A balcony at the top of a skyscraper. Other, taller skyscrapers in all directions carve an imposing silhouette out of the dim fog. A planter is to the side, but everything has died... a chill, winter breeze blowing through the remains. The same chill, winter breeze that causes me to shiver, goosebumps on my arms, the hair on the back of my neck standing on end. I stand near the doorway, frozen, staring at the person at the edge. 

Maybe it isn’t the cool wind that gives me shivers. 

Maybe it’s them.

I know this person. I know them well. This person is someone that should mean a lot to me, but... my stomach turns at their sight. 

They notice me, gesture for me to join them at the edge. Hesitantly, and with my anxiety growing, I do, and together we stare down at the city below. 

These people are nothing like us. We are frozen, watching; they move about with their lives, hustling to and fro. From above, never do we see someone at the start or end of their journey. There is only motion, there is only transit.

My undesired companion pulls a cigar from their lips, puffing out a cloud of smoke. Their habit breaks laws, but it’s not as if they can be stopped. No one messes with them and lives to tell the tale.

They run their fingers through their stubble, and glance in my direction. They ask me why I am the way I am. They tell me how I can be better, how I need to be better.

I can’t be what they want, and it takes my everything just to hold back tears.

This is the part where I run away, this is the part where I can’t stay any longer. The part where I’m disowned and forgotten. But this time... I can’t keep running away. I can’t.

I can’t do that again. I can’t be afraid anymore.

They’re yelling now, and there’s tears in my eyes, and I want nothing more than to curl up and stop existing... I can’t be what they want me to be, I don’t even know how... Why am I still here? Why didn’t I run this time, like I always do? Why am I...

...Still standing here, frozen...? I stand here, motionless, and I receive word after word that crushes me down... lower and lower until there’s nothing left... And then, tirade over, he lurches forwards suddenly, and before I even know what happened, I’m looking the other way and... my cheek stings like I’ve been touched by hot coals. My misty eyes burst into tears that stream uncontrollably down my face.

It’d be easy if they were gone.

Life would make sense.

I would know how to proceed.

They wouldn’t be able to destroy me like this any longer.

Their anger apparently run dry, they tell me to get out of their sight, and then they turn back around to stare down at the people in transit as if nothing happened. They stare at the people who aren’t stuck... like I still am.

I could push. 

I could end it here. 

They wouldn’t be able to hurt me anymore. 

I wouldn’t have to run away.

I reach out...

...And then everything shifts, and shining, metallic wings unfurl from their back, wings that send shivers down my spine for the second time. Their distorted affection is on full display, in its mechanical, unfeeling glory. On the top of their head, what should be ears, but instead appear as horns... black ears shaped into sharp, dangerous points.

The skyscrapers are gone, replaced with mountains, in front of us twin peaks cut in twain. The street below is gone, instead a ravine of which I can’t see the bottom.

They turn their head around, a glint of madness in their eyes, and give me the creepiest grin. A third round of shivers shoot down my spine, and this time I realise I’m shaking...

...But my hand is already there. I can push. I can end it.

I lean forwards, fingers nearly touching...

But before I can, they jump. They’ve tumbled awkwardly off the cliff...

Their wings flap once, and it almost seems like they’ll truly fly, but... then there’s a clunk, and the wings are stuck, their passion revealed to be but a hollow fabrication. For a moment, everything flashes back to before — their wings are gone, and they’re tumbling down to the street below. Then the wings are back, but still failing to function. They’re falling, now... faster, and faster... until the last, echoing glimmer of their fixation finally vanishes from my sight.

They’re gone.

They can’t hurt me anymore.

But why do I now feel so much worse?

 

---

 

I woke up with a gasp, covered in a cold sweat, breathing heavily with very wet eyes. It took me a moment of panicking about not being able to move before I figured out that I was curled up into a ball and... someone... someone was hugging me tight.

“Yuki...” the soft voice whispered. “It’s okay... it’s okay...”

