Monster In The Woods
20 0 0
X
Reading Options
Font Size
A- 15px A+
Width
Reset
X
Table of Contents
Loading... please wait.

Chapter 1

 

I can’t stop beating myself up over it. I’ve been in this class for half an hour and I feel like I’m missing something fundamental that everyone else has. I can’t concentrate enough to really digest the material Mr. Dorman is teaching us.

“so by now you should be familiar with what Voltaire meant.”

What?

I just don’t fucking get it.

“Sarcasm is a common theme with Voltaire’s literature, so when you read something by him please keep this in mind or you might not understand what he’s really saying.”

Somehow time just seems to go slower when I’m in history class. Nothing about this shit is interesting and I don’t see how it’ll help me get a job. Not that I’m eager to get a fucking job, either way.

The bell rings about an hour later and I’m the first to take my shit and walk out. I’m relieved to know I won’t be coming back to sit down for another lecture that makes me feel like I’m retarded all over again.

“Hold your horses!” I hear a girl say as the back of my belt is pulled slightly back making me stop in my tracks.

”... Hey Cordelia”

Ever since I came to Washington State and enrolled in college I’ve been just about ready to leave. I was asking for too much to be left alone when someone like Cordelia Mason is in half my classes.

“What’s the rush, man? Where ya off to?” She says with a stupid smirk on her face

“I just want to get back to my dorm, is that so bad?” I spit at her

“Well... That depends. Are you going to waste another day holed up in your room?” She has the decency to sound sorry as the words leave her mouth.

I look at her with a blank expression on my face. A moment passes and she doesn’t say anything else, but I can tell she’s disappointed. She wants to go have some fun. To just talk about stuff and gush about people, but I don’t care. She’s the type to always blab away to anyone and everyone. She’s had no luck with me, and for some reason it matters to her, but I can’t reciprocate because I just want to get out of this place.

“Yeah.” I finally say.

Yeah, so just fuck off already.

“Okay... Sorry to bother you, Bishop. I just wish I could get you to hang out with other people and have some fun for a change.”

I just walk away without looking back at her. She let go of my belt during the pause, and I can’t wait to go back home and forget about everyone here. It’s just been utterly frustrating. My parents wanted me to go to college and make something of myself, but there wasn’t anything that caught my attention so they just told me to get into history. Apparently It would teach me how to be more “academic”.

Kind of difficult to be any good at something when it isn’t even half-way interesting. I never gave a shit about history or anything to do with it. Why should I care about what happened in the past? It doesn’t matter to me nor should it.

I’ve made it to the dorms on campus grounds and my room is at the end of the 3rd story hallway on the right. Today was another boring ass day and I feel like I didn’t learn anything, so same as usual. I put the keys in the box next to the cabinet near the door and throw my bag on the bed before shifting my chair and taking a seat in front of my desk.

I turn on the computer and the monitor so I can play some games or watch some anime. I’ve been really into survival type games and adventure stories lately. I think they’re the most interesting thing for me nowadays. It’s practically impossible to find meaning or fulfillment when you’re surrounded by assholes and people who expect you to be someone you’re not.

As I’m about to pick up the controller my cellphone rings and I see I’m getting a call from dad.

“Hey pops, how’s it going?”

“Son, we gotta talk.”

”...Okay? What’s up?”

“How’s school going?”

Here we go again...

“It’s fine. I’m not in trouble or anything.”

“That’s not the problem. Your grades. How are you doing?”

“What does it matter? It’s fine as long as I pass, right?”

“God damn it Bishop Browne! Are you passing? Tell me how you’re doing on each course.”

“Dad why the fuck are you yelling at me? I’m not the one who decided college was the right move. You pretty much forced it on me!”

“I got a call from the school saying you’re not doing so hot. Should I congratulate you for this?”

Got a call? I’m not in fucking high-school anymore. I bet he’s lying.

“Dad, I don’t know where you heard that from but trust me. I’m fine.” I lie

He’s silent for several seconds and I can picture his pissed off face, but he’s not going to waste any more of my time and we both know how the conversation ends.

”...Son. What are you doing with you life? You’re 23. Kids your age have graduated by then. I just want you to make something of yourself.”

Fuck you.

“Listen dad, I appreciate the concern but once I find something that interests me I’ll go for it. Getting this History degree might have looked like the right choice at the time but I just don’t care for any of it and I just want to get away from it all. I’m considering just withdrawing from the whole thing, actually.”

“Okay.” he says

... Seriously?

