Bonus Chapter - Crystal Learns Martial Arts

POV: Crystal
Age: 12

Crystal stepped in and tossed off her boots next to the door just as her mom called out from the kitchen. “Don’t track mud in!”

“I won’t!” Crystal called back. She’d done it before once or twice, and her mom always got really annoyed by it. Especially that one time Crystal climbed onto the sofa with her boots. Her dad had thought it was funny... until her mom made him clean off the stains.

She had just finished tending to the chicken coop and she had a small Warehouse bucket full of eggs which she’d placed next to the door. “I’ve got the eggs,” she said.

“Hmm? Oh, bring them here, just finished the dishes, might as well wash them off,” her mom said.

Crystal ran over to the kitchen, then helped her mom dry off the dishes.

The front door opened, and her dad stepped in with a couple of bags. He tracked mud to the kitchen island and placed the bags down, then got a scolding for the mud from an irate mom while Crystal looked through the bags for snacks. He’d gotten marmite and watties and... she paused as she found a small wrapped package at the bottom, but then her dad swiped it out of her hands.

He was smiling that smile, and right away, Crystal got excited.

“Three guesses,” he said.

“Oh, what did you get her this time?” her mom asked fondly. “It had better not be chocolate again.”

“Nah, this is real healthy. Come on,” he urged Crystal.

Well, that was one guess down. She tried a couple of other things. Was it socks? He’d once set up a treasure hunt, with notes hidden all over the house with clues on them, only for her to find socks at the end, and she was determined never to forgive him. But it wasn’t socks, and it wasn’t candy, and it wasn’t a puppy (which wouldn’t fit in the package anyway, but she was running out of ideas).

He whipped the gift out of the wrapper, and Crystal grabbed it lightning quick. “No way!” she shouted.

It was a DVD, with a poorly-photoshopped image of Dimension Death--the Dimension Death--on the cover with one hand up in a peace sign. Above that, the name of the DVD. “Dimension Death teaches SILK and LACE. Self Defence for Girls of all ages!”

Crystal was vibrating so hard she practically made the house shiver.

“Go on,” he said. "No one’s using the living room.”

“Okay!” Crystal ran towards the living room, then stop, spun around, hugged her dad extra hard, then her mom too even as her dad protested that he deserved all the hugs today, then she ran back to the living room.

The DVD flew out of the case and into the player, and soon it was closed and spinning.

There were several episodes (11 hours of content!) but Crystal navigated through the menu and clicked on the first, then she ran to the middle of the living room to watch while standing. She had too much energy for something like sitting down.

The camera wobbled a bit, and some text scrolled by. There was a watermark in the corner for some free video editing software, but Crystal ignored it, because there, slightly-out-of-focus and standing on the roof of a big building somewhere, was Dimension Death!

"Um, hi everyone," Dimension Death said. She stared at the camera, then remembered that she was supposed to be smiling. "Uh, so, a lot of girls get bullied, and hurt, and we generally think that’s pretty shi--- uh, pretty bad.”

She was looking at someone behind the camera. Was there another magical on the scene? Crystal could barely contain herself, but she focused hard anyway. This was one of her heroes!

“Anyway, I figured it would be pretty cool to teach everyone a little bit about self-defence,” Dimension Death continued, and as she did, she grew more confident. “I’m not trained in any martial art, but I’m pretty darned creative when I wanna be, and I’ve been to a few dimensions where they were really big on martial arts and I picked up a trick or three that I’ll be teaching you today!”

The camera shut down and turned back on, and this time Dimension Death was out of her awesome costume (Crystal ‘aww’d’) and was instead in more normal street clothes.

“So, this style was going to be called Ultradeath Fist, but Happy Sparkles insisted that we call it something more tame and ‘marketable,’” she said with air-quotes. “So this martial art is called Silk and Lace, and it’s perfect for girls to learn!”

Crystal nodded. “I’m ready,” she told the TV.

"So, the first set of moves I'll be showing you is great for girls. You can practice it just about anywhere too since the moves aren’t too hard. It's called the Eye Gouging Arts and they're all about that motion in the wrist. Here, let me show you on this demon we captured."

The camera panned to the side where a huge, muscular demon was chained to a chair. It had six eyes, and all of them were filled with terror as it wobbled and tried to get away from Dimension Death.

“Don’t ever try this on anyone who, uh, you care about,” Dimension Death said. “Okay, here goes! First, you want to take a quick step forwards, then reach out, try to use your index, middle, and thumb all at the same time and make this sort of claw shape. Oh, and aim for that little pink bit of the eye too, it’s the easiest part to slip your fingers into.”

Crystal was almost squealing with excitement. This was the best gift ever!

***