Her hands, like sharpened blades, dug into the wrought iron as tears streamed down her face. Her scalp was on fire. Her throat was raw from the screaming she’d done while running, her legs ached. Everything was wrong. She didn’t think much, on the way up. Instinct. Rage. Fear. Hate. Pain. It coalesced into a miasma of feelings she had no idea how to process.

 

When she’d made for the door, before, jaw tensed up before, a haze descended over her vision and she’d started to lose all sense of self, all thought. Victoria had come after her but hesitantly. She’d never seen Maxine like that. Just before they’d gone out the door, Penumbra’s voice, like ripping silk, had come out of her voice, calling back to her.

 

“I’ll talk to her, V.”

 

Now, she slammed her fists into the latticework of the Eiffel tower, her mind completely unable to care about the damage done to the historical landmark as she ascended, as her only instinct was to get up, get out, get away. Inside her, Penumbra waited, until it was the right time. They felt what she felt, and hurt deeply, but they weren’t quite the same person. Not entirely. 

 

Maxine reached the top of the spire again, clinging to it, pressing her forehead against the cold iron. The tears had not stopped flowing since they’d started. The air whipped past them and Maxine couldn’t find it in herself to care. 

 

Max

 

“What.”

 

Don’t take that tone with me. 

 

“I’m sorry, I’m just…”

 

I know, Maxine. 

 

“I don’t know how to handle this, Penny. I really don’t.”

 

I know.

 

“I can’t even look at it!”

 

The word you’re looking for is Them

 

Maxine sighed and leaned against the spire.

 

“You’re right. Of course you’re right.”

 

Walk me through it. Why does it hurt?

 

“You know why. You can feel it.”

 

I need you to say it. You need to confront this. 

 

“That’s… my old face, Penny! That face nearly killed me!”

 

No, it didn’t. That face was a mask, a mask you couldn’t take off. The world not helping you take it off nearly killed you.

 

“Semantics.”

 

Semantics are important.

 

“You’re a nerd.”

 

No you.

 

“It- they think they have my old name, Penumbra. They have my face, my voice, my name. You can’t believe how grateful I was to meet you.”

 

I can, actually.

 

“I can’t just go back on that. This is taking the past five years back, and it’s forcing me to…”

 

Confront your dysphoria

 

“Fuck.”

 

Fuck.

 

“What do I do?”

 

You’re going to have to work through this.

 

“Can’t I just… leave them here? Move on?”

 

Running away from personal growth isn’t moving on. Besides, what are you going to do, go to a hospital and go “this is my twin, they have no memories and might have a bit of alien inside of them, good luck!”

 

“We’re going to have to take them with us, aren’t we?”

 

It looks like it. We still need to figure out what happened

 

“I don’t know how I can deal with that. I don’t know… I’m still running the team… I can’t fight giant bats if I’m dealing with all of this, Penny. It’s too much.”

 

I have an idea.

 

“Oh?”

 

You’re going to hate it.

 

“Oh.”

 

We need to call Victoria. Would you be okay with that? 

 

“Let’s get some solid ground underneath us first.”

 

It’s been a while since we did this.

 

Maxine didn’t compare how her transformative abilities behaved now to how they did when she first had them. Back then it was a painful, horrifying process that caused her unimaginable pain, tearing herself apart every time. These days there was an elegance to it, a beauty she appreciated too. The wind whipping past her face accelerated as she stepped off the top of the metal tower. Two large, beautiful black wings unfurled and tore through her shirt, and she ascended.

 

---

 

Victoria sat in their room in the Ratatouille mansion, worried sick but trying to occupy herself. She’d never seen Max like this. Not for years, and even back then she’d been… Her pain had been so internal. She’d been curled up and crying through her dysphoria while Victoria held her, kissed her head, helping her heal. As she’d grown stronger over the years, and Penumbra had given her the ability to sidestep her transition entirely, a large part of her pain had dissipated. She’d become powerful and beautiful, and her self esteem had clawed its way out of the hole it’d been thrust into. 

