Chapter 21 – Travels, part 2
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                Rachel and I took a few minutes to get dressed, and although I didn’t mind my fancy clothes – quite the opposite actually – I found myself wondering what Rachel’s clothes would feel like – and how they would make me feel.  I smiled, thinking of it – I guess that’s a holdover from when I wanted to be Cassandra.  I suppose I could make that happen – actually become Cassandra, with time and effort… but is being Jeffrey so bad?  I wasn’t sure – so I resolved to follow my gods’ advice – do what makes you happy.

 

                As I felt the rough stubble on my face, I winced.  I hated not being clean shaven – as Jeff and as Cassie – so that was going to have to be dealt with. Yuck. Oh well.  I held the tent door open, and crawled out into the morning dawn.  Alyssa and Sir Fionn were up and building a fire; where Tika was, I didn’t know.

 

                “Good morning, my sleepy prince!”  Alyssa joked.  “We tried to wake you for watch last night, but nothing we did could rouse you.”

 

                “Aye.  I had a good reason.”  I replied, sitting down next to them.  “I was visited by Hathor last night, in my dreams, and we spoke of many things.  He said he and his sister accidentally hurt me when they came to me the first time, and if he didn’t heal me, I would go mad.  He set things right - but I think I’ve changed a bit, so if I act a bit strange, please give me some space.”

 

                “Alright, lad.  What else happened?”  Fionn asked.

 

                “Well, aside from healing me, he revealed an old memory – a very very painful one that caused me so much harm, I forgot it ever happened in order to protect myself.  Someone I thought could be trusted hurt me very badly – and it changed me for the rest of my life, until last night.  I also spoke with Hathor about his sister to be… He called her the Lady of Hope.”

 

                “This sounds important, lad.  Who is this Lady of Hope?”

 

                “He told me that she was his sister – and that since gods are born and age differently from people, she was still growing and had yet to join her kin in heaven.  He and his sister Feana wear a symbol on their chests as a memory of who she will be.  They called it the symbol of the Great Maker.”

 

                Sir Fionn made a sign of reverence with his hand, and bowed his head in silent prayer.  “The birth of a new god is sacred.  This is something we should tell the priests at the Abbey near Callenden.”

 

                “If you like, Sir Fionn – but after I’ve completed my visit with King Colin, and not before.  We may not have time for the detour, given his poor health.”

 

                “I understand, lad.  Still, A vision of the gods is a wondrous thing.  It would behoove you to write it down.  Did he say anything you care to repeat?”

 

                “Apparently, when I was a young child – perhaps ten or twelve – I was twin-souled, like Alyssa and Rachel, but when I got hurt, it made me run from who I was, and stay as Jeffrey.  Last night Hathor helped me heal from that wound, and I suspect I have some rebuilding of myself to do.”

 

                “Truly?”  Alyssa asked.  “Are you well?  I know that before I began taking the path to womanhood, I felt miserable and uncomfortable all the time.”

 

                “Well, it’s complicated.  I felt unhappy – but I didn’t know why.  I knew something was wrong, but I didn’t know what.  I didn’t hate being Jeffrey – but I didn’t love it either.  It just was.  Now I’m not sure where I’m going.”  I replied.

 

                “Well, no matter where it leads, I’d like to be there for you, as a friend.”  Alyssa replied to me.

 

                “Thanks, Alyssa.  Where’s Tika?”

 

                “She’s talking to the plants, to see if any ‘fertilizers’ moved into the area last night, just in case.”

 

                “Gotcha.”

 

                “Hey, Rachel!”  Alyssa called out as Rachel joined us.  “Did Geoffrey share his news?”

 

                “Yes… we talked about it a bit this morning.  I’m going to support him, whatever he decides.”

 

                “As any friend should!”  Alyssa agreed.  “Do you have an opinion on the matter, Sir Fionn?”

 

                “As long as Geoffrey works hard at learning how to master his vigilant abilities, I care not whether he is male, female or something inbetween.  Although, lad, it is a special thing to be a Twin-Souled Vigilant… Some say they are exceptionally close to the Twins, for obvious reasons.  Blessed, even.  You may have a special future ahead of you.”

