103: Sulking
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An awkward silence spreads through the room.

“Ah, Yos, you’re back, huh. Long time no see” Yorgar is trying to break it, but he looks really awkward. Shit.

I rise from the chair I am sitting in. I think I am scowling.

“Sir, please relax… Do you not still need clothes?” I do, but… I feel like it is going to be hard talking to them.

“Yos, there was no ill intent, if that makes you feel better.” I was looking forward to eating here tonight. But this… The expressions they show me. I see them as a mix of guilt and pity. I don’t want to be here.

“I’ll come by tomorrow night. I’ll appreciate if you have some clothes for me then.” I say, as I storm past Yorgar. I accidentally said it through gritted teeth. I must sound pissed.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Yos. What will you do? Dressed like that?” I will show you what I can do dressed like this.

I storm out, down the stairs. Yorgar is following me. Amina remains still. I gather bestowal in my legs, bend my knees, and set off with all my might.

“Whaa?” Yorgar lets his surprise slip, but his exclamation soon fades to nothing, as I travel upwards at a ridiculous speed.

The pain in my legs informs me that I used too heavy a bestowal. There’s probably a couple of bones broken. I glide away.

While I glide, I notice something annoying. I thought this was a really awesome piece of clothing, but what does it really do? I think this, because as I glide, I am fairly certain I could cover this distance faster if I ran. Probably with less exhaustion and risk of damage too.

It’s just a novelty item. It somehow pisses me off even more.

I notice I am willfully averting my thoughts from thinking over it. Shit. My thoughts keep bouncing back. I wonder, why am I so pissed? Had I not decided I didn’t really like Amina? Why does it feel like such a betrayal?

I can’t sort my own feelings out. As I land, a good way outside of the city, I feel the pain as I land on my legs and tumble over. Yep, definitely broke something. It’ll fix itself in the morning.

But why did Amina accept Yorgar? They should have been living together for a far shorter time than I did with Amina. He should have given her far less… He should have had fewer attempt to make advances… Am I unlikeable?

I can feel myself spiraling downwards. Negative opinions of myself start to form. I never really could figure people out.

I never had luck with girls. In this world, there was Atna, who got to spend one whole day with me as a couple. Before I lost her forever. I hope someone saved her before she was executed. Kamas was strong, and he was there.

In the world before, girls often developed crushes on me, but as interacted with them, they quickly fled, broke it off. I never understood why. I think there may be something wrong with me.

Thoughts go back to before I was sealed. Did anything I did back then matter, now that I think about it? Everyone is gone…  Everything they could have become is gone… Even if Atna became king, would it have made a lick of difference in this age? Had we survived, how long would I have spent with her, before time inevitably stole her away anyway?

And the few new relations I have, I feel betrayed by… Is this why immortal people choose to do nothing? Because of this pain that comes along with living?

I remember Hannah didn’t interact with anybody but Jorgen. Maybe it was because she knew relations would only hurt her before her effective suicide?

I briefly consider digging into the dirt and staying there forever, but then, the weirdest thought jumps into my head.

That bar, with the girls fawning over patrons. That felt nice. I want to go there again.

Slowly other thoughts fill my head. Thoughts of delicious food, of the fun I had fighting monster. Of the curiosity I have regarding the God…

Did I…. Did I just get motivated to keep on living because I want to pay pretty young ladies to sing my praises?

I mean, I feel like scum for thinking so, but I also feel a lot better about the whole situation.

Right! Screw Yorgar and Amina. I am going to get money after I get the clothes, and I am going to get pampered.

As the familiar feeling of my slight hunger and tiredness being dispelled washes over me, I get ready. The sensation was a bit weird, as it was actually the first time since I started diving into the dungeon that I didn’t die…

Nevermind, I should just hang out at Yorgar’s house to get my affairs in order as quickly as possible.

I don’t mind it. I don’t… The girls at that club are way prettier than Amina anyway, yeah.

So I think, as I walk back to the wall, before jumping and gliding over it. If only the shitty fog wasn’t everywhere, this cape would be great for reconnaissance.

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