Chapter 1

The wind was howling outside as if it was enraged that it couldn't get inside our small apartment. Sheets of rain pelted the windows. Lightning flashed and thunder boomed. The storm outside was in full swing, however I wasn't paying any attention to the storm. I was being held in my mother's arms, clutching my head in pain. She was rocking me gently as I sobbed. We were on the kitchen floor where I had collapsed. My older brother, the man of the house after my father passed away two years ago, was pacing back and forth trying to get help on the phone.

Have you ever slipped and hit your head so hard you saw stars? Or stubbed your toe hard enough to break it? Or, even better, have you ever been shot? Imagine that pain, multiply it by infinity and that is how much pain I was in.... OK, obviously that was an exaggeration, but I was in the most pain I have ever felt before in my life.  It felt like someone split my head open, poured gasoline on whatever was left and set it on fire!

"I can't get a hold of anyone, there's no signal." my brother said, almost panicking. 

"Help me lift him up! Get him to the car, we need to get him to the hospital!" Mom said as she moved to get up.

"No!" I gasped, "No... Just... Hold me... Mom... I'll be... ahhh!.... I'll be fine."

"No Seth you are not fine! We need to get help." But even as she protested she was settling back down and pulled me tighter to her chest. I couldn't respond, except for a choked sob.

Ever since I was 10 years old I have always had bad headaches. They started out small, barely more than a dull throbbing sensation in the back of my head. As I grew older, the headaches grew in frequency and in intensity. We had already tried the hospital, where they tried every test they could think of, only to have the result tell me that there was nothing wrong. That had made my Dad pissed off. He grabbed that doctor by his fancy lab coat, got in his face, and made all kinds of threats. Now there I was, a few years later, worse than I was then, and doctors still couldn’t understand what was happening to me.

Pain crashed into me. It rendered me unable to think, unable to scream, even unable to breathe. I never felt anything like it, it had never been this intense before. My mind seemed to disassociate itself from the pain, as if it retreated from consciousness to my subconscious. I became semi-aware again, the pain was still there but it was like I was watching someone else suffer instead. That certainly never happened before. Another wave crashed into me, and in this subconscious state... or, should I say, delirious state... it was as if I could see the pain pushing into me... and it was beautiful. Every color imaginable swirled around me, crashing into me. Was this the source of my pain and suffering? A freaking rainbow? I stared at it wondering what it was, when I noticed something in the middle of the churning colors. There was a small... hole... in the colors, like it was sucking the colors into it. It was like watching a bathtub drain forming a whirlpool, but where were the colors draining to? A wave crashed into me again, seeming to push me in the direction of the small hole, a sucking sensation came over me. The hole was trying to pull me in! Suddenly a primal fear surged inside of me as I stared at the hole. Instincts screamed at me, telling me that whatever this was, it was dangerous. Was this some alien entity trying to eat me? Was this the gates of Hell opening itself to take me? I didn’t know what it was but I knew one thing. Whatever it was, it was trying to get me and there was nothing I could do to stop it. 

“Seth! Breathe Seth breathe!”

“Come on Seth! Breathe!”

Someone was shouting my name. Was I not breathing? The colors and the pain vanished, my eyes focused themselves on the faces hanging above me. Fear and worry were written all over their faces. My own lungs were screaming at me to breathe, and I gasped, gulping down air. Minutes passed as I focused entirely on breathing in and out. When I finally regained my composure I patted my mother’s arms that were hugging me close.

“The pain is gone now...” I croaked. 

“Oh my sweet baby,” Mom kissed the top of my head, and I felt her tears land on my cheek. My brother, Charles, crashed down onto his knees next to us and gave us both a hug.

"We can't lose you to Seth. Dad's already gone, don't leave us too!" He cried, and we stayed like crying and holding each other. When my tears had finally dried, I gently tapped them on the shoulder.

"Guys... I need to pee."

 

<<<>>>

 

When I went to bed that night I flopped onto it, exhausted. I stared at the ceiling, in the back of my mind I could feel a tiny pulling sensation. It never went away since I first felt it. The hole, nagging at me in the back of my mind, threatening to consume me. Somehow I knew I wouldn't be able to win this fight. It would get me in the end, but I was determined to last as long as possible. 

Should I tell them?... No, they are already worried enough as it is.

 

<<<>>>

 

The next day was bright and sunny. The storm had passed in the night, dragging a clear sky behind it. Sunlight was flooding the room, birds could be heard chirping out the window. The smell of bacon was floating in the air. 

I woke with a gasp, hands clutching the bed sheets, cold sweat on my forehead and back. The nightmare I had was of me being eaten slowly by a giant snake, slowly but surely being devoured. First the feet, then the legs, then torso, until it finally swallowed my head. When it’s jaws snapped shut I woke... I shuddered in remembrance, and mentally checked on the hole in my mind. It didn’t need a lot of effort, it’s pulling sensation was still there tugging at me. How much longer would I have? A week? A Month? Tears started to well up in my eyes.

No. If I only have a short time to live, I’m not going to spend the rest of it crying my eyes out! I need to put on a brave face. So I put on a big smile and got up and ready for the day.

