Only Sort of Dead
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I felt like I was walking on cloud nine as I made my way to college. I wasn’t sure if it was the excitement of finally getting my testosterone levels under control or the brain fog I’d heard about from other trans girls on spiro, but I did know I was a little out of it. I had to consciously remind myself to pay attention to the street lights at each intersection, knowing that the various streets crossing Trafalgar Road weren’t exactly the best places to jaywalk. 

Even with my best efforts, though, it had taken my girlfriend Lena grabbing my elbow once or twice to stop me wandering out at the non-signalized intersections without checking for cars. 

Standing at Trafalgar and Upper Middle, waiting for the light, I found myself smiling as I looked over at her. She was beautiful, kind, passionate, and... and I’d only started dating her by accident when I’d asked her other girlfriend out. 

“Gosh,” I mumbled to myself as I thought about how wonderful Lena and Kris had both been to me. 

“The light changed,” Lena said softly, causing me to blink and see there was indeed a walk signal ahead of us. 

I hurried along as she started walking, trying to keep up. 

That was the last major intersection, though. Which seemed to cause Lena to relax a little. 

“You’re going to be a disaster at taking notes today, aren’t you?” she asked.

“Probably. I mostly just have life drawing today, though,” I replied, pausing to think things over.

Then pulling my backpack off to hunt through it. Lena stopped a few paces ahead, watching me flit through my bag.

“I think I forgot my pencil sharp—” I started to say, only to feel something heavy slam into me.

The next thing I knew I was in darkness, floating up into the air. Well, the darkness passed after a moment, and I realised what had happened: an airplane engine had dropped out of the sky onto me.

Not what I’d expected, I’ll admit.

I turned and saw Lena staring in shock, and was glad there didn’t seem to be any blood or anything oozing out of the rubble. I did see one of my shoes sticking out at one end, and my backpack at the other end. Really, it looked more like something out of an old cartoon than a gruesome death.

Right. I was dead. That was… something.

I didn’t want to be dead. I was finally living as myself. I was in love. I was loved. Life had only just properly started for me. 

I hadn’t even started estrogen yet!

Before I could figure out anything else about the scene or the metaphysical implications of my current situation or the fact that I hadn’t had my name legally changed for any obituary, however, I suddenly felt myself being yanked away.

I couldn’t tell you in which direction. It didn’t feel like I was moving in a normal spacial way. Instead I was... collapsing? Expanding? Twisting? All of them at once?

It was giving me a headache and I couldn't really understand it. 

Just as I was starting to feel properly motion sick, I found myself thrown forward, sprawling onto my hands and knees. I’d landed on... well, it seemed sort of like a cloud, but also sort of like a crystal?

I felt like it looked vaguely similar to a mineral I’d seen in a museum one time, but I couldn’t tell you the type. I wasn’t a geologist or... gemologist? Whatever you’d call someone who knew that sort of stuff. Plus, the mineral probably wasn’t as soft as this stuff was.


Why were my hands golden now?

“Vazehr, Goddess of Justice, it is good to see you again,” a powerful yet smooth male voice said.

I blinked, looking up for the source. And I found myself staring at a guy who seemed the embodiment of what you’d expect a god to look like, be it Zeus or Odin or... was Jehova the actual name of the Christian god? Whatever... Either way, the guy in front of me had a mix between the build of a football player and a dad bod, with a large greyish beard, while wearing some sort of flowing robe. Everything about him said ‘power’.

Though he also had blue skin, and, on second thought ,his beard was more of a grey-blue than a true grey.

“Who—wha—where…” I stammered, honestly proud of myself for managing to form two actual words in my confusion.

“Ah… you seem a bit more out of it than I was expecting, Vazehr,” the mysterious blue man said.

“She’s been living mortal lives in another world for three thousand years,” a voice that sounded like it belonged to an older woman said. Though, also, far richer than any human voice.

I turned to the source, finding a tall purple woman with sharp features seated on a bench made out of the same material as the ground (maybe it was more an extension of the ground?). I also noted that she had horns kind of like a giraffe. 

Were they antlers then?

“I suppose that’s true, Gauza,” the man said, drawing my attention back to him. “What do you remember, Vazehr?”

I blinked. “Uhh… are you talking to me?”

Wait, my voice sounded different. It had that same odd acoustic effect the other two’s voices had. Also, it sounded feminine. Not just like the results of my still too deep clumsy self taught voice training attempts.

Ah,” the man said, grimacing slightly. “That’s… less than ideal.”

I found myself looking at my hands again, since they still looked gold. So did my arms. And my… I had… those were boobs. Actual boobs. Gold, like the rest of me seemed to be, and a pretty decent size. 

The realisation shot through me like a burst of electricity, shooting excitement to the tips of my fingers, toes, and… wings?

Looking over my shoulder I realised I did indeed have wings now. Ones with golden feathers, speckled slightly with different hues, though all definitely something you’d call ‘gold’.

“Well, at least she’s less likely to be angry with us?” the man said, drawing my attention back to him.

“You always were an optimist, Loj,” the woman replied.

“Who are you? And… who am I?” I asked.

“Who am—I am Loj, God of the Sea, and King of the Gods,” the blue man replied, his tone showing he’d possibly never had anyone ask him that question before.

“I am Gauza, Goddess of the Clouds, and Queen of the Gods,” the purple woman added, a bit more kindness in her voice. “And you are Vazehr, Goddess of Justice.”

I nodded. “Ah. Right. You said… wait, what do you mean I’m a goddess?”

“That you’re a goddess,” Loj said, not explaining anything.

The purple woman gave him a tired stare, before turning back to me.