 

But this… This was the energy of a super-powered being suddenly turning on itself, lashing out at others. It was scary. It was deeply troubling. It was scary. Most importantly, she was scared for Maxine. She was scared that her wife had seen all of these things herself and might fall back into old habits of self-harm and inward hate. She’d come so far and V was so damn proud of her. Max was the de-facto founder and leader of Lit Inc and that’s not something the mess of pain on her couch all those years ago could have done, could have been. But this… 

 

There was a knock on the window. Victoria turned to see Maxine crouched on her balcony, two jet-black wings furled up behind her. The look on her face was… pained. She’d been crying. V ran to the window and opened it. Max tentatively stepped inside, almost asking for permission. 

 

“Dumbass,” Victoria whispered as she pulled Max into a hug. They cried. They ended up on the bed, Victoria holding her tight, tears soaking into each other’s shirts and hair. It was a few hours from morning, intermittently dozing off and crying some more as they did, when they finally talked. It was not a fun talk to have, but Maxine was determined to have it. 

 

“Penny had an idea.”

 

“Go ahead.”

 

“I need to work through this. We can’t leave… the Vampire here. We need to find out how much me is them. But… I can’t lead the team. We can’t. Not while I’m working through this. Not the way I used to, anyway?”

 

“I think I get what you’re saying. What are you saying?”

 

“I think…”

 

“I think…”

 

“We think it’s time for Spite to retire.”

 

---

 

Her name rang through the house. Her mother demanded she come downstairs. Her mother also demanded she come downstairs wearing jeans and a shirt. Sneakers and no makeup. She knew because her mother was using the wrong name. 

 

She reluctantly descended to the living room, where her mother and father were sitting at the dinner table having lunch. 

 

“Glad to see you’ve freshened up. Always glad to see my son looking his best.”

 

“Mom, I’m n-”

 

“How’s job hunting going, boy?” Her dad asked. “Found anything yet? We’re going to have to charge you rent if you keep living here, soon.” He smiled. It wasn’t a joke.

 

“I’m looking. I sent out a few more applications.”

 

“What you need to do is hit the streets. You can’t apply online all the time, people want to see you face-to-face.”

 

“They literally don’t.”

 

“When we were your age, we’d just go out there and apply.”

 

“It doesn’t work like that anymore, d-”

 

“I just don’t understand why you don’t have a job yet. Someone with your capabilities. We don’t think you’re putting the effort in. You’re too distracted.”

 

“I promise you I’m doing what I c-”

 

“You’re too busy talking to your friends online. You need to spend more time in the real world. Of course you’re going to feel like you’re not yourself.”

 

“Please don’t.”

 

“This whole gender thing… You’re just depressed and you’re trying to find out how to find yourself. We get that. But this isn’t the way to do that J-”

 

“Please, dad. My name is Maxine. Legally.”

 

There was a moment of silence while her father clamped his jaw shut and turned to staring intently at his coffee.

 

“He’s not listening, dear,” her mother assured him. She turned to Maxine.

 

“We don’t get why you did that. I chose your name for you because it means a lot to me, to both of us, that our son has a name that is a part of this family’s history. You rejecting it is just… It’s very selfish. You’ve only been thinking of yourself, not about how this makes us feel.”

 

“That name hurts to hear, mom. Every time.”

 

“Don’t you think it hurts us when you just… lock us out like that? I’m your mother, you’re my baby boy, I deserve to have a say in this.”

 

Maxine was trying to say something but her voice got stuck in her throat, lodged against a lump of tears and pain.

 

“Look… Your father and I need time, okay? And you need time too. It’s important that you’re absolutely sure about this. It’s very possible this is just your depression, that you’ll get through this. You can get your name changed back later if you want to. Just remember that we love you.”

 

“I… I l… I love you too, mom.”

 

“It hurts me to see you like this, son. We just don’t want you doing anything you’re going to end up regretting.”

 

“Just… call me Maxine, mom. Or even Max.”

 

“When you’re out to everyone. It’s not fair to ask us to use a name that you don’t even use everywhere yourself!”

 

“But… you asked me not to tell my grandparents! That they were too old and wouldn’t understand.”

 

“And we’re very grateful you didn’t.”