“Okay, son. I’m sorry to have to do this to you. I have tried to help you, but you will not help yourself. I should have taught you the meaning of responsibility at a younger age.”

“Dad wha-“

“If you’re planning on coming home after withdrawing you can forget about it. I’m not opening my door to a fucking dead-beat son who has had every chance to turn his life around and pissed all over it.”

“DAD WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? YOU CAN’T DO TH-“

“And you can forget about spending another year at the dorm. Your mother and I are not wasting any more money for you to sloth away in a room jerking off and doing god knows what else.”

Before I can make a case for myself he hangs up and I’m in shock. What the fuck just happened? What did he say? I can’t come home? How could he do this to me? His own son? None of this makes sense. He’s not supposed to do this to me. He must be joking or pulling my leg, that’s too far.

I get it. He wants to blow off some steam and make me reconsider my life and all that other bullshit. Okay I can play that game, but first I want to play something else.

So I pick up my controller.

 

***

 

I wake up to the familiar sound of my alarm set at 7:00 AM. I reach for the thing and push down, then bring my arm back under my pillow and rest my head. Suddenly after some shuffling and stretching I look up at my alarm and it says 9:56 AM.

Well, I guess skipping a day won’t kill me.

I get up in my jeans and shirt from yesterday because changing into pajamas is too much work. Taking a shower doesn’t sound too good so i skip out on that. No need to give anyone a chance to ruin my day before it starts. I’ve had run-ins with some of the other boys in the dorm showers a few times in the past and everyone looks at me like I’m some freak. I don’t give a shit though, they don’t matter to me.

The dorm is relatively quiet around this time of day since most people are going to classes or hanging out in the field or benches in front of the college. I haven’t tried to make any friends since coming here because what’s the point? I’ll be leaving anyway. The only one who has even bothered to talk to me past a jab or a snarky comment is Cordelia, and that doesn’t mean much because she’s the social butterfly of the entire school. Friends with practically everyone. Even the disgusting sluts who hang with the retarded jocks on gear in the football field. I don’t need to bother with such people and I know it’s mutual.

Knock Knock!

Who the fuck is bothering me at this hour? as I open the door... I remember and old adage saying; speak of the devil and she shall appear...

“Heya Bishop! What’cha up to today?”

“What do you want Cordelia? This is the boy’s dorm. Do you see any of the boys making trips the girls’ dorm?”

“Uh... Y-Yeah... Sometimes, actually.”

“Oh... Well whatever. What are you doing here?” I say dismissively

“Bishop, look. I know you don’t want me to bother you... or anyone for that matter... but you need to get out more! I didn’t see you in English this morning! I got worried.”

“No you didn’t. You just wanted an excuse to come talk to me because you love the sound of your own fucking voice.” I spit at her.

I’ve seen Cordelia be quirky with me in the past, and sometimes I almost make her frown, but this time did it. For the first time her sunny expression is taken aback and I know this might be the final time I have to put up with her stupid antics.

”... Take that back.”

“Take what back?” I bait her into saying it with her own words.

“I don’t love hearing the sound of my own voice, Bishop. Take it back right now!” She practically screams at me.

“I don’t fucking think so. If it weren’t true you wouldn’t be so upset. Look at yourself. It really took you this long to get it through your airhead that I don’t want to be your friend?”

She just looks at me for a moment before I actually see a tear rolling down her face. She’s genuinely upset now, but I can’t bring myself to feel like it’s my fault. It isn’t, after all. This wouldn’t have happened if she was a little more self-aware.

“Bishop... I think you’re the biggest fucking loser in the entire campus. You have no friends. You have no talent. You always look like you hate being among people. The first time I saw you I thought I could help you, but you’re impossible. I hope you stay in your fucking room forever, that way, nobody has to bear your repulsive presence again.”

I open my mouth but she’s already running down the hall towards the stairs and out the dorm. How could she say that to me? Who the fuck does she think she is? Maybe I will take her up on that offer, actually. Who needs to deal with such a stupid bitch anyway? Not me, that’s for sure. I don’t try to get on anyone’s nerves. They always come and fuck with ME.

I didn’t have to, but I slam the door shut.

I think about what to do for a minute, and I realize I have homework from all subjects that I haven’t bothered to even begin, but then again who cares? I’m withdrawing anyway and once I’m back home I’ll just put this all behind me and not look back.

Time to watch some anime to kill the time.