 

                “I wonder.”  I said, curiously. 

 

                As we sat there talking, we suddenly heard a chattering voice calling “Loook Oouuuut Beeelllooowww!” and saw Tika, leaping from a very tall tree standing alone in the countryside, and gliding towards us.  She giggled with glee as she zoomed over our heads, and performed a very agile 180° turn, and landed beside Sir Fionn. 

 

                “Hi! Hi! Hi!  Gosh I love flying!  Am I late?  Everybody’s up already!  Did you know we couldn’t wake you for watch?”

 

                “Whoa, whoa, Tika.  Yes, I know – sorry about that!  I had a dream vision from Hathor last night.”

 

                “Cool!”

 

                “And we’ll tell you what happened AFTER breakfast.”  Alyssa interjected.  “Otherwise it will burn and we won’t leave camp until ten or later.

 

                “Alright,” Tika replied, dragging her toes in the dirt in a bashful way. 

 

                We quickly settled down to the business of cooking and eating breakfast – which was likely to be our only real meal until dinnertime tonight.  We had ample supply of snacks – various trail mixes and collections of meat jerky, and perhaps a few pieces of fruit – fresh and dried – to maintain us until then.  I even still had one can of beer in my pack, and a few packs of gum and chocolate, and I suspected Rachel still had a can or two of soda and some treats as well.  Little comforts from home to make the journey easier.

 

                Breakfast was a collection of fried bacon and potatoes made into a tasty hash, some griddle cakes we covered with butter and in Tika’s case, peanut butter and chocolate hazelnut spread, and some sliced tomatoes with salt and pepper.  Instant coffee, hot chocolate, and some tea rounded out the drinks (thanks to our MRE’s) and we all enjoyed breakfast thoroughly.

 

                After breakfast, we took turns doing our business – and oddly for me, at least, it felt a little uncomfortable.  I didn’t know what to think of my equipment anymore, and it made me feel awkward and unhappy.  I shoved that thought aside for now since we had travel to take care of, but I knew I would be thinking about it for much of the day.

 

                Packing up camp – putting away the tents and sleeping bags, donning our gear and armor, for those that had it – took about an hour, and the sun was well up in the sky before we got on our way.  It was the 37th of Sunbright – their version of Earth’s month of July – and the harvest festival Rachel and Alyssa were waiting for was on Mercia’s equivalent of September 1st… just under fifty days away.  I couldn’t help but think the anticipation was probably driving them both to distraction.  It was warm and sunny, but there was a pleasant breeze to cool us as we walked, although midges and flies were occasionally an annoyance.

 

                We walked quietly for about two or three hours – until nearly noon.  Tika was curled up on my pack, sleeping in a pouch, and I was carrying her small amount of gear as well as my own.  Apparently she had taken my shift last night, and was tuckered out.  She was a good friend, if a bit smaller and more hyperactive than most.

 

                Around noon, we paused by the side of a small creek, and rested.  Everyone gobbled down their snack of choice, topped off by fresh cool river water.  After our short lunch break, we pulled ourselves to our feet, and continued our march. 

 

                “Geoffrey, if you have an ear to hear it, I think I should share what I know about the court and the people who inhabit it, at Callenden.  There is King Colin, who is a good man, but suffering from the effects of advanced age.  His wife, Queen Hemlock, is a strong woman, and is considered quite formidable.  She has a short temper for fools, but admires those with cunning and foresight.  Her son, Michael is – when I last saw him – a rather selfish, entitled man, but that was three years ago… now he would be in his early forties, and likely has matured at least somewhat.  There is Michael’s son, the Queen’s grandson, Eacharn, who is just now reaching his twentieth birthday.  Eacharn is considered by many to be too gentle and sensitive to be a decent ruler – and when King Colin passes away, Prince Michael expects to inherit the throne.  Queen Hemlock has raven colored hair, as does Prince Michael, and Prince Eacharn has a sandy blonde head of hair, like the King.”

