Book 1: H: Gaiden 4: Failure
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Darkness… that is what I see, and nothing else… this is death isn’t it. I’ve failed my quest, my purpose for living, it’s only natural I died…

All of this have been for nothing, born again forever and ever, I might’ve not completely remembered everything from every life I went through, but I know for certain that I have been reborn to combat this threat to humanity, the Demon Lord, I have fought, I have grown stronger, all to combat this threat to humanity, but it doesn’t stop, even when it’s killed it simply willed itself back to life. I have done the same, every time I died, whenever it’s from old age, in battle, an accident, anything at all, I will be reborn to fight the Demon Lord once more, every time we fought it was a stalemate, even if one of us were to die the other will withered away soon enough from the injury, all the times that I have died, I have already accomplished my goal of killing it… this time was different, unprecedented, she appeared before me, out of nowhere she appeared, not taking us seriously, talking casually, even technically rescued us even though she shouldn’t nor have any reason to, there was something this time, but it didn’t mattered to me, demons must be dealt with, especially the Demon Lord, that is my task, my existence, I have devoted my entire being, my soul, into defending humanity…

As I lay down in the darkness, I cannot feel anything but regret, I have lost to the Demon Lord, this time was not like the others, and with the Demon Lord roams free without me around, this world will surely plunge itself into darkness, into oblivion, as far as I can comprehend, it’ll take some time to reborn, some are reborn within a year, another maybe a century or two, I myself, the Hero, reborn every two centuries, usually before the Demon Lord by a few years, or maybe a decade, so I have time to prepare to face off against them, yet this time it didn’t work out… and I can no longer stop her as I am now, and by the time I came back there will be nothing left of this world… this time she appeared before me as I was gathering my allies and strengths that need to be re-obtained to defeat her, but everything went wrong that day, all started because of her, the Rose Blade, an enigmatic girl who have unusual hair and eyes color of pink, stoic and expressionless, decisive and quick to decision-making, she seems like a great ally to have, so Zore and I joined her when she wants to fight a wyvern, it was foolish to fight such a thing alone regardless of how strong she could possibly be, so both of us form a team with her… that’s when something strange happened, she dismissed Zore and I when we voiced our concern, when I tried to get her to join us on our journey she coldly refused… this isn’t something that have happened to me for the entirety of all my life, my interactions with others are always pleasant and comfortable, there were no tense situations, no awkward conversation that got nowhere, yet this was the first, she was different, and I started to feel paranoid, I felt concern and started to feel cautious around her throughout the travel, there was no indication that she’s a demon as far as I can tell, so she isn’t one, yet it doesn’t feel like she’s a human either, I feel anxious, but I have to play innocent and act like a normal enthusiastic adventurer, who are normal and often slightly overconfident in their ability, I don’t want to outed all my abilities just yet, otherwise they’ll suspect that I’m the Hero and hell might break loose, one of my past life have this problem of revealing my identity early and a bunch of demon assassins going after me while I’m little, I was very afraid throughout that event, it was clear that the demons won’t just group up and leave us alone even without the Demon Lord around… where was I? I was recounting my mistake and how it ended up with me in the abyss, yes, I waited at the base of the mountain with Zore, waiting for him to recover his stamina, it’s not long and we chased after Rosia who went ahead first much to my chagrin, based on her performance earlier she should be able to hold it off long enough for us to join it, but it’s still risky... but I underestimated her, she defeated it by herself, much to both of our surprise, and once I prodded the possibility of her clashing against the Demon Lord she is clearly against the idea, why? You’re powerful, might become even more powerful on our journey, why would you refuse? With your strength I doubt you’ll be struck down so easily, if at all, yet you deny my offer, being the first to do so vehemently. Then it all turn for the worse, a dragon appeared before us, then she appeared before us, I confronted her, it was a mistake, no, it was a mistake coming here in the first place… but I still confronted her and died, she overpowered me, humiliated me, she doesn’t take me seriously, Rosia didn’t take me seriously, they both considered me pitiful, why? I’m simply trying to do the right thing… Rosia was not on our side, she was not from the beginning, the way the Demon Lord greeted her, the way she casually talk to her, it means she knows her on the personal level more than likely, I would’ve killed someone associated with the Demon Lord as well, but I can’t, I cannot defeat the Demon Lord, and I died for it, and as if it wasn’t bad enough, I was left suffering from all the injuries, crawling on the ground while the two conversed about how Rosia will be the one to ended me… to think you didn’t think of me as worthy of killing yourselves.

At this point I’m just contemplating my life, all I can do until I am reborn in the ruined world, I feel hopeless, the bleak future is all that is left for me, all of my efforts turn into nothing, it was all for naught, if I could cry I would, but I don’t have a body to do so…

Suddenly someone or something appeared in front of me, in front of a failure, in front of a useless spirit, is this the God coming here to laugh at my failure? To condemned me into hell? I suppose it’s the only place I have can go after doing all of that…

“Pitiful soul, it is not time to despair just yet, now is not the time to ponder about the future you do not look forward to, and I’m simply here to chat, taking my time managing the living and the dead is taxing, even on someone with great power like me, need something to keep the job from being more boring and taxing”

The black hooded figure said to me with a voice of a girl, who is she? To manage both life and death, I have never seen her before, little that I can made out of her face are light brown hair and violet eyes, her skin is on the lighter side, but not by much, her hair isn’t particularly long, and her height I cannot determined without something to compare to, I’m just a body-less soul at this point, I can’t be use as a comparison…

She called me pitiful as well, what’s wrong with me to make them called me that?