 

***

 

The semester is nearly done with only a week till exams, but I’m not going to stick around that long. I’ll just skip the rest of the semester, after all, what’s the point? I’ll call dad once exams are over while I stay in my room. I know he’s fucking with me. Where else would I go if he won’t let me go back to my own fucking house? I’m pretty sure he can’t do that legally either.

I bet mom wouldn’t let him get away with it. She’s always been understand and gets me. Dad never wanted to see things my way, he’s too old-school. Doesn’t get that things just aren’t how they were when he was my age. I bet he had it so much easier growing up, In fact, I don’t doubt it for a second.

Walking over to the fridge I see it’s pretty much bare save for a bottle of half-drunk beer and some ketchup. I guess I gotta go to the convenience store and pick something out. Cup-Noodles is usually my go-to meal since it’s piss easy to make and fills you up. The nutritional value is dogshit, though.

I grab my keys and head out the door. I’m still wearing the same clothes since I last saw Cordelia. I could use a shower, but It’s not like I’m going to a social event or anything. Just getting something to eat. If the cashier has anything to complain about they can keep it to themselves. I don’t give a shit.

As I’m making my way off campus I see people are walking around. I don’t have any trouble avoiding eye-contact so nobody pays any attention to me as far as I can tell but I hear some whooping off to the side and see a group pointing in my direction.

I look behind me where they’re pointing and they laugh even harder.

“He’s out of his cave! Hahaha!!”

“Oh my god. Steer clear he probably smells like shit.”

“Is that the guy? The dipshit?”

Dipshit? Me?

I’m looking at the crowd, and in the middle I see her. Cordelia is looking at me with a blank expression.

Our eyes meet for a second or two but it doesn’t last as she looks away from me with what I could only describe as disdain, and then slowly she starts walking away into the college with her posse in tow.

I don’t feel so good right about now. There’s a tightness in my chest and it’s getting to me. What was I doing? What did I go out for again? And why am I shaking now?

Right... I was going to get something to put in the fridge for the last few weeks I’m still here. I start walking again making my way to the convenience store for something wrapped in plastic, and I try to think about what I should get because I need something to distract me from the fact that for the first time since coming to college I feel alone.

The glass doors part for me as I walk inside and start to browse for food to put in a microwave. Nothing looks interesting. I don’t even eat that often, and it shows. I’m looking at the glass doorway that holds the sodas and other carbonated piss and I see my own reflection.

Short. Check.

Skinny. Check.

Baggy eyes. Check.

Slouched. Check.

Retarded. ...Check.

I know I’m not perfect, but neither is anyone else. Why do I suddenly feel so self-conscious? Typically I don’t give a shit about what other people think about me... and then it clicks. That’s it. I feel like I hate myself. I can’t stand my own image in a mirror. I have to look away from myself as I go back to browsing for food.

I end up getting a bunch of noodles and bags of jerky. All I need is some hot water and the jerky I can just eat whenever. I hate how it sticks to my teeth sometimes but It’s convenient.

I don’t eat a lot and it shows. I’m shorter than most guys at just about 156 cm tall.

I weigh about 98lbs soaking wet, and my hair is a dark and greasy unkempt mess.

People are so fucking biased. They look at you and if you’re not tall and handsome they think you’re trash. I’ve known this since I was a kid. People always think with their monkey brains before they form any sort of cognitive thought for themselves. Typical halo and horns effect. Typical that Cordelia would do this shit. She knows how it goes. She says something bad about me and suddenly everyone eats it up and gangs up on me. I was right about her. She’s just some bitch who loves to hear herself talk.

I don’t need to put myself down like this. I don’t deserve this shit. In a few weeks I won’t have to care though, I’ll be back home and none of this will matter.

 

 

Chapter 2

 

Back at the dorm room I open a bag of the jerky and throw the rest on the desk. The noodles require me to go get water to heat up and wait a few minutes so I’m not thrilled by the prospect of leaving my room longer than necessary and chance another encounter with Cordelia Mason’s piece of shit goons.

Being out of the public eye is when I’m most comfortable, but as I think over what happened today I’m suddenly not in the mood for anything. Not even eating this piece of jerky. I have to practically force myself to take bites out of this tough piece of shit.

Then I feel it. There’s something running down my cheek. I rub at the tear with my hand and before I know it I’m leaking from the other eye now too. Why is this happening? Why is everyone so horrible to me? What did I ever do to them? I just want to be left alone, is that too much to ask? So it would seem as I recall how I spent my years after High-school.

I used to have a friend called Peter Ingray.

