It had been, overall, a good week for Maya. She had peaceful shifts at work, the heating in her apartment didn’t cut out a single time, and she just finished collecting the books she needed for the semester. To top it all off, she was currently on her way to see a cute guy at a club meeting! Well, that last part wasn’t so perfect. All day she had dealt with knots in her stomach and dizzy spells. Heck, at the bookstore she nearly fell over while waiting in line.

Ughh! Why am I like this? If I have to leave the club because of this, I swear to god… 

She headed into the club’s building, dragging her feet the whole way inside.

Immediately, she noticed everything in the meeting room was different than last time. It was just as packed with people, but no central mass of chairs. Instead, there were lots of round tables set up around the room. Some of the tables had board games on them, a couple were empty, and one had packages of food and drinks scattered all over it. Huh, nice. The vibe was leagues better than the weird conference feel there was last time. Now I just need to find Mophead.

As soon as she got home last week she remembered that phones were a thing and beat herself up for not getting his number. Telling herself she would get it this week didn’t help either, because that meant Future Maya would have to get it. In her experience, Future Maya tended to do absolutely nothing that Current Maya wanted her to. And don’t get her started on Past Maya, that girl was useless.

With Ben nowhere in sight, Maya shuffled over to a table with a couple of people playing a board game. One of them was holding what looked like the rules to the game, while the other was just fiddling with various pieces on the table. May as well meet some other people while I’m here. Luckily, she wasn’t too shy with strangers, it was the people she knew that always got her feeling nervous and unsure. “Hey,” she said, “what game are you guys playing?”

 The two looked a bit startled, clearly not expecting her to talk to them. The guy messing with the pieces recovered quickly though, and replied. “Uh, it’s supposed to be the Pokémon board game, but it’s missing a lot of parts.”

“Oh! That sounds fun. Maybe we could make some replacement parts, like with paper or something,” Maya suggested.

“Hmm, not a bad idea. Hey, what’s your name? I’m Kyle, and this is Sam,” he gestured toward the one holding the rules.

“Very nice to meet you both! I’m Maya,” she said while sitting down next to Sam.

After sitting, she noticed how similar the two looked. They both had shaggy dark hair, pale skin, similar eyes and noses. Typical nerds as far as Maya could tell. But all of her friends tended to be nerds anyway.

“Are you two siblings by any chance? You sort of look related,” Maya asked them.

“Yeah, good catch,” Kyle said. “I’m here for the B, and she’s here for the T.”

“Wait, what do you mean?”

“Like, I’m Bi and she’s Trans.”

“Right! Duh, my bad,” she said. Her inability to notice another trans person made her sink down. Well that’s zero for two on noticing trans people. Good thing I didn’t blabber on too much. Maybe this can be a chance to share some of the stuff I know… “It's really cool that you can do this together. By the way, I’m also here for the T.” Hey, that was easier this time! I knew this place would help.

Sam finally spoke, “Wow, how long?” Her voice sounded good! Not perfect, obviously trans, Maya felt, but much better than hers had in early transition.

“Well, I started when I was sixteen, so a while.”

“Ah, that’s cool…” Sam frowned a bit and looked completely deflated.

“But hey!” Maya didn’t want to discourage her at all, “I’ve learned a lot, I could help you with some things if you’d like. And your voice sounds really good, miles better than when I was at your stage.”

“What ‘stage’ do you think I’m at?” Sam dropped the rulebook.

Maya began to feel uneasy. “Well, like, I just mean you seem a little early in transition is all.” Oops. That didn’t sound right.

Sam scoffed. “You know, not everyone has the same transition goals. It’s honestly a little sad how much you value passing.”

“Sorry, no, I’m still not where I’d like to be, but-” Maya said, a lump forming in her throat.

“Lots of people would actually consider my transition more successful than yours because I’m at peace with myself. Honestly, what is your problem?”

Sam left the table as Maya started to tear up. “I’m sorry, I’m really sorry, I wasn’t trying to be rude, I just thought, like, I could show you some tricks I’ve learned and–” But Sam was out of earshot while Maya kept blabbering. She turned to Kyle, who had been quiet the whole time. “Seriously, please, I really didn’t mean to hurt your sister, I don’t know that many trans people, I assumed we had similar goals and and and,” she sniffled, trying really hard to not give into a full-blown cry.

“Hey, listen, it’s okay,” He put a hand on her shoulder and stood up. “She’s had a rough week, she doesn’t hate you or anything I promise.”

“Okay. Okay, thank you. Please let her know I’m sorry,” she said, patting her eyes dry with her sleeve.
“Will do.” Kyle left in the same direction Sam went.