 

“But…”

 

“How about we go buy you some clothes next week. You need new suit pants for your aunt’s wedding.”

 

“...”

 

“It’ll be fun. We’ll have some mother-son time.”

 

“Okay.”

 

---

 

Big bird was spinning up its propellers. The mood was… subdued. People were avoiding eye contact. Rue had a large bird in a translucent blue cage hovering behind her, after talking to Max and V for a bit the night before. The others hadn’t asked about it. The day had been filled mostly with paperwork, a few calls to the mayor’s office, who thanked them and assured them their name would not be mentioned anywhere officially. They did get paid a fee that covered the expenses they’d made for their stay, and a little extra.

 

As the engines whirred to life, people quietly went about loading their stuff into the plane. Camp Ratatouille had been donated to the hospital as a secondary facility, along with all of its inventory. They’d been grateful.

 

Saint Dimas had reluctantly declined to join them. Paris was his city, he couldn’t leave it. He’d even had Billy considering staying behind, but in the end they both decided against it. They did spend one last night together, and promised to keep in touch. They never did find out who he actually was, but it seemed like that might have been best for everyone involved. 

 

The Vampire had joined them in boarding the plane. They got their own cabin - there were a few free ones mostly used for storage - and still had difficulty finding their place. They didn’t know what was happening a lot of the time. Maxine avoided them. Billy and Ceecee tried to reassure them as best they could.

 

The takeoff was quiet. Everyone tried to get some sleep for the transatlantic flight. Being over the States had been a request of Maxine’s. They wanted to get this to feel right. They weren’t going to half-ass this, after all.

 

Fifteen hours passed in mostly silence. V, Maxine and Penny spent as much of it together as they could, muttering small words of encouragement and love in the dark, taking solace in each other’s safety and warmth.

 

When the time finally came, regardless of preparation, nobody was ready. Not really. 

 

They were flying over the midwest when they opened the giant ramp in the back.

 

Maxine set cross-legged in the middle of the cargo bay. Rue sat to her right, bird cage in her lap. Remy sat behind her, feeling her whirlpool of emotions the same way she was. Victoria sat by her left, fingers interlaced, their breathing completely synchronized. 

 

Slowly, Penumbra showed their face, overlaying it onto Maxine’s. No mouth. No teeth. Just two white eyes. 

 

They stepped forward, while Maxine stayed seated. Penny became a more formless mass of stretched tendrils and purple oil-slick sludge, as it clung to the steel floor. Rue put the birdcage beside them, and they enveloped the animal within. It stopped panicking after only a second as the cage disappeared. It was a lot larger now, with big white eyes. 

 

Maxine was… smaller, somehow. Her eyes were sunken. Her face gaunt, her skin pale. Tears streamed soundlessly down her face as she reached out and Penumbra pressed its beaked face against the palm of her hand.

 

“This isn’t goodbye, Maxine.”

 

“I know.”

 

“I’ll be back before you know it.”

 

“I know.”

 

“I’ll miss you.”

 

“Me too.”

 

“You too, V.”

 

“Me too, Penny.”

 

“I’ll see you soon.”

 

With that, Penumbra flew out of the hangar. They were gone in seconds. Maxine and Victoria knew that they’d be reunited soon but… That this wasn’t goodbye. But… 

 

Maxine sat next to Victoria, and she felt empty and quiet. For the first time in her life, it was much, much too quiet in her mind. She leaned her head on Victoria’s shoulder, but quickly found herself in her arms, in the arms of more and more of the people in the hangar who wrapped themselves around her. The warmth and caring from her loved ones helped. A little.

 

--- 

 

The bell rang like crystal, and she opened the door after a minute, drying her wet hands on her apron. The people at the door were unfamiliar to her, to young women. The short one was clearly the one here to talk. The other had her hand suspiciously close to hers, as if they’d been holding it. 

 

“Hello, can I help you?”

 

“Mrs Powers.”

 

“That’s me. I’m afraid I don’t know you though…”

 

“My name is Maxine Danielle Powers, mom.”

 

“Oh god…”

 

A few minutes later, inside the main living room, Maxine’s mother was crying, her father one foot behind her, hand on her shoulder. She was clasping it desperately.

