As Castiel took my hand, I followed him into the sitting room nearby… It was obvious that something was on his mind, and I had to admit I was more than a little distracted – I was still de-stressing from dinners’ conversations, and now he wanted to speak with me privately?  My heart was fluttering and I felt flushed and warm, and I felt scared and apprehensive, but also eager to see what he had to say.  Dare I hope?

 

                The sitting room was nicely decorated with a couch, some chairs, and some tables – all finely polished where wood was showing, and covered in fine fabrics and cushions where it was appropriate.  Erevale’s wealth was easily seen in just this little room – nothing looked particularly dirty or dusty, and nothing looked shabby, even in a little used room.  Cass still held my hand, and was fishing in his pouches for something, and my mouth went dry.  What the hell is he doing? 

 

                “Cass, is everything okay?”

 

                “Yeah, Rachel.”  He said, releasing my hand to use both to search through his pouch.  “I was just thinking about some things I thought were pretty important, that I wanted to talk to you about in private.”

 

                What kind of things?  I wondered.

 

                He fished in his pouch for a moment, and then pulled out a golden ring set with several small but pretty stones. 

               

                Holy shit… Holy shit… Oh  my gods is he…?

 

                “Rachel, I know neither of us is probably ready for this – at least not until you receive the gift of the goddess – but I want you to know I love you with all my heart.   This is my grandmother’s engagement ring – the one King Colin gave her so many years ago, before everything went wrong.  I was… I was wondering if you would be willing to hold onto this ring for me, until I can give it to you for real, in a few months.”

 

                “A…are you asking me to marry you?”  I whispered, my heart soaring and tears forming in my eyes.

 

                “I can’t… Not truly.  Not yet.  You have to remain chaste until you get changed by the goddess.  If I asked you to marry me now, I don’t think I could control myself and pull away – and I won’t wreck that for you, Rache.  Gods willing, a few months will pass – and you will become a woman in body as well as mind – and I can do as I wish.”

 

                “What do you wish, then, my lord?”  I whispered.

 

                “Rachel… I… I want to spend the rest of my life with you.  I want to have a family together.  If I have to be a king, I’d like you to be my queen, if you want to be.  I just can’t ask you yet.”

 

                I smiled as my heart did flip flops, tears running down my face.  “Then I will hold onto it until you are ready to ask, Castiel.  I love you too.”

 

                Cass smiled, and took my hands in his, and gently wrapped his grandmother’s ring in my own hands.  “Take care of it, Rachel.  I’ll be back for it after the harvest festival.”  He spoke softly, but I could see the emotion in his eyes, and hear it in his voice.  It was echoed in my own.

 

                “I will.  I promise.”  I whispered, afraid almost to hear my own voice at this moment.

 

                “Good.”  Cass replied, smiling.  He leaned down towards me – and almost unbidden I lifted my head to him. 

 

I felt his lips brush mine, and shivers went up and down my spine as I felt myself melt into his arms.  I didn’t want this to end… I wanted to take him to my chamber right then, if he would have me – and I realized that he was right… neither of us would be able to control ourselves if we let ourselves do this right now.  Reluctantly, I pulled away.

 

“You’re right, Cass.  We can’t.  Not yet.”  I said, looking down.  “I will take good care of your grandmothers’ ring until you come for it.”  I replied, looking into his eyes.  “And after that, I would gladly be your queen.”

 

Cass’s smile almost lit up the room, and I couldn’t help but smile too. 

 

“I’m glad.  Thank you, Rachel.”

 

“You don’t have to thank me for that, Cass.  Ever.”

 

He nodded, still smiling a mile wide.  “42 days then.”

 

“Yep…  42 days.”  I said, smirking myself.

 

Cass brushed his hands through his hair, as if unsure what to do with himself.  “Then… I should go, Rachel.  I’ll take you to your room, and then I’ll head over to mine.  I don’t trust myself at the moment around you.”

 

I bit my lower lip in consternation, and nodded in agreement.  “I don’t trust myself either.”

 

“Then as much as this sucks – and it does – I think we should say goodnight.”  He suggested.

 

“Alright, Cass.  I’ll see you in the morning?”

 

“Definitely.”

 

“Good night.”

 

“Good night to you too, Rachel.”

