Chapter 205: The True “King” of Britain
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AN: All credit goes to @Domeric for this idea. The next update will either be about the "Realist Era" and the build-up to the Bonapart presidency, or a POV from the man himself .

Sorry that the update took so long; I had a bit of a writer's block that I finally smashed through recently.


Washington, Alabama, the United States of America
May 1st, 1836

"What did you say, Hosea?"

"I said, my donkey... I mean His Majesty is the rightful monarch of Britain, Emanuel."

Hosea Baker stood in front of his donkey and gently placed a bent, dirty crown on top of the animal's head. A sizable crowd gathered around the farmer and watched curiously as he led the pack animal onto a pedestal in the middle of the town.

Washington had been rebuilt rather swiftly, as it wasn't completely devastated like many cities and towns across the Deep South. The outskirts of Washington had been damaged during the famed siege, but the core buildings and population escaped the war unscathed. The only visible scar from the war was a small village of tents outside the city that housed many refugees unwilling to return to their former homes.

"He is the rightful king of Great Britain!" Hosea declared as he waved his arms towards the crowned animal, "King Arthur the First, the true heir to the crown!"

The crowd stirred at the amusing sight, with several people whispering to one another at the strange sight. Many of them pointed to the strange clothes that the farmer was wearing: a bright green shirt and pants that looked very much like a jester costume. Hosea danced around and banged a drum that sat next to the pedestal, making the scene even more amusing and confusing. The man would've been considered insane to any outsider, but the locals knew Hosea, and he was as sane as they came.

Though, the war had changed everyone.

Emanuel Kim frowned at the sight before snapping his fingers. He took off his shirt, allowing the world to see his dark, toned chest. Ignoring the yelp of a woman near him, he flapped out his shirt and placed it in front of the donkey. The African-American gunsmith looked at his veteran counterpart and flashed him a grin, "All hail King Arthur the First! Down with the false Queen of Britain!"

He joined in on the dancing and hooting, which finally led to someone in the crowd realizing what was going on and laughing out loud, "The King of Britain is a jackass!"

Once everyone realized what Hosea was doing, they guffawed and joined in on the absurd festival. A shopkeeper rushed back into his shop and came out with free drinks for the crowd, which grew bigger and rowdier around the donkey. Several men knelt in front of the "king" and swore fealty to him, while the others stood behind them and cheered.

"Long live His Majesty!"

"Down with the false queen! She couldn't even protect London from those damn Yanks!"

"A fitting king for the British Empire!"

Hosea even prepared a special song for the occasion, a song that was easily recognizable. However, the lyrics were a bit different than what everyone expected...

When Britain first, at hell's command,
Arose from out the crimson flames,
This was the charter of the land,
And all its tyrants sang this strain:

Rule, Britannia! It falls into the waves!
Britons always, always, always shall be slaves.

Still to ruins shalt thou fall,
More deeper, from each foreign stroke,
As the loud blast that tears the skies
Serves to uproot thy native oak.

Rule, Britannia! It falls into the waves!
Britons always, always, always shall be slaves.

The Muses, still with tyranny found,
Shall to thy broken coasts to repair.
Blest isle! With matchless ruins crowned,
And manly hearts to guard the hulk.

Rule, Britannia! It falls into the waves!
Britons always, always, always shall be slaves.

Nearby, an enterprising businesswoman visiting her family down in Washington ran off with a bright idea in her head. Just a month later, the "Royal Crier" was published for the first time in Philadelphia, claiming that the "Jackasss, King Arthur the First, was the true heir to the British throne." It provided gossip of European nobles attempting to swoon King Arthur's daughter for her hand in marriage, the Royal Intelligence Agency sending assassins to kill the rightful heir of Britain, and a duel to the death for the honor of being the King's Royal Jester. The newspaper would be a hit across the United States, an entertaining reprieve for many ailing Americans.

The tradition of crowning a donkey as the rightful heir to the British throne would be a tradition that would spread across the entire South and become a holiday for centuries to come...