Yuki? Who...? Oh... I was Yuki... Partially, at least? I’d fallen asleep at some point, and I’d had a nightmare... What even had that nightmare been? It was like the nightmares I’d used to have back when I— back then... Except now there was that new part... I felt my breathing quicken again.

“Hey, hey, Yuki...” Star whispered, slowly, softly. “It’s okay... Just focus on my voice instead of those thoughts, okay? You’ll be okay.” My breathing began to calm, and she continued murmuring softly. “It’ll be okay... it’ll be okay...”

A moment later, feeling... nearly normal, I guess, I felt my eyes tear up. “Th-thank you... Star,” I murmured back.

“You’re awake,” she breathed a sigh of relief, causing me to realise that my head was leaning into her chest. I choked... but then I breathed out slowly in, like, shock. I’d never expected to be this close to a girl... or... anyone, really... my brain already wasn’t doing very well because of the dream, but now, leaning against her chest, I felt like it was short-circuiting completely.

“Mow,” I finally squeaked.

“You were crying and moaning and shaking...” she whispered. “I tried to wake you but it didn’t help, so... I just squeezed you tighter to maybe help... help you feel safe...”

“It... it worked,” I assured, probably with a bit too much emotion. “I feel... very safe right now.”

“I’m glad,” she said, and then I felt her touch the top of my head.

Was... was that... did... did she kiss me? Did she kiss the top of my head? No, nonono, it couldn’t have been that. She must have just rested her chin on it, right? That had to have been it.

All my thoughts were flitting every which way so fast I thought I’d never catch back up with any of them. I was so confused about what I was feeling, how for some reason I was feeling everything so much more than I had before; how, for some reason, every single little thing she did, caring or not, was sending my heart palpitating; how when she did do something that might have been a little caring, that palpitating heart of mine would stop, dead, as my brain struggled to comprehend whatever had happened. How could I be feeling so much now that I hadn’t before? Where was all of this coming from? It couldn’t just be part of the game... But was I really that touch-starved? On the other hand, I felt nothing for... Russ. I felt everything for Star. Weren’t they the same person? I was so confused. I was so confused.

I needed to get away, I needed to not be smelling her warm, comforting scent, nor feeling her chest against my head... I needed to not be somewhere my heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest, somewhere my mind wasn’t muddled and fuzzy, so that I could actually process what the heck was even happening to me.

“Star, lemme go,” I said, squirming.

“Wait! No, don’t—”

I shoved out of her arms and found myself tumbling out of the blanket and landing on the floor. Holy... holy...

“Eeeeeep!” I squealed. It was probably a very girly sound, but in all honesty my brain didn’t even attempt to process that — I was far too busy being turned into a popsicle. “Starwh-whatthe... Ff-f-f-f-fudge! Whyisitsoc-c-c-cold!” I strung together through my already chattering teeth, scrambling back under the blanket and into her arms.

It took a couple minutes before I had warmed back up again enough to talk. “What the hell, Star?” I mumbled. There’d been frost on the floor!

“We ran out of wood,” she whispered. “I thought it’d be uncomfortable to sleep there... and it would be too cold to sleep alone... so we’re in your bed instead...”

“O-oh...” I felt my face heating up. Well, at least I had my embarrassment to keep me from freezing. “But... but why is it so cold? It’s like actually frozen out there...”

“Uhh... I don’t know... I guess it’s really cold outside?”

“How are we supposed to warm the house back up when it’s this cold, though? We have to chop wood and start a fire in a temperature like this, or something?”

There was a sudden, surprising trumpet fanfare, and both of us started. I’d gotten a notification in the corner of my vision, and, wearily, I took a look.

You have gained a quest: Emergency: Rekindle the Fireplace!

Your cabin has lost nearly all of its heat and by the evening will no longer be safe! In the next ten hours, you will need to rekindle the fireplace in order to warm the cabin back up. 

This quest is optional, but failure will result in debuffs and may result in the cabin being lost to the wild inhabitants of the Everwood Highlands.

“That doesn’t really help,” I complained.

Star snorted and broke into a fit of giggles, and I felt my heart flutter again. At least I had the palpitations she caused to distract me from our impending doom, I guess.