Maya took a second at the table to calm down. Nobody else seemed to have noticed the little spat, which she was thankful for. Not a great impression, huh. And that’s twice in a row for not being able to recognize another trans person. At this rate they’ll revoke my membership. She messed around with the fiddly little Pokémon tiles on the table, putting them into random piles based on their colors. Over the next few minutes her breathing became steady again, her eyes dried back to normal, and Pikachu sat in a pile next to Psyduck and Drowzee. At least my stomach has been calm.

“Hey!! Maya!” a familiar voice called from across the room. Heads from nearby tables turned to see who was being so loud.

Fucking hell. She tucked her hands into her sleeves before subtly waving him over.

“Sorry, I’m a bit late,” Ben said.

Maya dropped all the game pieces she was holding and stood up. After a small prayer that he couldn’t tell she had just been crying, she turned to properly greet him.

“Hey! I was wondering if you were gonna show up or not,” she said. Terrified, she scanned the room for the people she’d upset earlier but Kyle and Sam were nowhere in sight. Hopefully that was the end of it and it would never be brought up again.

“No, sorry, I’m here. Just lost track of time. I wouldn’t ditch you, don’t worry.” There was that grin again. And his confidence, it just seemed endless. Maya had only met a few trans people in her life, but none of them seemed as comfortable as Ben. Not just with his body, it was every single thing he said too. It was completely foreign to Maya.

Oh, this could be it! My chance! Maya braced herself. “Thanks, that’s nice to say. Um, maybe, you know if something comes up, then you could have a way to tell me.” Okay, not too bad. Good job, Maya.

“What? What do you mean?”

Ah, right, forgot to say the important part. “Your phone number! You, umm… should give it to me.” No, wait, that was too aggressive. “Or I can give you mine! So we can, like, say if we can’t make it. Or something.”

“Oh! Yeah, right, right, I meant to give it to you last time,” he said. His voice, as always, was smooth and secure. No matter how awkward Maya got, he seemed to function exactly the same. “Here, put your number in.”

Maya took the phone suddenly offered to her. Getting her hands to stop shaking was difficult, but she managed adequately enough to get her number in on the first try. “There!” She quickly thrust the phone back toward him. If she held it a second longer she was sure to start shaking again.

“Great! Now we can talk outside of this place,” he stuffed his phone back in his pocket. “So what’s going on here?” He gestured toward the mess of board game parts on the table.

Maya didn’t want to lie, so she kept it vague, “It’s just some Pokemon board game. I think it’s missing some pieces, we should find another table probably.”

“Sure, I could use a drink in all honesty,” Ben said, and headed toward the food table, with Maya quick to follow.

To Maya’s surprise, the table had a wide selection to choose from. Bottles of water, cans of pop, even juice pouches, which she internally giggled at. As for food, she noticed a box of donuts, a fruit and veggie tray, and two empty pizza boxes. Sad at the lack of pizza, she grabbed a bottle of water and watched Ben. It was cute how he carefully studied every single item with fierce intent, as if this was the most important decision of his whole day. Eventually, after nearly two full minutes of contemplating, he walked toward her with a juice pouch in one hand and a powdered donut in the other.

She couldn’t help but laugh. “Aww, you got your snacky?”

“Shut up,” he said with a dismissive hand wave. “You wish so badly that you were cool enough to drink juice in public.”

“Shouldn’t you have at least grabbed a paper plate? Or like… even a napkin?”

“Nope.” He took a large bite out of the donut, powdered sugar falling all down the front of his shirt. “If my hands get messy I’ll just wipe them on you.”

“Whatever, weirdo. Let’s go find a table.”

Luckily there was a small empty one nearby, and Maya had no plans to introduce herself to anyone else new today. The two sat down together with only a few words being exchanged. Ben finished his food and sucked down the juice in record time, while Maya jokingly cheered him on. 

“Big juice fan, I see,” she teased.

“Actually no, but I mean, kiwi watermelon. Gotta indulge now and then.”

“Of course.” Maya found herself smiling, brighter than she had in months.

This is kind of  a date, right? You know, one of those dates where he eats like a child after soccer practice. But we’re sitting together, talking, eating, we have a good back-and-forth too…

The thought was dismissed as soon as her stomach twisted again. Sure, he was cute and flirty, but she wasn’t going to put up with feeling sick every single time they talked. Plus, it was early enough to stomp out the crush she was developing. It wouldn’t even feel bad, they’ve literally met twice! Yes, that was the solution.

I will simply not care. SO easy.

“So,” Ben began, “I figure we should actually get to know each other a bit if we’re gonna be club buddies.”

Ew, club buddies?? Yeah, this really will be easy. “Sounds like a good idea, what kind of stuff do you wanna know?”

“Eh, just basic stuff for now. Like, how long have you been transitioning? I’m guessing you started sort of young?”

“Yeah actually, I was sixteen, so it’s been about four years,” Maya said. Woah, déjà vu. How many more people are gonna ask me that today?