 

“I don’t know w- why he’d do this to himself, John. Our beautiful boy…”

 

Her father looked at her sternly.

 

“Look what you did to your mother. How could you! Don’t you see how much you’re hurting her? How did you even do this…” he gestured vaguely at her. “mutilation.”

 

Maxine’s face was completely neutral. Under the table, Victoria squeezed her hand.

 

“I’m not mutilated. I didn’t “hurt” myself and I didn’t come here to hurt you, mom, dad.”

 

“What then? Flaunt your mistakes? Prove to us that you’re still as selfish as you’ve always been? What are you doing here, boy?”

 

“I came here to see if my parents still lived here.”

 

“Well, we do, so now you better apologise to your m-”

 

“We- I wasn’t finished. Hum. I came here to see if my parents lived here. Clearly, I don’t have any loving parents living here. So in that case, I’m here to say goodbye.”

 

“Y- Wh-... haven’t we always given you love! You’ve lived here, for free, for twenty years! And now all of a sudden you’ve grown a pair of balls and think you can do without us because… what? You’ve found yourself a… a…” her father looked at her girlfriend, saw him swallowing a few slurs.

 

“Careful, father.”

 

“Or what? You gonna fight me, boy?” Her father puffed up his chest. Her mother cried even more. 

 

“W-why would you do this to us? We love you and all we want is for you to be happy, Ja-”

 

“HER NAME,” Victoria interjected with a voice so sharp it could cut steel, “is Maxine.”

 

“That’s not- that’s not the name we… who are you to….”

 

“Clearly, I’m someone who loves her and knows her better than you two do.”

 

Maxine got up.

 

“Clearly coming here was a waste of time. Come, babe, it looks like my parents weren’t here to begin with.”

 

---

 

When they landed, Max was in a wheelchair. They had a few on board, along with stretchers and medical supplies only Ellie knew the full extent of. Maxine was healing. Not from any injury, of course, but from the separation of something she’d considered herself to be inseparable from. From the depression that had hit her. But she took solace in the knowledge that it was temporary. She’d be back to her old strength in a while, but she still had a large measure of control over her body. Without Penumbra there, mental pain would express itself as physical ails. But she couldn’t rely on Penumbra forever. Her interaction with the Vampire had proven that. 

 

The sky was grey. It was a Tuesday, and it looked like it might rain. The smell of fuel and pollen hung in the air, thick and humid. 

 

As she was wheeled down the ramp by Victoria, she saw the Vampire, timidly walking a little ways away from her, and she rolled herself over to them. 

 

“Hey.”

 

“Oh, uh… Hi. I’m sorry for your loss.”

 

“Don’t… I… Thank you. Can you push me for a minute? I think we should talk.”

 

“Fair enough. Promise not to attack me?”

 

She shot them a sideways glance.

 

“You’ve got the sass, I’ll give you that. I promise. It’s not like I’m in any shape to hurt you.”

 

The Vampire began to push them away from the runway, towards the parking garage where their rentals would be waiting. Everyone slowed their pace, realizing - but not commenting on - the gravity of the situation that was unfolding. 

 

“I can’t decide whether I like you better this way yet.”

 

“Thin ice, buddy.”

 

“What did you want to talk about?”

 

“I want to try this again. Spin me around for a second.” They stopped. She held out her hand.

 

“You remind me of someone it really hurts to be reminded of. I’m very sorry for that. For all intents and purposes, I think you’re my responsibility. Unless you have any latent other memories, I pretty much created you.”

 

“Yeah that seems like a lot.”

 

“Hush, I’m not done. I want to apologise for lashing out like I did. The name you think is yours… it was someone else’s. And I’m going to do what I can to help you figure out what that name means. Who that person is.”

 

She swallowed. 

 

“This is really hard for me.”

 

“Take your time.”

 

“I’m Maxine.” She extended a hand. “You can say your name. I promise I won’t hurt you.”

 

“Actually… I’m not sure I like that name.”

 

“Uh oh.”

 

“Yeah, it makes me feel… wrong. Like my skin doesn’t fit.”

 

“MotherFU-”