 

---

 

It was quite a challenge to decide who would be the unlucky one to leave the safety of the warm blanket. Eventually we decided on using rock-paper-scissors to solve the dilemma, but then every time one of us won, we’d be too nervous to go out and have to play a few more rounds. We played at least eleven games of rock-paper scissors (and I’d tried to ask to go up to thirteen) before Star finally got exasperated and threw the blanket across the room.

“Eeeep!” I squealed again, squeezing my knees against my chest and wrapping my tail around to cover my face. “W-w-w-waarn meee!!” I whimpered through the fur.

“N-no! We have to go! Come on, put on a coat and gloves and all that stuff. We probably killed an hour playing rock-paper-scissors, and we don’t know how hard this quest is going to be.”

“There’s probably a pile of wood right outside!”

“M-maybe, but what if there isn’t? Come on, just get some winter gear on, okay?”

Grumbling, I nodded, and she gave me a smile that warmed my heart, then left the room. Okay, with that I could probably brave the cold. Probably.

Since my cloak from yesterday hadn’t dried fully, and now it was likely below freezing in this cabin (it felt that way, at the very least), I swung the closet open again and quickly searched for another. There! Still grumbling, I pulled it on, but it at least seemed very warm. I wasn’t a huge fan of the red colour and it wasn’t quite as fuzzy as the black one, though.

I grumbled to the main room, where I put on boots and gloves and a winter hat and a thick scarf; I grumbled at Star, who laughed at me; the only thing that made me stop grumbling was when we opened the door and it was even colder than before. “S-s-star!” I squeaked, hiding behind her. “It’s too cold!”

“Gosh, you’re such a wimp, Yuki...”

“Y-you...!” I shook my head. “Wait, you have the cold affinity!” I realised, suddenly. I shook a finger at her accusingly. “Why am I even going out with you?”

“I... uhh...” she stammered. “I forgot... gosh, it’s probably way colder for you, isn’t it?”

I glared. “Well, I’ve never tried being you, so I can’t tell how similar it is for us. But I do currently feel like at any moment my appendages or my face will just freeze right off, so...”

“Do you want to stay inside?” she asked. “You can...”

I sighed. “No, no, I already got all the winter gear on, after all... I’ll help you bring in whatever wood we need, I guess.”

She gave an apologetic smile, and, as my series of grumbling continued, we began our search for firewood...

...But it did not take long to find it. In fact, we found it pretty much the moment we got out the door. Alongside the house, to the left of the door, there was a large tarp of a silvery material driven into the ground with stakes, the shape underneath pretty lumpy. After pulling up a couple of the stakes, we were able to get underneath and see... a pretty meager pile of split logs. Based on the rate we were going through it the day before, we estimated that it would only last us for today, probably... 

And the moment I voiced that realisation is precisely when we heard a second notification noise.

Your quest Emergency: Rekindle the Fireplace has been updated! It is now known as Restock the Firewood!

You have found a stash of firewood outside the cabin, but it’s not long enough to last for more than a day. For your continued survival in the Everwood Highlands, you will need to collect additional firewood.

This is a repeatable quest. Failing this quest will result in regaining the emergency quest Rekindle the Fireplace.

I breathed a long, dramatic sigh. “I’m playing a video game and I have to do chores. And it’s really cold.”

Suddenly I felt a hand on my head. “It’ll be okay, Yuki. We’ll go out for more when it warms up a little bit. We’ll have until tomorrow before we’re on a timer again, right?”

“But who knows how hard it’ll be to cut a tree down,” I grumbled.

“You’re very grumbly today.”

“I haven’t eaten breakfast. And it’s really cold.”

“I know, I know, you’re sooo cold,” she laughed. “Here, come on, take an armful in and start working on the fireplace. I’ll get the rest, okay?”

“Why’d I even come outside in the first place,” I mumbled.

“I told you you didn’t need to!”

“Mow.”

