It hurt so much.

 

I was tired.

 

Tired of fighting, tired of failing, tired of hurting and being hurt. Tired of the weight of the world on my shoulders.

The power that had once been a symbol of hope and strength was now a curse, a never-ending cycle of pain and destruction.

The memories rushed back to me as I ran down the street.

I was just a littlel, living in a world that was bright and full of potential. School was a breeze, and I loved sports. I was athletic, nimble, and could always outpace the boys at school. But my heart belonged to music. I would spend hours honing my craft, each screeching note on my violin bringing a smile to Mrs. Lam’s face.

Carrie's parents were close to mine, and had virtually adopted me when my own passed away during a trip to Earth. Of course, my legal guardian was Elaine Escathos - the High Commander of the Northern Coalition, and a close friend of my father.

Elaine did her best, but I hardly saw her, as she was busy with her duties. Carrie's family had been my family, and I had been theirs. They lived behind a gated community, and swore to look after me in my parents' stead.

The Kongs and Lams were strict but caring, and I thrived under their guidance. I felt safe, loved, and cherished. In this strange way, I felt I belonged somewhere.

Mrs. Lam had given me my Muse Locket on my tenth birthday.

She'd crafted it with her own hands, imbuing it with ancient magic that she'd passed on to both her children.

The Kong matriarch had said it would protect me and guide me when I needed it. And it did just that. It was my constant companion, my source of strength and my guide.

Little did I know what the locket would bring.

It was a beautiful day when the monster appeared, the sky darkening and the air filling with an eerie silence. The creature, a Chaos Beast with razor-sharp teeth and scales that glimmered like the stars, attacked our neighborhood in a level 1 Chaos Event. Its roar was deafening, and I could feel the ground shake beneath my feet as the neg-entropy fields failed briefly.

That was when the locket glowed for the first time, resonating with my very being. It had protective charms woven around it, and was meant to inspire creativity and bring peaceful sleep, but a rare event had occurred. The strong desire to protect my surrogate family had triggered a transformation in me.

With a surge of power, I transformed, my body enveloped in a golden aura. Music filled my ears, a haunting melody that echoed my fears and determination to protect those I loved. I fought against the monster, my body moving faster and stronger than I could ever have imagined.

The violin I had been clutching in fear transformed into a weapon, a bow of radiant energy that struck true with each note played from my very soul itself. As the last note echoed in the air, the beast fell, defeated and dissipating into wisps of dark smoke.

 

I didn’t know what had happened. I just knew that I had saved everyone.

Carrie and her family knew, though.

They knew about the magical girls and the beasts, as a family that had battled them since the days of old. They knew about the burden of my powers, but they didn't shun me or fear me. Instead, they nurtured me. Mrs. Lam, with her gentle smile, taught me to control my powers, to use them to protect and not harm.

I accepted my destiny with open arms, ready to do whatever it took to save the world. I trained tirelessly, honed my skills, and battled monsters relentlessly. I made friends and lost them, watched cities crumble and people die. I put everything into my role, sacrificing my childhood and my dreams for the greater good.

No matter how many battles we won, there were always more threats. And with each victory, the weight on my shoulders grew heavier. I watched as my friends and allies were hurt and killed, their blood staining the battlefield. I saw the pain and fear in the eyes of the people we were supposed to protect.

Caroline... Carrie, was my confidante, my best friend. She was there for me through it all. Whenever I was on the verge of breaking, she would hold me and whisper words of comfort. She was the reason I kept going, the reason I kept fighting.

 

But even she couldn't save me from myself.

 

Her mother's death, along with the death of someone I considered a younger sister two years later, had been the decisive blow to my sanity.

I was just twelve. I didn't understand why she had to die, why I couldn't save her. She had been like a mother to me, and her death left me shattered and lost. I didn't know how to handle my grief, and I let it consume me. Those two deaths had broken their family apart, and made me realize that I wasn’t truly blood to them.

Carrie’s icy stare and bitter words only added to my torment. She never forgave me, and I could never forgive myself. I was just twelve. Twelve and entrusted with powers that were beyond my comprehension, and a responsibility that was beyond my capacity. I was supposed to save them. I was supposed to protect the ones I loved. But I couldn't. I failed.

