Dear Dad,

 

You’re hard at work again today, right? I know working at a convenience store at your age doesn’t make you happy, but you’re starting off on the right foot! It’s fine to take it slowly. We can rely on each other. We’ll definitely get through this.

 

I have a test at school today. I’m honestly a bit nervous. High school wasn’t what I expected, and it’s difficult to balance my studies and everything else. But I know that whatever grade I come home with, it’ll be ok. You’ll be there to comfort me or celebrate for me.

 

Days like this make me remember what happened back then. It’s only been a year, but so much has changed. Have I ever told you?

 

I think I’d like to. I want you to hear about the girl who helped us. 

 

Let’s talk about it sometime, okay?

 

Love,

Yuka.

 

- - -

It was mid October.

 

Another day started with the glaring sun. 

 

I was used to this by now.

 

I knew that trying to use my futon to cover my eyes would only make it hard to breathe.

 

And so I groggily rolled out of bed and stumbled towards the bathroom. Some people might find themselves refreshed after washing their face. For me, it only made me feel worse. This happened again after I brushed my teeth, changed my clothes, or tied my hair.

 

Every step I completed in getting ready just shortened the time until I had to meet him.

 

I always secretly wished that he would be gone by the time I got breakfast.

 

This day, he was worse than other days.

 

Sprawled out on the kitchen table were various bills and IOU’s, and I knew that he had gone gambling again. I sighed at the thought of needing to pick up another part time job. 

 

And he was at the door. He wore his suit sloppily, a beer bottle in hand.

 

“Dad. You can’t go to work drunk.”

 

“...ver… WHATEVER!”

 

That was the response he gave as he left, slamming the door behind him. I was alone in the room that he had made a mess in a drunken frenzy. I wasn’t going to have time to eat breakfast like this.

 

After cleaning up a bit, I grabbed an apple to eat on the way to school. 

 

He’d been like this my entire life, but it had been getting worse the past few years. Apparently, he used to be kind and loving. It wasn’t until my mom died shortly after giving birth to me that he changed. I didn’t really care much growing up, though. My grandma lived with us and took care of me. However, she died the year I started middle school. Around the same time, he began going to bars and casinos every night, so I had to start taking up jobs to make up for it.

 

Thanks to that, I didn’t have any time to study. It was bothering me since I had to take highschool entrance exams soon. I was just planning on going to the least expensive school. I really didn’t care. I couldn’t really afford to care. Not when most of our money went to feed his alcoholism and gambling addiction.

 

I resented him. I didn’t understand why I had to sacrifice my youth for him.

 

Everyone else my age got to go to arcades with their friends, or complain about all the studying they had to do. I didn’t even have anyone to complain to. I didn’t want anyone to know about my home life.

 

The last straw that broke the mule’s back appeared that day. When I went home, and he was there and not at work. The whole house reeked of beer. He saw me and spoke my name with a wry smile.

 

“Yuka… Yuka, I lost my job again.”

 

I felt the blood drain from my face. There was so much I wanted to say, but my body just wouldn’t let me.

 

“But it’s okay. I found a way for us. In the jar over there. You’ve been saving up money, haven’t you? You’re such a good girl, Yuka. I’ll make good use of it. I’m going to go to the casino tonight and get some more. It’ll be ok.”

 

The tears began to flow, and my voice finally broke through in a shaking tone.

 

“That… Was for my high school tuition fee…”

 

“Oh? I see, I see. So you were saving up for high school? How responsible of you. I’m very proud as your father. I’ll make sure to give it back to you after I return from the casino. I just need money to bet with. I’ll get it back.”

 

He said such things with a naive, innocent smile, and took another swig of beer.

 

I turned around and ran. I didn’t know where I was going, but I found myself in a nearby park.

 

The sun had almost set by now, and I was alone. The dim lighting made the playground eery, and the emptiness just suffocated me.

 

As I walked through the park I found evidence of the children who played there. There was a shovel left by the sandbox. The paint on the monkey bars had faded to show the aluminum in the center of the bars. There were names etched onto the wooden picnic tables.

 

All these things telling someone’s story. I wondered if anything had shown mine.

 

I was so scared. I didn’t want my story to end as the girl from the broken home.

 

But I didn’t know what to do.

 

He had never won anything from gambling. Knowing him, he would lose all of the money I’d been struggling to save for almost a year. Even if I got into a high school, I just wouldn’t be able to afford it. I was going to spend the rest of my life trapped with him.

 

With no friends.

 

With no family.

 

And with no future.

 

I started bawling, and no matter how hard I tried to quiet down, I simply couldn’t. I felt like it was impossible to breathe. Like there was no point in trying anymore, if this was all my life would amount to.

 

And then a clear voice rang out behind me.