 

Cass escorted me to the door to my room, and gently ushered me in – although I did feel his hand on my butt as he said goodbye.  Flirt!  I imagined my hands running all over his chest, caressing his smooth skin, and I felt a part of me I wasn’t too fond of become aroused.  Urgh!  I almost didn’t care, but it did take my mood down a bit – the dysphoria just made these amazing feelings just feel somehow less good than they should be, and I felt like it was robbing me of this amazing moment.  Cass proposed to me!  Oh my god!  He proposed!  I said yes!

 

“Eeeeeeeeeeeee!”  I squeed as I sat on the edge of my bed.  Suddenly the 42 days remaining, which had already seemed long, now seemed like an eternity, and I groaned in frustration.  Somehow, he and I would have to make this work – because there was no way in hell I was going to break Seoni’s command and jinx my chance at becoming a woman.

 

I held his grandmothers ring in my hand, drinking it’s appearance in, and thinking how much this must have meant to him… I remembered the day we found it in his grandma’s trunk – oh gods that seems so long ago now!  I searched my bag and found a good leather thong, and tied the ring around my neck. 

 

As I sat there, still deliriously happy, I wondered how Alyssa’s chat with Eacharn was going.  I couldn’t wait to tell her about what happened!  Oh my gods!

 

 

 

*              *              *

 

 

                I followed Eacharn into the garden – a rose bower mostly, with a small window basket of sweet smelling herbs.  The roses were in full bloom, and the moons were out in all their glory.  Little fireflies danced in the dark, like little drunken stars wandering about the bower, bumping into beautiful red and white and yellow roses.  It seemed magical.

 

                “This is quite beautiful, milord.”  I said, shyly.  Could he be interested in me?  Could I get so lucky?

 

                “It is, Alyssa… And please, call me Eacharn.”

 

                “I… I didn’t want to seem too familiar with you, my… Eacharn.”  I said quietly.  “It’s not proper.”

 

                “I understand that, Alyssa.  I just want you to feel at ease in my presence, like when we were in the carriage, fleeing for our lives.  I may be a prince, but I’m also just a man.  Can I not cast aside a title for at least a little while, amongst friends?”

 

                “Is that what I am to you, Eacharn?” I asked, holding my breath a little.

 

                “I would like to think so, Alyssa.  You have wits, and charm.  You have spirit – a fight in you, that sometimes I feel lacking in – and you simply reek of being loyal to your friends.  I grew up in court – I had no friends – or perhaps it would be best to say I had few friends, and the ones I could truly trust I could count on the fingers of one hand, and have fingers left over.  The others… there was always the niggling worry that they cleaved to me for my position, my wealth, or the power I might one day wield.  It was… lonely.”

 

                “And you think that somehow I will not be like these hangers on?  I thank you for the compliment, Eacharn.”

 

                “I do.”  He said quietly, holding my hands in his.

 

                I didn’t know what to say… I wanted to look away, but my eyes were drawn to his, and it felt like I was falling into twin pools, seeing Eacharn for the first time – not as a prince, not as a potential lord – but as a lonely man who didn’t know who he could trust.  My heart went out to him, and I felt ashamed, for until now I had seen him as a lord, and for his position – like those hangers-on he didn’t trust.

 

                “I’m not sure I’m worthy of your trust, Eacharn.”  I said, looking away. 

 

                “And if I believe you are?”  He said gently, turning my face back towards his own.  His gaze looked deep inside me – I could feel him stare as if he were soaking me in, absorbing me, my essence, and enjoying what he found.

 

                I felt humbled, and the shame slowly melted away to be replaced with something else – something I couldn’t identify.  It was a good feeling, and I wanted more of it, but I needed to understand what it was before I embraced it… 

 

                “I would like to be your friend, Eacharn.  And I will do my best to see you as both a Man and a Prince – and treat you accordingly.  I… I find you very intriguing and charming as well, milord.”

 

                “And I, you.  I want you to know, that if I can, I will see you home for your Twin Soul Ritual.  Your family will want to share in it as well, I am sure.”

 

                I couldn’t help but smile at Eacharn’s kindness.  It did mean a lot to me – I did want my family to be with me when I received the Goddess’s blessing.  “Thank you, Eacharn.  It does mean a lot to me.  I appreciate that you’re trying – and I won’t forget it.  Thank you.”

 

                “You’re very welcome, Alyssa.”