“Your destiny is set, your will is not entirely your own, you are simple minded with only one directive in the end, you could barely qualified as a human, who have goals that changed, revelation that they face and overcome, lies that they believed and later understand that it is just a lie in the end, not the truth that they should be looking for. All you have is a thought of defending humanity, to kill the Demon Lord, you have no other purpose, for all of eternity, every life you live, it is not something that could be considered living”

… What am I to say to that!? What am I supposed to do to be considered human? Am I not at my core? I have always born as a human, died a human, along with human, share my strength with humans.

“But that is where you are wrong, what really is a measure of a human? Of a person rather. What to measure you that you’re not just a tool or an animal, who are not self-aware? That is not something one could easily grasp, something even I have trouble with, even if my works have no need of such a thing I am still someone with a lot of knowledge and experience. Well, even I can tell that you are better off describing yourself as a tool”

Who are you to say all of this? Why are you here? What point is there talking to me?

“Who I am or what I am called is of no importance, I said before that I am the one who governs life and death, to manage the souls of those who passed, organized them and send them to their new life, free from their old ones. Though admittedly there is a few slip up, but my superior never minded it. And as this is the abyss of the dead, where you belong as a soul of the dead, as well as my domain, it only make sense for why I am here, though why approaching you specifically is due to how pitiful you truly are, I simply want to talk about something that might put your soul to rest, lift some burden you have carried all this time”

There was a sympathetic tone in her voice, I suppose there’s nothing wrong with just talking to her, but what am I to talk about?

“What I can say for certain is that your world as you know it will not be destroyed, that will not happen”

How can you be so certain? The Demon Lord have always been keen on destruction, destroying everything in their path, it makes no sense for the world to survive.

“I have watched over the three universes, all the living and the dead, I can clearly see what the Demon Lord is thinking and doing, she is an interesting existence, something that shouldn’t existed”

How exactly?

“The reason as to why she is so different is that she isn’t entirely the Demon Lord anymore, someone interferes with the reincarnation, and now another soul merged with the soul of the Demon Lord, creating a new being, a new existence, while the fact that she ultimately the Demon Lord couldn’t be erased, she clearly doesn’t have any particular malice toward humanity anymore, she’s neutral more than anything else, just let the life flows by”

That’s why it’s different this time? Why she appeared before me so soon? But… if she truly isn’t the humanity’s enemy anymore, which I doubt, then perhaps the future won’t be so bad for me… but still I can’t stand the demons existing and causing problems, even if the Demon Lord didn’t instigate it.

“You seriously called demi-humans demons? Your kind really aren’t as smart as you made yourself to be, well, I already know your kind called them that and would never realize your mistake, but it’s still absurd to hear that out loud”

Demi-Human? 

“What you have fought all this time, aside from the Demon Lord themselves and a few particular individuals none of them are demons, but demi-humans, who are simply human with extra features add in, like tails, animal ears, scales, and so forth, they are human, but you lot don’t considered them as such, actual demons are much more terrifying… that’s not the right word, more like they’re hard to comprehend, their needs, their morality, are different from humans and demi-humans, your lack of understanding cause you to effectively condemned your own kind, the demi-humans most likely won’t do anything dangerous unless the Demon Lord herself told them to, which I doubt”

Did all I have done been… essentially slaughtering other humans!? No way… Had what I done all this time… truly for naught!?

“That is why I call you pitiful, and likely why other considered you as such as well, you have been living on the lie that contradict what you believe you’re doing, but that’s not the only reason, there’s a shackle on your soul cause you to be unable to move on, why your life will never be truly yours, even if you understand what I told you now, with that shackle on you you will ultimately went down the same path, again and again”

A shackle… I have such a thing? Can it be removed? What will happened?

“If it was to be be removed your obsession will vanished, your impulse of killing the so-called demons will be gone, and your life will move according to your choice, no longer tied, it’s better to have it removed, and I will do it even without you asking, your soul was modified to be exactly what the humanity wants, a leader, a champion to guide them against what they discriminate, something they don’t want to deal with, and get rid of them, the Hero didn’t simply existed from nowhere, same with the Demon Lord, both of your existence are not something that naturally existed, and both of you will always be in conflict, well, the Demon Lord’s shackle have been taken off them by somewhat unconventional means, but that’s beside the point, now all that is left is to release that shackle from you as well”

I-I suppose I should thank you? I’m still overwhelmed by all of this information.

“No need, but before I let you go, perhaps you could hear me talking some more? Just want to talk about something”

Sure, not like I have anything better to do.

“This Demon Lord’s existence is that of something that shouldn’t existed, not in the original scenario that the creator of all planned, she only existed due to the rule breaker, those who changed their destiny, their paths changing from what she anticipated, and live their own lives not being burdened by fate, but there come a caveat, when they made change to the scenario, the old one crumbled away into nothing, if not for her you wouldn’t be here talking to me right now, you are still supposed to kill the Demon Lord like always, but their heart, their soul, stop their rampage due to… love… that was what was planned, it’s a stupid plot line she set up, and more than a few take a jab at it, but now that is no longer the case, and everything changed, thankfully this particular case won’t cause any paradox, but it could”

I am not certain how to commented on what you have said.

“It no longer matters, just something I want to voice my opinion on, it’s not something someone like you could comprehend anyway, now, I shall remove this shackle from you, and your next life the two hundred years into the future will be that of struggle and heartache, but it will be truly your choice to be heroic, to save others, to sacrifice your normalcy, your humanity for the better future”

…?

“You next destination is set, your soul shall be unshackled now, the s-i-n o- t-e De—- -o—, the h-gh s-ccub— S—sh- Z-n-, may yo— new li-f b—— -ou joy… may y-u rest f— now, no lo—er cha-ned by h-man—y that d-- t—- to y—”

My consciousness is fading… I didn’t quite understand or grasped everything she said… but… it… didn’t… mattered… now… it’s time… to… rest… 

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