 

“Are you alright?”

 

I turned to see a sweet-looking high school girl holding a hand out to me. There was something about her smile that was so reassuring. I wiped my eyes and took it as she lead me to sit on the swings.

 

“What’s wrong? For such a cute girl as yourself to cry like this… Whoever hurt you is too cruel.”

 

She held her chin high, her gaze focused on the stars that had just surfaced. I changed direction to watch the tips of my shoes burying themselves in the sand.

 

“It’s my dad. He… He just hasn’t gotten back on his feet after my mom died. It feels like I’ll be taking care of him forever, and I really don’t know what to do.”

 

She began to swing, ever so slightly.

 

“Is that so? To heal him over such a thing shouldn’t be your responsibility, though? Wouldn’t it be best to leave him alone? It’s not like either of you particularly need each other.”

 

I shot to my feet and yelled, the tears welling up again.

 

“How can you say that!? No matter what, he’s still my dad! I’m not going to just abandon him when he’s in pain like this!”

 

She smiled softly, and looked at me out of the corner of her eye.

 

“Oh? So you don’t want to abandon him. Then, what is it that you do want?”

 

What I want?

 

I sat back down, and was quiet for a few moments. It’s not something I had even given myself the time to think about before. 

 

I wasn’t sure how long I made her wait for me to speak.

 

“I want to go to high school and make friends and study until my head hurts. I want to go to a happy home with a healthy relationship with my dad everyday. I want to wake up and not immediately dread having to meet him. I want to build a future just for me, and I want my dad to be in it. I just… Don’t know how to get there.”

 

Her smile deepened.

 

“Then isn’t it fine if you start finding a way, now?”

 

She gently patted my head.

 

“The hardest thing to do is start from nothing, but now you know where you want to go. You just need to take the first step. If you can just remember your destination, it won’t be as easy to get lost. You can do this, Yuka. I believe in you.”

 

“How did you know m-”

 

She stood up and interrupted me as I tried to voice my confusion.

 

“You should get going, now. It’s dangerous to be out so late.”

 

She held out her hand once again to help me up. 

 

“Um… Then, what’s your name?”

 

She giggled a bit before answering.

 

“I’ll tell you next time, okay?”

When I got home, he was nowhere to be found. Neither was my money, so it was easy to assume he had already started gambling.

 

I needed to take the first step… And I thought that was to address the problem. The biggest issue was our finances. But I didn’t even know how much he owed in the first place. I had to consolidate all of the debt into one overall amount to know what state we were in. 

 

And so I rummaged through the whole house to find every receipt I could. I had been slowly paying off his IOU’s, so there wasn’t as much as I had thought. It was still an unsettling amount, but it wasn’t something impossible to pay off with hard work.

 

Along with the receipts, I found a surprisingly feminine stationery set that looked as if it hadn’t been touched in a long time. It had a dragonfly motif with a gold leaf border. I wasn’t sure who bought it or when, but I decided to use it myself.

 

It might have been difficult to get through to him if I was only speaking. I wanted to try using written communication, too. I didn’t know how it would work out, but it was worth a shot.

 

It was also important to work on his alcoholism as soon as possible. He wouldn’t be able to listen to reason if he wasn’t sober, and I wanted to reduce the risk of poisoning. We couldn’t afford a therapist, so he’d have to detoxify at home. He was at the point of drinking a minimum of thirty bottles of beer a day. I didn’t want to put him through anything dangerous, but he needed to cut down immediately. 

 

I decided that he should be limited to only when he was in desperate need of alcohol. It was important to make sure that there would be someone to watch him all day, so I contacted my neighbor who agreed to help in return for me cleaning up her yard. 

 

Of course, gambling was not allowed, whatsoever.

 

And then I started writing letters.

 

Dear Dad,

 

Drinking isn’t good for your health, so try to cut back a bit!

 

Dear Dad,

 

Taking some time for yourself is fine, but make sure you’re applying to jobs, too.

 

Dear Dad,

 

When was the last time you decided to clean up? A clean home is a happy home!”

 

And many more, small reminders just like those. I placed them in random parts of the house for him to find when he went to drink, use the computer, watch TV, etc. And I waited for him to come home.

 

It wasn’t until midnight that he got back. His eyes widened in shock when he saw me waiting by the front door, but it was covered almost instantly when his face twisted in pain.

 

“Yuka… I lost it all… There’s nothing left.”

 

He began to cry, and fell to his knees.

 

“I know. I expected it.”

 

He weakly crawled forward, speaking in a dry voice.

 

“I need a beer.”

 

“No.”

 

He was clearly surprised by my rejection, but I wasn’t going to stop.

 

“Dad. This can’t go on. You need to stop drinking. You should stop gambling, too.”