Now, I ran down the street, my hair flying behind me, my mind a jumble of emotions. I didn't know where I was going, only that I had to get away. Away from the pain, away from the memories, away from the responsibilities.

 

I could hear Carrie's curses echoing in my head. "I hate you, Natasha. I HATE YOU!"

 

Her words cut deeper than any enemy's attack ever had or would.

I stumbled, my legs giving out beneath me. I collapsed on the sidewalk, tears streaming down my face. I was so tired of it all. Tired of the fighting, the pain, the loss. Tired of being the one who had to save everyone.

But most of all, I was tired of the guilt.

I had made so many mistakes, so many wrong choices. People had died because of me, and I couldn't live with the weight of their blood on my hands anymore.

 

"Your rat face disgusts me."

"Look at her greasy mop of hair."

 

The bullying and torment at school had begun soon after, a constant reminder of my failure. I was reminded at every corner that I was a geek, developing weirdly, with a mop of untidy curls and an unhealthy obsession with my violin.

 

But that was who I was, and I didn't want to change.

 

I just wanted to be accepted.

 

I just wanted to be me.

I just wanted to do what good I could in the world.

 

The taunts echoed in my mind, and I felt the familiar ache of self-hatred. I felt like I didn't belong, like I was unworthy of love or happiness. I had thought that being a magical girl would give me purpose.

I threw myself into my training, and did everything I could to grow stronger and bring hope to the world. I had saved countless lives and defeated countless monsters.

 

But I had lost myself in the process. Each and every day, more and more of 'Natasha' slipped away.

 

All 'Celestial Sonata' had given me was pain. I could never help the people closest to me.

 

I was physically, emotionally, mentally drained. My legs felt heavy as I ran through the empty streets, my breaths coming out in ragged gasps. I didn't know where I was going - I just needed to get away. Away from the pain, the guilt, the memories. Away from everything that reminded me of what I used to be.

Even now, three years later, their deaths haunted me, a painful reminder of my failure. The thought of it gnawed at my soul, filling me with an overwhelming guilt and shame that was slowly consuming me.

And so I found myself now, a shadow of the girl I once was, spiraling into an abyss of despair. Carrie's cruel words echoed in my head, a toxic mantra of self-loathing. I was a monster. I deserved to be alone. I deserved the torment. The abuse. It was my penance for failing the ones I loved.

The rain started to pour down, droplets pounding onto the pavement and soaking through my clothes. It was a bleak, gloomy day, the cityscape a monochrome palette of gray. The rain washed away the tears on my face, but it could not wash away the pain that ate at my soul.

The glimmer of the Shoreline Cityscape illuminated my path, an eerie glow that twisted and turned my world into a grotesque mockery of what it once was. A mockery of who I used to be. The high-rises reaching for the stars appeared as distant and unreachable as my dreams, my hopes, my peace. I felt like I was moving through a funhouse mirror world, distorting everything around me until I couldn't recognize the city and world I had sworn to protect.

 

“I bet she whores herself out to every guy that even looks at her.”

“Why is she even here? Fat, classless and ugly.”

 

The words that had been hurled at me over the last three years continued to seep into my thoughts, twisting my reality and distorting my perception of self. I was like a stained glass window that had been shattered - broken, damaged, and incomplete. My reflection in the murky water puddles was a distorted image of who I once was. It was as if the water itself was mocking me, reflecting back my broken soul.

 

"You're just a freak, Ratasha!"

"Is that violin compensating for your lack of friends?"

“Her violin squeaks like a mouse’s death cry.”

“Oh look, it’s the psycho girl. Don’t look her in the eyes, she might put a curse on you.”

 

There was no escaping the venomous jibes, the bullying at school was relentless. The very walls seemed to be saturated with hatred and disgust for me. A pariah among my own people, isolated by their contempt.

But it wasn’t their disdain that hurt the most. It was Carrie’s. The girl who once considered me family, now saw me as nothing but a monster. The therapists — retired Magical Girls that Babylon assigned me didn’t help. All they did was provide a momentary salve to my wounds. Carrie’s words were daggers, striking deep within me, each one reopening wounds I thought I had healed.

