Twilight
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V managed to compose herself after making a few soft noises of fear and panic before finally settling on picking at her fingers and looking at a point two feet to the right of Penumbra. 

 

“Hum.” She said. 

 

“You're sure you're okay?”

 

She nodded vigorously, trying to keep the giant maw full of teeth in her blind spot and failing. “M-hmm. Yup.” Somehow, it being in her peripheral vision was worse. She turned directly to them, and steeled herself. The scientist in her needed to know. 

 

“Tell me everything.”

 

She would have felt a lot more brave if Penumbra hadn't smiled. 

 

—-

 

As they answered Victoria’s many questions, Penny had slowly hidden itself back inside of Maxine, partly because of a series of questions directed at Max in particular, and partly to put V more at ease. The woman had an extremely high tolerance for weird, it seemed, and now that she was over the worst of it she seemed incredibly curious. As it turned out, Victoria had been successfully navigating a Master’s degree in astrophysics and after it became clear Penumbra didn't actually know anything about space, she'd focused on the science of their symbiosis. 

 

“So you don't know why you… De- transitioned? Reverted?” She sat opposite Max, cross legged, having another cup of tea. Max shook her head, cradling her own cup in her hands. 

 

“We don't know, but we both have a theory.”

 

V smiled at the absurdity of the situation. ”I'd love to hear it.”

 

Max returned the smile warmly.

 

“Well, I personally think Penny- Penumbra, reverts me back into my “original shape” subconsciously. But it seems to think I'm the one doing it.”

 

“But you can't shapeshift? That makes no sense,” Victoria frowned. 

 

“Yes she can”, Penny said out of Max’s mouth. 

 

V took a sip from her tea. “That is so freaky, every time.”

 

Max seemed to take it as jokey compliment of sorts, blurting out a bubbly “Thanks!” Before her brain caught up up with what Penumbra had just said. 

 

“What do you mean I can change my shape?”

 

I am connected to you. I don't do things to you I don't give you the tools to undo. You healed yourself when I was out.”

 

“Holy crap, I did that?”

 

“And you turned yourself back when I lost consciousness.”

 

Max frowned with a huff.

 

“Why would I do that?”

 

The question hung in the air like a soap bubble about to pop. Max… Knew why. Victoria probably knew why. Penumbra had no idea because Maxine made a titanic effort to keep that train of thought buried so deep it was sediment. Victoria leaned over and very gently placed her hand on Maxine’s knee. Her fingertips were cool to the touch. Max looked at them and then up at V, whose deep, beautiful brown eyes bored into hers with a force no lesbian could possibly withstand. 

 

“You're a woman. A real woman. You know that, right?”

 

Max tried to say something. Of course she was. But by the time her lips had parted the tears had begun to flow and all she could manage were heaving sobs. 

 

—-

 

Vicky cradled the girl, swaying her gently as she slowly managed to stop herself crying. Max had kept trying to talk but most of what she'd managed were strings of unintelligible vowels. V made soft shushing noises and softly stroked her hair until she calmed down. 

 

“I- It's just… You don't want to think of it, you know? If- if- if- if I'm not valid and if I'm not a w- a rea- a woman then- then neither are y- you and neither are I- other trans women and- and-” she went back to crying for a bit. 

 

Victoria simply pet her softly and chewed on her tongue, formulating a response and waiting for Max to come down again. After a few seconds, the sobbing lessened enough again for V to have collected her thoughts. 

 

“You know,” she said, “you're right.”

 

“I- I a-am?” 

 

“Yeah. If you… Hmm… If you're not a real woman then I'm not. But see, I know I'm a woman. So your logic is already flawed, right? So I'm thinking… I think it's not so much logic. I just think you never really dealt with your own internalised transphobia. I think you turn back because you think you don't really get to be a woman. Not for real.” She took a breath to collect her thoughts. When Max tried to interject she gently placed a finger on her lips. “Shhhh bby. Let me finish. I think… I think you need to believe that your body is a woman's body, no matter what it looks like. Because you're a woman. Because right now… I think you still think of yourself as a man who's faking it. And when Penny isn't there to keep you from doing so, you turn yourself into what you believe you deserve to look like.”

 

“Fuck.”

 

“Fuck,” Victoria agreed. 

 

“Are you saying the Alien symbiote inside of me that can turn me into a pretty girl can only do so if I learn to love myself? What is this, a Hallmark Christmas movie by John Carpenter?!”

 

Victoria giggled. “Love yourself and respect trans people, I think.”

 

“Msorry.”

 

“Don't keep apologising. Just learn. You'll get there, Max,” she patted her on the head again. Maxine leaned into the touch, her head gently descending onto Victoria’s shoulder. 

 

“I promise I'll do better.”

 

“You do this for you, Max.”

 

She gently nudged the woman. 

 

“I know. I just…” 

 

“I know,” Victoria said, and wrapped her arm around the blonde lesbian disaster who hoped V couldn't see her face, because she was blushing so hard she was scared her head would pop off. Nestled under Victoria's arm -which was muscular, warm, and smelled faintly of coconut- she tried very hard not to move so as not to break the spell. 

 

You liiike her 

 

“Youshutyourmouth”, Maxine whispered as quietly as she could, grinning despite her best efforts. 

 

After a little bit their breathing synchronised and she barely noticed Victoria had fallen asleep before she drifted off to sleep herself, feeling safer than she had in a very long time. In her head, she felt Penumbra grinning smugly. She wasn't even mad. 

 

—- 

 

It was a few hours later, sun beginning to set, when Victoria woke up. She realised she could barely move, and figured out it was because Maxine had scooted over in her sleep and now lay in her arms, her nose shoved into V’s collarbone. She smiled despite herself. How the fuck, she wondered, do I always get into these situations? And why are the dangerous ones always so cute? 

 

She smirked and mentally shrugged. Then, as gently as she could do as not to wake Max, she kissed her on the crown of her head, catching a whiff of fruity shampoo. Max shifted a little, her face gently pressing against her as she made soft noises in her sleep. V made an effort to only squee internally, then made herself slightly more comfortable, pulled Maxine in close and fell back asleep. 

 

A little later Max woke up, looked up at the woman she was snuggled up against and felt a pang of pure contentment in her chest. Also some other feelings she wasn't exploring just yet because, well, she didn't want to jinx it. She closed her eyes again. 

 

The night passed with nothing of note happening. Penumbra looked out the window and enjoyed the lights. Maxine dreamt of warm sands and curly hair. Victoria didn't dream of much but the smell of exotic fruit. 

 

It was perfect. 

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