 

                “Other members of the court include the seneschal – I believe his name was Alistair the wise, and as far as I know he’s been the seneschal for as long as I can remember.  Some say he’s managed to unlock the secrets of unnaturally long life, for he seems now as he did when King Colin was a little boy.  His mind is sharp – and he’s loyal to the Kingdom, more than he is to the king – if you know what I mean by the difference.  He does what is best for the country, despite his feelings for the current ruler.”

 

                “Tabitha Maize was the head of the maids and servants – she was friendly to those who didn’t mistreat the servants – but I have no idea if she still holds the position or not.  There was Sir Kennit and Sir Lascarl, two of King Colin’s knights – although I don’t know to whom their allegiance belongs – the King or the Prince and the Queen.  There was also Morven Highfallow, the court healer and herbalist.  She had some minor healing magics and plant magics she used to enhance the effect of her poultices and potions.  She’s rather attractive, and I hear she has a taste for younger men… she’s in her early forties.  And added to that are any number of servants, aides, assistants, craftsmen, guards, cooks, maids and so forth.  It will seem quite busy compared to Enders Hollow.” 

               

                “Haha!  You’d better watch out Geoffrey!  You might get mauled by a cougar!”  Tika laughed

 

                “I hope not – I’d have to make sure Alyssa and Rachel didn’t claw her eyes out!”

 

                Rachel laughed out loud.  “You’re damn right.”

 

                “So, Fionn,” I asked.  “What do you think the best course of action to take, once we get to Callenden?”

 

                “If your stated goal is to find your Grandfather and talk with him a while and get to know him – and nothing more, then just that – while being wary for subterfuge and unseen foes.  If your goal is to form a more permanent relationship with him, then you will need to keep all your wits about you.  Either way, caution will be needed.  I would suggest you use the abilities I’ve begun to teach you to your best effect… Especially the ability to sense evil.  It won’t be a cure-all, but it may give you an edge in determining who to trust and who to avoid.”

 

                “Aye.  Good idea.  Any chance I could get some more tutoring on how to channel my powers as we walk?”

 

                “Some.  We should save our breath for hiking.  There will be a time to train once we set up camp this evening.”

 

                “Well, I know it’s going to be dangerous, but I’m very excited to see Callenden.”  Alyssa remarked.  “It will be a rare treat to meet the king and queen, and their son – and as long as we all get out alive and healthy, it should be fine, right?”

 

                “Aye.”  Fionn replied.  “It may be easier said than done, however.  We shall see.”

 

                We walked for a while longer, entertained by the occasional birdsong, and Rachel tried her hand at singing one of the songs from the Hobbit, and did fairly well with it.  Around mid afternoon we paused for a half-hour to pick clean a small patch of blackberries growing in a patch by the side of the road.  The walking continued until around five o clock, local time, and we found a decent place to set up camp.

 

                Tika scampered off a short distance to use her plant magic to look for ‘fertilizers’ – or dangerous predators in ‘plant speak’ – while the rest of us set up our tents and got a small cookfire going.  By the time we were done, the fire was reduced to coals and Alyssa and Rachel started cooking, while Fionn spent some time training me in using my magical abilities…

 

                “Remember lad, when you complete your training, you’ll be a vigilant of the seventh circle, the youngest and greenest of vigilants.  When you gain in experience, and have some time in, you’ll be able to talk to an elder vigilant about taking your test – and if you succeed, you’ll become a Vigilant of the fifth circle.  I’m a vigilant of the third circle – and vigilants of the first circle are as rare as hen’s teeth, and practically speak with the voice of the Twins themselves.  Each circle you rise gives you access to new abilities.  At the fifth circle, you can detect truth from lies – and at the third circle, you can sunder spells and evil magic with your will or your blade.  Vigilants of the first circle are rare enough that their powers aren’t fully known, save to the senior vigilants.”

 

                “Does that mean you know something of what they can do?”

 

                “Yes, but I won’t be revealing it to you today, nor anytime soon.  Some secrets are only revealed when you are ready.”

 

                “Okay.”  I nodded, and buckled down to study my powers…  By the time dinner was ready, I was becoming more proficient with my abilities – I could call upon the Twins to guide my hand, and strike true.  I could heal, or at least feel the healing energy and I could channel my will into a magical blow called a ‘smite’ that burned the target with holy power.  Seeing as how I’d already learned how to detect evil, and perform a blessing, I had only one ability left to unlock – the Ceremony.