“You were one of the great deities of Loj’s court, but you… well, you always believed very strongly in your domain,” Gauza explained.

“You were a stick in the mud,” Loj muttered.

“Mhm… well, after a few too many disagreements with the others, you—we had to send you away to another world, to have your spirit stored in mortal form,” Gauza continued. “However, we now face a threat the likes of which we have never faced before. The Forces of Discord have locked the world in a war without end, having grown strong enough to equal the might of the gods. We need your help.”

I stared for a moment, still not quite sure how to process all that.

There were two immediate takeaways, though: it was pretty gender affirming to learn I had the spirit of a goddess, which was cool; and… exiling the goddess of justice did not give me a very high opinion of whoever this pantheon was.

“You agreed to it, by the way,” Loj said. “You were tired of the fights yourself. So you agreed to be placed somewhere we could call you if needed.”

Somehow that didn’t seem right, but… finding out I was actually a golden winged deity also felt weird. And, hey, I didn’t even remember what was apparently my name from back then, so… who was I to argue?

“If I help out… can I go back?” I asked.

“Go… back?” Loj replied.

“To my old life. To Oakville… to Lena and Kris,” I said.

“You would go back to being mortal?” Loj asked, sounding disgusted.

I nodded. “To be with those I love, yes.”

“Very well,” Gauza said, nodding. “Help us defeat the enemy and return relative peace to Haquaria and we shall return you to your previous world.”

I hopped to my feet at that, wearing a smile. “Alright! So… what’s going on exactly?”

The purple woman gestured to her left, causing a slab of cloud-crystal to rise from the ground. A swirl formed in the side, until it shifted to what seemed to be some sort of magical screen. It showed armies of monsters and undead ravaging towns and villages. Then a clash of armies, one side of what looked to be humans, the other side those monsters once more. The monsters were definitely winning.

“War in the mortal realm. Led by a dark sorceress,” Gauza explained.

The viewing portal zoomed in, showing a woman with sickly pale blue skin standing on a ridge. She looked to be something of an elf, though she had a scorpion’s tail growing from her… well, where a tail would grow from.

“Nemza Vuranil. She was a princess of the Holy Kingdom of Garzot,” Loj explained. “She was supposed to be my next high priestess, but she fell to darkness, burning the Holy City, killing her own family in the same attack.”

“And I… I’ve got to fight her,” I muttered, staring at eyes filled with pure hatred and evil.

Maybe I should have tried to point out I wasn’t much of a fighter. Or, at all of a fighter…

“With our high temples in the Holy City desecrated and defiled, the rest of us can barely manifest in the mortal realm of Haquaria,” Guaza said. “Your original high temple is long forgotten in the Southern Forest. With full divine might you should be able to defeat her and turn back the tide of darkness.”

Right. I was a goddess now. I had magic and… stuff. I could probably take on a sorceress.

“Wait, does she have any gods on her side? Like, evil ones?” I asked.

“We have kept them busy with an assault on the frozen planes of Urst,” Loj replied. “In a direct fight we Gods of Order are stronger than the Forces of Discord, but a siege does benefit the defenders, so we’ve yet to break through. They should be too busy to intervene on Nemza’s behalf, however.”

I nodded, looking back at the viewing portal. The smile on the dark sorceress’ face still sent a shiver down my spine. I wasn’t looking forward to—

I found myself lifted off my feet, Loj having walked over to my side while I’d been distracted.

“What are you—” I started to ask, before he chucked me forward, towards the viewing portal.

Which I quickly discovered was not just a viewing portal, as I was flung through it and into the sky above a great battle. 

I was flying over a vast swarm of monsters, the roar of the battle beneath me almost deafening despite the distance. It was impressive, terrifying, and… getting closer?

Oh, right. Because gravity. 

I tried flapping my new wings, not quite sure how they worked. Based on the way the ground kept getting closer, I wasn’t doing a very good job of figuring them out. Which I felt was fair. It took birds a few attempts to master it and they only had four limbs to worry about. I was trying to handle six.

Before I could justify my struggles any further, I crashed into the muddy dirt, landing in an empty patch between several creatures.

Getting to my feet, I saw they seemed about as disoriented by my sudden arrival as I was. 

“Uh, hi?” I offered, as I slowly processed the large thuggish creatures kind of looked like trolls from that fantasy trilogy.

Or maybe rather bestial giants?

Before I could come to a proper conclusion of what to call them, they charged forward, swinging large clubs. I dodged one or two, since they were kind of slow moving, but another club was heading straight to my face. 

In a panic, I held up my hands to defend my face, only for there to be a flash of golden light, some sort of magic shield forming between my hands and the club. A shield that apparently had kickback with how it sent the club flying back, out of the troll-thing’s arm. The creature also shrieked, grabbing it’s arm and cradling it.

“Sorry?” I found myself saying, feeling bad about hurting something that seemed to only be a bit above animal intelligence.

At least until another club hit me from behind.

Not that it hurt, mind you. The club shattered on impact after feeling about as powerful as being hit by a pool noodle.

“Oh. Right. I’m a god now,” I said, turning around to see the troll that had just hit me looking rather confused. 

I walked over to the confused creature and gave it a shove square in the chest. Despite it towering over me by what had to be a metre, it was sent flying back on an impressive arc through the air.

“Cool… I guess I can do this,” I said, feeling confident I’d be home and cuddling with my girlfriends again in no time.

So, yep. Another new story from me. Not abandoning my existing ones, but had a little writer’s block and decided to try something new to get the creative mojo moving again.
I hope you’ll enjoy it.

(As always there’s early access to chapters on my Patreon, currently running on a two chapter buffer.)