 

                And we stayed like that for a while, simply looking at each other, surrounded by roses and drunken fireflies, in one of the most beautiful gardens I had ever seen. 

 

                He leaned close… I held my breath. His lips brushed mine, and I felt the barest hint of a kiss.  Butterflies whirled in my stomach, and I felt light as air, and yet safe in his company, in his presence. 

 

                “Did I go too far, Alyssa?”  He asked, gently, after pulling away.

 

                “No, Eacharn.”  I replied.  “It was a wonderful kiss.  I was just caught off guard…  Could we try it again?”

 

                For an answer, he leaned in again, and this time I put my arms around him and kissed him, and he kissed me.  Both of us were left breathless.

 

                “Not too far at all, I would say.”  I muttered.  “But we should not tempt fate.  Perhaps it would be better for me to return to my chamber, Eacharn.  I… I need time to think.”

 

                “As do I, Alyssa.”  He replied, smiling.  “Will you allow me to escort you?”

 

                “Of course, Eacharn!  I trust you!” 

 

                This time, his smile was even wider – apparently I said just the right thing.

 

                “Thank you, Alyssa.  Trust is a rare commodity in court.  I hope I am worthy of it.”

 

                “You have been so far, Eacharn.”  I said, happily.

 

                “Then, I shall try to keep that trust,”  he said, smiling.  “Come, milady, your chamber awaits.” 

 

Eacharn plucked a single rose, and tucked it into my hair – a white rose, with a hint of red at the tips of its petals.  It smelled wonderful, and I really wanted to kiss him again, but I held myself back, and together we walked back to my chambers.

 

 

*              *              *

 

 

                Tika watched what happened between Eacharn and Alyssa with bated breath, and was so excited she nearly squeed with joy when the two of them kissed.  She was so happy for them!  As the two young friends left the bower, Tika couldn’t help but be excited for her friend, and hoped Rachel was having as good a time as well.  She grinned.  “I was right… Nothing bad happened!”

 

                Tika looked at all the roses, and wondered what other scenes they had witnessed.  In fact, she had noticed that flowers and plants were everywhere in the keep of Erevale – from herb baskets to flowers to trees in some of the courtyards.  She wondered if they had seen anything interesting, so she started talking to some of them with her plant magic – after all, no one watches what they say or do around a bunch of flowers…

               

 

*              *              *

 

 

                I returned to my room, and closed the door with a sigh.  Did I just really do that?  I practically proposed to Rachel!  Holy shit!  I wiped some of the sweat from my brow, and headed over to my bed, and sat, trying to contain myself.  I really did it.  She said yes.  Well, she practically said yes… oh gods, what if she doesn’t say yes?

 

                I groaned and flopped back in bed, sighing.

 

                “Problems, lad?”  Fionn asked, from the door to his room.

 

                “No… Just worries about stuff.  I… I told Rachel about how I felt about her, and she feels the same way.  We can’t do anything about it until after the Twin Soul Ritual, so I’m just stressed and frustrated.”  I admitted.

 

                “Lad, you two already knew how you felt about each other.  It was plain to see.  There’s been an intimacy between the two of you in the last few days that wasn’t there before.  Is this something more?”

 

                “I… I told her I would very much like her to be my Queen… and I think she wants that too, but she didn’t say and I’m being stupid about it with worries of this and that.  I guess I’m just nervous.”

 

                “Congratulations, then Castiel.  I’m happy for you and Serra Wilson – and if my memories of youth are accurate, you probably are blowing things up a bit beyond what they truly are.  It’s natural.”

 

                “You were in love, when you were younger?”  I asked.

 

                “Aye, with a young woman, about your age.  Her name was Betilda, and she had the most beautiful hair, like spun gold, and green eyes.  We very nearly were married – I thought my feelings for her were so strong I would die from anxiousness!   I bought her a ring – but she couldn’t face the prospect of possibly raising our family alone – I would be gone, often, performing my duty as a Vigilant.  It was only years later that I realized in that moment I had a choice – and I… I…  Had I chosen differently, I might have instead been a happily married man, instead of a Vigilant of the Third Circle.  I question my decision constantly, and I often wonder where my life would have gone if I had chosen differently.  Instead, my heart broke, and I chose the path of my duty.  Two years later, Betilda had a son with her new husband, and named him Angus.”

 

                “Did you make the wrong decision?”