 

“YOU THINK YOU HAVE ANY RIGHT!?”

 

His cold glare cut into me.

 

“It’s not healthy! You can’t keep doing this. Do you think Mom would have wanted this home to be so unhappy?”

 

“SO WHAT!? YOUR MOTHER IS GONE AND SHE WON’T COME BACK! Drinking… Gambling…. Don’t you know they’re they only things that have made me happy since she left?”

 

I didn’t know what hurt more. The tears he shed while pushing me away or the words he did it with.

 

“Can’t… Can’t I make you happy?”

 

Even though I was trying to stay strong, I still cried as my dad grew silent. We stayed like that for a long time. He didn’t say a word and simply watched me cry.

 

“Alright.”

 

He spoke so suddenly that my tears stopped.

 

“I’ll try. I promise I’ll do better, Yuka. Please… Just don’t cry.”

 

I felt the corners of my mouth raise ever so softly, and I wrapped my arms tightly around him.

I woke up the next morning earlier than usual. I left to the kitchen for some water, but I stopped when I noticed my dad. I thought he might be trying to drink, so I chose to hide and watch.

 

He opened the refrigerator door.

 

He looked to the bottom corner housing his beer.

 

And he froze.

 

I wondered what had happened, but before I could go out and ask, he fell to the floor. He grabbed the letter, clutching it tightly to his chest, and didn’t even read it. He just cried. And cried.

 

I wasn’t entirely sure what happened. But he got up on his own. 

 

And he threw the remaining beers in the trash.

 

Then he opened the letter, and gave a small laugh after reading it. When he bent over the counter and started crying again, I decided to go back to sleep. I chose to ask him later. More than anything else, I was so proud of him.

 

I left him in the care of my neighbor, and did my best during school and work. Just before coming back home, I stopped by that same park. And just as I hoped, that girl was there. And I told her everything.

 

“I see… So you wrote him letters?”

 

I swayed my feet back and forth to build momentum on the swing.

 

“Well, it’s more like written reminders on fancy paper.”

 

“It’s a good idea, though. I’ve always really liked letters.”

 

I stopped the swing to look at her clearly.

 

“Why?”

 

“Well, that’s how I met the person I love. We exchanged letters through a book in the library.”

 

I giggled.

 

“That sounds so cliche.”

 

“I know. But the cliche was nice. When we first started dating, he gave me a stationary set, but I was too focused on using it for something important that I never got to use it at all. It’s such a shame really. The dragonfly motif was beautiful.”

 

“... What happened?”

 

She smiled softly once more.

 

“You’ll learn soon enough.”

 

Then she got up and walked away. I tried to catch up, but when I turned the corner, there was no one there. So I just went home.

My dad was there to greet me. It’s been a long time since I’ve heard the words “welcome home.” He sat me down at the table, which was set with a dinner that he prepared. To be honest, it was terrible. But it was just nice to eat with him.

 

When we finished dinner, he stood quite suddenly.

 

“That reminds me, Yuka. You’ve never seen your mother, have you? I destroyed most of her pictures when she died, but… I still have one of her from when she was in high school.”

 

I couldn’t contain my excitement at all as I followed him to his room where he pulled out a large box. He took off the lid to reveal the contents: a small safe, a familiar high school uniform, and a picture of a sweet-looking girl. A girl that I’ve met before.

 

She was right.

 

I found out soon enough.

 

While I was admiring the picture, my dad picked up the safe.

 

“You see, I know the code to this, but I don’t know what’s inside. I’ve never had the courage to open it before. Want to see what’s inside with me?”

 

“Of course!”

 

I watched closely as he entered my birthdate into the safe to reveal an envelope filled with more than enough money to pay for three years of tuition fees, as well as pictures of my parents in high school, and what I assumed to be the letters they exchanged in the library. My father swallowed as he took the envelope out of the safe and handed it to me.

 

“Yuka, take it. Use it to pay your tuition. And make sure I don’t know where it is. I don’t trust myself around that much money right now.”

 

“... I understand. Thank you. Let’s work hard to pay off the debts from now on, okay?”

 

He simply nodded with a small smile.

 

- - -

 

Dear Dad,

 

You were right, I got an A on the test. I need to start being more confident. 

 

You know, I’m really happy I decided to attend the same school as Mom and you. And being on the library committee has been really fun! I’m honestly enjoying myself now. I’m really grateful.

 

Oh and don’t forget! You start therapy today. Don’t be late and do your best! We’ll get through this together. Definitely.

 

Oh, and in class we talked about what we want to do when we grow up. I think I want to be a psychologist. There are a lot of people who don’t know how to deal with grief. I want to help those people the way that girl helped us. 

 

Do you think I’d be good at it?

 

Love,

Yuka.