 

                “Enough lad.  We’ve been at this long enough – and the girls look like they’ve finished dinner.  Time to rest.”

 

                “Good.  This type of training is less physically demanding, but my head feels like a smith is pounding an anvil.”

 

                “Aye.  It gets easier as you train and practice, Geoffrey.”

 

                “Like all things, I imagine?  It’s just as well… I need time to absorb what I’ve learned.”

 

                “Aye.  How are you feeling, from this morning, Geoffrey?  We haven’t had any time to talk.”

 

                “I know.  I’ve thought about how I feel now, and how I felt – and I still have a lot of thinking to do.  There are things about me, now, I’m not fond of since I recovered some old memories – but a lot of me still feels like me.  I’m wondering if I should stay primarily as Jeffrey, and simply make some concessions to how I felt as Cassandra?  Just for my own physical and mental comfort?”

 

                “So you’re trying to aim for something in between what people think of as a man and a woman?”  Fionn asked.

 

                “Yes and no.  On our world I think I might have been called non-binary or enby – or maybe gender fluid is a better term?  I don’t know all the lingo and what it means.  I’m a work in progress.  It’s going to take some time, Fionn.  I don’t have definitive answers yet.”

 

                “My apologies as well, Geoffrey.  My question in retrospect was perhaps too personal.”

 

                “It’s alright, Fionn.  I’m not mad – I just don’t have any answers for you yet.”  I motioned for Fionn to join me, and we returned to the fire, where Alyssa and Rachel were cooking.

 

                “What’s for supper?”  I asked.

 

                “Well in the pot we have potatoes, carrots, and onions simmering with a half dozen sliced up sausages, some spices – courtesy of our little stash – and some herbs from Alyssa’s herb pouch.  On the pan there, we’re baking a kind of cornbread – which is almost done – and Alyssa made a blackberry jam to spread on it from the berries we found earlier.  There’s still some bread – a bit stale by now – from yesterday – and I think Alyssa has a jar of honey to flavor it.  I thought it might do better as cheese toast.  We’re still working that one out.”

 

                “That sounds amazing!”

 

                “Yeah, I’ve been learning quite a bit about cooking, medieval style.”  Rachel replied.  “Apparently it’s considered woman’s work here – like many places back home – and it’s part of my lessons.  Alyssa is showing me how to sew and stitch tonight after dinner.”

 

                “Cool.”

 

                “You could join us, if you wish, Geoffrey?  I have enough needles and threads for all of us.”

 

                I smiled at the invitation… I think that was Alyssa’s way of allowing me in to the “womanhood lessons” without my having to declare if I’m still Twin-souled or not.  “I think I might.  I might need to learn to sew a button onto my shirt or mend a tear in my trousers, and I can’t always count on having you or Rachel around.  It’ll be fun.”

 

                Alyssa and Rachel smiled at that, and turned back to the cooking.  “It’ll be another ten minutes or so before it’s ready.”

 

                “Okay.”  I sat down by the fire, and stared at the burning coals, and watched and listened to the hustle and bustle of the girls.  Tika was sitting nearby, hauling a bag of acorns – or at least something that looked sort of like acorns, but with a reddish green tint – towards the fire.  Probably her dinner.

 

                My mind wandered a little ways, drifting towards thoughts of what I was, and I began to daydream.  I tried to imagine what I would be like if I had never stopped being Cassandra – and I realized that it was futile… I would basically be a girl and look like a girl… I’d have taken hormones and puberty blockers and developed like a normal girl.  I’d probably be shorter, with the same blue eyes, and longer brown hair.  Instead, I started to think about what if I started transitioning now…  I’d probably have to wait at least a year – like Alyssa had – unless Seoni shortened it due to the undue stress exception Rachel had qualified for.  I’d change my clothes, my hair… and oddly, the idea didn’t seem that appealing.  I liked the idea of getting rid of my facial hair – hell, maybe even my body hair too – and maybe the idea of wearing some softer, finer clothes – but I was used to the idea of being Jeffrey.  I wasn’t a boy – not fully – but I was something close, even if I didn’t know what to call it.  Part of me was a girl – but it was a smaller part, that never had a chance to fully develop, and oddly, I didn’t miss it as much as I had expected to.  Cassandra was always going to be a part of me – but she didn’t have to be ALL of me.