 

“Good morning!” I announced as I walked into the living room/kitchen. T-shirt and jeans, backpack slung over a shoulder, dad’s small pocket knife hidden in my pack, and I was ready to take on anything. “Mmm that smells good Mom.” I said as I came up and gave her a brief hug. She was making bacon and french toast, my favorite breakfast. I snagged a piece of french toast and some bacon off the plate next to her and headed for the door. “See you guys lat... *OOF*” a big hand had grabbed the back of my shirt and pulled me suddenly from the front door.

“And just where do you think you’re going?” Charles said with his other hand on his hip. Mom was behind him scowling at me with her arms crossed.

“Uhhh....school? It starts in, like, ten minutes.” I replied nervously, it wasn’t often that they got mad at me. My reply didn’t seem to be a good one because my brother continued.

“You almost died last night, and you want to just leave for school like nothing even happened!? No sir, you are going to the hospital to get looked at.” Behind him, mom gave a nod of approval when he said that.

“The doctors? Come on Charles! The only thing that would result in is more unpaid bills for us to pay off! They don’t even know how to help me. I’d much rather go to school, at least there I'd learn something.”

“I got a new job yesterday that pays better so we’ll be fine. I’d feel much better if you got a check-up...” 

“Wait... you got a new job?” I asked surprised.

“Yeah, I got that job I wanted. I was going to say something yesterday but...” he trailed off but I knew what he didn’t say... but you had an attack.

“Oh... well congratulations! That's awesome, Charles! Anyways, I gotta get going...” I said as I slowly backed up to the door. Charles grabbed me again.

“Come on Seth, we already set an appointment.” Mom said from behind. I sighed and scowled at Charles.

“Fine, but I get your share of the bacon!”

 

<<<>>>

 

We walked into the hospital two hours later. Mom had to work and Charles’ job didn’t start until tomorrow so it was just Charles and I. The hospital smelled of chemicals and “cleanness”. At first I didn’t like it but over time and my frequent visits, I had gotten used to the smell. These check-ups proved to be useless and just served as a waste of time, but if there was anything good that came out of it, it was Diana. Diana was a nurse at the hospital and was often the one in charge of my care. She was the best nurse I’ve had so far, which is saying a lot considering the eight long years I’ve been coming here. The best thing that she had going for her though was that she made my brother into a drooling idiot... OK he never actually drooled but it was obvious he liked her.

“Diana! How’s it going?” I asked as she walked into the tiny room.

“Seth J. McGregor, I thought I said I didn’t want to see your face around here again.” She said with a stern look on her face that quickly dissolved into a smile. 

“Ah, don't be like that Diana, I couldn’t leave my favorite nurse here all alone now could I?” I said with a wink. She laughed and started conducting various tests on me to see if anything changed. Blood test, urine test, and all the other kinds of tests. Because my condition was so unique and the doctors had no idea what was happening to me they wanted to do as many tests as they could on me. Finally, when she was done poking at me, she left to get the doctor.

“Hey Charles, you should just ask her out instead of staring” I commented dryly.

“I wasn’t staring!” He snapped, trying to scowl but just blushed instead. “Was it obvious?”

“As obvious as Darth Vader being Luke’s Dad.” I nodded.

“Oh good,” he sighed in relief, so I kicked his leg.

“That means it was super obvious, ya doofus!”

“What?! Come on, that wasn’t a good analogy!”

“It was a perfect analogy! Everyone in this hospital knows you like her! Now get going! Go talk to her, I’ll be here safe and sound with Dr. Stewart.” I chided him with a scoff. 

“I don’t know Seth, I should stay here for your tests...” he said, scratching the back of his head. 

“Charles, don’t let me get in the way of your life more than I already have. You need to focus on yourself for once.” I growled at him.

“...OK, I’ll go talk to her.” he said somberly, but then smiled and looked me in the eyes. “If it goes well, I'll let you know.” and as he left he nearly collided with the doctor.

“Well he left in a hurry. Is he finally going to talk to Diana?” Dr. Stewart asked, staring at the open door Charles left through.

 

<<<>>>

 

After running me through a few big machines, scanning every single part of me, Dr. Stewart finally sighed and said, “Nothing is showing up, as far as our tests can tell you’re as fit as a fiddle, in fact you seem to be even healthier than last time we checked!”

“Even healthier? How is that even possible? Last night was the worst attack I’ve had yet..” I asked, incredulous. “I was in so much pain I stopped breathing!”

“That’s what we’re trying to find out, but in the meantime you’re good to go. We’ll be studying the results of these tests further and will let you know as soon as we find something”

I just sighed and walked out. Down the hall I could see Charles and Diana talking, they both seemed to be laughing. I grinned as I started towards them.

“Hey lovebirds! Dr. Stewart said I was fit as a fiddle! So, I’m sorry Diana, it looks like I won’t be able to...” Pain flashed through my entire body, slapping me down to the ground like a bug.