 

                “I made a decision.  Right or wrong is only measurable in my own mind.  If I had accepted, and stayed with Betilda, countless people that I saved, might not have been.  Maybe there would have been another Vigilant to take my place – maybe there would not.  I see my answer every day in the faces of the people I’ve saved, and the people who look to me for succor.  I never stopped loving Betilda, but the rawness of it faded over time – and now, I have regrets – but I also have great satisfaction and pride in what I have accomplished, at the trials I have faced.  My decisions forged me into who I am, and what I am is a weapon against evil.  You will be forced to make a decision one day, too, Castiel.  If I have any advice for you, it is this… Do what your heart knows is right.  Listen to your gut instinct – not what your head tells you is correct.  I’ve learned enough to know that if it feels wrong, it is wrong.”

 

                “Does that mean that we, as vigilants, can’t find happiness or find a family?”

 

                “No, Lad.  It means that family life wasn’t the right path for me – and as painful as it was to let Betilda go, I think things turned out for the best.  I am happy with what my life has led to – though I have suffered much loss.  Regrets are a natural part of aging and maturing – a longing for the path not taken.  You will have regrets one day, if you do not have them already.  It’s part of life.”

 

                “I think I understand.”

 

                “Good.  It took me a long time to figure that out.  I’m sure she cares for you, Cass.  I am sure.  Just let your worries fall away, and try to relax.  You’ll need a rested head for tomorrow when you’re in chambers with the King and his wife and son most of the day, talking battle plans and about the concessions the King is going to ask you for.  Eacharn and I will be there for you, but you need to be alert and rested.”

 

                “I know… It’s just hard to let go of all these whirling thoughts and feelings.”

 

                “I know lad.  Try meditating.  It helps clear my mind.”

 

                “I will.”

 

                “Good.  Good night Castiel…  I’ll see you in the morning.”

 

                “And I, you.  Good night Fionn.”

 

                Fionn left the room, and I went to a quiet corner and took out my holy symbol of the twins, and began meditating and praying.  Calm and sleep might be long in coming, but they would come, in time.

 

 

 

*              *              *

 

 

                I hadn’t been in the room for very long, before Alyssa returned – beaming with a smile that lit up the room… Join the club, girl!  “Looks like someone had a very good evening?”

 

                “Yes!” Alyssa replied, spinning around for effect – and to show off a little.  “Eacharn and I walked in the bower, and we talked…  And he confessed he had feelings for me, and we kissed!  It was amazing!”

 

                “Eeeeee!  I’m so glad for you!  I have news too!  Cass… gave me his grandmothers engagement ring to hold until he’s ready to ask me… to marry him.  I’m so excited!  Ahhhhh!”

 

                “Congratulations!  Oh my gods!  Tonight has been absolutely crazy!  Tell me all about it!”

 

                “Only if you tell me about you and Eacharn, too!”  I replied.

 

                “Yeah, definitely.  Uh… Where’s Tika?  We have to tell Tika!”

 

                “I thought she was with… wait…?  She was with us when we all split up – but I wasn’t paying attention after that.  Did you?” I asked.

 

                “Ummm… No.”  Alyssa replied, sounding a little ashamed.  “I have no idea where she is.”

 

                “I guess she’s out?  Do you think she’ll be okay?”

 

                “Yeah, I think so…”

 

                “I hope so…”

 

                “Tika’s a big girl, for a Reechi.  She’ll be fine.”  I suggested.

 

                Alyssa nodded.  “We can tell her again when she gets back!  Tell me about why you have Cass’s ring?”

 

                “Well, Cass and I went to the sitting room, and…”

 

 

 

*              *              *

 

 

 

                Tika smiled to herself, with a hint of nastiness.  Cass was right, she thought.  The flowers see everything – and they had told her lots of things.  Probably too many things, to be honest… But she had learned one very important thing!  There was a traitor in Erevale – a member of the household was a spy for Queen Hemlock, and might be a sorceress too!  Tika hadn’t seen her around yet, but she would soon, if she kept her eyes and ears open. 

 

                She took one last look around the beautiful rose bower, and headed back inside.  The plants had told her what the spy looked like – but she didn’t have a name.  She needed to tell Castiel and Sir Fionn, and made her way towards their room.  It’ll be all right if I wake them, she thought.  This is too important to wait.

 

                Cass is going to be so proud of me!