 

                I was shaken from my reverie by Alyssa nudging me gently.  “Penny for your thoughts, milord?”  She said, with a sly smirk.

 

                “I was thinking of what I have become.  I’m still thinking.  Sorry.”

 

                “It’s alright, Geoffrey… But dinner is ready.  Would you like something to eat?”

 

                “Yes, thank you.”  I took the proffered bowl of soup, and blew on it to cool the heat.  “Tika, I noticed you bringing a bag of acorns to the fire.  Do reechi eat human food too, or just what we would call squirrel food?”

 

                “Oh!  Yeah, we eat some human food too, Geoffrey.  These nuts were so I could roast them in a pan, like chestnuts, and have them after dinner coated with some honey that Alyssa still has.  It’s a desert treat.  You’re welcome to try them!”

 

                “Are they okay for humans to eat?”  Rachel asked.

 

                “Totally!  They taste nutty and sort of like a soft potato or root vegetable when you eat them.  They’re good!”

 

                “Sure, I think I’ll definitely try a few.” 

 

                “Me too.”

 

                “Geoffrey, would you like to say the dinner blessing?”  Fionn asked.

 

                “Sure.”  I had said grace before, back on earth – but this would be the first time I had done so on Mercia.  “Thank you Adinor for the food that has come before us.  Thank you for teaching us to farm, and raise animals.  We offer our thanks to you this day for the bounty you have given us.  In Adinor’s name, blessed be.”

 

                “Well done, lad.”  Fionn remarked.

 

                “Um… is it all right for Jeffrey to be praying to Adinor, if he is a follower of Feana and Hathor?  Won’t they get jealous?”  Rachel wondered out loud.

 

                “Why should they?”  Fionn asked.  “Geoffrey is offering the prayer to the goddess who provided us with the food.  Feana and Hathor may one day provide the safety we have to enjoy our food in peace, but they are not gods of plants or animals.  Each god has a duty and part of life over which they hold dominion… Offering a prayer to the Lady of Grain does not rob the Twins of their divinity, nor of Geoffrey’s vow of service.  If we were praying for luck, I would offer a prayer to Miyaga, and if one was in a land troubled by plague, to Lasheera the Tormented to avert her attention from me.  To confine our thanks to but one god seems strange to me, Rachel.”

 

                “I guess it’s just one more difference between Earth and Mercia.  That’s good to know.”

               

                “Now please, eat up while it’s hot.”  Alyssa scolded.  “There’s enough for anyone hungry to have another bowl of stew, too.”

 

                We settled down to eat, and the hot stew, honeyed acorns, toasted cheese bread and cornbread with jam was both filling and very satisfying.  Once again, Sir Fionn and I did the dishes – since the ladies had been so kind as to cook, and by the time we got back to the fire, Alyssa had broken out the sewing supplies.  Rachel was mending a blouse, Alyssa a pair of trousers – and my task was apparently to sew buttons onto a second shirt that had had them all ripped off.  The work was finicky – and Rachel and I both pricked our fingers multiple times, but it was kind of fun, just sitting there with Alyssa and Rachel gossiping.  They were talking about Serra Haines’ attraction to the local alchemist, Hammy Moller, and suggesting ideas to each other that might allow the oblivious Ser Moller realize what was in front of him.  I didn’t have anything to add, so I just listened, and enjoyed being one of them for the evening.

 

                Eventually, the sun set, and the moons rose.  They were waxing, which meant there was a significant amount of ambient moonlight to see by, setting off shadows of white, red and green tinted light.  The shadows they cast were strange and beautiful – just another unique trait of my new adopted homeworld.

