“Huh?” I said. “What are you on about?”

“Really dreadful,” he said. “You should see yourself.”

“Thanks a lot, dad,” I said, with no small amount of sarcasm.

“No, really. You look as if you’re on the brink of death. What have they done to you, my girl?”

“I did almost die. Again,” I said. “Can I please come in? It’s cold out here.”

“Yes, of course,” he said. “Please. Go see your mother. She’s been crying for you every single day.”

“That bad?” I said, and looked up to see a wry smile on his face.

“Yeah, but I didn’t tell you that,” he said.

I walked into the house, taking care not to dirty their carpets with my wet boots, and proceeded into the kitchen after making myself comfortable. There she was, looking different than she did months ago, when I last saw her. Her hair was thinner, and she’d given up trying to appear younger than she was, showing a copious amount of grey strands.

“Hi, mum,” I said.

“Oh my God, Jordan,” she said, and turned towards me. Her face appeared longer and older than earlier. In a way, she looked tired more than anything else. Upon hearing my voice, she dropped everything she was doing to embrace me. “It’s been so long, I’ve missed you so much. It must’ve been four months since I last saw you awake.”

“Did you come down while I was out? Nobody told me that,” I said.

“Of course we did, love,” she said. “What kind of mother do you think I am?”

“A physically very distant, and financially out of shape one,” I said, relying on facts to avoid insulting her.

“Of course, but did we ever spare expenses for your well-being?” she said.

“You didn’t exactly come down when I woke up, and as the next of kin, they must’ve told you I was awake,” I said.

“Shut up, you silly. We were both extremely busy. It was November, after all,” she said. “The winter starts coming in and everything around the city changes.”

“I suppose you didn’t spare expenses coming down while I was out. Thank you for that, even though I wasn’t there to say hi,” I said. “Listen, mind if I go shower? It’s been a long journey.” She didn’t have to know I slept through all of it. What I wanted was a mirror to look at myself and marinate what my father said. On the brink of death.

“Go right ahead, love. I’ll catch you later, and you can tell me everything about the recovery,” she said.

“Alright, love you,” I said half-heartedly. I went upstairs to leave my bags in my old room, found a bathrobe and towel and entered the bathroom. Taking the bathrobe off, I stood in front of the mirror, and looked.

At first, I was shellshocked by what I saw. The body that I’d last seen in the mirror, before my procedure back in October, was nothing like what I was looking at now. I’d appeared to be a good two inches shorter than I remembered, and the effects on the rest of my body were profound. I wasn’t even pale like I’d grown accustomed – my skin looked dirty, patchy, as if someone had stapled pieces together from different times of the year.

Some of it was, indeed, pale, but other parts appeared sunburnt, and others yet as if they’d been set on fire. A lot of it looked thin, and I could easily see my veins in multiple places I wasn’t accustomed to seeing them. I’d lost almost all of my muscle mass – yes, I was walking and functioning normally, but I was nowhere near fit.

Of course, it was to be expected, following my four weeks bedridden, but looking like a skeleton was still striking. Elsewhere too, I’d looked less like a young adult woman and more like a sack of internal organs. It was as if I’d had no free space left in me. The organs took up what they needed, and the rest had just evaporated. Most of my body fat was gone, and my ribs protruded from my chest, showing my bones in all their thin glory.

When I couldn’t bare to look anymore, I looked away from the mirror, and towards the tub. Sitting myself down in it, I looked down on my body, and thought about how I hadn’t noticed it before. I must’ve been so focused on the following day that I was on complete autopilot for most of it. And it made sense – I was sleeping for maybe five hours a night after a session at the Alexanders’, and that was nowhere near enough after living through what felt like a thirty-hour day.

Appalled at what I’d seen, I decided it was time to enjoy life and the holidays for a moment. I opened the tap, intending to pour myself a tubful of hot water, soak in it and take my mind off the fact that I was quite literally skin and bones. Adjusting the tap to what I’d been used to, I immediately felt it searing through my skin, and yelped.

“You alright?” my dad shouted through the door.

“Yeah, I’ll be okay,” I shouted back, trying to keep the painful screaming in.

Whatever I had done, the water was way too hot. I immediately turned the water freezing cold, and turned the flow off to let it thermalise before continuing. Why the water temperature that I’d loved for all these years was suddenly too hot I had no idea, but whatever. I managed to find a new comfortable medium, and the tub slowly filled, leaving me to steep in it.

I was home. No-one could hurt me. Yes, I had no idea who or what Aaron was, but it didn’t matter. I was safe here, and Christmas was just around the corner. I had the entire week to myself, and whatever would come next, I was prepared. I was eager to show everyone that I wasn’t the broken girl I was a year ago.