Content Warning:
-Gore
-Cannibalism
My head is pounding. My stomach is churning. I can't even bring myself to lift my head from my pillow. I can hear every single one of Sidhion's footsteps in the kitchen, and each one sets off a new reverberation of pain in my skull. The footsteps grow louder as they grow closer. Sidhion pushes the door open with his hip. I can just make out that he's wearing that stupid pink apron and carrying a little tray. Hooked over one of his arms is a bucket. He sighs. "You really can't be trusted to take care of yourself, can you?"
I glare at Sidhion then roll over to avoid his pitying stare.
Sidhion lays the tray beside me, clomps to the window and draws the curtains. Light pours into the room but not into my eyes. Sunlight is meant to be bouncing around throughout the space, revealing every detail of the room to me. Instead the room is cast in shadow. It's as if my eyes are behind a dark veil. This is the consequence of continually neglecting to fill my mind with starlight.
Sidhion seems disappointed that his attempt to sting my eyes has failed. "Sit up then. You won't feel better unless you eat. I still made your fey toast, even though you don't deserve it."
I allow myself a groan and sit up. It's difficult to make out the contents of the tray in front of me. I reach for a likely shape. "Did you bring a glass of milk too?"
"Great Moon, you're five years old, aren't you?"
"Don't be mean to me. I'm sick." I sip from the glass in my hand. It's water.
"You're hung over. It's your own fault." Sidhion pauses, apparently thinking. "Given that we've made good progress the last couple days, I suppose we can all take a day off to recover."
It’s 3 am and I have not left my bed all day. How could I when I can barely see? And why would I when my friends are content to serve me while I am indisposed. My illness has long since cleared up but my eyes are still lightless. At least in the dark of night, the room looks natural. I look to my left. I can just barely see the steady rise and fall of Walter breathing under his covers. Sidhion is harder to spot at this distance. But the general lump that is his bed appears to be occupied. I sit up and look for my uniform.
I don't bother with an undershirt. The outer layers will do in this situation. I pick up my boots and carry them down the stairs, trying, and mildly succeeding, to avoid creaky floorboards. Gently, I undo the latch and open the front door. Out on the stoop, I slowly shut the door behind me and sit down. I forgot to put on socks. It's too late to go back. I slip my naked feet into my boots.
I cast my diminishing gaze to the sky. Her dress is dull and lifeless. The dark spaces seem bereft of even the merest hint of light. Her typical swarm of stars is reduced to only the brightest of Her retinue. And even they are barely detectable. The infinite yawning chasm of space looms over my head. It gives the impression of a gaping maw, already swallowing the whole of the world. Any moment its teeth will dig into the planet and rend mountains with its jaw. And I will fall helplessly down its throat into complete and utter darkness. A cold shiver runs down my spine.
If this fate is to be avoided, a regrettable necessity is required.
I pace quickly down Rynor ave, turning onto a side street. I remember the neighborhood by the docks looks shabby. Surely some unwary criminal will be wandering alone down there. The smell of ocean air becomes stronger as I pass closer and closer to the port side of town. Stone buildings give way to old, dilapidated, wooden ones. Where streets on the west side are paved, these roads are almost exclusively dirt paths worn by the passage of feet. Some streetlights are erected here and there but no one has seen fit to light them. Not that such niceties would help my vision now.
Most of the streets here are deserted. I can hear the docks still stirring with some life. I avoid them like the plague. I need to find someone utterly alone. I turn down a street which takes me a few blocks away from the docks. Then I see him. A broad-shouldered man with muscles like cannonballs. He’s leaning on an unlit, bent streetlamp, looking out over the area. It is his unfortunate luck that he is facing the other way.
I duck into a corner. I have to approach this properly. Can’t have any questions. Need to look presentable. I rub my face, trying to will my eyes out of their crazed stupor into a relaxed, official stance. I pull out my hand mirror and try to fix my hair. I have to lean close to see anything of myself. Straighten my tie. Clean my badge. I still look sunken and pale but this should suffice in the dark.
I straighten up my stance and pull my shoulders back. I cradle my little golden mirror in my dominant hand and hold both smartly behind my back. Casually I march down the street toward my prey, keeping my footfalls quiet. I want to get as close to him as possible before I strike.
“Good evening, citizen. Or should I say morning?”
The man starts a little when I approach from behind. He catches himself and pays me a nod and a grunt.
“May I ask what you’re doing out so late tonight?” The surprise attack failed. Now I have to find something on him. I look him up and down for any weapons or suspicious movements. My muscles are taut like a spring, ready to lash out the second I spy something untoward.
“Just finished a smoke.” He glances down.
I follow his eyes down to the ground. Right beside his boot I can make out a smoldering cigarette butt. The red embers on the end are still faintly aglow. I can feel the excitement welling within me at this revelation. I can barely contain myself but I cannot show my hand just yet.
“And you think this was appropriate?” I gesture at the butt.
“What?”