 

                “I think we’ve all done enough for tonight.”  Alyssa remarked.  “Let me see what you’ve done.”  She took Rachel’s shirt, and looked at her seams – and pointed to one area Rachel had struggled on.  “Rachel, see these stitches… I think tomorrow we’ll have to pull them out and do it again.  You need to keep your stitches uniform, and close together.  It makes the repair sturdier.”

 

                “Darn it!  I really tried hard!”  Rachel groused.

 

                “Don’t fret too much.  It’s not easy to get it perfect the first time.  Now let’s see what you did, Geoffrey?”

 

                I handed Alyssa my shirt.  I had sewn four of the six buttons back on – but from the frowny look on her face, I didn’t do it right either.  “What did I do wrong?”

 

                “It’s not that you did it wrong – the buttons are on the shirt – but it’s that your stitches and knots are clumsy, and you need a little training in technique to get the buttons to lay flat on the shirt, not sticking up like they’re on a ledge.  It’s a matter of style and quality.  We’ll cut them out tomorrow, and I’ll show you how to stitch so it lays flat.”

 

                “Thanks, Alyssa, but we might not have a chance tomorrow evening, especially if we reach Callenden.  If we can’t, can we do it another night?”

 

                “Definitely.  You both did well for beginners, but I need to show you better techniques to really improve your skills.  I’m happy with what we did tonight.”

 

                “But we messed up!”  Rachel replied.

 

                “Yes, but you learned, and now you’ll learn to fix it too!”

 

                “Hrm.”  Rachel muttered.

 

                “I’m taking first watch tonight.”  I told everyone.  “I need some time to think – or brood, if you prefer – and I didn’t take a watch last night.  Alyssa, you’re second, Fionn is third and Rachel is fourth.  Tika, since you were up a lot last night, why don’t you sleep all night?”

 

                “I don’t have to, Geoffrey!  I slept a lot of the day on your pack.  I’ll take a watch too.”

 

                “Fine, then you’re after Alyssa and before Sir Fionn.”

 

                “Alright.”

 

                As everyone settled down to bed, Rachel came over, and knelt next to me.  “You okay, Jeff?  We haven’t talked much today.”

 

                “I’m okay, Rachel.  I just need some time to think.  I’ll be okay.”  I reached out and held her hand, giving it a squeeze.  “I’ll come cuddle up when my watch is over, okay?”

 

                “Okay.”  She smiled, and headed towards our tent.

 

                As the camp settled down, the night grew quiet except for the sounds of buzzing insects, croaking frogs, the crackling of the fire, and the sound of the wind over the moors.  It was pleasant, and peaceful.           

 

                As I gazed into the fire, my mind wandered back to my thought of who I was, and what I wanted.  I wanted to be Jeffrey – that was who I felt I was – sort of.  But what did Jeffery want?  I loved Rachel – but my thoughts were all atumble about her… not because she was trans – I’d mostly dealt with that – but because she’d been my best friend for so long, I wasn’t sure my love for her was romantic, or that of a friend.  It was confusing too, because she obviously wanted a romantic relationship – and I wasn’t sure I could do that for her.  I thought back to our kiss… It was special – but did it have that spark of lust, of romantic love – or was it full of emotion in a more chaste way?

 

                I trusted Rachel completely, and I couldn’t imagine living without her.  Maybe that was the problem?  I was too close.  I tried thinking about it from another angle… Was I attracted to Alyssa?  The short answer was yes, I thought she was cute, and I liked her teasing that she did with me.  It was fun.  Okay – so I liked girls, and I like Alyssa.  So what was different?   I struggled with it for a long time, and couldn’t find an answer.  It was time to wake up Alyssa for watch.

 

                “Alyssa…” I whispered, gently shaking her awake.  “It’s your turn to watch.”

 

                “Aye, I’m up…”  she whispered, crawling from her bedroll.  “Did you have a good chance to think?”

 

                “Aye, but I’m struggling with a few things.”

 

                “Care to talk about it?”

                 

                “I’m not sure I’m ready to.  If I change my mind, can I get back to you?”

 

                “Sure thing, Geoffrey.  Sweet dreams.”

 

                “I’ll try… But for tonight, I’d actually prefer few to no dreams, at least for a few days.”