“SETH!” I heard the sound of footsteps running towards me, hands grabbing me, but all I could see was the colors again. They spun all around me, shoving me towards that small hole... but it wasn’t so small anymore. Like a gaping maw of a beast, it was slowly but surely stretching wider. I screamed, trying to get away from it but I was being held down. A pulse of pain shot through my body, then another, and another as the hole, that black void, grew bigger and bigger. 

After what seemed like an eternity, it stopped. The pain trickled away as if reluctant to stop torturing me, and with a final spasm, it was gone. I lay there with eyes shut tight, drawing in shuddering breaths. 

“Seth... Seth! Are you OK now?”

I opened my eyes. Above me was Charles’ face, he was the one holding me, as well as Diana. This was her first time actually seeing me have an attack, and she was obviously scared for me.

“Yeah... I'm good. Thanks Charles” I rasped, trying to stand up on shaky legs. Then I noticed Dr. Stewart was also there. “Hey Doc, am I still good to go?” I asked sarcastically, but on the inside I was freaking out. 

That shouldn’t have come so soon! There was always a few days at least between the attacks, why is it so early? Is it because of that hole? I thought and mentally felt for the tugging sensation. It was about the size of a beach ball. Last night it was the size of a marble! Now look at it! Are these attacks going to come sooner and sooner, and is it going to get bigger each time? How big does it need to be to get me? It already feels like if I slip even once I’ll fall right in...

 

<<<>>>

 

Another round of useless tests later, we headed home. The car ride home was silent as I was lost in thought. I was thinking about what had just happened at the hospital.

Every time I had an attack before it wasn’t until a few days later that I had the next attack. I thought that I would have at least a week left until...until it got me, but if that thing is causing the attacks to come sooner then it’ll get me either tonight or tomorrow... I need to tell Charles and Mom so they’ll know what happened to me. Tears started to run down my cheeks as I thought of my family, and my impending fate of death. Oh God, I prayed, staring out the car window. Why is this happening to me? What is even happening? I don’t know what it is that you are planning for me... but please take care of my family. As I finished my supplications, a sense of peace came over me, and I knew that my family would be OK even if I wouldn’t be. Sense of peace or not, I noticed that my first two questions remained unanswered. But I was grateful for my family so I sent a mental thank you towards the Heavens.

I wiped my tears on my sleeve as we pulled into the apartment’s parking lot. Sitting on the stairs up to our apartment was Josh and Alexa, two good friends of mine. I checked my phone and saw that they had called me while I was getting tested. They must’ve freaked out not being able to contact me. They knew about my attacks and probably came to check up on me.

“Hey guys,” I called out, “how’s it going?”

“That’s what we should be asking you man. Were you at the hospital?” Josh asked with a concerned look. Alexa came up and gave me small hug 

“Are you doing OK?” She asked

“Yeah. yeah I’m....” I sighed, “No, actually I’m not OK.” I turned around to Charles who was looking at the ground with a small frown. He's been silent ever since the attack at the hospital, he must have been thinking about something. When he noticed that I had turned to look at him, he tried to put on a smile but failed.

“Charles, Josh, Alexa... I need to tell you guys something. I would wait until mom gets back but...anyways, let’s get inside.” My hands were trembling and I fought back more tears as I walked past Josh and into the apartment. They gave each other questioning looks but they followed close behind.

I made them cram together on the only coach, and I pulled up a chair facing them. Slumped in the chair, I tried to think of what to say, how I should tell them about the attacks and the strange beautiful colors that were going to kill me. Silence filled the room, Josh and Alexa were glancing at each other wondering what I was going to say, but before they could ask anything, Charles broke the silence.

“Is this about what happened at the hospital? You were screaming ‘Don’t take me’ and ‘don’t kill me’...” He asked, “is that what this is about?”

I could only gape at him. Had I really said that? I couldn’t remember, I just remember screaming and trying to get away from it... He saw the look on my face and knew that he’d guessed right. Tears formed in his eyes and his voice started to tremble.

“Seth... tell me. What’s going on?” 

I had to look away as a tear fell from his eye, and trying to contain my own tears I explained everything.

“The attacks that I had last night and today at the hospital were different than any I had before. Last night, when I had stopped breathing, I saw something.”

“What did you see?” Alexa whispered, she looked shocked and had her hands clasped in her lap to keep them from shaking. Josh was just staring at me with a pained look.

“I saw something so beautiful... Lights of every color spinning around me, pushing against me like waves... then I saw it...” I stopped and took a deep breath before continuing. “In the middle of the colors I saw a tiny hole sucking away the colors. And I felt it trying to get me to... ever since that attack, I’ve been feeling that hole in the back of my mind, still trying to suck me in. Then today, I was attacked again, and it grew bigger and bigger with each wave of pain.” I looked them in the eyes, on by one, my mouth working to find what to say next.

“I feel it...” I whispered, voice cracking with emotion. “I’m going to die.”

“NO!” Charles shouted, leaping to his feet, hands balled into fists. “You can’t!...” He stood there shaking, glaring at the floor. I leapt to my feet as well and embraced him. “You’re my little brother. Mom and I need you...you can’t die.” 

“It’s going to be OK, it’ll be OK,” I tried to reassure but they felt like empty words.

The void took me that night.