“Wow, that’s great that you got to start that young. It’s only been two years for me.”

“Well, you look like it’s been your whole life, honestly.” Maya flinched. Was that a weird thing to say?

Ben smiled. It was a genuine smile, not the smug grin she’d seen all the other times. “Thanks. You too, really.”

Maya thankfully didn’t blush or say anything awkward. Normally she would have, but at the time her mind was just an endless stream of her thinking stupid stupid stupid stupid, so it didn’t occur to her.

“Thanks! It was a long process, but I’m happier now than ever before, so… worth it!” Maya threw up her hands in excitement.

“Huh,” Ben said. His eyes followed her hands for a moment. “Your hands look pretty small. Here, hold them out for me.”

Stupid stupid stupi– AHH! Her face flushed. He probably just wants to feel better about his hands or something. Yeah, he doesn’t actually care about my hands, that would be so weird! Maya gulped, and slowly set her hands on the table, facing the ceiling.

In response, Ben hovered his hands palm side down over hers. “Hmm, soft…” he muttered a few things under his breath. “Yeah, I have no clue how you can hold anything with those things.” The grin was back, this time with his tongue poking out.

“Hey! Not fair, you’re just a bit taller than me, is all.”

“No way, we’re about the same height, no? Have you been wearing heels this whole time?” Ben looked under the table for a second then looked back very confused.

“You’re five-nine?” Maya asked.

“Yes? Duh? Hello? Can you seriously not tell when someone’s the same height as you?”

“Umm, no I guess I’ve never been good at guessing height…” Her hands started to pull away.

“Wait, keep your hands there for another second,” Ben said. The look he gave made her worried but she complied. Slowly, his hands drifted down until they rested on top of hers.

Whatwhatwhat why is he doing this what we’re holding hands WHAT why. Her mind leapt from thought to thought. It wasn’t until his hands were back by his side that she realized what had happened. After he pulled away, there was a white, powdery residue all over her hands.

“Are you kidding me!” She stood up and shook some of it onto the floor. “Didn’t you call me a twelve year old last week? And then you do this, really mature. I told you to grab a napkin, idiot.”

While Maya proceeded to berate and scold him, Ben just kept grinning. “And I told you that I would wipe them on you, don’t pretend you weren’t warned.”

  Maybe I need to make new friends here… Why did I even think I liked him in the first place? He’s a literal manchild. “Can you at least reach into my backpack for me? I have a couple of wet wipes in there.” She kicked the bag toward him, her glare trying to burn holes through him.

“Of course, I’m not a monster.” He reached down and set the bag on his lap. For a few seconds he shuffled through it, then pulled out a tiny white packet. “Here,” he said, tossing the packet to her.

“Thanks for solving the problem you caused.” She tore them open and started to clean the powedery grime off of her.

“I saw your calculus book in there, you an engineering major or something?”

“Wow,” Maya raised her eyebrows, “nosy much? No, bio major, they just want me to take calc for some reason, it’s so dumb.”

“Ah, that sucks. Yeah I have to take a bunch of random classes too. I mean I am an engineering major, so, if you need help with math stuff I could help you a bit. Only if you need it! Not saying you will…”

It wasn’t certain, but she swore she saw his face flush red for a moment. Woah, was he just embarrassed? Maybe he’s not as bulletproof as I thought.

“We’ll see,” Maya said. “What sort of random classes do you have to do?”

“So apparently you need an art course because it ‘helps you visualize your projects better’ or some other fake reason. But by the time my advisor told me that, there were two options open so I went with ceramics.”

“Wait, on Tuesdays? 10am? Because I’m taking that class too!” She realized how excited she sounded after the words left her mouth, but she didn’t mind it this time.

“Oh! Well… nice! Maybe you can be the one helping me out, then, because I’ve never understood how that wheel thingy is supposed to work.”

“I can do that! I loved pottery class in high school and I bet I can make you a master of the wheel in less than a day.”

“Is that a promise?” Ben held his pinkie out toward her.

Rolling her eyes, she wrapped her finger around his. “It’s a promise… twelve year old.”

 

They continued to talk for nearly an hour, covering everything from their shared love of corny reality shows, to their first revelations about being trans. And any time a lull did happen, it didn’t feel awkward. Nobody had ever made her feel comfortable sitting in silence like that before, but something about Ben just made her happy to be near him.

“I was walking across campus,” Ben said at one point, “and I saw two squirrels clawing at each other, having some kinda slap fight. It was so crazy. I wish I took a video.”

Maya just giggled and appreciated how easily Ben could make her feel happy. It was admittedly a boring story, and yet they were both still fully engrossed in each other. Maya didn't know if the crush was just getting out of hand, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that Ben would be a very important person in her life for years to come.

Toward the end of the meeting, Maya noticed Ben frowning at the opposite side of the room. Following his gaze, she saw what drew him in. A small crowd was once again gathered around the front table.