As I neared the center of the city, I was drawn to the sight of a particular bridge. An architectural marvel, the Brookstone Bridge stood tall and proud over the swirling waters below, a perfect embodiment of the city's spirit. Its beauty was unmistakable, its allure undeniable. My mind couldn’t help but jump to what had happened at its parallel counterpart a week ago.

Ikki…

The image of his warm smile and gentle eyes brought a glimmer of comfort to my dark world. He was different. He was kind. He was brave.

I wished he could know how much he meant to me. I wished he could know that he had been my lifeline in these past few months, my beacon of hope in a rapid spiral into darkness.

The memory of him courageously luring the monstrous, building-sized creature away from the city played in my mind. He was no Magical Girl, but he stepped forth anyway. His bravery was awe-inspiring, and his selflessness was a beacon of hope in the suffocating darkness.

And then I saw him fall, saw him in pain. I had reached him in time, my hands trembling as I removed his helmet. He looked so vulnerable when I realized it was him, so human, and the sight had torn through me.

I had watched his sister, Izumi, fall from the bridge, and did nothing.

His eyes were filled with shock and grief when I removed his helmet, like the ghost of an accusation.

I had failed him, just like I failed Carrie, failed everyone.

Another life that I couldn't save. Another wound that wouldn't heal.

Words were useless now. All that remained were my silent wishes, carried away by the wind.

I longed for a world where there were no monsters to fight, no lives to save, no failure, and no guilt. I longed for a world where I could just be Natasha - a girl who loved music and had dreams and hopes. A girl who could laugh and cry and live without fear.

 

Carrie's words clawed at me again.

"Why can't you just disappear, Natasha?"

"Pathetic, worthless, a murderer."

 

I turned my gaze from the water, my heart pounding in my chest. A shudder ran through me as the taunts echoed in my ears. With a heavy heart, I looked up at the sky, the gray clouds a reflection of my inner turmoil. The rain masked my tears, the world a blur before my eyes.

The imposing structure of the Brookstone Bridge loomed over me. It was a symbol of strength and resilience, an emblem of the city's spirit. But now, in my fractured state, it seemed to offer an escape. An end to the relentless cycle of pain and failure.

As I stepped closer to the Brookstone Bridge, I let my mind wander back to my friends - or rather, the people who once were. Carrie's image kept surfacing. I tried to remember the better times - the picnics, the laughter, the secret whispers after lights out, but all that came to mind were the scathing words of her and the circle she’d built after our falling out..

 

"Look at her, she can't do anything right!"

"Her parents must've been glad to get rid of her."

 

Those words still echoed in my ears. They echoed in the hallways of our school. They echoed in the very heart of my existence. They were the chains that bound me, reminding me over and over again of the person I had become - a person I didn't even recognize anymore.

Like a shambling corpse, I made my way up the Brookstone Bridge, the rain pouring down harder than ever. It soaked through my clothes, chilling me to the bone, yet I barely noticed. My mind was far away, trapped in a maelstrom of emotions.

 

"I wonder if she cries herself to sleep at night. Pathetic."

 

Shoreline City - my city - stretched out beneath me. This was my home, and yet I felt so disconnected, so lost. This wasn't the city I had grown up in. This wasn't the home where I had laughed and played and dreamed. This was a city of shadows, full of pain and sorrow, its beauty marred by my own inner demons.

I had once admired this view, and loved the way the city lights danced on the river below. It was beautiful in its own way, a living, breathing entity that thrived despite the odds. But now, all I could see was the darkness.

My gaze was drawn to the railing, to the murky water that flowed beneath. The swirling darkness mirrored my inner turmoil, a reflection of my fractured soul. It was cold, it was unforgiving, it was... inviting. An end to the endless pain, the guilt, the failure.

I wondered how it might feel - the wind rushing past, the brief thrill of weightlessness, the all-consuming darkness. All of it seemed both terrifying and liberating. As the rain beat against my body, my tears mingled with the relentless downpour.

As I gazed down at the swirling waters below, my mind raced with thoughts of what could've been. What if I had been a better friend? What if I had been a better protector? What if I had been there for Carrie? What if...?