               

                “Aye, I can understand that.  Geoff?”

 

                “Yes, Alyssa?”

 

                “I really am worried for you.  If you begin hurting, will you tell me – or Rachel, or someone?  Please don’t bottle it in!”

 

                I turned, and wrapped Alyssa in a hug, and whispered in her ear.  “I’ll be okay.  And if I begin to hurt, I will tell you, I promise.  I won’t keep it inside – not this time.  Okay?”

 

                She hugged me back, and whispered.  “Okay.”

 

                I released her, and waited until she composed herself, and said goodnight.  Once inside my tent, I pulled of my boots and tunic, and crawled under the bedroll Rachel had left waiting.  (I had already removed my armor earlier that evening). 

 

                “Hey you.”  Rachel whispered as I crawled under the sheets.

 

                “Hey.  Sorry for waking you.”

 

                “It’s okay.  I heard Alyssa being worried for you.  I’m worried too, you know.”

 

                “I know, Rachel.  I’ll be okay.  I’m still figuring things out, but I have figured some things out… I just don’t know how to describe them yet.”

 

                She smiled, and nodded.  “Okay.  Did you want to cuddle?”

 

                I thought about it for a moment, and realized I really did.  I felt like I needed the physical closeness, and the reminder that I wasn’t alone.  “Yeah, I’d like that, Rache.”

 

                “Do you want me to call you Cassie in private?”  she whispered.

 

                “No… I’m pretty sure I’m Jeffrey, but even that doesn’t feel quite right.  Cassie is a part of me, but a good part of me is Jeffrey too.  I’m still sorting out the rest.  I may change my name if I find one more comfortable to me.”

 

                “I’m glad.  I was liking getting to know you, Jeffrey, as a boyfriend.”

 

                “Thanks, Rachel. I really need to be with someone tonight.  I feel weird, and alone.”

 

                “You’re not alone, Jeff.  You’re not alone.”  She wrapped me in her arms, and stoked my hair while whispering soothing words…  It was to this gentle embrace I fell asleep.

 

 

*              *              *

 

 

                I half-woke for a moment when Rachel went on watch, and vaguely remembered stealing her pillow as a surrogate girlfriend to hug while she was gone.  I vaguely remember calling it ‘Not-Rachel’ in my head before I drifted back to sleep.  I half-woke again to someone tugging Not-Rachel away from me, and whomping me with it.  The next thing I knew, Rachel was shaking me awake.  “Hey, doofus.  It’s time to get up.”

 

                “Already?” I groaned.

 

                “Already?  You’re the last to wake.  Breakfast is ready, unless you’re not hungry?”

 

                As my stomach growled, I realized I was very hungry – and for a change, well rested.  “I’m up, I’m up.  I guess last night was just a really deep sleep and a good rest.  Sorry to keep everyone waiting.”

 

                “No worries, Jeff – but unless you hurry, Fionn might finish off your food too – with Tika’s help of course…”

 

                “Hehe.  Okay.  I’ll be out in a minute.”

 

                Rachel headed back to the fire, and I took a moment to clear my head and gather my wits.  Once I was ready, I realized breakfast would have to wait until I had dealt with mother nature first, so I rushed out to do my business behind the bushes we had communally declared ‘the latrine’.  As I did my business, I took stock of my equipment, or junk, or whatever you wanted to call it.  Yesterday it had felt awkward and ugly.  Today it felt a bit better – like I was coming to terms with it.  I don’t think I’ll ever be fully comfortable with it, but at least seeing it or holding it didn’t make me feel like I was going to throw up, like it used to when I was Cassandra.  Heh… I’d never really been one of those males who had a ‘relationship’ with their equipment – you know, the guys who are so heavily invested in their masculinity that it was almost their entire personality?  I was kind of glad I didn’t feel that way – it didn’t feel right.

 

                I finished up, and returned to the fire, and got some breakfast… A large bowl of oatmeal with cinnamon, sugar, and raisins, along with a helping of eggs and bacon.  Simple, filling and good.

 

                “How did you sleep, Jeff?”  Rachel asked. 

 

                “Pretty good, I think.”