 

---

 

Again my friend and I were sat in front of the fireplace, thawing. I was holding my hands out towards the warmth, and I’d once again leaned my head on her shoulder. I didn’t really understand why this had become so natural to me... and like... we had things to do... Like, we were in a game, there were things to punch and kill and we were just sitting extremely close together and being touchy.

In other words, this couldn’t possibly be normal. I’d kinda had a feeling from the start, but now it was starting to sink in just how much it couldn’t be. I was a girl in here, for some reason, and... it felt natural. Star was a girl in here, for some reason, and... that felt normal. We were laying together, or sitting together, or laughing together... and it felt like I’d been doing it forever... but at the same time it also felt like so much longer.

I was so, so very confused.

I felt a hand on my head, ruffling my hair. I pulled away and pouted up at her, but I think she could tell that I didn’t actually mind it, because she winked. “I’m going to make breakfast, now that it’s gotten a bit warmer. Any requests?”

I was glad that she’d become more comfortable. She’d seemed so nervous at first, and it’d been so easy to fluster her, but at the same time, I think I liked this more. Just hanging out and laughing together like we had before... The only real difference was that now she was pretty. And I was cute, probably?

This was weird. This was a weird train of thought. I’d file this away for later.

“Pancakes?” I finally suggested.

“You weren’t listening, were you?” Star raised an eyebrow. “How am I supposed to make pancakes without a grain? I could make them with eggs and sugar, I suppose, but I don’t have those either.”

“Okay, well, what can you make?”

“Umm... it looks like there’s some bacon in the icebox.”

“Oh! Okay, that works.”

Whatever train of thought I had before kinda vanished at that. I loved bacon. Bacon was my favourite. Actually, meat in general. Or... well, maybe I just liked all food. “I think I’m hungry,” I said aloud, spinning around to face her. Oooh, my back had been kind of cold, this felt nice.

She giggled, setting the bacon down on the counter. It was even cut into strips already... who had done this? Had I done this? Or, well, my character? I’d been under the impression she was just as much of a useless, lazy slob as I was, but maybe I’d been wrong. Like, bacon probably had a lot of steps, right? It wasn’t like you could just kill a boar, slice the meat, and cook it, right? You probably had to like, soak it or smoke it or whatever.

“I wonder how this bacon even got here,” Star said, suddenly. “I feel like your character couldn’t have been putting in that much effort...”

“Hey...” I grumbled, not admitting I’d been having the same thoughts.

“Maybe bacon just drops from boars up here.”

“That sounds funny. You just kill a pig and pop! Bacon.”

Star giggled. “Pop!”

“Pop!”

I watched as Star laid out the bacon onto a cast iron sheet, then brought the bacon over to the fireplace, and together we set it in place on top of a wireframe. Soon there was a quiet sizzling, and we both just stared at it, motionless.

“So... what are your abilities? Did you ever look?” Star asked. 

I shook my head.

“Well, open them up then,” she urged. “If they suck we’ll make new ones.”

“Okay, okay.” I pulled up my character sheet. Abilities... abilities.

Hmm. “None.”

“What? You have no abilities?” 

“No actives, it looks like,” I murmured. Two slots and they were both empty. Well, at least I hadn’t had something to save me when that big mooslin had charged me the day before.

“Do you have passives, then?”

I paged to them. Aha, there were starting abilities! Two out of five slots were filled, each with a coloured icon. I selected the first, which had an icon that showed two dice with the ‘one’ side facing up. It was aptly named... “Snake Eyes,” I read aloud. “2.7% chance on every hit for all effects and damage to be doubled.”

“Ooh, that sounds fun! We’ll have to get you weapons with DOTs or other status effects, get some timers or amounts doubled up on those.”

“It gets crazier. ‘The bonus application of effects and damage are applied through another, simulated hit, one that Snake Eyes is also applied against. With very good luck, damage and effects can be applied thrice or more.’”

Star blinked. “Sorry, what?”

“I think it’s saying like, I hit something, then 2.7% of the time, internally, it counts a second hit as happening? And then there’s a 2.7% chance of Snake Eyes causing a triple hit from that, and then a 2.7% chance of a quad, etc, etc.”