But the what ifs didn't change anything. The reality was that I had failed. I had failed everyone who had ever trusted me. I had failed the city that relied on me. I had failed myself.

The realization hit me like a punch to the gut. I was alone. Completely and utterly alone. The loneliness was suffocating, and the guilt was crushing. I didn't know how much longer I could bear this burden. I didn't know how much longer I could keep fighting.

Carrie's words rang in my ears once again.

"Why can't you just disappear, Natasha?"

"You're a monster!"

"Can't you do anything right?!"

Each word in my memory was a sharp knife, cutting deeper and deeper into my soul.

The rain continued to fall, uncaring and unrelenting. The city continued its hum, oblivious to my pain, my struggles, my existence. The world moved on, unfazed by my absence.

The painful realization hit me hard. I was insignificant. In the grand scheme of things, I was just a speck of dust, inconsequential and forgotten.

I felt a strange sense of acceptance wash over me. I was done running, done fighting, done trying to be something I wasn't.

I was ready to let go. I was ready to free myself from the chains of my past, from the guilt and pain that had been consuming me.

The wind tugged at my wet clothes, as if encouraging me to step forward. The water below churned and frothed, a dark abyss that was beckoning me to let go, to fall into its cold embrace.

Would anyone miss me if I were gone? Carrie would probably be glad.

I would finally disappear like she asked.

And Ikki... would he move on? Would he care in a year? Two?

I looked down at the broken chains of my Muse Locket around my neck, the once radiant charm now dull and lifeless. I had left it back at school, symbolically parting from the life I thought I was meant to have. As I let the broken chain slip from my fingers and clatter onto the pavement, I felt a sense of grim finality.

The city was my stage, the rain a haunting melody only I could hear, and the final act was nearing its end. The bridge, towering over me, seemed to beckon. The world was waiting for me to play my part.

And I was ready.

My tears blurred my vision, the city lights morphing into glowing orbs of light.

I had reached the end of my journey, my broken spirit unable to fight any longer. I had fought against the monsters, the bullies, and myself. I had fought, and I had lost.

Perhaps, just perhaps, the world would be better off without Natasha Zamir. The failure. The freak.

The rain pelted my face, cold droplets mixing with hot tears. This was it. I'd found my place. Carrie was right; I was just a monster. I didn't deserve to live. I didn't deserve to exist.

 

"Goodbye..." I murmured to myself. It was an apology, a farewell, a plea for forgiveness. All rolled into one.

 

My heart was pounding in my chest, a frantic drumbeat that echoed my fear and anticipation. It was over. Soon, it would all be over.

I took one last look at the city that I had tried to protect. The city that had once been my home. Now, it was just a symbol of my failures.

closed my eyes, feeling the rain on my face, feeling the cool breeze, feeling my heart pounding in my chest.

The world was quiet, as if holding its breath.

I took a step forward, my heart pounding in my chest. And then...

 

I vaulted over the railing, and jumped.

 

I let out a small gasp, my hands reaching out for something, anything to hold onto.

It was a last second survival instinct, but it was too late. I was already falling.

The world spun around me, my vision blurring as the wind whipped past me. The feeling of weightlessness was both terrifying and exhilarating. My heart pounded in my chest, the adrenaline rushing through my veins.

But as I fell, I felt a strange sense of calm wash over me. This was it. This was the end. It was as if I was floating, my body light and free. I could hear the rush of the wind in my ears, could feel the rain pelting my face. I could see the world spinning around me, could see the city lights fading as I fell.

Ikki's face flashed before my eyes, a memory that offered a fleeting moment of warmth amidst the cold despair. His bright smile, his determined eyes. He was a beacon of hope in a world of darkness. My heart ached at the thought of him.

His gentle smile, his warmth, his kindness - it felt like a cruel joke. He was so close and yet so far away. But I could never be the girl he deserved. It was too late for regrets.

I fell, and fell, and fell...

But just as the world started to fade, just as I thought it was the end, something happened. There was a blinding flash of light, and then...

I wasn't falling anymore.

Instead, I was... floating? The sensation was strange, as if I was being held up by invisible hands.

I opened my eyes, and my lips trembled with emotion.

What I saw took my breath away.