While sleeping Lucifer was dreaming about a day back on earth at school, and of how much of a nightmare it was.
He was eating breakfast in the morning as usual, and went to the school when the clock showed 07:30. Walking on the sidewalk looking down at his phone, checking the social media. When arriving at school he began to walk to class. When arriving at class, he sat at his usual corner, where nobody would notice- or care about him. The first class started was a History lesson about WW2, and it was then that Lucifer spotted her. A beautiful girl starting in our class today. She had reddish wavy hair, thick eyebrows, green round eyes, almost jade-like white skin wearing long black pants and a black shirt. He kept staring at her with sparkly eyes, without thinking and listening to her while she was talking about her background and where she came from. Her name was Madison, and she was 17 years old. Every time she spoke, it was like an angels voice singing to him.
After she was done talking about her background and presenting herself, the teacher said she could sit next to me at the back in the corner of our class. Lucifer got super nervous when the teacher said that and pretended to not see her while researching WW2.
She sat down next to him and took out her laptop, and some pencils and a book about WW2.
- "Hi, what's your name? Mine's Madison!" She said while having a cute smile.
Lucifer's blood began boiling and he was almost cold sweating. A girl had never talked to him before, except for his grandma Miranda. He blushed slightly and looked at her while smiling back.
- "I'm Lucifer! Nice to meet you."
She smiled back at him and began to greet the other students around her. Lucifer was sitting there next to her feeling extremely excited and happy for the first time in a year or so. Who wouldn't be happy to have a beautiful girl sit next to you and talk to her? She was nice and had good manners while speaking with others.
The clock rang and the class packed our stuff down in our bags to go have the next lesson. On the way to the next lesson, she ran up beside him and began talking to him. They chatted for a while until they came to the next classroom and sat down, having a break. Lucifer took out his phone and began playing some video games, while his heart pounded with happiness. He sometimes took a sneak peek at Madison to see what she was doing.
She was drawing on a block of paper. The drawing was of a dragon with black scales, looking like a little demon with an eerie blood-red flame spitting out of its mouth, inside a green forest.
- "You're good at drawing, you know that right?" Lucifer said while smiling at her drawing.
- "Oh, this, it's just some sketches I've been doing recently because I've been too bored."
He nodded with a slight smile at her and took his focus back to the game he was playing.
The bell rang and the class sat down waiting for the teacher. This time it was a culture lesson, where they learned about the Australian culture and the Aborigines, the natives of Australia. When the lesson was over the class had another break, where Lucifer chatted with Madison about what activities they did after school, and he told her a little about the school. He spent most of the break showing her around, and while doing so, he became more and more happy and energetic.
After school, he followed her home to her house and on the way we chatted and laughed together. Although he was a bit overweight, she didn't seem to mind at all which made his heart pound with happiness he'd never felt before.
After saying goodbye to her he began to walk on the sidewalk, back to his home and his grandma, Miranda. When he arrived home, he rang on the door with a bright smile on my face. The door opened and the smell of food came out. When his grandma standing in the door saw his bright smile and face she looked at him in confusion.
- "Lucifer, are you sick since you're smiling like that?" She joked a little while having a little laugh at me.
- "A girl talked to me for the first time!" Lucifer excitedly replied to her with sparkling eyes and a smile so wide it went up to my ears.
- "I think I've fallen in love with her!" He hurriedly said afterwards and began to describe her personality and her beautiful appearance.
Lucifer and Miranda sat down and ate Miranda's homemade lasagna, which was his favourite. After we ate he cleaned off the table and washed the dishes. 20 minutes later he walked up the stairs, and into his room where he sat down at his desk, and began playing some video games while listening to a music playlist.
A couple of hours later, the time was 21:36 and Lucifer heard his grandma calling for him downstairs, with an impatient and shocked voice.
- "Lucifer, come down here!"
He hurriedly stood up and walked out of his room down the wooden stairs and into the living room where his grandma usually sits and watches the news channel.
- "You said her name was Madison and she had red wavy hair and green eyes?" She said while looking at me with a weird and complicated look in her eyes.
- "Yes, what about it?"
- "Come sit down with me and watch the news, it has something to do with her!"
Lucifer looked at her in confusion, but gradually his heart began to pound while hoping it wasn't something bad that had happened to her. He sat down next to his grandma, and she took her arm around his shoulder slightly brushing it.
- "Due to a passerby on the train station, pushing Madison Murphy out on the rails in front of the train she was run over, and survived but she was only barely hanging on. She was driven to the hospital and a couple of hours later, the doctors declared her dead."
- "The culprit hasn't been caught yet, but the police are currently searching for him."
'What?!' Lucifer's thoughts were instantly stirred around. Sitting on the sofa staring at the TV screen with dead eyes, and tears silently flowing down his cheeks and a heart that pounded and was pained.
["Successfully advanced Host from 'Baby' to 'Child' Demon Dragon."]
["Successfully advanced Host from 'Child' to 'Young Adult' Demon Dragon."]
["Waking up the Host from sleep."]
damn that some bad luck.
Bad luck?
I smell a conspiracy! Lucifer is afterall the MC and it's to coincidental that the one person he could talk to at school is pushed infront of a train and diead the same day as they meet.
@DragonMage18 It could be that it was a dream and not a memory, and that this is his brains twisted way of letting him know he just kill a living being.
@DragonMage18 @Daybrownies This is a mostly random guess but I think that the dream could be telling the mc about another person that is being or has been isekai'd.
So she died, that Evolution God became interested in her, she achieved some success in other world and ensured that he would also reincarnate in her new world as black dragon she sketched before?
Well it might be bad luck but at the same time he fell in love too easily... if he had the chance he might have blown it later being too clingy.
Well you always regret the ones that got away so it's better to "just do it" and take whatever happens.
Plus my guess is someone from school pushed her in front of the train... se sh*t head who don't like him having fun or the beauty he liked as well kids are messed up like that...
Love at first sight is a plot device for lazy writing and it is unreasonable. If you want to add a character that the mc love make it make sense. If you meet someone for the first time and talk to them for hours they are just an acquaintance not one true love.
Writing romance is hard if you do it badly it's almost too bad for people to read and they will look for something else.
This seems like the forceful addition of a love interest this could have been a chance to expand on the main character background, all we know of him is that he's fat, likes games, likes fantasy, get bullied, is invisible in school, has no friends, has no parents and has achieved nothing in his life. The most interesting thing about him is that he was given a second chance when most people get none for seemingly no reason, the most interesting thing that happened to him does not concern him, he did not argue for his chance, he was not given a purpose, he did not have any strong regrets, he did not have a change of personality or grow as a character which is weird.
To me the mc is a relatively blank canvas with some paint on it. You know it could be so much more if he more of a background colour.
If you ever decide to write anything else I hope my advice can be of use. This is my opinion of what constructive criticism should be like to help the author improve their work.
The character still has potential to be so much more so don't give up and write something your happy with
and a heart that pounded and was pained.
ya sure your fat isn't catching up with ya?
the doctors declared her dead.
one of my best works. Controlling the fate of a mere love interest is nothing.
xd
I was in college , when i was 17yr 250days something. But i am not from london.