“I wonder what the chances are of getting off a quintuple hit,” Star grinned.

“I don’t know,” I giggled. “Probably one in a couple million or something.”

I watched as she reached out to flip the bacon. Mmmm, it smelled so gooooood...

“My other ability is...” I started, distractedly. “Err, my other passive, it’s called ‘I Meant To Do That.’ Apparently it gives a 5% chance of any malfunction to ‘succeed spectacularly instead.’”

“Oh, is that to do with the artificing?”

“Probably?”

“That sounds like it’ll be fun to watch.”

I squinted. “What, the malfunctions?”

She winked. I turned back to stare at the bacon. Hmm.

“I wish the chances were higher, though. 2.7% of doubling and 5% of surprise success is not great, to be honest. Or, well, it doesn’t feel great. One in forty hits or whatever getting doubled... like, that’s barely doing anything. And if a DOT is applied by chance, that’s even less useful because it’ll be so rare for the two to line up. And then one in twenty times something breaks it actually doesn’t break? Heck, if my stuff is breaking often enough to trigger it, my stuff isn’t even useful.”

She frowned. “I... I guess that’s true... Maybe there’s a way to raise those chances somehow.”

“Oh! Maybe there is!” Suddenly much too excited to think about bacon, I switched to the ability constructor. 

In Cora, to reiterate, abilities were not gained, but created. Since I was still only level 1, I was unfortunately locked out of making more complex abilities, but I could tweak the abilities given to me and I could make other simple ones too. Currently, my constructor only gave me access to three nodes in a triangle.

The way it worked was kind of fun, like programming. Imagine like, a whole bunch of different kinds of components, right? There were some that boost stats, some that create elements, some that do things with the world... along with those, there were also components that reacted with other connected component, like — I loaded up Snake Eyes into the constructor — this ‘Conditional’ component, or this ‘Random Chance’ component. Okay, so, this ability, Snake Eyes, for example: it was made up of those two components, plus a third component titled ‘Simulated Strike.’ All three of these components were connected to each other, each a node in my current triangle-shaped constructor. I was guessing that the way it worked was like, when the ‘Random Chance’ was true, it would cause the ‘Conditional’ component to enable the ‘Simulated Strike,’ or something. If I was right, it was probably actually running all the time, even if there wasn’t a strike to simulate... See, because it didn’t make sense for it to only apply when I hit things, because there wasn’t a component saying that it would be limited to that. I was willing to bet that as soon as I was able to attach a ‘Hit’ or ‘Strike’ or ‘Attack’ component or whatever the chance of Snake Eyes would increase substantially.

Anyway, for now I couldn’t do things that way, because I was stuck with a lame first-tier constructor! So, instead, I cleared it and started to work on a new ability. I was looking for something specific... Something to do with chance... Would it be a base component in Schemes, maybe? Yep! There it was, ‘Luck Increase.’ Beautiful. It was like the game had read my mind.

Now all I needed was... oh, perfect, same tree. ‘Next Attack.’ Ahhh, this was exciting. Gosh, it was like the initial components I was given were exactly what I needed.

Giggling madly, I was suddenly distracted by a piece of warm, crispy bacon appearing in my mouth. “Ooooh!” I nearly choked. “It’s good! It’s not as good as in the real world, but it’s good! Thanks!”

I heard Star’s cute giggle but I didn’t follow up on it, since I was already distracted again. Not knowing what to do for the third component, I just stuck in another ‘Luck Increase’ and hoped for the best. If it was valid, that would probably mean that I’d get a double chance increase, which was all the better. Crossing my fingers, I waited... and then it was confirmed! The game had even described what it did. Aww, AIs, how sweet of you... Increases the chance of passing all positive and negative checks on the next attack. The amount of increase is based on each check, ranging from 5% to 30%. 

I felt myself grinning madly. Actually, no, I’d probably been doing that already. 

I made to save and return to my character sheet, but stopped myself at the last second. I couldn’t leave yet, I hadn’t named it! 

I dub thee... Hmm... Loaded Dice.