mend the fold after the sheep have been stolen ； lock the stable door after the horse has been stolen.

lemonsalt: This was a pretty hilarious chapter! Don’t mess around with Xiao Big Boss. What will happen at the lovers suite? Stay tuned ?