He didn’t need to be welcomed and cherished. He had never wanted for any of that. All he wanted was the freedom to be able to live his live, a quiet and simple life, similar to the lives of so many other people. He had never wanted to harm or kill anyone. And the thought that his mere existence could mean the death of so many, the death even of those that now surrounded him, left a bitter taste in Snow’s mouth.

Of course ZaiWin¹Literally zai (blade) + win (chaos). wanted him dead, he thought clenching his fists. Snow wold have wanted himself dead too, if their roles were reversed. To tell the truth, he would be deeply disappointed in him, if he were willing to sacrifice all those lives for the prestige and power that being a Chosen One apparently held. Even though it was now clearer than ever that ZaiWin really wanted him gone, Snow still couldn’t help admiring him for being able to feel that way.

Taking a deep breath, Snow resigned himself to his fate. Up until that moment he’d always thought that, should he find a way to break their bond, he’d fight with everything he had to keep his own life, even if that meant ending ZaiWin’s instead. But now … he could clearly see that ZaiWin’s life was the pillar of support of many other lives. People that had survived war and misery, people like Sand and him had once been. People that now had been finally granted the chance he’d always want for himself. The people of Nox² Literally nox (night). Nox is the name of the Clan (family name), also the name of a Province. ZaiWin uses it because he is the Governor of Nox, who he was supposed to bless. How could he condemn them instead?

“So cheer up, all right? And don’t be too angry at him,” MenTar³Literally men (lake) + tar (wind) told him, patting him on the back, and Snow turned to offer him a smile, a smile that made his face hurt, a fake smile like the ones ZenTar⁴Literally zen (silent) + tar (wind). always showed him.

“Thank you,” he whispered with all his heart. He was truly grateful for the other man’s honesty, that had finally allowed him to see the bigger picture and to understand what he was supposed to do.

MenTar smiled back at him, apparently unable to read his real thoughts, and patted his back again before standing up.

“I’ll tell them to go downstairs first, and then I’ll come back to pick you up.”

“Wait! Please …”

Turning back, those two green-eyes looked curiously at him.

“Before … you said you could help me get away. If there’s really a way, please teach me!”

“And where will you go?” MenTar asked with a frown, and Snow nervously squeezed his hands together.

“I can solve this. I can do as you say, and simply disappear.”

“You know, even though I may be able to make it so that he can’t find you, that will only be a temporary solution. It won’t allow you to escape him forever, if he decides to track you down.”

“I … found a way,” Snow whispered, lowering his head, and MenTar took a step closer to him, unable to hide his hopeful expression.

“A way?”

“A way to break this bond.”

“What?! How? Not even VinWei⁵Literally vin (hard) + wei (crystal) was able to find it!”

“I … can’t really tell. And I also don’t know if it will work. But the only way to be sure is to try it, right?”

“Did someone tell you about this?” MenTar insisted and Snow raised his head to face him.

“I can’t tell you that. Only that there might be a way to end all this, to free us both from this prison. Taking all you just said into account, don’t you think it’s worth trying?”

MenTar seemed to ponder on his words for a moment.

“If I help you, you must take me with you! I need to make sure you’ll be safe! At least until every thing is settled and I know for sure that you’ll be all right!”

Snow opened his mouth to contest but shut it again.

“So, you will help me …”

“I said I would, didn’t I? But only if you allow me to go with you!”

Snow nodded. Whatever it took to guarantee he'd help him, he thought.

MenTar gave him a bright smile and ruffled his hair.

“It's a deal, then. I’ll accompany you till the end! We’ll talk about this again, later, after we eat. Or it won’t be long before ZenTar barges in here, demanding his meal!” he added with a wink and Snow nodded again. He knew he should feel relieved. For once, somehow, every thing seemed to be progressing according to his wishes. But he only felt empty.

Sitting there, he watched MenTar leave the room with his usual smile on his face.

It hurt knowing that he had to give up on everything he’d always wanted. It hurt knowing that even though he wanted to help, even though he wanted to do good, he was actually a curse on everyone’s lives. It hurt even more to know that so many people might die just because he had been born.

ZenTar had said that it was a miracle he hadn’t been killed at birth. He now thought that the fact that he’d survived had been a mistake, a terrible mistake. And he felt sorry for Sand, caring for him all those years, sacrificing herself for him, dying for him … He had wanted to at least treasure the life she had tried so hard to protect. He had wanted to live his life as she should have lived hers. She should have never even picked him up. He wasn’t worthy or deserving of her sacrifice. No matter what he wanted or how hard he tried, he’d only bring pain and suffering to everyone around him.

A Tien’Elhar⁶Literally tien (Heaven) + el (supreme) + har (girl child). The Heavenly Beings also known as Celestials in the common language. who was a boy, when he should be a girl. Who had silver hair instead of gold. Who had markings that only belonged to the foulest creatures on earth. Of course he could only be a curse instead of a blessing as well.

Looking out of the window, Snow raised his head and took a deep breath.

Just another setback, he told himself. His life had been full of them anyways. He just had to live through one more, and he would be done. Maybe then he’d have some peace and time to rest.

Even though he had been through a lot, since the day he had woken up in the middle of the forest covered in snow, he had never wished for death again, but he had never feared it either. Now was no different. Simply a matter of throwing away all his childish, unfulfilled desires, the same way he used to do when he stared at other children eating a candy or playing with a beautiful toy.

He couldn’t even complain. These last few days he had actually had fun. He had seen a world that he had thought he would never be able to see. He had filled his belly with delicious food. He had wore warm and comfortable clothes. He had even had people caring for him. He had learned a lot. It had really been fun.

Now he even had everything he needed right there, within reach, allowing him to easily solve that problem, he added with a smile. Hadn’t RyuXin⁷Literally ryu (dark) + xin (rain) told him just that afternoon that he knew of a way to set him free? It was as if the Heavens themselves had made sure everything fit perfectly. He didn’t care if he survived it or not. As long as Nox ZaiWin was free to go back to his people, free to go on with his life, protecting those under his care, that was more than enough. He could now clearly understand that that was also what ZaiWin had wanted all along. What everyone had wanted. And what he wanted as well.

Silvareiel

I really wanna cry .... ????