 

                “I know… You kidnapped my pillow and I had to whomp you to get it back.”  She laughed. 

 

                I grinned too.  “I vaguely remember being whomped.  I slept well, and deeply.” 

 

                “Good.”  Rachel smiled, and went back to eating.

 

                The day was slightly overcast – it was iffy as to whether it would rain later, or hold off until we reached Callenden. Since it was the middle of summer, there were fifty-fifty odds of whatever rain coming being a thunderstorm, and hiking on a moor during one of those sounded unpleasant at best.

 

                We ate quietly, and finished up – no one wanted to get caught in the coming rain, so we hustled and got camp broken down quickly, after Fionn and I did the morning dishes.  It was quickly becoming a ritual that Rachel and Alyssa cooked, and we cleaned up.  Not a bad deal, I thought.  Tika got the best of it, though – her hands were too small to really clean human sized dishes without a lot of effort, so we let her not have to do any major chores other than night watch.  Once we were packed up, Fionn helped Rachel and I don our armor.  He didn’t seem to need help with his armor – which I assumed was due to long experience, or possibly some other talent he had.  It was just easier with help.

 

                “I’m having second thoughts about wearing this armor.”  Rachel muttered.  “It’s heavy, awkward, and I’m not sure I need it.  I’m not trained to be a warrior – I might be better off defending myself with my magic – like the Force Fields Cheerit has been teaching me.”

 

                “Well, I’m not sure what we’ll do with it, then Rachel, but can we keep it until we meet King Colin?  For all we know it may have been a gift from him to her.  I’d like him to see it.  Afterwards, I’ll probably keep it as a memento of Grandma.”

 

                “No worries, Jeff.  It’s your armor – I’m only borrowing it.”

 

                We started walking, a little swifter than we usually did.  It seemed all of us were eager to not get caught in the rain.  Today, Tika was riding on Alyssa’s shoulder and pack, and we did cover a fair bit of terrain before our lunch break.  As we got closer to Callenden, we crossed paths with a few side roads, and saw some signs indicating the way to Callenden, Enders Hollow, and a side road leading to someplace called Othlan, and Pesir.  At the rate we were travelling, Sir Fionn thought we would arrive in Callenden well before the supper hour.

 

                As we travelled, the impending rain held off as well, and the day was rather cool, if a bit humid as a result.  We kept on, and the miles slowly fell away beneath our feet.  During our walk, the tension about what would happen when I presented myself at court kept rising, and I knew it would only continue.  I tried humming a few songs to calm me down, but it didn’t really help, and eventually I just kept silent.

 

                Late in the day, we came across some outlying farms – the farmers and their families working in the fields, or in their barns.  Some waved, while others kept to their work, and some few looked nervously at us – as if our armor and weapons indicated we were threats, rather than friendly travelers.  Most of the farmers seemed friendly.  As we got closer, we began to see a glittering blue lake in the distance, with a large stone keep on the edge of the lake, and a large town clustered about its base.  Pennants of crimson and gold flew in the wind, and it looked regal and very medieval.  It reminded me very much of the second dream I had with Cassandra – the pretty spot on the hill overlooking the lake, where we watched the clouds go by.  Where I had named her… named myself.  This was Callenden, then?

 

                “Look, lad!”  Fionn exclaimed.  “The castle of your Grandfather, and the city of Callenden.  This is the ancestral seat of Clan MacTavish, and gods willing, perhaps a home for you as well.”

 

                “Excellent.  I can’t wait to see it.”  I said, steeling myself for what was to come.

 

                “It’s so beautiful!”  Alyssa gasped.  Tika just stared and whispered  “Wow.”

 

                “Are you excited to see the king, Jeffrey?”  Rachel asked.

 

                “Excited and scared.  Let’s go… I presume we’ll spend the night in an inn, and then see the king tomorrow morning?”

 

                “Aye.  It would be best if we cleaned the filth of the road from us, and put on our nicest clothes in order to see the king.  If we look like vagabonds, the guards at the keep are likely to send us away, unless we have urgent business.”

 

                I nodded.  It was time to discover my past – to discover my birthright.

 

               

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