“What do you think that’s about?” she asked.

“Not sure, wanna find out?” He stood up and turned to her, awaiting a response.

Maya couldn’t think of a reason not to, and found herself following Ben across the room again. At the table, the crowd was already thinning a bit. Five clipboards could be seen spread out on the table, with most of them currently being written on.

“I think this is sign-ups for that Activities Fair they talked about last week,” Ben said to her. “Did you still want to do that together?”

“Is there even room on the sign-up sheet? I mean we were pretty late, they might have enough people by now.”

“Yeah, only three names are there, and one is crossed out. Here, I’ll put us down.”

I wonder if Sam is one of the names… Maya wanted a chance to apologize, but also didn’t want more opportunities to make things worse. Still, she wasn’t going to say no to more time with Ben. Even though she totally had no interest in him anymore, that crush was definitely suppressed. She just thought he was cool, that’s all. Yeah. Also cute.

“There,” Ben stepped away from the table, “we’re going to have to meet up with the rest of the people on this list next week and get a plan going.”

Maya nodded, a little distracted now that she had started looking at all of the clipboards. Each of the five had a big letter at the top: L G B T and Q+. L had the most, which Maya sort of expected, almost a full sheet. B and Q+ had a decent amount, about half a sheet. G had four, which really shocked her. That must be every gay dude in the whole club. She was a little confused why the T ended up with the least names. She stepped closer and read through the list but none of the names looked familiar. Huh, no Sam. I hope she didn’t leave early and miss sign-ups.

“I thought there were more trans people there than that…” Maya said to Ben as they left the table.

“Lots of them probably signed up to work on other sections instead. That’s fine, it means we’ll have more say on our section. We should brainstorm a little before next week.” The two returned to their bags, but did not sit. “I have to get my books still before classes start up, want to come with? It’s not far to walk.”

“I know it’s not far,” Maya said, “I was literally just there before this.”

“Is that a no?”

“...I’ll come with. Besides, it’s nice out.”

The pair grabbed their bags and began the short walk to the bookstore. Like before, they simply flowed from one aimless, dumb topic to the next, and neither of them could be happier. Maya enjoyed walking with him through such a familiar place. The gentle stream trickling next to them, the leaves even redder than last week. It was just nice to enjoy the things she liked with someone who she… well, liked.

“Hey, weren’t we supposed to talk about the art project?” Maya eventually brought up.

“Ah, yeah,” Ben said, “almost took you on this walk for nothing.”

Maya huffed. “The bus stop is right in front of the bookstore anyway. No, seriously, you’ve got to have some ideas in your head already, right? I wanna hear them!”

Ben tilted his head from side to side for a moment before speaking. “Okay, I do have a couple things, but I want to hear if you can come up with anything first. Deal?”

“Alright, deal.”

About ten seconds of silence passed while Maya quickly thought up as many ideas as she possibly could. Which, in this case, was one.

“So, let’s say,” Maya started waving her hands in the air to enhance her speech, “we have a big letter T. You know, for trans.”

“Is that it? Aren’t you big into pottery, don’t you need a little creativity for that?”

“I wasn’t done!” Maya playfully shoved his arm. She would have time to lay in bed thinking about that later, though, for now she was slighted and on the defense. “The big letter T would be like a tree. And the tree is… like…” Maya started to realize how much she hated her own idea, but continued nonetheless, “the tree is the Garden of Eden and… Adam and Eve… Actually nevermind.” She stuffed her hands in her pockets and looked down.

“That’s uhh, definitely interesting.”

“Shut up! You gave me like ten seconds to think of it. Why don’t you tell me your idea, huh? Then we’ll see who feels judgy.” Maya turned her nose up and away from him.

Ben chuckled at the extreme offense she took. “You know, I was thinking, and my idea is honestly a little too good to say before we meet up with the rest of the group. Guess you’ll just have to wait and see! Until next time!” He waved and disappeared into the old brick building they were next to.

Jeez, we’re already at the bookstore, Maya thought as she looked at her surroundings. That was goodbye, right? It would be weird if I followed him in to get his books, yeah, duh, don’t do that. Now alone, she sluggishly headed forward to the bus stop a few yards away and plopped onto the bench. Within seconds her phone buzzed.

It was from Ethan. “Hey! I kinda want pizza for dinner, you hungry?”

“Sure! I just got paid so that’s great timing.”

Mmm, pizza. A few times during the meeting she considered getting up for a snack from the table, but she didn’t want to risk missing out on any extra time to talk with Ben.

Another buzz, this time from an unknown number. “Maya! It’s Mophead. Texting you so you can have my number too, see ya next week. Looking forward to it.”

Oh wow, he’s looking forward to seeing me! She felt lightheaded, but in the best way. This is going to be such a great semester.