I lost to the the person I “loathed” the most

For the second time even 

When I was born my parents had found out my Karma  

They had drilled into my head

“You’re gonna be a hero” 

I was sick of it 

But that’s when I met him Spade the Karmaless kid he was different entirely he was happy 

When I was stuck going through hell becoming something I didn’t want to be 

Studying magic day and night, getting beat for the sake of becoming stronger I hated it 

 I was envious of him

 And what I hated the most 

 Becoming a “Hero” 

 A symbol of masculinity, and for that.

 My parents threw away my gender as a girl

 I wanted him to feel what I felt like trash.

That was the real reason I never gave a damn about if god rejected him or not

Honestly when I met him I actually —