He was small like me, but with blonde hair and blue eyes. He ended up getting some attention from girls unlike me back in High-school. I never hated him for it though, he’d always tell them to kick rocks.

Peter and I got through school together and always hung out after the day was done. Neither of us had super good grades but we scraped by somehow. I never did any drugs but Peter’s family practically made a living off of selling weed and sometimes stuff I’m better off not knowing about. It was funny coming over to his place only to come out mellow because the place was so pungent with the smell of THC. I don’t know how Peter managed to sleep in that house, but he always came to school and didn’t miss a day as far as I could tell.

The lazy one was me. He would jab at me because I might fake being sick some days. Dad always disapproved of my antics but Mom wanted to give me space and time to move forward.

I think Mom just wanted me to figure things out on my own, but I’m in my 20s now and I don’t think I ever did. I just have no ambition as far as I can tell.

Nothing pulls me out of bed in the morning. I don’t look forward to anything. Not even my games or my anime. I’m not particularly crazy about either, I don’t have any collectors edition titles, nor am I looking forward to anything next season.

I actually hate slice of life. I can’t relate to any of that stuff.

That’s the thing about Peter. He loved watching anime and playing video games together with me all the time we could. He’d come over every so often and we’d just fuck around calling each other slurs.

“You’re such a wetback!” Peter would say

“What the fuck’s a wetback? I would ask

“I don’t know I heard some kids at school saying it, though.”

“Fair enough.”

The hours felt like minutes when we hung out. It was that fun, but we never talked about any serious stuff until the end.

“Hey Bishop, can I talk to you for a minute?” Peter asked me one day.

“You wanna borrow my console again?”

“No... It’s about once we’re done with school.”

“Oh. Okay what’s up man?”

“I’m moving away. Like, real far away.” He told me in a regretful tone.

”... Where are you moving to?”

“Europe. My family wants to start a business there and they think staying in Washington is a waste of time.”

“I see... Can we still keep in touch?”

“Of course, man! Give me your email and your phone number once you’ve got a cell.”

And that was that. Nothing bad happened between Peter and me. We were best buds.

So when I turned 20 and Peter stopped getting back to me I guess it hit me kind of hard.

Why didn’t peter ever get back to me again? Did he abandon me? Why would he do that?

I guess he felt I was just more trouble than I’m worth, and I don’t think I can blame him.

Cordelia said it herself. I’m the biggest fucking loser on campus. Who would want to be friends with me?

I tried to reach out to Peter back then, but I didn’t know any of his family contacts. I was never able to reach the Ingrays, and a part of me felt like it was on purpose.

I think it was around that time I stopped trusting other people. I stopped trying to be friends with anyone. I actively pushed people away. I hid in my room all the time, and until my folks barged in one day and demanded I go to college I never left the house.

So here I am now.

more alone than I’ve ever been.

 

***

 

It’s been a week since I last left my dorm and exams are well under way. I need to get more water bottles so I can have something to drink and piss in again. The corner where I throw all my urine bottles is getting kind of full, so I’ll have to get a big garbage bag and toss it all in there before getting rid of it.

Not really my problem once It’s outta my hands. Everyone tosses all kinds of shit in the garbage container out back. Why should I be responsible when nobody else is?

Knock Knock Knock.

”...Who is it?...” I say in a small voice nobody could possibly hear.

“Who is it?” louder this time. Surely they heard me now.

“It’s me.” I hear Cordelia say.

“FUCK OFF YOU BITCH!” I yell at her.

”... Yeah. I figured.” She says. Unfazed by my outburst.

“I thought you just needed some time to come around, but yeah. My bad.”

Come around?

“Really? So I can do what, join your band of drooling retards who openly harass other people? Get the fuck out of here you manipulative bitch. I bet you put them up to it!” I snap at her.

”... I never asked them to do that to you. I’m sorry Bishop. You might not believe me but I do feel bad about that. When I ran out of your dorm they saw me crying and part of me wanted to keep it to myself because I knew this would happen, but I was very upset. I’m sorry...” She finishes weakly.

”... It doesn’t matter either way. I’ll never see your fucking face or any of them ever again. Fuck off.”

A few moments pass and she actually leaves. I feel a little relieved, but a small part of me wants to apologize. I think better of it though, Cordelia never had to deal with any bullshit. Her life is all sunshine and rainbows. Her parents don’t push any bullshit on her, and nobody ever gives her any shit. Big deal I’m the first to ever call out her fake ass positive demeanor.

 

0