“You think this was the correct way to dispose of your cigarette? Are you aware of what part of town you’re in?”
“I’m on the.. East side?” The man looks confused. I seize upon this.
“Ignorance is no excuse in the eyes of the law. Your smoking habit is one thing but your failure to properly dispose of your butts is a public safety issue.”
“Now hold on a minute!”
“I’m going to have to run you in for this, you know.”
“For a butt!?” The man is red in the face now. Nearly where I want him. I let a spell crawl the length of my arm. I close my palm to hold it in place until I find an opening.
“Absolutely. You’ve endangered the lives of every citizen of Two Rocks. Every house on this block is highly flammable, you know. Did you do this because you’re malicious? Or because you're stupid to the point of carelessness?”
“Hey, fuck you, buddy!” The man forcefully pushes my shoulder.
This is it. The moment I’ve been waiting for: Probable cause. I let him push me and get in my face. I can’t hold back a mad smile. The man’s eyes are open wide with the effort of assaulting me. I bring my hand up between our faces, close my eyes and release the spell.
A flash of light bursts from my palm and hits him directly in the eyes. He cries out in shock and falls to the ground. “You motherfucker! You motherfucker!”
I plant my boot on his shoulder and force him to lie with his face in the dirt.”You have the right,” I sit on him, straddling his back, “To remain silent.” I grab a fistfull of his hair in my off-hand and lean on the man’s head, tracing a finger along the nape of his neck and finding the spot I’m looking for. “Anything you say,” I look left and right, checking that we are still alone; can't be sure, “Can and will be held against you.”
Now I charge another spell. This one is different from the last. Light gathers at my fingertips and crystalizes into hardened claws. I raise my hand high and aim for the spot. Blood splatters everywhere when my claw collides with his skull. The sharp metallic smell of it permeates the air. My face and arms are soaked. I don't care. I dig in deeper, reaching past blood and brain matter. My fingers brush a spot which is a little warmer than the rest of his skull. The spot is miniscule, small as a bead. I catch it between my thumb and forefinger. Relief washes over me as I withdraw my prize and hold it to the sky.
The bead is delicate as a spiderweb. It glows only faintly in the darkness here. A little star fallen from the heavens. Not a drop of blood or viscera can mar its incorporeal form. I hold it aloft for a moment, imagining I can hang it from the sky with its celestial brethren. A lovely thought. But this star is mine. I pop it into my mouth with delight.
The bead slides down my throat and does its work immediately. I can feel it brightening me from the inside, a warm little star in the pit of my stomach. I hold my breath as I look up at the night sky. The stars are blazing brightly, dancing their predictions to me. I cannot stop to read them but I marvel still at the beauty of freshly viewed stars.
Now to see to the corpse I have created.
Sidhion and Walter burst into the new precinct's morgue, clamoring down the stairs to the windowless basement. I'm sitting, nonchalantly, on Dr. Madeline's desk. She is busily tending to the body of her new tenant.
"Oh, I didn't expect you'd come." I give my companions a labored smile.
Walter and Sidhion surround me, no doubt alarmed by my blood-spattered visage.
"What happened? Are you hurt?" Sidhion immediately grabs my face, inspecting me for wounds. I can feel the tingle of healing magic rising in his fingertips and spreading through my cheeks.
"Please, I'm fine. He barely touched me."
"What happened?"
"I went for a walk. Just 'cause I hadn't been out of bed all day. I guess I just wandered into a bad part of town. That guy came up behind me and tried to get me to empty my pockets. I left my coin purse at home but he didn’t believe me. He tried to push me over and I defended myself.” I do my best to feign a sense of fear and regret.
Walter’s looks across to the body. His tone is flat and accusatory. “And you killed him.”
“I didn’t have a choice!”
Walter approaches the corpse and examines the viscera. The man has few physical injuries outside of his skull which is split vertically in twain. “Surprised you took down a man this big. And hardly a scratch on ya.”
“Oh, yeah, well you know how explosive magic can be. I don’t think he expected I could overpower him.” I turn away from Walter’s curious eyes.
“They must train militiamen differently from how we commoners learn,” Sidhion wonders aloud. “To split a man’s head like that..”
It won’t do to give them time to think about this. I give Sidhion my best puppy-dog eyes. “Can we go home now?”
He nods somberly. “Dr. Madeline, is there anything you need done before I take this one home?”
She looks up from her notes. “I suppose the case is pretty clear cut. Bradur might have questions for you later but for now just leave your statement with the receptionist on your way out.”
Eager to get back to bed, I am the first to step through the old precinct door. Sidhion follows me. Walter shuts the door behind us and sharply closes the latch.
I yawn performatively. “Well I’m going to try and get a few hours in before we have to get back to work.”
“Hold it.” Walter’s typical jovial tone has turned flat and dark. “You aren’t going anywhere until you tell us what really happened.”
“What? I already told you.”
“I’m not the fool you think I am, Goldenfist. You can tug on ol’ Sidhion’s heartstrings but I can read you like a book. Now spill it.”
I look to Sidhion to defend me. He glances between Walter and myself. “No, I see what Walter is saying. I know we stay up late but you aren’t the sort to leave the precinct in the early hours and go walking on the bad side of town,” He looks me up and down, “With no socks on.”
I’m light-headed. My chest feels hollow. My heart is racing a mile a minute. I feel crushed under the weight of Walter’s accusation.
I fold my arms defensively and turn away, trying to formulate an exit strategy. Walter is standing at the door and I’m not close enough to surprise him. It’s no good. The windows are barred. No chance to slip between them. I can’t reliably kill them both, yet alone gain probable cause. I need a lie, quick.
“Your face already told on you,” Walter demands. “Just come clean.”
“That man did attack me first, you know.”
“And you killed him. Why?”
“I had no choice. I couldn’t see.”
“What does any of that mean?” Walter’s tone is fevered and accusatory.
“I told you, I’m a diviner. I read the stars. I drink their light and they provide me succor. From the moment I was born, I was fed starlight. I don’t know life without it. I lose my vision when I go too long without it.”
“None of that explains why you cracked a man’s skull open tonight.” Walter is growing impatient.
I spilled my guts to buy some time and now I’ve run out. My mind is a blank. There’s nothing I can spin. Nowhere to run to. My only chance is to come somewhat clean and hope kinship overwhelms their sense of civic duty. “I.. Think it might be better to show you.” I turn toward the stairs but stop in my tracks when Walter interrupts me.
“Don’t move a muscle. I don’t know what trick you have up there but I’m not letting you at it before you explain yourself.”
“Okay, okay.” I raise my hands defensively. “Sidhion, do you remember that book I showed you yesterday? Can you please go get it? It’s on my night stand.”
Sidhion looks at Walter who just nods. He goes upstairs and returns with the library book.
“Look at the table of contents. Find the entry for The Society of the Luminary Mirror.” I sit on the bottom stair behind me, arms still folded in defeat. “I’m one of them.”
Sidhion and Walter read the short passage which describes my life. Equal measures of horror and sorrow form their expressions. A devious little twist comes to my mind. I keep my face downturned. “I spread it apart as far as I can. But you saw how sick I was yesterday. Even after my hangover should have subsided. I can’t live without topping up on corporeal light every once in a while. That’s why I became a militiaman. Then at least I can live while removing bad people from the world.”
Recognition lights in Sidhion’s face. He’s putting puzzle pieces together in his mind. Walter’s face is a mystery to me as I avoid his incredulity.
Walter is the first to speak. “And people wonder why these faiths are outlawed..”
Sidhion pipes up. “So you only do.. This.. To people who do bad things.?”
I nod.
Walter booms, “But it’s awfully convenient you’re the victim of a mugging the exact day you needed it.”
“Well I would be lying if I said I wasn’t hoping to be attacked. But if it wasn’t me, it would have been someone else. Someone without the means to defend themselves. At least the most rightful person got hurt.”
“You still wanted someone to attack you just so you could kill him!”
“Well, hold on, Walter. Isn’t it a net positive if there’s one less criminal in the world and one more peacekeeper? Sure, he’s an annoying peacekeeper but he still catches criminals and tries to use his predictions for good.” I can hardly contain my hopeful smile when Sidhion takes up my cause.
“It just doesn’t sit right with me. Do all militiamen do this?”
“No. This is my faith. If my C.O. Found out I’d be sentenced to about 20 death penalties.”
“Just isn’t right, killing people without cause.” A waver in Walter’s voice betrays how his resolve is waning.
“How is it much different from our time at sea? You never bat an eye when you strike down a pirate.” Sidhion’s tone has a tinge of admonishment.
“I never ate ‘em after!”
“Were you reading? I don’t eat people. Starlight isn’t a part of a person. It just gathers in their head over time.”
“You couldn’t get it out any other way,” Walter cries.
“If there is a way, I haven’t discovered it.”
Walter looks disgusted. He paces back and forth across the room now, seeming to try and escape his thoughts. Sidhion intercepts him and puts an arm over his shoulder. “Why don’t we discuss this in private?”
The pair of them cross to the other side of the room. I can’t hear their whispered conversation at this distance but I try to maintain my slumped and sorrowful stature. Walter’s motions are animated and Sidhion’s are conciliatory. They speak for the longest minute of my life. I reconsider my options. Maybe I can make a break for the door. Or slip back into the night when they’re asleep.
My escape plans are interrupted by Sidhion who clomps back across the room. He crouches in front of me, making direct eye-contact. “Walter and I have come to a decision. Neither of us wants to turn you in based just on your faith. But there have to be ground rules. Promise me you will never again eat someone unless they really deserve it.”
“That’s too vague.” Walter crosses the room and towers over us.
“Right. Promise you’ll only eat someone if I tell you it’s okay. If I’m not there the answer is no.”
“I promise," I lie.
